Author Topic: How to stay confident  (Read 4813 times)

Offline Rich meier

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Offline tryingtoaccept

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Acceptance for me is still an ongoing battle.  I really think mine are a combination of both fat and true gyne, but that is a story for another day.  It still makes me anxious when I am in a social setting and having a shirt that is being clingy but it is bothering me less as time goes on.

I have said all of that to set the stage.  I have learned and keep reminding myself that people will judge you regardless.  I also keep reminding myself that most people do not even notice.  I have experimented with going in public; in an area nobody would no me.  I purposely wore a tight t-shirt and watched peoples faces.  I saw most people that looked at me was just looking as they passed.  None of them gave a judgmental look or even gave me a second glance.  That experiment and coming here and reading other peoples stories has shown me that nobody cares.

It is still an ongoing battle but I now totally understand the anxiety is all in my head.  Stay strong and know you are not alone and try your own experiments to prove to yourself that the anxiety is in your mind and reality is that nobody really cares.  The few people that do care have no idea who you are and will probably never see you again.
Redfox 🦊

Offline SideSet

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tryingtoaccept,

You and your wife might wish to talk about you trying a bra just around the house. 

Offline tryingtoaccept

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My wife has never said anything about me getting a bra and I don’t know how she would react.  I am nervous about bringing it up, if they get bigger and she doesn’t say anything then I will have to bring it up.  The thought of having that conversation is embarrassing to me but I know it will have to be discussed at some point.  That point may have to be sooner than later.

Offline oldguy

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My wife has never said anything about me getting a bra and I don’t know how she would react.  I am nervous about bringing it up, if they get bigger and she doesn’t say anything then I will have to bring it up.  The thought of having that conversation is embarrassing to me but I know it will have to be discussed at some point.  That point may have to be sooner than later.
I had pain in left breast, around 7 years ago.  I had a mammogram.  I was diagnosed with gynecomastia.  The PA was a woman and recommended that I wear a bra for support.  She wrote a note to my wife of her recommendation.  That is all it took.  Now I have the same pain in my right.  Mammogram was scheduled for May and now in July, due to the backlog from covid.  I know it's embarrassing to fill out all the pink sheets that ask about your last menstrual and stuff, in a room full of women.  And having it done isn't fun either.  They really squish them.  It's just a few hours and then you know about your breasts.  A note from doctor can really help your wife understand.

Offline Evolver

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Acceptance for me is still an ongoing battle.  I really think mine are a combination of both fat and true gyne, but that is a story for another day.  It still makes me anxious when I am in a social setting and having a shirt that is being clingy but it is bothering me less as time goes on.

I have said all of that to set the stage.  I have learned and keep reminding myself that people will judge you regardless.  I also keep reminding myself that most people do not even notice.  I have experimented with going in public; in an area nobody would no me.  I purposely wore a tight t-shirt and watched peoples faces.  I saw most people that looked at me was just looking as they passed.  None of them gave a judgmental look or even gave me a second glance.  That experiment and coming here and reading other peoples stories has shown me that nobody cares.

It is still an ongoing battle but I now totally understand the anxiety is all in my head.  Stay strong and know you are not alone and try your own experiments to prove to yourself that the anxiety is in your mind and reality is that nobody really cares.  The few people that do care have no idea who you are and will probably never see you again.
You can also be judged in a good way but it is probably far less common. benusa recently told us about some negative experiences that he went through, no doubt due to the ignorance of those people who crossed his path. But, if I ever walked past a guy at the airport who was obviously wearing a bra because he obviously needed to, I'd like to say in passing, "I'm with you, brother." Such a comment would probably be intrusive but I know that if I was the recipient, it would be welcome.

Hopefully, one day, we will reach critical mass.

