Bras: Utilitarian vs Fashion

[blad]

One thing that has always bothered me about this site is that everyone is expressing their opinions and experiences and being accepting of others and then someone comes along and is judgmental. I usually take a sabbatical from here when that becomes too much

Ignoring such people is probably the best way forward. 

Some people live to stir things up and if they are ignored then they are marginalized. 

[Johndoe1]

First off, I would like to thank all of you who have given words of support. It means a lot. Thank you.

I would like to make it clear that I DO NOT feel like I am being attacked before anyone thinks or says. We are all trying to navigate waters that are unfamiliar to all of us. What works for me doesn't mean it will work for you. It's just one way on this journey. I try to educate as well as learn where I can, even here. I have found that a little education goes a long way. We are all learning here and that is good, in my opinion, and that is why I don't feel attacked. We all are trying to understand what we are going through.

And while I am a sad that some here may be threatened by my journey, I also understand they are on their own journey that is different from everyone else, including me. I have tried to be as plain as I can be that I have no desire or plans to transition. I am just a guy trying to survive as best I can with what I have been given in life. I am just a guy living with a prominent female trait and trying to not let it impede my life or the enjoyment of it. No one should be judged just because they are different. Would I like to be one of those muscular, chiseled guys? Sure! But the truth is I am not. I never will be. I wasn't born that way. I am just your average guy, with boobs, trying to survive.

[Confused old man]

All my life I have never understood why people criticize,judge or care what others do.Who cares what others do. It’s their life! If men wear bras, why should others care. Want to wear panties.....go for it!..as I have found out, hormones are very powerful things. Can really mess with you mentally and physically. So nobody really knows what others are going through unless they experience it. A wise man once said, they reason they put others down is to make themselves feel better.

[42CSurprise!]

It is useful to remember that before we can accept others, we need to accept ourselves.  This has taken me a very long time.  I carried too much shame about who I saw myself to be and how I behaved.  The result was I became adept at measuring and judging others; that way I didn't have to be with my shame.  Living in self-righteousness can be intoxicating but it is ultimately a depressing way to live.  Culturally, I would say questions about our masculinity rate very high for men.  Macho means something.  Perhaps you've seen videos of male birds doing their dance to impress females... they have the dramatic plumage and mating behaviors intended to draw attention.  It is the same with humans... we're supposed to strut our stuff... flex our muscles... beat up on other males to prove we are worthy.  The quarterback more often gets the blond cheerleader than the premiere student.  Living with a body that isn't chiseled, to use John's line, necessitates finding other ways of being in the world.  And so we all did, but if all had gone perfectly well, we likely wouldn't be spending time on this website working on self-acceptance.  It isn't easy to be different, however those differences comes to be.  People of color, people with disabilities, both physical and mental, know this world extremely. 

I appreciate this conversation.  Thanks to all who participate.  There is something for all of us to learn in this process.

[taxmapper]

I am something of a pragmatist at heart, and find the typical sports bra as suitable for pretty much everything I do.  

I have two "fashion" bras, one of which I don't fill up yet, the other is defiantly a stand out statement type (black leather like sports "y" back.)  

For me I am looking at padded for the specific reason of protection. I have found myself being very sensitive to the cold and my breasts hurt if not covered in the cold. 

Because I also do alot of work that involves activity, the padding adds in the additional protection. 
trust me when I say a smash of the breast while doing a brake job is PAINFUL!!! 

[aboywithgirls]

OMG I can imagine howthat would be painful! I have definitely gotten mine in the way more than a few times. I still will occasionally get one with the car door or any door for that matter. Most here wouldn't realize this but, the stalls in the ladies room are typically smaller and closer together than the men's room because they try to accommodate more stalls because we don't use urinals. So, I've learned that you need to take that into account when you open the door.

I agree that a good molded cup bra really helps with protecting the girls. I like my lace cup bras but they offer little protection.

Sophie

[Confused old man]

This is why I like my padded sports bras. When out and about working or playing (or the car door), I can take a smack in the boob without to much pain...yet

[Orb]

Right bra for the right activity.  I think we all have learned that.  I like jeans and I like a nice fitting suit.  Everything has a place and time.

