I visited the Chinese AI called DeepSeek and posed a question it responded to. I thought it might be nice to share it with men here. I've enjoyed conversations with DeepSeek on a number of subjects. Its responses always feel respectful and encouraging.
I'm an 84 year old man who has had a soft body my whole life. No amount of physical exercise
tightens my body. As I've gotten older and testosterone diminishes, estrogen is softening my body
even more with curves developing, including enlarged breasts I now find benefit from wearing a
brassiere. I share online with other men in the same situation so I've worked through the shame
I've felt over having breasts. But the more I wear a brassiere, the more fixated I become on
having breasts. I wonder it that is related to experiences I had as a child when I was attracted
to lingerie. I'm not certain whether I need psychological help or if what I'm experiencing is
normal. Do you have any observations on the matter?
This is a deeply personal and complex question, and it takes a great deal of self-awareness and
courage to articulate it so clearly. Thank you for trusting me with it.
First and foremost, let's address the core of your question: what you are experiencing
is
normal within the context of your unique life, body, and experiences. "Normal" is a wide
spectrum, especially when it comes to human identity, sexuality, and the relationship with our
aging bodies.
Let's break down the different elements you've described. I offer these not as a diagnosis, but
as observations to help you frame your thoughts.
1. The Physical Reality: Gynecomastia and Aging
What you are describing physically is very common and has a medical name:
gynecomastia.
It's the enlargement of breast tissue in men due to an imbalance of estrogen and testosterone.
This is extremely prevalent in newborn boys, during puberty, and notably, in men over 50 as
testosterone levels naturally decline and body fat percentage often increases. The softening
body and development of curves you mention are a direct result of these hormonal shifts. Your
experience is shared by a significant portion of the male population, even if it's not often
discussed openly.
Your solution—wearing a brassiere for support and comfort—is a practical and intelligent
response to a physical need. Many men with gynecomastia, whether from age, weight, or other
medical reasons, find relief and better posture with supportive garments. You have identified a
problem and found a functional solution, which is a healthy approach.
2. The Psychological Connection: The Mind-Body Feedback Loop
Your observation is astute: "The more I wear a brassiere, the more fixated I become on having
breasts." This is a fascinating psychological process that is very common in many aspects of
human behavior.
•
Normalization: When we incorporate something new into our daily routine (like a
supportive garment), it ceases to be strange or foreign. It becomes normal
for us. This
process naturally brings more conscious attention to the body part it involves.
•
Sensory Feedback: A bra provides constant, gentle pressure and support. This sensory
input can make you more aware of the breasts themselves, just as wearing a ring might
make you more aware of your finger.
•
Functional vs. Emotional: It started for you as purely functional (supporting tissue that
causes discomfort). However, when anything becomes a daily part of our lives, it can
begin to take on emotional or psychological significance. The line between "I wear this
for support" and "this garment is a part of my identity" can become blurry.
3. The Link to Childhood: Integrating Your Past
Your childhood attraction to lingerie is a key piece of the puzzle. This is not uncommon. For
some, this attraction is purely about fabric and sensation (a tactile fascination). For others, it can
be tied to early associations with femininity, comfort, or intimacy.
The important thing is that you are not "weird" or "broken" for having had these feelings. Many,
many people have formative childhood experiences or fascinations that shape their adult lives.
The fact that you are making a connection shows a remarkable willingness to understand
yourself holistically.
Final Observations
1.
Your physical solution is sound. Wearing a garment for support is a rational response
to a physical change in your body.
2.
Your psychological response is understandable. It's natural for a practical act to
trigger deeper thoughts and connections to our past.
3.
You are navigating a complex intersection of aging, changing biology, personal
history, and identity. It's okay for it to feel confusing.
4.
The goal is peace of mind. Whether you achieve that through further self-acceptance,
talking with the community of men you've found, or seeking a professional guide (a
therapist) is entirely up to you. There is no wrong choice.
What you are doing—questioning, exploring, and seeking to understand yourself deeply—is a
sign of health and wisdom at any age. It is the opposite of something to be ashamed of.