Offline Piglet

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Several things here ........
1) When I first developed my breasts, it was as a result of hospital drugs. A later visit to that hospital found me talking to a lady doctor about how surprised I was to find how the breasts swung about and moved from side to side when I was doing jobs. (I am a 42D and 50 years of age).  This doctor was one of these people to whom you could say anything, and she immediately understood all the implications and was very sympathetic. That was her great gift. She gently suggested to me and my wife that I used a bra. Straightaway I replied that surely bras were for women, but she countered that by saying "no, bras are for people with breasts" -and this from a health care professional. 
2) Concerning a wife's possible reaction; Just turn the whole thing on its head. Could you imagine how the balloon would go up if you started giving your wife orders about what she could and couldn't wear? So, what right has she got to dictate to you what you can or cannot put on your body. In fact, it's surprising just how quickly wives get used to the whole business of a man using a garment that's a bit different. 
4) It's been my experience that women are so endlessly interested in feminine accoutrements that when they find a man with whom they can have an intelligent and worthwhile discussion about clothes or make-up or similar feminine topics, they will value that man very much and seek out his company. Using a bra gives a man great insight into the many aspects of the whole business and it's been my experience that having that knowledge and understanding of how it all is for a woman makes you more desirable and valued in their eyes. 
5) In these days of supposed equality, I think it's very unfair that women in our culture can enjoy going through life looking and dressing just how they want, and nobody is ever supposed to make comment about it.  How would they like it if they had to have exactly the same unchanging hair style from the age of 2 months until the very end of their lives, and always be dressed in the same dark drab clothes every single day as we do. So much for equality, eh?  So given our daily experience I would say they don't have much right to dictate to us about making use of a small barely visible undergarment. 
5) Just using pure logic; If there's any hard or strenuous work to be done, it usually falls to the man of the house to do it. If both members of a household have breasts but only one of them ever does the more labour intensive jobs, then surely that one person is the one who is more in need of support. In other words, it could be argued that a man has more need of a bra because he is the one who does all the manual tasks.
6)  Regarding how people see and notice things, when I was a teenager, as teenagers often do, I experimented with having a moustache and a small beard.  It didn't amount to much and I soon tired of it. However, I decided to have a bit of fun. I shaved off one half of the beard and the opposite half of the moustache and left it like that to see if my parents noticed or made any comment.  To my astonishment they never noticed a thing!  Neither of 'em! As this shows, the vast majority of people go round with their eyes shut so don't be feeling that lots of people will be staring at you. They won't!  As well as that, consider how you react when you see something unusual. You don't make a big song and dance about it. You might glance and then you're neither bothered nor concerned, -especially if you don't know the person.
7) There's a programme on television called "Naked Attraction" and one of the features that comes out of this programme is just how many people, of all ages, are walking around with all sorts of piercings or surgical changes made to their bodies. There are any number of good folks who are transitioning from one gender to another. Guys who are thrilled at every little growth in their breasts as they make their journey to womanhood whilst girls who eagerly discuss gender re-assignment surgery and methods of mechanically achieving erections in their new penile anatomies. One couple they showed was a fella dressed in a skirt and blouse who was hoping to become a woman, and he was actually dating a girl with a man's hairstyle and dressed completely in a man's trousers and shirt, looking very masculine and transitioning to becoming a man. What I am saying is that compared to the enormous number of sexual variations and different varieties of people walking around out there and who are all experimenting with just about every variation you could think of, then in the great scheme of things, just wearing a bra to help with a natural enhancement is really just small potatoes. 
                                                                              Piglet.

Offline gotgyne

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Several things here ........
1) When I first developed my breasts, it was as a result of hospital drugs. A later visit to that hospital found me talking to a lady doctor about how surprised I was to find how the breasts swung about and moved from side to side when I was doing jobs. (I am a 42D and 50 years of age).  This doctor was one of these people to whom you could say anything, and she immediately understood all the implications and was very sympathetic. That was her great gift. She gently suggested to me and my wife that I used a bra. Straightaway I replied that surely bras were for women, but she countered that by saying "no, bras are for people with breasts" -and this from a health care professional.
Hi Piglet,
my motto at the end of all my comments "A bra is just an article of clothing for people with breasts" is similar. In fact female doctors are more sympathetic if a patient has gynecomastia. My GP told me that my nipples can get very sensitive and not to worry about it. On the other hand a male dermatologist whom I consulted for a mole even denied that I had gyne despite of my 40C breasts.
You enlightened the topic of acceptance extensively. Yet there are wives/girlfriends who cannot accept that her husband/boyfriend is wearing a bra. I see a connection with the concept of masculinity. They may fear that such a man is not perceived in public as a man, they even may feel embarrassed to be seen with such a partner.

A bra is just an article of clothing for people with breasts.

Offline tryingtoaccept

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Gotgyne, I agree with you, especially your last sentence.  My wife says she doesn’t care if I have gyne or not. But I do worry that if they grow will she ever start subconsciously seeing me as less than a man.  I know I am overthinking it, but that thought has crossed my mind a few times.

Offline taxmapper

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Mine hates my boobs. 

She looks at them and thinks... "I want a Viking AAArrnold" chest. 

Its a phycological aspect obviously, but each woman is different.   You have to go off of what you have. 