[Evolver]

All my life I have never understood why people criticize,judge or care what others do.Who cares what others do. It’s their life! If men wear bras, why should others care. Want to wear panties.....go for it!..as I have found out, hormones are very powerful things. Can really mess with you mentally and physically. So nobody really knows what others are going through unless they experience it.

Although this issue seems to have passed for now, I still think more needs to be said. The issue will bug me until it is settled. I can't let it go.

As gmast repeats often, this is a gynecomastia forum, not a crossdressing forum. It is designed to offer guidance for men with breasts. What I have found since I joined is that it can point you in one of two directions, either giving advice for surgery to remove your breasts, or giving advice for harnessing them.

What seems to have been missed is that having breasts sometimes comes with other baggage. Yes, this is a gynecomastia forum, but it should be for EVERYONE with gynecomastia, even if other factors are involved, including what some people perceive as crossdressing. It should NOT be the exclusive domain for people whose ONLY physical condition is gynecomastia. Viz:

Are you male, have breasts and black skin? Who cares!
Are you male, have breasts and you are a muslim? Who cares!
Are you male, have breasts and you got them as a teenager? Who cares!
Are you male, have breasts and you got them later in life? Who cares!
Are you male, have breasts because of health issues and you require medication with known side effects? Who cares?

But this...

Are you male and need to wear a bra so may as well wear a pretty one, or are you male, have breasts and wear panties  to match your bra because it gives you the necessary confidence to face the world, or are you male, have breasts and wide hips and a rounded bum because of the same hormonal mix, and traditional men's clothing doesn't fit so you offer advice that comfort might be found with traditional women's clothing because it does fit? Suddenly, we hear an implied Crossdresser! You don't belong here!

That's not fair.

[aboywithgirls]

There have been so many advancements in bras over the past 3 decades. Everything concerning bras is better.

When I started wearing bras 30 years ago, sports bras were just becoming available. These were all just simple, pull over, compression, uniboob sports bras and only available in a couple of colors. Now, thanks to advancements, I wear and encapsulating, underwire sports bras that allow me to be as active as I wish.

While I don't wear them, front closure bras are an excellent option for those of us who have a difficult time hooking our bras due to flexibility issues.

Lace cup bras are mainstream now and are light and airy and are an excellent choice in the warmer weather. For those of us who hate boob sweat, you should really consider adding a couple of these bras to your top drawer.

Molded cup bras are great for adding a nice, rounded breast shape that can be more asthetically pleasing. Molded cup bras come in multiple options. They range from lightly lined all the way to heavily padded bras. Not only do they provide shape, they also add protection for your breasts and nipples, the Molded cup bras also provide you with modesty by concealing your nipples.

Leisure bras are also great for around the house and even for sleeping. They are light usually a pullover bra and offer light control and support. If you have smaller breasts and need only a little help, this may be a good option.

Almost all of these bras are available in some form with an underwire. The underwire bra provide much better shape and support than its soft cup or wireless bra. If you are a D+ cup, it become more of a must have than a nice to have on. I won't even leave my house without wearing an underwire bra.

All of these bras are available to all of us at a much greater level of acceptance than ever before. I'm more than happy to chat about bras for any questions you may have. Either here or in a private message, I'm always ready for bra talk.

Lots of hugs,
🤗Sophie🥰

[gmast]

Although this issue seems to have passed for now, I still think more needs to be said. The issue will bug me until it is settled. I can't let it go.

As gmast repeats often, this is a gynecomastia forum, not a crossdressing forum. It is designed to offer guidance for men with breasts.

.....................

Suddenly, we hear an implied Crossdresser! Faggot! You don't belong here!

That's not fair.

You are clearly being dishonest and intentionally divisive.  I have never seen anyone other than you call anyone on this forum that name.  I have never said or implied that crossdressers shouldn't belong to this forum.

