Illusions?

[Justagirl💃]

Acceptance of ourselves is the first step. But only the acceptance of our wives or girlfriends gives a complete entity.

That's something that my wife was unable to ever accept, and as my chest moved past the point of concealment she decided to move on. 

I came to this site in bib overalls, layers, and baggy shirts in boy-mode, and still unable to hide my assets. The wife had already moved on. 

Coming to terms with myself left the surprising reaction of friends and relatives of, "what took you so long?"
My stepdaughter has become my greatest supporter. 

Of course there is a balance that many here must maintain with their partners, and that can be a difficult task. 

[Johndoe1]

I recently was shown a photograph of my 11 year old self by a cousin. The picture had her mother and my father and me, shirtless in the summer time. I had never seen this photograph before. I never knew of its existence. As many of you know, I became aware of my chest being different from other boys at the age of 13. Clearly in this photo of my 11 year old self, in plain view were two definite puffy buds raised on two bougining mounds of fresh flesh on my chest. Had I been a girl, I would have already been in a training bra. I was shocked and speechless. My cousin turns to me and says, this is where your boobs came from. We have never discussed my chest in all the years but she knew and had proof in this photograph and wanted me to know. I am still in shock over this discovery. It has shaken me to my core. 

[Johndoe1]

I do not remember ever seeing my chest exposed in a picture at that age. I was not aware of how it looked. It was not what I expected. It has caused me to rethink of myself at that age. 

[Johndoe1]

No offense taken. Still trying to process it. Obviously she knows and why she showed me. 

[TikTak]

I would like my wife to accept me as I am, after all, the physique does not depend on my will.
 
In this regard, I have not met with disappointment, I hope no one among us here.

For my part, I wouldn't want to burden my wife with showing up in a lacy bra, much less expect some kind of affirmation from her.
If one expects such an affirmation, I think it is too much.

It's a different matter when the bra is actually needed for practical reasons.
This is probably the case for some of us.
I don't know at what bust size it is impossible to function without a bra.
In my case, with a size 40C (GB) the potential benefit is negligible in the face of the dilemmas of whether someone will see or not, what a friend or colleague will say, etc. etc.

[oldguy]

This is exactly why contrary to feeling I need a bra now I don’t wear one around my wife. I am certain her position on the matter and last thing I want to do is burden her with the reality her husband is now wearing bras because he like herself has breasts.
I do not wear bras with lace anywhere or colors that are feminine. I wear wireless and pullovers and any under wires I own hide well and all my bras have adjusters on the front. Say that to say everything I say with my bras are, I don’t want them to be noticed lol. It took me a year or so to be ok with walking down the hall or hardware store or whatever in a bra before I quit having anxiety. Last thing I want is my wife to inherit the insecurity of does anyone see what do they think what if my friends find out.

We’d all like it to be accepted and for there to be trust and open communications with confidence of no blow back about this area. But we can only do what we can do in respect to those of what we do will do to them.

I get it.  When my PA wrote a note to my wife that I needed support, she bought  life vests.  I have a set of sports bras and wireless bras.  I cut off the bows.  I don't need bows and lace.  Support works.  She is fine with these.  Every so often, she suggests which bra I should wear, with a top.  

[Evolver]

No offense taken. Still trying to process it. Obviously she knows and why she showed me.

It sounds like you have a close relationship with your cousin and that she cares about you. Difficult as it might seem to you at the moment, I think that by her showing you that photo, you now have a new ally. 

[Johndoe1]

And she is the first extended family member to explicitly know that I am aware of.

[Parity]

JD1,

  I feel for you in the fact that it became "known".  I have to believe you already knew it wasn't a secret. After all how could it be.  This I feel was a gentler way of broaching the topic.  If your family is anything like mine I'm sure there was talk behind the scenes already.  It's my opinion, take it for what its worth, that in the long run this will prove to be better for you emotionally and allow you to not be as self-conscious when interacting with family.  If the subject does arise you have lived with it long enough to have the response ready.  Remember they probably feel as awkward talking about it as you.  Keep being you!
Really, keep being you cause the rest of us are taken.

[Traveler]

And she is the first extended family member to explicitly know that I am aware of.

Wow…
Makes you wonder who else knows in your family. I think I’d take it a little harder too. It’s one thing to deal with nattering at work, and I know you’ve accepted that some people are going to notice, but family? I think she’s letting you know that she knows and maybe wants to talk?

