That's not going to happen, but that's how I feel--completely uneasy and restless. I first developed gynecomastia at age 13 but it really became noticeable as I transitioned out of anorexia and became more conscious about my body. I'm now 21 and it's something that's been on my mind every day for years. I'm 6'4'' and 215 pounds with a lean/muscular physique. The gyno is best described as a mild case. I'm sure there are people who would not even advice surgery in this instance. But the hard fibrous gland is present, it's marble size, and my nipples stay puffy throughout most of the day, unless receiving stimulation. Like many of you, the condition has taken a hard psychological toll. It deeply affects many of the decisions I make, because I perceive myself to look goofy and feminine, not an image I wish to present. I carry a roll of packing tape everywhere. I'm constantly applying two strips across the chest. Sometimes the tape edges poke through a tight shirt. In the summer when it's hot and wet the tape falls off. In the winter when it's dry I'm left with skin damage after removal. And I just feel silly all the way around. Even in baggier clothing, the mini moobs make themselves known.
I've been wrestling with the idea of acceptance for sometime now. My psyche has been refined in many ways these past few years, but the thought of having two pudgy lumps on my chest is one thing I haven't been able to shake. I need surgery. I want all of the freedom I know I will have when I'm no longer bearing this mentally dense burden.
Because my case is rather mild, I figure I should see an experienced surgeon for the best results. Dr. Elliot Jacobs, Dr. Rick Silverman, and Dr. "removed doctor" in NY are my top three choices. I live no more than 4 hours for each. Before doing proper research, I expected surgery to cost around 3500 USD. If that was the case, I would be booking a hotel and leaving tomorrow morning. But the real figure is closer to 7000. I thought CareCredit would be my savior; Dr. "removed doctor" offers this. 200 dollar monthly payments for 3-4 years. No problem. Now I'm realizing that there is almost no way I will be approved for such an expenditure. I have never owned a credit card or taken out a loan. My credit is nill. I know my parents use CareCredit, but part of my devious plan was not to make them aware that I was having surgery. Yes, you heard that. I do not think my parents, particularly my father would be very accepting of this huge cost for such a seemingly minor cosmetic issue. Of course I'm paying for it, but my father would repent. And I do not wish to open up and have an emotional breakdown in front of them, revealing all of my insecurities that I have done such a good job of hiding. When I first began lifting weights my mom used to hint at my nipples poking through my shirt the way they did. I always brushed it off, scared to tell her the truth.
If I was to pay out of pocket, I would have to virtually empty my bank account. I've maintained a fair paying job for the past four years, but most of my money has gone towards my college tuition and 8k is what I'm left with now. I'm taking this semester off. I was planning on traveling to New Zealand to do some environmental work for a few months. I wouldn't have the money to do it. I should save up more. But goddamn I am so tempted to have this crap sliced out tomorrow and never have to worry about it again. I can't take another day of this.
Topic: Want to drive and have surgery today (Read 1431 times)
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