I have said that the discussion aren't appropriate when the crossdressing is not about gynecomastia, but is about a lifestyle choice.  I has nothing to do with whether I am for or against cross dressing.  It is because many guys that come here are looking for help dealing with gynecomastia.  If they have pain, a bra could help, but we all know that the general societal norms are that men and women have have some clothes that are gender specific.  A bra is one of them.  So if guy wears a bra, he is cross dressing.  A guy may be helped by a bra and willing to try one, and this forum to help guys make good decisions on if they wear bra, and how best to conceal it and deal with it.  If the advice to wear a bra is given by cross dressers, it will be discounted, as they will assume the advice is biased, and not applicable for them.  While the posters don't alwasy come out and say that they are crossdressers or trans, reading the other posts do give people a general idea of the posters makeup.

The folks here claim to be more sensitive and compansionat, yet it is only for people like themselves.  When guys asks if it looks like he has gynecomastia, rather than a yes, no, or  maybe, the answers are "You have feminine breast and need to wear a bra".  In most cases, even when a guy has gynecomastia, his breasts do not look feminine, and he does not need a bra.  When he is big enough to need a bra, he'll already know that he has it, and doesn't need to post here asking the question.  This kind of insensitive answer insults the guy, and he doesn't post again.

When people put in all of the accusations of hate and judgement and self righteousness, they are projecting their own tendencies.  They are reacting to what they don't like, in spite of the reasons given.

[42CSurprise!]

I have no problem thinking about wearing a brassiere as crossdressing and I'm one of the men here who doesn't wear a brassiere all the time, simply because I don't need to.  Yes, the brassiere I'm wearing at the moment has C cups and I fill them but I don't experience shoulder pain or nipple sensitivity that necessitate wearing one.  I've mentioned visiting a crossdressing website to get a better understanding of that world and they have NO interest in gynecomastia or the "need" to wear a brassiere.  They long to appear as women, perhaps on the way to transitioning but more often simply because they find comfort and pleasure in wearing women's clothes.  Some go all the way with wigs, makeup, shoes... others wear undergarments beneath what they call their drab wear.  Most use breast forms to fill out their brassiere and there are discussions about which brands are best.  I've mentioned that while we may have two or three men hanging out here, they have 300 hanging out on their website.  That is not a world that appeals to me but I do enjoy wearing a brassiere... when I do.  Gynecomastia makes it feasible if not necessary.  I would never think about buying breast forms and wearing a brassiere.

This side of the website exists so those who choose not to pursue surgery, whether because it costs so much or because spending that money doesn't guarantee the problems are behind them.  These breasts appear because of a hormone cocktail that is part of our development or has been induced by drugs.  Getting rid of breasts doesn't change that cocktail.  Of course, if the breasts are gone, at least we avoid the attention our breasts can bring.  But some of us have become quite fond of the breasts we've lived with for many years.  And because we're fond of them we give some consideration to how we care for them.  If I don't NEED to wear a brassiere, that doesn't mean I don't care what I put on when I do.  I've found my favorite brassiere and have bought multiple copies in different colors.  It is called a minimizer.  I was drawn to that because I didn't want padding of any sort.  I like the look and feel of silken material that conforms to the shape of my breasts.  It gives me pleasure and I like how I look when wearing that brassiere... which I am doing right now.

I understand men on this website most often talks about the NEED for a brassiere and offer support for those men who have developed breasts and feel the need to wear a brassiere.  Self-acceptance is important and it can be a challenge.  Having breasts is not what any man hopes for, unless he is transgender and committed to transitioning.  And wearing brassieres seems a step too far... until it isn't.  But we're not all the same and we each bring a lifetime of experience to the decision to accept our breasts and wear a brassiere.  I appreciate there is room for all of us.  I'm fine with being called a crossdresser because I occasionally put on a brassiere... though having spent time with men who embrace crossdressing, I'd say their behavior is very different from what I'm doing.  So here we are... making the best of our situation and doing our best to support one another.  I appreciate that.

