Where do I begin??

[jayk0523]

First off, I would like to commend everyone on here who is brave enough to post their stories on here.  I have let this condition afflict me on the deepest of levels.  I think it all started when I was in 5th grade, I remember looking back at picture of me at christmas time with my shirt off and it reminds me of what a pre-pubescent female with breast buds would look like.  The problem didn't stop there.  They continued to grow.  At first I wasn't really aware that I was much different than anyone else, I knew I had a weight problem, but the breasts were kinda just there and I didn't pay attention until the ridicule started.  I remember going to gym class in middle school and this one fat guy would call me "titty nipples".  It was so mortifying, I was paralyzed with fear and embarassment, gym class was always a struggle for me.  I remember being in band class and a girl telling me, "you need to get a bra buddy."...Stuff like this was commonplace day in and day out.  At this time I still wore tee-shirts and would just keep pulling at the bottom and clamp my underarms so that the slack would ride in the front of the shirt.  The weight continued to stack on, and the breasts continued to increase in size.  Middle school was probably the worst of it for me because my breasts were so disproportionate to my waist and the rest of my frame that it stuck out like a sore thumb.  I even remember being ridiculed by family members at the family reuinion, and people wondering why I wouldnt swim without my shirt.  I couldn't come up with an excuse and people would insist that I take my shirt off.  I would usually at that point just leave.  High school was better in a sense because people made fun of my weight rather than my breasts, but it always hurt my feelings that people would make fun of my weight as if me being fat was some sort of secret that no one was supposed to find out about...lol.  But in highschool I found my savior, the windbreaker!  Light, yet durable, this bad boy was able to cover me up totally perfect.  I became the kid who was known for always wearing the jacket no matter what, but that was so much better than anyone finding out that I had breasts.  So I lost about a hundred pounds, and the size of my breasts didn't change, I found comfort in wearing very tight tee-shirts and wearing button up shirts over the top, which i still do to this day.  Anyways, i developed a drug addiction, and that continued long into my nursing career, I was able to get married, and have a son, which is a blessing.  I am divorced now, and looking back, whenever I was intimate with my wife, she never said anything about my breast size, and I never ever mentioned to her that it was a problem for me, I just told her i preferred button up shirts to tee-shirts.  I have had other sexual partners since then, and even tho i'm thoroughly embarassed at the moment we get naked, I feel like if they liked me well enough to get to this point a set of man-boobs isn't going to deter them from doing the deal.  And that is the weird thing, when it comes to females I'm totally comfortable, and I don't freak out when im in the sack, hell one girl i was with grabbed them during sex and said she liked them( i had bigger boobs than her!! ) .  So i guess I have overcome the fear of inimacy with women, i just kinda take the grin and bear it approach, as much as it stings, the rewards of having a relationship vs. the self-imposed isolation and self-loathing is so much better.  The only arena I have trouble in today at the age of 24 is around my male friends.  For some reason, I cannot find myself being able to comfortably discuss this problem with them, and as bad as I want to go swimming in the summer, I can't force myself to just do it.  I am really contemplating surgery, but the financing is the problem.  I have such a severe case that I think I might be able to get my insurance company to pay for it, if i embelish symptoms of pain etc.  As for the rest of my life, it is great, I have a beautiful little boy, I have begun to date again after my divorce, and I havent had drugs or alcohol for almost 16 months now.  My heart goes out to all of my brothers out there who have been afflicted with this life-robbing condition.  I feel like some of the best years of my life were lost out due to this goddamned condition, but I'm trying to stay positive and realize that some of my best years are still yet ahead of me.  I'll be posting some pics soon, these babies are no joke!

[headheldhigh01]

very few of us have levelled with families or spouses, let alone guy friends.  you're right, be glad for what you've got ahead, and congrats on the discovery and sobriety/detox.  

[jayk0523]

Just a little bit of an update, I have a doctor's appointment scheduled with a plastic surgeon on November 29th at 3:15pm!!  The people there were really nice and they are going to exhaust every effort to try and get my insurance to pay for it.

