How can schools help students with gynecomastia?

[gotgyne]

A lot of men here in the forum who developed gynecomastia during puberty had severe problems with teasing and even bullying at school. In my opinion this condition should be much more addressed at schools by teachers, psychologists, school nurses and headmasters. And they should discuss all options with the student to deal with his gynecomastia, from doing nothing to bra wearing and to surgery. What is your opinion on this topic?

John

[Johndoe1]

Until society takes it seriously, I doubt schools will do anything about it. I am sure it falls under bullying and that's on the books now but until a boy with defined breasts becomes viewed as bullying, I don't see anything happening.

[42CSurprise!]

I had a fleshy chest as an adolescent and teen that caused me discomfort.  It was clear I wasn't one of the jocks in school, though I did play sports on occasion.  That meant I was in the locker room and showers.  I may have gotten a hard time from one of the coaches... a wrestling coach but not a terrible time from my peers.

We read here about visits to doctors who reassured our parents that "we'd get over it..." that this was a natural process our bodies were going through.  Those who experienced substantial breast development as teens know those doctors were mistaken and breasts for some didn't go away. 

As much as I agree with you that this condition could be better treated in school, the world we live in really doesn't seem prepared to deal with such matters.  We're witnessing the push back from parents around the issue of gender identity.  Our confusion about breast development is certainly not much different from the feeling some kids have that they're in the wrong body.  It is all part of the mix of adolescence when our hormones are in flux and we're trying to figure out who we are in the world.  We know full well that differences of any kind will become fodder for shaming someone.  It could be breasts, it could be color of skin, color of hair, freckles, being overweight.  I was teased because I had a high singing voice.

I'm afraid we have a great deal of growing up to do before we'll be able to address these sensitive issues with kindness and care.  Just imagine the struggle schools are having when confronted with behaviors that imply sexual abuse is happening in the child's life... even family.  The world says it wants to stop such behavior, but sexual trauma is all around us, often hidden behind doors.  Parents will argue "Let's leave discussion about sexual matters to the family and church"... where trauma can be and IS easily hidden.  They certainly don't want such matters discussed in a classroom... or a courtroom.

There is more support available for kids now than when most of us were young.  The internet offers support for kids who are different.  This website may not be an ideal place for teens to explore these issues, but it is a resource for those coming to terms with what nature has bestowed upon us.  I'm afraid we'll need to continue muddling through this particular challenge.

[Orb]

You make a great point.  We know so much more now than we did 50 years ago.  I feel it should be taught and at a young age. Most here have had a bad or negative experience in their childhood.  I wish what science knows could be taught without shame.  Peoples ignorance, fears, and apprehensions tend to dilute the truth and its message.

[42CSurprise!]

Because of my history of trauma I spend time online with men who were sexually abused as boys.  Trauma is often perpetuated within the family.  It is not at all unusual for a young man trying to sort through what happened to him to be told by family members he approaches that either it didn't happen OR "get over it."  Trauma survivors are left without the support they need to heal.  Instead they continue to indulge in self-destructive behaviors often rooted in the trauma... alcohol, drugs, compulsive behaviors that spawned 12 Step fellowships.  There the focus in on stopping the behavior.  That can be helpful so long as the person isn't shamed over his behavior.  All he as ever done is try to survive... as have those men here blessed with a hormonal stew that gives us bodies out of the norm.  All we want is acceptance and that invariably must begin with self-acceptance.  We're doing a good job of that here... schools have a different agenda... preparing individuals to become productive adults willing to be good consumers, who will incur debt and thereby bind themselves to jobs that are only marginally satisfying.  But that is a conversation for a different website...

[Moobzie]

Regarding schools and gyro, the news lately has shown that - if anything - schools have gone too far in sexual 'acceptance'.  Don't think teens with gynecomastia today suffer the way many of us did.  Students can pretty much do anything they want in this area, and laws in many states mandate acceptance.

[42CSurprise!]