[Orb]

The first mind altering consideration is whether we are prepared to accept the breasts we have developed, whether early to late.  As I've read discussions here I read of men who have gone from tolerating what can be considered an embarrassing condition we wished would go away, to acceptance and then to appreciation and enjoyment.  Parallel to that is the conversation about brassieres.  As you can imagine, that too will reflect the ambivalence we've felt.  Sports bras at the beginning... the most masculine way to handle "the situation."  Utilitarian and not especially attractive.  Then the focus is on comfort... simply holding those critters in place without causing too much discomfort through the time of wearing.  As acceptance and appreciation of breasts grows, then the possibility arises that we can choose to wear what enhances the appearance of our breasts.  Since we have them, we might as well enjoy the experience.  I imagine choosing a brassiere from the perspective of how it appears... fashionable perhaps... aligns with acceptance and appreciation rather than grudging tolerance.  I'm all for that.  I didn't ask for breasts but since the hormonal stew within this body has provided them... I think I'll enjoy them.  An attractive brassiere contributes to that for me. 

  As well it should!

  Everyone here has a unique and different level of that hormonal stew.  That's why some embrace and welcome the need to shop across the isle while others don't.  We here joined this group knowing and accepting the changes within us.  Recognizing, welcoming, and embracing "brothers", for who we are. In this space we must continue to see those subtle differences that others may not and support each other.  Encouragement in love.  
  I have found a great sense of comfort physically and emotionally wearing a variety of bra styles and fabrics.

[Evolver]

Although this issue seems to have passed for now, I still think more needs to be said. The issue will bug me until it is settled. I can't let it go.

As gmast repeats often, this is a gynecomastia forum, not a crossdressing forum. It is designed to offer guidance for men with breasts.

.....................

Suddenly, we hear an implied Crossdresser! You don't belong here!

That's not fair.

You are clearly being dishonest and intentionally divisive.  I have never seen anyone other than you call anyone on this forum that name.  I have never said or implied that crossdressers shouldn't belong to this forum.

I have said that the discussion aren't appropriate when the crossdressing is not about gynecomastia, but is about a lifestyle choice.  I has nothing to do with whether I am for or against cross dressing.  It is because many guys that come here are looking for help dealing with gynecomastia.  If they have pain, a bra could help, but we all know that the general societal norms are that men and women have have some clothes that are gender specific.  A bra is one of them.  So if guy wears a bra, he is cross dressing.  A guy may be helped by a bra and willing to try one, and this forum to help guys make good decisions on if they wear bra, and how best to conceal it and deal with it.  If the advice to wear a bra is given by cross dressers, it will be discounted, as they will assume the advice is biased, and not applicable for them.  While the posters don't alwasy come out and say that they are crossdressers or trans, reading the other posts do give people a general idea of the posters makeup.

The folks here claim to be more sensitive and compansionat, yet it is only for people like themselves.  When guys asks if it looks like he has gynecomastia, rather than a yes, no, or  maybe, the answers are "You have feminine breast and need to wear a bra".  In most cases, even when a guy has gynecomastia, his breasts do not look feminine, and he does not need a bra.  When he is big enough to need a bra, he'll already know that he has it, and doesn't need to post here asking the question.  This kind of insensitive answer insults the guy, and he doesn't post again.

When people put in all of the accusations of hate and judgement and self righteousness, they are projecting their own tendencies.  They are reacting to what they don't like, in spite of the reasons given.

Point partially taken. I have removed that word from my post.

i do not agree with your assumption, and that is all it is, that advice from someone perceived to be a crossdresser will be discounted. And although most new members probably spend some time lurking here before they join, I seriously doubt that it is to determine whether members are crossdressers or not, in order to judge their advice. At the end of the day, if a guy with gynecomastia is advised to wear a bra by someone who has worn one for decades, the lifestyle choices of the person providing the advice shouldn't matter.

The answers are NOT ALWAYS "You have feminine breasts and need to werar a bra." You seem to latch onto them, though.

You and I have reacted equally to what we don't like, in spite of the reasons given.

Have a nice day!

[Confused old man]

The great thing about this forum is that there is so much info and diversity here. From surgery to total acceptance and garments. So I would suggest for people to just read the parts of the site that they are interested in. So if someone doesn’t want to read about bras or someone might be a Crossdresser or someone who has transitioned or even talk about their surgery. Don’t click on that conversation!...stay out!...change the channel...hahaha