[Johndoe1]

And she is the first extended family member to explicitly know that I am aware of.

Wow…
Makes you wonder who else knows in your family. I think I’d take it a little harder too.

I suspect more do know. They are just not sure. This cousin is not usually a gossiper so I don't think she has been talking. It's obvious she has known for a while and has never let on until the photo. But it is sobering.

It’s one thing to deal with nattering at work, and I know you’ve accepted that some people are going to notice, but family? I think she’s letting you know that she knows and maybe wants to talk?

She might want to. I haven't seen her since she showed me the photo so I'll see what happens next. Could be nothing happens? Most of the family is pretty laid back so I don't expect much. I have been wearing a bra around them for years so I would have thought if any of them were going to say anything, it would have happened long before now.

[Justagirl💃]

My family knew since puberty, and was very vocal about it. My male cousins wanted nothing to do with me, and still don't. 
My female cousins are about 50/50 on if I'm accepted or not. 

My aunts and uncles were very understanding and much more so than my father that his "little boy" didn't turn out to be all boy. 

Family is weird!

[gotgyne]

I would like my wife to accept me as I am, after all, the physique does not depend on my will.
 
In this regard, I have not met with disappointment, I hope no one among us here.

For my part, I wouldn't want to burden my wife with showing up in a lacy bra, much less expect some kind of affirmation from her.
If one expects such an affirmation, I think it is too much.

It's a different matter when the bra is actually needed for practical reasons.
This is probably the case for some of us.
I don't know at what bust size it is impossible to function without a bra.
In my case, with a size 40C (GB) the potential benefit is negligible in the face of the dilemmas of whether someone will see or not, what a friend or colleague will say, etc. etc.

TikTak, as I see it, your breasts already could need support. I wear the regular Doreen bra in size 40 C myself (the Doreen Luxury is not available in my country). It makes 'pointy' breasts, but in fact the cups are even larger as a C, more than a D in comparison to some other bras. But my wife is not lucky with my wearing too, thus I understand your reservations.
In my opinion your wife is the one who counts, whereas friends or colleagues are not so important. I've worn support and medical compression pantyhose with shorts since 2000, even at work (my job allowed it). My wife was completely okay with it from the beginning. But it was a purely medical issue (several deep vein thromboses). All of my colleagues and my boss know me wearing pantyhose (tights) and so do the customers. The bra with size 40 C is not a medical issue in the strict sense, since I know several women who don't wear a bra at all even with cup D or DD. (Other members of the forum may have a different opinion). So I'd agree to your last sentence regarding your wife but not colleagues or friends.

[gotgyne]

While I’m certain my wife’s family would condemn it and assume I’m part of some transgender agenda rather than just aiding an issue in a way they aren’t comfortable with.
It’s a shame we let so many who should not mind cause of our relationships to them, who do mind, dictate how we feel or freedoms we give ourselves to make them happy and avoid their ignorance

So don't let them dictate how you feel. If your wife is okay with it, it shouldn't matter. But it is possible that how I look upon this is based on the fact, that I always didn't give much on neighbors, colleagues, friends and even relatives.

[oldguy]

Everyone in my family knows I wear a bra and why. They all know I have boobs. Like my wife as always said...they are really hard to hide unless I dress like  a slob.
Almost a year ago I joined a gym and have a personal trainer. She helps me with my diet and exercise program. I have lost the 25 lbs. my doctor told me to do. Thinking my boobs would go away. I am 5-10 1/2 and weigh 170 pounds now. After all of the diet and exercise I gained 1 inch in my hips. 43 inch hips. Lost 5 inches in waist now at 34. Lost 1 inch in my bust now at 44. Boobs stick out more then ever.☹️.
I wear sports bras at the gym and people still look at my chest.
Doctor tells me I still have them because of my hormonal imbalance and genetics.
Just crappy luck. I accept my boobs..but would prefer not to have them.

I get it.  I am recovering from total knee replacement.  Second in 16 months.  I'm down 43 lbs from last surgery.  Still in PT, so I wear exercise pants to appointments.  Those keep falling down, which is a pain.  Don't wear any support to the sessions, because they would create headlights.  Still, even when on my back, for icing, I will notice a glance.  Fortunately, my wife is there, so only that.

Heading out for walks is different.  I wear a tight sports bra and layer.  Still, even I can see them.  So what, I'm feeling great.  I can deal with that.