Acceptance, starts within.

[blad]

Same here. My breasts felt and looked good when I was wearing a bra. And I felt good about my breasts when I was wearing a bra. However, my opportunities to wear a bra were limited. Ironically, limited by the  attitudes and actions of the very people telling me I needed to wear a bra.

Yes, the irony that we were told over and over that we needed to wear a bra, and although we came to agree with the same conclusion, we felt held back by those very same people. 

[Johndoe1]

When I was in high school, one day walking down the hall, had a girl throw an old bra at me and loudly announce "Here, this is probably your size." the whole time knowing I wouldn't touch that bra. In hindsight I should have put it on and kept going as if nothing had happened. Alas, I was too petrified to even admit to myself at the time, she was right.

[Traveler]

Self doubt can be an insidious, numbing, mind eating monster. For 40 plus years I let it tell me I was wrong for secretly kinda liking my breasts. That men weren’t really men if they didn’t fit into the stereotype of a flat chest and washboard abs.
I became the meme of the guy in the corner at a party while everyone else was having fun, and not just at parties, all social interactions. When I did engage, I rarely fully opened up.
While I’ve beaten that doubt to a bloody pulp over the years, there’s still a sliver of it left. The stories of other people here, who I identify with, have helped me so much over the last couple of years to come to better terms with my “gifts”.  I’m different, and that’s not a bad thing! It’s not easy though, and that’s not a bad thing either. I think it makes us better people. As we learn to accept ourselves, so do we learn acceptance that all people have battles that not only we don’t see, we wouldn’t wish upon our worst enemy. That’s what empathy is. Maybe our unique hormone profiles have something to do with that? Whatever the reason is, I think it makes us better people.

I wish you peace and Happy Holidays!

[Orb]

Self doubt can be an insidious, numbing, mind eating monster. For 40 plus years I let it tell me I was wrong for secretly kinda liking my breasts. That men weren’t really men if they didn’t fit into the stereotype of a flat chest and washboard abs.

  Traveler,

  I'm sorry you had to grow up that way and endure that.  From what I read many did.  What bothers me is that society kept it coming so it took you, as well as many here, till well into your adulthood to accept it on a personal level.  I feel we all had to learn to accept our selves before the words of others stopped hurting.  My push is for more public awareness.  I hope in my lifetime to make the issues of hormonal imbalance more recognizable and acceptable.  Body shape and one viewed as normal on a much broader scale.

[42CSurprise!]

As an aside I read a thread this evening on a crossdressing site where the question was asked of these male crossdressers...

Are there many CD's in our forum that wish that they had breasts like females?

I posted with a laugh, telling them I'm hanging out online with men who HAVE real breasts who are concerned that wearing brassieres could be construed as meaning they are crossdressers.  Men who want breasts and men who aren't completely happy they have them but are learning to accept them.  This is the world in which we live.  I can't help but smiling.  Yes, acceptance starts within AND what we are invited to accept will often be very different from what others are hoping to accept.  Those men want breasts so they CAN appear as women.  I'll be curious to see whether anyone responds to my comment...  

[Evolver]

As an aside I read a thread this evening on a crossdressing site where the question was asked of these male crossdressers...

Are there many CD's in our forum that wish that they had breasts like females?

I posted with a laugh, telling them I'm hanging out online with men who HAVE real breasts who are concerned that wearing brassieres could be construed as meaning they are crossdressers.  Men who want breasts and men who aren't completely happy they have them but are learning to accept them.  This is the world in which we live.  I can't help but smiling.  Yes, acceptance starts within AND what we are invited to accept will often be very different from what others are hoping to accept.  Those men want breasts so they CAN appear as women.  I'll be curious to see whether anyone responds to my comment... 

Gee, opening a can of worms there. Just like we have a modern day greater acceptance of gender fluidity from most people, which we have just discussed elsewhere, I am also of the opinion that there are different degrees of crossdressing and it is almost impossible to draw a definitive line between what is and what isn't. Going out in full drag and presenting as a woman, definitely is. Wearing a bra if you don't need to, is. Wearing a bra because you need to, is or isn't depending on the critic. Consider an athletically built flat chested professional sportsman who suffers from nipple chafing who wears a crop. Is he a crossdresser or not? Does it matter if one can't tell by looking at outer clothing? Is it only outerwear that actually matters? Go back 50 years, men wore y-fronts or trunks and women wore full back or bikini panties. Now, some men wear men's bikini briefs and some women wear women's boyshort panties. And nowadays, some athletically built flat chested professional sportsmen wear crops. Are they crossdressers? Does anyone care?

To address your statement that I highlighted. Do crossdressers who desire real breasts, really have that desire so that they can present themselves to the world as a woman? I would say no, because in my opinion the tiny minority of them (i.e. people defined as crossdressers because they wear ANY item of opposite gender clothing) who actually want to present as female can do that artificially at any time. If a male wants to 'pass' as a female, his real breast size is irrelevant. Those men who want breasts so they CAN appear as women will only be able to get away with it until they remove their panties!!!

[WPW717]

Thanks to all for the worldly wisdom.
I can see a need for support in the near future.
Hormonal changes are evident (falling testosterone, hair loss, loss of strength, etc.) and a rapid increase in breast tissue and size coupled with a Doc who is not listening to the patient and will  not order the blood work to explain these changes. Makes it hard for me to get to an endocrinologist. I persist. Gotta love Medicare!

When the time comes I will need to wear support I will be able to short circuit some of the obvious situations and emotions that gynecomastic men deal with in public. Having had all the middle school initiation hazing so common. For this thank you all.