Regarding schools and gyro, the news lately has shown that - if anything - schools have gone too far in sexual 'acceptance'.  Don't think teens with gynecomastia today suffer the way many of us did.  Students can pretty much do anything they want in this area, and laws in many states mandate acceptance.

Nearly 20% of high school students report serious thoughts of suicide and 9% have made an attempt to take their lives...

https://connect.uclahealth.org/2022/03/15/suicide-rate-highest-among-teens-and-young-adults/

I fear you misunderstand today's teens.  The price paid for being different has never been higher.

https://www.healthyplace.com/suicide/teen-suicide-rates-statistics-and-facts
https://newsroom.osfhealthcare.org/a-sad-stat-teenage-suicides-on-the-rise/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4244905/

[blad]

Perhaps a school uniform policy.

Anyone with say AA or A cup breasts must wear a bra to school. The school nurse could be the administrator who determines who needs a bra to meet the dress code. 

That way boys with breast development will not have to navigate the issue in private on their own and can more freely wear a bra to school. 

[42CSurprise!]

Perhaps a school uniform policy.

Anyone with say AA or A cup breasts must wear a bra to school. The school nurse could be the administrator who determines who needs a bra to meet the dress code.

That way boys with breast development will not have to navigate the issue in private on their own and can more freely wear a bra to school.

This makes sense on one level, but think about it for a moment.  Will the nurse be responsible for purchasing the brassiere?  Will it be paid for by the school?  Will it be the nurse's responsibility to explain to the boy's father that the fact his son is now wearing a brassiere DOES NOT mean he is about to transition to becoming a girl?

Sophie tells us her mother supported her as a boy when breasts began growing.  That was the first step in what eventually DID become transitioning.  She is quick to point out that development of breasts doesn't require transitioning, but we know confusion about gender can come with the arrival of fleshy chests.  She never says anything about her father.  Reports of fathers rejecting sons who become gay are not uncommon.  I can't imagine every father would be thrilled to have a son who begins wearing brassieres.  Would your father have been happy?

This is a bucket of worms and I can't imagine schools would willingly sort through those worms.  Like most challenges of adolescence, there is little willingness to address issues deemed to be within the purview of the nuclear family... and that despite the fact most problems kids have are created WITHIN those families.  Read deeply enough into any story about a troubled kid and you'll find a messed up family.

[blad]

Perhaps a school uniform policy.

Anyone with say AA or A cup breasts must wear a bra to school. The school nurse could be the administrator who determines who needs a bra to meet the dress code.

That way boys with breast development will not have to navigate the issue in private on their own and can more freely wear a bra to school.

This makes sense on one level, but think about it for a moment.  Will the nurse be responsible for purchasing the brassiere?  Will it be paid for by the school?  Will it be the nurse's responsibility to explain to the boy's father that the fact his son is now wearing a brassiere DOES NOT mean he is about to transition to becoming a girl?

Sophie tells us her mother supported her as a boy when breasts began growing.  That was the first step in what eventually DID become transitioning.  She is quick to point out that development of breasts doesn't require transitioning, but we know confusion about gender can come with the arrival of fleshy chests.  She never says anything about her father.  Reports of fathers rejecting sons who become gay are not uncommon.  I can't imagine every father would be thrilled to have a son who begins wearing brassieres.  Would your father have been happy?

This is a bucket of worms and I can't imagine schools would willingly sort through those worms.  Like most challenges of adolescence, there is little willingness to address issues deemed to be within the purview of the nuclear family... and that despite the fact most problems kids have are created WITHIN those families.  Read deeply enough into any story about a troubled kid and you'll find a messed up family.

Of course I know my comment was impractical on many levels. More wishful thinking as a substitute for at home support and to allow a developing boy a chance to wear a bra without him having to take public ownership of the decision.

But it is an academic interest how dress codes can be unevenly applied.

