I'm full of self acceptance, but...

[Evolver]

I know that I'm not the only one who has loved what this side of the forum has become; a place to explore stuff at a deeper level. Things like hormone stew, what constitutes crossdressing, pink brain, shopping across the aisle, going out as your true selves etc.

Physically I'm nothing compared to most of you. Pseudo-gyne but gyne nonetheless, no physical discomfort, but like most of you here I have something else going on too. I changed my username quite some time ago to reflect that. I am now totally at ease with my body (but losing a few kg would still be nice) and how I clothe it. I have also become verrrrry comfortable with my heart, soul and mind because I fell in love with my inner woman. 

Can I say at this point, if this is too far outside the boundaries of this site, the mods/admins can bin it at their will.

The concept of taking advantage of my situation is always attractive. It is aspirational and I often imagine it. I also fantasize about being forced into taking the plunge because the alternative would be fatal. But, no, as part of my self-acceptance, I'm not unhappy with what I was born with. It's not a matter of life or death. I can be, and are, both.

This isn't a reach out, it's just a ramble, to preface some commentary about a book I just started reading. It's called Am I Trans Enough? by Alo Johnston. I bought it not as an instruction manual as my wife feared, but to find out more about myself and to hopefully find out how far along the rainbow I am. I already knew that I would not transition, and from what I have read so far, my feelings about that are valid. But my feelings that I am not cis have been confirmed too. And that makes me happy! I also found it amazing that so early in the book, some examples have been given about dysphoria vs. euphoria that I could really relate to. Also mentioned was the one thing that has always been foremost in my mind - the fact that I think of gender constantly!

The questions I want to ask - do you lovely people who suffer from enjoy their pink brains, think about gender constantly like I do? Are you happy to consider yourselves as non-cis? No-one really has to answer, replies are optional, I'm just trying to compare myself. My weakness.

[Justagirl💃]

I am very happy to accept myself as who I am. No more hiding the obvious.

I'm intersex, so I was created somewhat 'on-the-fence'. It's entirely 'my choice' as to which side of the fence I fall.

Is gender constantly on my mind?
Only when rude individuals try and make it their business at the day-centre I attend.

Pretty much I just go through the day being myself otherwise.

[gotgyne]

Evolver, I don't think about gender constantly but I am still searching who exactly I am. And this for more than 50 years, i.e. most of my life.
John

[42CSurprise!]

We've observed often that one size does NOT fit all, so we shouldn't be surprised that this adventure follows many paths.  The key that makes this side of the website so important is SELF-acceptance... with wherever the path leads us.  Birdie has finally arrived where she probably began and is completely content with BEING a woman.  She may not go for SRS but then she's already halfway there.  Sophie chose to transition and is completely content with being a woman, living with her wife whom she met while still a man.  You're fixated on gender and I'm fixated on breasts... very different perspectives, yet both leading to what I now understand is a non-binary world.  I was greatly relieved to read what crossdressers who identity as non-binary had to say about their journeys.  I started a thread here some time ago that says it all... Transgender But Not Transitioning

I have no intention of shaving my beard but every intention of wearing a brassiere that shows off my breasts... maybe not all the time, but certainly whenever I wish.  It appears your wife is content sharing your journey with you and is only apprehensive that you might want to transition.  It is probably comforting for her that you don't feel the need to go there.  For myself, although I have a very sweet relationship with my former wife who knows about my history of crossdressing, I do not share my journey except with men here... discussing breasts and brassieres.  I have no compulsion to pass or to flaunt my breasts... at least no place beyond this website.  I don't mind showing off for all of you... because you're kindred spirits, however you're working this out in your lives.  My breasts are amazing and I'm mesmerized.  There really isn't any more to say... but I have to say I look pretty hot in this form fitting turtleneck.  I'd show you but you're seen it before...

[WPW717]

The tome I wrote wet into vapor ware


I don’t think constantly about gender issues. AMAB and lived the last 73 years that way with out much confusion

The recent rapid changes ( sizeable breasts) so far have unknown causes.
Yes the T level dropped precipitously in the short term ( 6 months) from over 300+ to 52-58 flipping the T-E ratio to estrogen dominance

From this forum I have learned that the are also subtle changes too
Have started noticing them Think pink.

Have accepted the breast development and am now reconciling the mental state that is different from the previous life. Truthfully, I find them all very interesting and pleasant
The wife has begun to see them also without me voicing much about them
She is ok with the changes so far which is a great help to me in accepting

[Evolver]

My reply here might be a bit controversial, but meh. Firstly though, thank you all for your replies.