Offline Piglet

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Hello Taxmapper, Gotgyne and Tryingtoaccept;
Thank you for responding to my comments. I would like to add 2 more observations please ..........
1) If any male goes buying bras in a shop, then who is to know that they aren't doing it for some female partner or wife who is maybe too ill, or too busy or disabled, or otherwise somehow not able to go shopping for one their-selves. If that actually were the case, then such a man would find himself receiving a lot of sympathy and respect from any ladies who happened to be around, for being brave enough to go into a shop and do that thing.  I sometimes hold that thought in my mind when I am out shopping for bras, and when I first started, it certainly helped me to imagine myself as being in that very situation.  Having said that though, on every occasion I have shopped for bra's I have invariably found the staff to be friendly and supportive. I confess that it was much to my surprise that I found there were never any odd looks or staring or awkwardness or anything like that. I have said before, I rather got the impression that the shop assistants were seriously pleased to be dealing with a man for a change, -and a man who was demonstrating an intelligent and mature adult approach to the whole business.
2)  This business of ladies not being very happy about us wearing bra's........ Unfortunately, people sometimes demonstrate a dismaying knee jerk response to situations without really thinking things through. There has been one such example on the radio in recent days; Numbers of ladies were declaring themselves scandalised because a man had been chosen to be the C.E.O. of a firm supplying sanitary towels and related products.  
I'm sure you don't need me to say that the thrust of their anger was the fact that the person chosen was a male and 'what would a MAN know about such matters'?  However, to my way of thinking this was all rather silly. It didn't matter what the product was that was being sold. What the firm wanted was his managerial experience, knowledge and skills. His ability to lead the firm to greater productivity and profit, regardless of whether they were selling cars, cakes or computers. 
So, this business of equality does seem to me to be rather one-sided. In recent years we have seen ladies start doing innumerable jobs that up 'till now have been traditionally done by men. We see ladies driving buses or trains, going into politics or becoming C.E.O.'s themselves. In all of this I can honestly say I can't ever recall any one time when any man has ever complained and started declaring that he/we were not at all happy about what was happening. So, by the same token, I don't then think it's at all fair for any lady to start complaining when the man in her life says he wants to make new and unexpected additions to his wardrobe -especially when those new additions are for therapeutic purposes. It would be nice if some ladies could exhibit the same broad -minded acceptance that, it seems to me, we have exhibited when they started doing some of our jobs. 
                                  Piglet.


Offline tryingtoaccept

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2 good observations Piglet.  People do often have the “knee jerk” reaction when they encounter a situation that differs from the norm.  I was lucky that my boobs didn’t really start to become noticeable until after I was out of high school.  So I was spared the humiliation of bullying that a lot of guys here had to endure.  I did have some grabbing and groping in college but it was minor compared to what a lot of guys went through.  After my flair up of anger at the grabbing and fondling it never happened again; but I did start taking extra steps to coverup more.  Sorry for my rambling but all that to say, stay strong, and try to keep the “I don’t care” attitude.  It will make you happier in the long haul.  I am getting better at accepting myself but it is a daily battle.  About a year ago I got a growth spurt so I will soon see a doctor to find out what is going on.  I have been loosing weight but they are still growing, my wife still says it’s probably just fat but I highly doubt it’s all fat.  Hopefully the doctor will refer me to an endocrinologist for further testing.

Offline gotgyne

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2)  This business of ladies not being very happy about us wearing bra's........ Unfortunately, people sometimes demonstrate a dismaying knee jerk response to situations without really thinking things through. There has been one such example on the radio in recent days; Numbers of ladies were declaring themselves scandalised because a man had been chosen to be the C.E.O. of a firm supplying sanitary towels and related products. 
I'm sure you don't need me to say that the thrust of their anger was the fact that the person chosen was a male and 'what would a MAN know about such matters'?  However, to my way of thinking this was all rather silly. It didn't matter what the product was that was being sold. What the firm wanted was his managerial experience, knowledge and skills. His ability to lead the firm to greater productivity and profit, regardless of whether they were selling cars, cakes or computers.
So, this business of equality does seem to me to be rather one-sided. In recent years we have seen ladies start doing innumerable jobs that up 'till now have been traditionally done by men. We see ladies driving buses or trains, going into politics or becoming C.E.O.'s themselves. In all of this I can honestly say I can't ever recall any one time when any man has ever complained and started declaring that he/we were not at all happy about what was happening. So, by the same token, I don't then think it's at all fair for any lady to start complaining when the man in her life says he wants to make new and unexpected additions to his wardrobe -especially when those new additions are for therapeutic purposes. It would be nice if some ladies could exhibit the same broad -minded acceptance that, it seems to me, we have exhibited when they started doing some of our jobs.
                                  Piglet.
Piglet, I'm with you. Imagine, the founder of a well known company for mastectomy bras and breast forms in Germany, which sells in the U.S also, was a man. Till today the textile engineers of this company who create the bra patterns and designs are men and women. Another example in the opposite way: Our chimney sweep is a young woman. She is very professional and I like to talk with her. I don't have any problem with a male in traditionel female jobs and vice versa.
Added: In the former centuries all the stay (corset) makers were men, since it was very hard work. Thomas Paine, the most famous of them, author of "Common Sense" and "The American Crisis" was a master staymaker in his early life.
John

Offline Piglet

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Hello again everybody;
A point of interest ...........I don't know how many of the contributors to this website live in England but for those of us who do there is a television channel which calls itself E4 and on Wednesday the 12th October at 10.0.0.in the evening they are set to broadcast a programme called "Send Nudes, Body S.O.S."   The write up on it says;  "Ronan feels his 'man boobs' hold him back from dating" so it looks as though they will be discussing Gynae.  Might be worth watching??
                                Piglet.  

Offline gotgyne

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Hi guys, after suffering from this, i must admit that my self-confidence is much lower. Do you have any ideas to overcome it and gain confidence back again? Any advice will surely be appreciated!
It's a pity that the thread starter "AndreLarson" seems to be no longer interested in this topic. This was his only posting. It would be helpful to learn if we could help him gaining confidence.
John


 

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