[gotgyne]

Yes, if a mother approves or even suggests that her son with gynecomastia should wear a bra, the problem with the father is not to be underestimated. So in most of the cases only a single mom can do this but it is more than possible that the boy is nevertheless too much embarrassed. Thus I'd recommend that for severe cases of gynecomastia, surgery is covered by health insurance or medicaid, if the boy demands it. Only if HE wants to wear a bra, he should get all the support (no pun intended) which is necessary. But I'd estimate that most of the boys refuse to wear a bra.

[Johndoe1]

Interesting you bring this particular issue gotgyne. I know of a case within the last 5 years where a boy just entering puberty developed a case of servere gynecomastia, was teased and bullied at school. His mother offered him the opportunity to wear a bra if he wanted to and he chose to. And last I heard had adapted to wearing a bra full time. Then COVID hit so I don't know what the situation is now.

[42CSurprise!]

Father's can make things worse,  I know mine did. I know he loved me in his own way. But he just could not get passed the "no son of mine". He wanted a normal son, but he got me instead.
I am not normal and really never have been. I have learned how to act normal, but it really is an act.
Schools now days , no I don't see them helping.

Those of us who developed fleshy chests in adolescence have invariably struggled because we didn't fit the standard for being a male.  I watched a video about a family earlier today that involved the father taking his young son into a swimming pool.  What I noticed was the simple fact that young man had a flat chest.  How I wish I'd been able to be like other boys... not nervous about being selected for the skins team playing basketball.  I wouldn't go so far as saying I wasn't normal... but I didn't look like most of the other boys in my school. 

Finding acceptance has been all about extending the range for what is considered normal.  Gender is always a matter of where we land on a very wide spectrum.  Many folks will want to shame those who don't exhibit the extremes of masculinity or femininity.  For women it will revolve around having breasts... big, round breasts projecting proudly from the chest and coupled with a slender waist and curvaceous hips... the hour glass shape.  For men it will never involve having breasts... we should have a chiseled physique... broad shoulders, narrow hips and a tight ass.  I'm afraid none of us made the cut... but here we are.  And yes, school is a battle zone where every difference is magnified and demeaned by those aspiring to perfection.  I don't expect that will change any time soon.  Fortunately, we all survived and now are doing our best to thrive... often while wearing a brassiere... as I am at this moment...

[FredL]

Schools trying to help kids might cause more bad than good. Probably best for any kind of embarrassing "affliction" to be brought to the attention of the parents. Offer information, help, but leave it up to them.

I think most young men with gynecomastia have a sense of denial that helps them cope. I would tell myself - it's not so bad. People don't really notice. Even when I was made fun of, I thought somehow it wasn't totally real. I could see them in the mirror but I was still able to block it out in order to have a good day. It would be traumatic to be told by a nurse, a teacher, Dr, anyone that my breasts were big and I should consider a bra. No matter how good the intentions. I think my mom or dad would be the only people who could tell me those things without crushing my soul.

One thing that I occurs to me when I think about my puberty and adolescent years is that my dad had to know what I was going through. He was a psychiatrist with a private practice. He had to see how it was effecting me. The topic never came up aside from the time my sister asked me why I have breasts and I stormed out of the kitchen in tears. And his response was that everyone has something they're sensitive about. Basically, "suck it up". It was the 1970's.

[Moobzie]

From 42c's réponse to me:

"I fear you misunderstand today's teens.  The price paid for being different has never been higher"

No I don't.  Current school policies mandate acceptance of ANY sexual/gender/clothing expression.  And there are penalties for someone - student or adult - who goes against these policies the school.  Kids here in California can be given - on school time, without parental consent - abortions, gender transitioning hormones (puberty blockers, etc.) and can have their schools refer to them by whatever names / pronouns the kids choose.
Obviously, this wasn't so when we were in high school.  That, however, is OUR issue, not today's students.

I - like most contributors to this part of the forum - have accepted the fact of my physical condition, have chosen to live with it and ignore what those who don't know (nor, apparently, care) about gynecomastia.  But I also don't soapbox my condition - I let it be what it is.