I have always known that I am a bit different regarding the constant thoughts I have about gender, among other things, so I wasn't actually surprised by your answers, but I value them greatly. It has provided me with affirmation about who I am. It also explains why I felt like I needed to reach out to a cohort I was better aligned with, elsewhere.

Another character flaw of mine is that I am very hard on myself and I feel the need to justify everything. I think that's why my self-acceptance regarding my inner woman, where I no longer have to justify her existence to myself or her constant influence on me, has provided me with a level of euphoria not imaginable before. It is like a natural high.

*weirdo content* Imagine this: Your inner woman and your male self are having a purely spiritual affair but they happen to share their bodies with each other too. You are witnessing it first hand, you can almost feel it in your soul, and it is beautiful. And, no-one is getting hurt! I'm so lucky!

[Justagirl💃]

Evolver, we are all in slightly different places in regards to gender and that's okay.

Some are not gender confused in the least and are very much content with manhood. Just men with boobs is all. 

Others are kind of mixed, and trying to find the balance between each side of themselves. That balance might be defined on a grand spectrum that varies between individuals.
Most of the individuals on the site fit somewhere within this spectrum. 

Then others of us that have been hiding our female selves for our entire lives only to finally pop our heads out. I'm right here!

All of those are normal, and just part of the variety that society holds.

Acceptance is when I finally discover where I fit in, without lying to myself.

[Johndoe1]

Evolver you have to do you. That's all you can do. And you sometimes have to experiment to find out what YOU is. I spent 20 years trying to decide what I was. In the end I discovered I wasn't what I thought I was, but something actually better than I thought. And my life is much better for it. I don't let others tell me what I am or am not, something I was too readily to do and I was miserable. OK, so I have boobs. Alright, BIG BOOBS! And other traits considered "female". How do I live with them. I do I embrace them while still be me. It took me 20 years to figure it out. And I did. You will too.

Be you! You are enough!

[Evolver]

All,

Thank you sincerely for your ongoing support. More than that, thank you sincerely for your tolerance. 

[BodyPos34B]

I believe the most difficult thing people encounter is accepting themselves. Questioning their gender and battling the internal conflicts, external obstacles and general views of self and those who see us can be a bout none are prepared for enough and just do the best they can with what they got. 

I have tossed bras and other items many times and declared I’m a guy this is dumb I feel like an idiot and foolish in this thing. A week  ago by or two and my breasts would hurt or jiggle too much and I’d be annoyed and repurchase my bras. I’d get pink brain and find myself indulging in feminine things and find myself enjoying it just to eventually feel like an idiot again and convince myself if I feel this way it must be because I’m not this way. And it would be a rinse and repeat of nonsense. 

In the end I realized my issues weren’t me with me but how others may see me. It got to a point where I actually saw a gender therapist and after 5 sessions concluded things. I’m not trans or non binary I’m not questioning or any alphabet in lgbtqiaeieio I’m just me. My physical changes caused by idiopathic reasons has caused confusion as my body changed but identity didn’t. My garments changed but my identity didn’t. My questions of why I wear these became more about am I a woman rather than am I more comfortable in these clothes. It became known to me I’m just a regular guy who happens to have an imbalance that has caused me to experience physical changes and I’ve adjusted as needed in my attire and I’m doing so I’ve caused myself a lot of stress over nothing. 

Again accepting one self is difficult when there’s so much conflict internally and obstacles externally that prevent us from enjoying the reality of our self. The most difficult person to get to know is often ourselves. 

[42CSurprise!]

...Again accepting one self is difficult when there’s so much conflict internally and obstacles externally that prevent us from enjoying the reality of our self. The most difficult person to get to know is often ourselves.

Welcome to this lovely community... clearly you're a kindred spirit.  We're born into a world that defines gender rigidly, then lays out expectations that many of us have no chance of achieving.  We end up confused, often feeling shame about who we are... eternally comparing ourselves to some stereotype offered by Madison Avenue.  Coming to self-acceptance is perhaps the most important journey any human being can take.  For men here the questions about breast development and gender expression are natural.  Diminished testosterone allows estrogen to have its way with us... affecting not only our bodies but also our minds.  And even here there is great variety in how we see ourselves and how we choose to live our lives... things you are clearly doing for yourself.  Wonderful.