At 72 surgical options are risky and having spent a career in surgery I have seen firsthand too many unhappy patients post procedures to consider that path. As for self perception, meh … it it what it is.
I resolved that issue in the Navy with the moob comments like in HS, take a few bullies down and it stops.

After a few months of reading the forum I see myself having developed a degree of acceptance—I appreciate all of you and your wisdom.

TNX Bob

[Johndoe1]

As you can see Bob, we are a diverse community with lots of experiences and opinions and I appreciate the different angles people have on this subject. I know I don't have any answers more than what works for me. I suspect that is true for everyone else.

I decided a long time ago that surgery was not correct for me. I had heard of too many men who had reduction surgery but after it was completed, there was always something that didn't seem to suit them with it. Very, very few were completely satisfied with the results. I decided that if I were to spend that kind of money and then either not be satisfied with the results or have other problems due to it, then I would save my money. The old, the devil you know verses the devil you don't know.

And to be honest, while life in a bra is not a panacea, it is no where near as frightening or as horrible as I first thought. 50% of all humans wear a bra and I suspected they had figured most of the problems out by now so if I took some ques and lessons, I too could make it and I did and have. For me, the support and containment a bra brings was life changing in not only comfort, but appearance as well. A fact I was totally taken aback by. It was completely unexpected. And that doesn't mean a feminine looking chest. 

Biggest piece of advice I can give is if you decide to go the bra route, get fitted by a professional. There are many styles and kinds of bras and not all of them give a voluptuous chest. Many are just utilitarian that support and contain what you have without adding too much shape or lift. In the long run it's worth it's weight in gold for comfort and fit and appearance.

Whatever you choose Bob, it will be right for you.

[42CSurprise!]

Welcome Bob.  This is the club Groucho Marx was talking about... the one he didn't want to join despite the offer of membership.  Certainly, you have no choice about what hormones are doing to your body at the moment but hanging out with men talking about breasts and brassieres, among other things, is a matter of choice.  I find this group of men friendly and supportive.  As "John" notes we have differences both in when we came to this particular hormone stew and how it fits within the full range of life experiences; as well as what we make of our present situation and how we express ourselves as men with breasts.  I'm not quite as committed to a "utilitarian" solution but that is certainly an option for you to consider.  I speak often about the differences here between those who've lived with fleshy chests since puberty and those who lived a conventional masculine life and found themselves dealing with the issue after prescribed medicine stirred the hormone pot.  The stew we live with does more to us than soften our chests and those differences have not be easy to recognize or understand.  At least to my mind, that subject becomes part of this whole discussion.  Yes, we all find our own path to self-acceptance... so we will necessarily look at the journey differently.  But because there is generosity of spirit on this forum, those differences seldom become rancorous.  Come on back and join the conversation.  You're more than welcome.  

[SideSet]

Very healthy attitude, Bob!

You will see where it leads you. 

One thing I would recommend is a bra fitting. It may be eye opening. Soma is great with people like us

[HealthNutHippie]

I am glad that this forum exists, and I think it is funny that it is part of the same website that promotes surgical intervention. Gynecomastia is a benign and common condition, why take the health and financial risk of surgery? The boobs are harmless! Is it all because you cannot accept your body?

I’ve been there when I first noticed my breasts developing I was obsessed with attracting sexy women and I was and still am of the opinion that most sexy women prefer the appearance of a flat and toned chest. I went to an endocrinologist they told me my hormones were normal and I fantasized about surgery, I became a health nut because my research indicates that the increase of environmental toxicity post industrial revolution might be causing an increase in gynecomastia cases. 5 years later I had a dramatic shift in attitude, I moved locations from the urban Northeast US to the mountain west. I was meditating and began to realize the joy of accepting things, especially those things which  cannot be changed easily. Now 7 years later I accept my 34A/32B breasts, but I still feel uncomfortable when I am shirtless In public. My Dad also has man boobs and he is quite comfortable about them, he doesn’t wear a bra, and goes swimming and to the beach etc.

[aboywithgirls]

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on your self acceptance. Having breasts or wearing a bra is certainly not the worst thing in the world. I have worn a bra full time for over 30 years. Half of the world population wears a bra everyday. What's between your legs should not dictate what you wear or don't wear on your chest.

My level of acceptance brought me to stop pretending to be a man but t realize that I am a woman of transgender experience. I live fully as a woman. Nothing about wearing a bra changed for me. It's the world that changed. Instead of people wondering why I wore a bra, the same people expect that I wear one. 

[WPW717]

What a welcome… A bra has not been part of my experience.
I have, since the last post, felt a change in my chest going down stairs so I got a tape measure and it shows a 5 in. difference in nipple level to under the breast level… hmmmm.
I think it’s interpreted as a D cup. I have yet to get into the doctors office 
There is definitely a bud behind the areola, and a sharp pain in the breast when I bumped a box I was carrying on a door frame.
So, I have embarked on a new journey… glad I found this oasis 


Bob

[SideSet]

5”=DD 🙂

Even though some of the 5” may be due to a broader back, at your beast size, you would definitely feel and look better in a bra.  Everything nicely held in place, so no more suggestive and uncomfortable movement on your chest. I am guessing you will enjoy the support, too.  

Do you have wide set breasts?  How about side boob?

[Johndoe1]

One of the things acceptance has done for me is to give me the courage to wear more form fitting tops. Not painted on form fitting but tops that don't look like bags or tents. With the choice of the correct bra, I can wear tops that look flattering without the girls getting all the attention. 10 or 15 years ago I would have never been seen wearing such a top. Now, with the eye on what looks good and the confidence that the right bra provides, I am wearing clothes that flatter my body and doesn't draw attention to my chest. Win! Win!