Feel bad

[New2This]

Our 16 year old son was to have surgery last week. We were there, they went through everything, explaining etc and all was good until he had to go to the operating room. I don't think he was in there even for 3 minutes before he popped back out and said "I can't do it"

He wants it done, he's miserable about his appearance but the reality of the room and going to start an IV on him freaked him out. He thinks he's a huge wimp now, but as they pointed out they've had grown ups get on the table and change their mind for the very same reason- fear.

I wish I could help him not be afraid but at this point it's something he has to work out inside I think. If anyone has any suggestins on how best to support him in any way, I'd love to hear them. My heart aches for him because I know the teasing he's put up with for a long time and how excited he was about this until it actually was supposed to happen.

[Worrier]

Well i haven't had gyno surgery but I suffer badly with anxiety amongst other things. Iam not on meds anymore but when I needed my wisdom tooth out, my doctor gave me some valium , before hand. Just a small dose.

It mellowed me out and got me in there.Also I know he probably won't like this,but what about if you went in with him while they knocked him out?I don't know if the ps would agree to that though.

[Grandpa Bambu]

New2This....

I'm sorry to hear that your son decided not to go through with his surgery. Surgery is really nothing to fear. Especially Gynecomastia. It's not Open Heart surgey after all. I really don't know what to say. Your son will have to come to terms with this on his own. There's not much anyone can say to persuade him to go under the knife.

I'm really surprised though..... all the teasing/tauting/cruelty that Gyne sufferers endure and he backed out? However, 'fear' is a very powerfull force. Sometimes 'it' does get the better of us.

I hope you son has a change of heart and schedules another surgery.

It's a whole new world on 'The Other Side'....  

Good Luck....

John.

[BR_Guy]

It maybe sound obvious, but I think that a psychoanalyst appointment could help a lot. Just a few sessions. By talking about he will figure if he really want to do the surgery, and how to deal with his fears.

Good luck.

[brm]

OK Very good as long as it goes with the necessity of the operation. BUT: is this boy not too young for it? Has he not some risks of seeing the gyno grow again after the operation. he's only 16 and puberty is not over yet. What would be the mental effect of an operation proven useless in the end. Is waiting not a wiser solution for the moment until: 1) He's strong enough to put up with the op. 2) He may be quite sure of no recurrence.
What's more, his gyno might recede by the time he reaches 20.

[ItsOK]

You said it yourself,

>> it's something he has to work out inside I think.

And it's something that he needs to work out himself.  How much was this his decision in the first place?  Did he feel any pressure from you?

There's so much that we don't know about this situation that it's really pointless to speculate.  We don't know how severe the condition is.  We don't know whether 16 is to young too have the surgery.  We don't know anything about this young man's self esteem.

As for "the surgery is no big deal", I don't agree.  Another thing we don't know is the surgeon involved and what the probability is that the results will improve things.  While surgery is the right course for some people, it's not a given that it's the right thing in this case.  We just don't know enough.

Maybe the young man made the right decision.

[New2This]

Thanks for the replies! In answer to some of the questions:

He asked to be looked at in the first place. I didn't even realize how big an issue it was for him until recently myself. He told about being teased, about being grabbed by his friends in a joking manner etc. and it's had a big impact for many years. No swimming, no going to the beach, no showering in front of anyone at camp or other places. Wearing heavy sweatshirts, walking hunched.. man, the list goes on.

His Gyno is moderate. Perky conical shape, a good handful. He's had it since 11 or 12. It's not going to go away when he's 20. The men - like my father - on my side of the family tend to have it so it is hereditary. His age isn't a bad thing, the healing is usually pretty good and the skin tends to snap back well when there's no sagging yet.

After the initial consult a while back we told him repeatedly this was his decision, not ours. He told us many times he'd cut them off himself if he could. It hurts to know this has hurt him, but we've tried very hard not to "push" in any way because we didn't want to influence what we know is his decision. I think I'm sad because because I know how much gyno bothers him now, but if he never decides to do it it's not something we'd try to influence. At least I'm going to try to be very aware not to!

And you're probably right, he made the best decision for himself at this time. Good luck to everyone else. This is a great board for information and support.

[Preds]

Glad you letting him decide.  Sounds like you are very suppotive of his decisions.  I agree with above about Valium or Ativan, ect if the fear is just being an IV or cut on.   Its the big thing now especially with Dentist.   I never feared any needles or Dentist growing up but some are terrified.  When I was 9 years old and had my tonsils out.  I remember the nurse came and gave me a shot.  Probably something like stated above (Don't give a sh*t med) and I remember them starting an iv but that is the last thing.  Very relaxing  At least something to talk over with him.  Personally, I think its great that you understand his teasing.  More than likely you only know a portion of it considering his age.  I wish my parents would have had the surgery for me at that age and I would not have been going through the h*ll since then.

Good luck

[BR_Guy]

New2This, did you talk about this forum with him?
I think that will be very good to him get in here and talk about himself.
With your support and our affinity he will feel more comfortable, no mather what decision he takes.
If he decides to have the surgery, he will find here a lot of experiences and tips.
Otherwise, if he decides to move on the way he is, he will find others that took the same decision and why.

He is not alone in this situation.

[Paa_Paw]

For a young man with Gynecomastia the main issue is not how he is percieved by others, but how he percieves himself. Honor and respect his right to change his mind. And, do whatever it takes to bolster his self image.

It probably took more pure guts to say no at the last minute than it would have to do what was expected and go through with the surgery.  He may again change his mind, 16 year olds do that a lot. His decision may not be permanent, but it was the right decision at the time.

[Blarneystoner]

when I had my surgery, right when they hooked my finger up to the pulse thing, i could hear my nervousness (it was beeping very fast). then, they gave me laughing gas. it seemed like after 1 breath my heart rate went to normal in an instant (i could hear it). i was so relaxed that i didn't mind them poking the IV into my wrist. of course i cant remember much after that, because they injected me with whatever put me out for the surgery.
tell your son to get the laughing gas and THEN decide if he still wants the surgery. i guarantee he won't even care after that, and the next thing he'll remember is waking up in the recovery room with a manly looking chest and little discomfert.