I've mentioned elsewhere a man I met on another website who took HRT for ten years to enhance the woman he believed was inside.  He developed breasts and spent extended holidays living as a woman... while still married.  Eventually his wife couldn't tolerate his behavior.  He stopped HRT and concluded he would live as a man... a single man.  Perhaps he still embraces the woman inside as Evolver is doing.  I don't know.  Personally, I'm content remaining a man but I love my breasts and take pleasure in putting on a brassiere.  So we each find our own way in both acceptance AND self-expression.  That feels like a very healthy way to live one's life.  Glad you found us.

[gotgyne]

I've mentioned elsewhere a man I met on another website who took HRT for ten years to enhance the woman he believed was inside.  He developed breasts and spent extended holidays living as a woman... while still married.  Eventually his wife couldn't tolerate his behavior.  He stopped HRT and concluded he would live as a man... a single man.  Perhaps he still embraces the woman inside as Evolver is doing.  I don't know.  Personally, I'm content remaining a man but I love my breasts and take pleasure in putting on a brassiere.  So we each find our own way in both acceptance AND self-expression.  That feels like a very healthy way to live one's life.  Glad you found us.

To me it is difficult. I respect that I'm male by sex. But if I could switch I'd choose female. But I can't transition for medical reasons. So in my opinion I'm 60 per cent female and 40 per cent male, while for the public I'm a male with breasts. The men with gynecomastia who are male by sex and gender shall choose surgery. And they are right. We demand our freedom of choice to wear bras and these men have the same rights to opt for surgery. In my opinion it is a pity at least not to try a bra, but this is only my opinion. I don't want to convince or even to persuade someone else to follow my opinion.

[BodyPos34B]

Thanks 42C! I’ve been here before but circumstances and issues prompted a prolonged exit to really remove a lot of things while finding myself more and once I did I wanted to re join especially since it’s too easy to feel lonely as a man with breasts when you remove the only ones you know who have the same issue. Acceptance is one thing but a support community is vital I found and hope to be here for the years ahead to continue to try and contribute and develop friendships again. 

The changes in our bodies definitely come about in interesting ways and how it affects us in our own ways just adds to our own individual stories and journeys. Some men run to the hills for a dr to fix it. Others just let it take its course and leave it be what will be. 

I look at it as a moment of body positivity. I am a masculine male who identifies as such but I have clear estrogen imbalances and the result is what has resulted. I love my breasts I treat them as a woman would and take care of them best I can and that means making sure they are supported even if others don’t support the garment. Whether it’s pinkfog, maturity in the situation and having time and understanding to adapt and accept I’m not sure. But I’m happy with things so why change them. 

Gotgyne I agree with you there. It’s a shame more men with breasts enough to fill a bra don’t at least give it a try. I think more men would find themselves shockingly surprised at how great it is to wear and how much better it is as an option than to go under the knife. 

[42CSurprise!]

Gender is a social construct not a fact defined by our genitals.  At the same time our bodies develop according to our heredity which inevitably includes a hormonal stew that is uniquely our own that leads to sexual development that is never binary but rather exists on a continuum.  Unfortunately, the social construct most of us have lived with doesn't provide much room for sexual expression that doesn't fit the stereotypical standard.  I would suggest that men who choose to pursue surgery because they don't have flat chests are struggling with not fitting the standard.  Most of the men here have been dealing with this issue for a long time simply because our bodies didn't fit the stereotype.  I tried for years working out in the gym in an attempt to develop a hard body.  It simply didn't happen.  My chest was soft as an adolescent and remained soft the rest of my life.  Granted, it was only as I aged that my breasts developed and my lower body rounded a bit.  As I've always done in life, when faced with a problem I begin studying what its all about.  I learned about the endocrine system... about diminishing testosterone that comes with aging.  I learned that as the testosterone diminishes the estrogen present in male bodies begins to express itself.  I know people resist aging in many ways... including at times use of plastic surgery.  That is not a road I wish to follow.  And so I sought out other men dealing with the situation and learned my adolescent fetish for wearing brassieres serves me well now as an adult who actually fills out the brassieres I buy.

I remember the old television commercial for margarine that said "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature."  Mother Nature gives us the breasts that grow on our chests.  I'm going to accept that reality rather than try to battle with reality.  I'm content in a non-binary world, more man that woman but not by that much...

[BodyPos34B]

Kudos to the acceptance and incredibly well worded way to say it all. It does amaze me contrary to the very well educated and informed and approached way of presenting information, contrary to it all, many would still disregard and say something negative in opposition instead of going yeah that actually makes sense and high five for being alright with your way to dealing with it.