[jayk0523]

New Update!!!

My consult for plastic surgery is November 15th.  I told my parents I was going to go try to get this resolved all on my own ( basically without ever talking about it ever ).  I told them that i was going to try to get my insurance to pay and stuff and yeah i really intended to do all of that knowing that the insurance company would deny me...i just knew i had to try.  But after mentioning this to my parents they have offered to front me the money to get the surgery done, i was able to come clean to them about everything, it felt so freeing, all the times about how i wore a windbreaker everywhere, i wouldnt swim at the pools, when i did swim with immediate family i wore a shirt ( my mom said she thought i was embarassed about my stomach)  Its utterly amazing how people around you have no clue about the mental agony one suffers with this condition, and how understanding family is when you finally come out with it.  The deal is, my family practicioner always told me that by losing weight and exercising i could solve the problem...WRONG DUDE, these breasts are here to stay unless someone's got a sharp enough knife?!?  Well my dad was so understanding, and i made a joke and said, yeah my posture should get better too, he said why?   I said well by stooping my shoulders in, it creates some slack in the front of my shirt that hides my boobs, and then he slouched his shoulders just like me and tugged at the bottom of his shirt just like i do, and he was like, wow, you're right...i think right then he was able to connect with the insanity that is my life.  I want to cry writing this post, this is some beautiful stuff my brothers, i just need to stress how good it feels to know that there is an end in sight and how freeing it feels to discuss it with someone, it feels like a burden has been liften off my chest ( no pun intended ).  I would like to thank all of you on here, you guys gave me the courage to speak up about this...on one had im sad because im 24 and just now able to do something about it, on the other hand i've still got a ways to go with my youth, im glad its not all gone yet, so ladies lookout!  

P.S.  I've already been talking to random women out in public getting phone numbers etc.  Its amazing how this deal has shackled my self esteem and outgoing spirit....well see y'all soon!

[Doug_Denver]

I just had surgery 2 weeks ago and there is no comparison to life previously. It is the defining point of my life: with/without, before/after. I wore a shirt without buttons on it in public, pretty amazing. I suggest that anyone with emotional turmoil that is not sure about surgery to consider it seriously, of course properly research your doc's, i visited 3 in all, before you make a choice.

[jc71]

Hey J, that's a story I can certainly relate to.  Some would argue electricity, antibiotics, or some other meaningful discovery was the greatest of all time.  My vote for the greatest invention would have to be..............The Windbreaker.  

[jc71]

Doug_Denver, you say it was the defining point of your life.  Isn't that amazing. I've heard some other people say the greatest day of their life was not when they got married or the birth of a child, it was the day the gyne was removed.  That's pretty powerful.  

[jayk0523]

Thanks man,  I'm going through some troubling time in my life right now, it looks like the surgery isn't going to happen anytime soon.  Me and my father have had a major falling out, and he was going to be my financier.  I still remain upbeat and positive though, if anything going through the drug rehab, and still attending NA meetings has taught me the principle of hope and faith.  So i will remain vigilant and strong and I know that one day my goals will be accomplished.

[LAGuy]

Did you check into insurance paying for it?  I 'm having my surgery on Wednesday, and my ins is covering the entire thing!  I'm so thrilled I can't wait for life to begin.

[jayk0523]

Hey LAGuy, could you please provide me with more details.  Like first of all, how bad is your gyne...and secondly, did you go to a plastic surgeon and if so, how long did it take to approve, and also what insurance company are you going through.  Please let me know, I am more than willing to look into it myself, I have just heard nothing but bad about the insurance companies, seems like all the PS's I talked to said it wouldn't even be worth it to try.

Thanks man,

[jayk0523]

Another update guys,

I just paid my parents off the 2400$ i owed them for getting my new car.  So starting this weekend, every dollar that I make at my second job I'm saving up to get these mofo's chopped off, I'm hoping late fall will be D-day.

Keep your heads up!