Breast Fetish?

[42CSurprise!]

I posted six photos on the Photo section yesterday with three different brassieres.  My breasts seem much fuller and they both look and feel wonderful when I wear a brassiere.  I really am mesmerized.  My breasts feel every bit as delicious as those on girl friends I met along the way.  I recall witnessing my god daughter as a young child on her mother's lap.  She and I were having a conversation.  Her daughter was fixated on her mother's breasts and as we spoke she unbuttoned the front of her blouse.  My friend wasn't wearing a brassiere so when the girl spread the panels of the blouse those quite voluptuous breasts were exposed... breasts no doubt carrying milk the girl knew about.  But she didn't lean in to suckle, she kept turning her head, gazing at one breast and then the other.  Fortunately my friend was not concerned about me seeing her breasts so her daughter got exactly what she wanted.

Yes, many of us grew up nursing at breasts and that was doubtless a transformative experience.  I probably could have left that behind me had it not been for a sexual traumas I experienced that contributed to my putting on a brassiere for the first time when I was 12.  It belonged to a very voluptuous woman, a neighbor I'd been fixated on as juices of adolescence began to flow.  And now I wear my own brassiere filled with my very own breasts... and I am transported.  Diminished libido makes it less of an orgasmic experience but there still is an erotic dimension to it all.  Fetish?  Probably.  Autogynephilia?  Probably.  Problem? No.  This is the life of an octogenarian who lives alone with a drawer filled with brassieres... just one life... my own.

[gyne73]

Diminished libido makes it less of an orgasmic experience but there still is an erotic dimension to it all.  Fetish?  Probably.  Autogynephilia?  Probably.  Problem? No.  This is the life of an octogenarian who lives alone with a drawer filled with brassieres... just one life... my own.

I wore my first bra at my aunt's, my mother's sister. They were very different, physically and psychologically. My mother was the classic androgynous woman, red haired, freckles, almost no curves, tall and pretty. I was 12 at the time and I was her photocopy (at school they exchanged us for sisters, she was only 18 older than me and, at 30, she looked like a teenager).
My aunt was short, childless, brown and with big breasts (not enormous, but big on her frame).

I was fascinated by her, probably because they were very different I did not see her as a blood relative.
One day on a T.V. show there were some topless women (in Italy at the time it was allowed) dancing and cheering.

I was with my aunt and my uncle, my mother worked long time (my father did go away).

My aunt did not change channel and the day after she performed the same dance in front of me. Not topless, but almost, she grabbed her breasts and made some dance steps, making them juggle in her sweater. We were alone in home. She did not continue, but I was 12. In retrospect maybe this is not the right thing to do in front of a pre-teen, or maybe not, I was already on the way to it. I had already my own breasts since a few months, my peers had already teased me, I had already imagined to wear one, but I had no courage. Was it envy or desire to see those women cheering around, their breasts exposed? Maybe both.

Next day I wore one of her bras. And it felt GOOD. I felt contained, I felt embraced. It felt just for me.

Fetish? yes. Problem? at the time yes, I felt divided. 40 years later I am maybe more at peace. I know I will die with this question in mind.

Am I a "broken" man or a woman who has not had the courage to come out totally?

Maybe both, maybe none.

So what?