Its one of those nights where gynecomastia is all I can think about

[IwantTOcutITout]

Anyone considered picking up the knife themselves?  I almost did once, but I convinced myself otherwise.  There have been times where I've broken down and literally tried to pull it out of my skin knowing it wont work.  Its a completely fucked up situation.  Its the most psychological mind darn I've had to deal with and I get to look at it every day.  I'm in fairly good shape too (I don't know my bf% I don't have visible abs but I've got definite muscle tone and shouldn't have boobs)  There isn't really that much fat there, its pretty much all hard tissue.

I hate how my confidence goes in cycles.  I begin to convince myself that its all in my head and that it really isn't noticeable so I start wearing thin white shits and take my shirt off in an acceptable place to take off my shirt (by the river for example) then someone has to say something and they laugh it off thinking its not a big deal.  Its a big deal and they'll never understand it.  I don't blame them, they have no idea how it torments us.  Some nights when I'm alone in my room I shadow box against a made up bully that makes fun of them.  I kick his ass to bloody hell in my head lol.  Then, before he loses consciousness I take his face and rub them into my nipples and ask him how he likes them.  Then I go back to punching him.  Like I literally kill him, knock all of his teeth out and continue to beat his head into a bloody pulp.  And its not enough.  

I hate that I play soccer (my favorite thing to do) in 100+ degrees Fahrenheit and half the kids who have their shirts off have bellies or have no muscle but nobody cares.  I remember the one time I tried playing without a shirt.  Nobody said anything, they usually don't...but the stares.  Nope, I can't wear a thin white shirt either, they'll stick to me.  I can't wear my sweet ass Brazil Ronaldo jersey I got as a gift either because its very thin and a light shade of yellow.  I have to wear a thick dark shirt and its 105 degrees.

I hate how uncomfortable I am in sexual situations.  Its hot as hell in the summer.  When I hook up with my girl I start off with my shirt on but it is so hot I end up taking it off.  I don't think about it during sex but afterwards when we are cuddling I always make sure to cover up my chest with a blanket.  THAT'S WHAT GIRLS DO!  I am supposed to stick my chest out and she's supposed to run her hands on my pecs.  After I workout my chest I get really sore sometimes and I'd absolutely love a pec massage but hell no am I going to ask for one.

Not having the ability to be shirtless sucks but you want to know what's just as bad?  Not being able to wear anything.  The first thing I look at in the dressing room is my chest.  I look at it from every angle, stick my chest out does it work when I lift my arms and everything.  What makes all of this worse is that I am a heavy sweater and it is so fucking hot here in the summer.  Anyone else slouch?  Its funny how my shoulders always point in so as to try to create extra slack in the front of my shirt.  So many people have told me to stop slouching.  I wouldn't care if it were simply ugly like having a big nose or something.  Its straight up emasculating.

Here I am again, wishing I could find some tutorial written by someone who successfully cut out those motherfuckers.

[Paa_Paw]

If you think they look bad now, that is nothing to how bad they will look if actually start cutting on yourself.

Think of the positive side, you live in a time when there is good reliable and safe surgery. This has only been true for about the last 25 years or so. Liposuction for example was developed in Italy and made its way to the US in the early 1980's.

Self destructive actions can only cause scars and make eventual surgery much more complex and possibly leaving scars that even the best cosmetic surgeon cannot hide.

Based on my own personal history; I would bet that you have not yet even seen a Doctor about this. Going further, I'll bet you have not discussed the matter with your parents and tried to recruit their help. I didn't, I suffered in silence and most young men do the same thing. This is really quite stupid and totally needless.

Stay in touch here, and seriously, you need to talk to a Doctor and you need to get some help from your family. We don't have some dread disease, this is an embarrassment and really nothing more than that. You can get through this.

[IwantTOcutITout]

I'm usually not so dramatic.  Its every once in a while I get so emotional about it and I haven't told anyone about it except for my doctor.  He just told me that it will go away by the time I'm 25 (I'm 22).  I know that's way wrong but what can I do?  I haven't told my parents or anyone I know.  I just needed to rant here because I know you guys will understand.  I know the only way out of this situation is surgery which will cost me about 5K which I don't have.  The second I have the money they're gone but I have no idea as to when that will be.  There's no way I could ever tell my parents.

[Paa_Paw]

I was over 50 years old before I had that first talk with my mother. She had known all along that something was wrong but she was waiting for me to start the dialog. She thought that if she started it she would be putting me on the spot in an embarrassing way and she did not want to do that.

The truth is that safe and effecive surgery did not exist back then like it does now. All the same I deprived myself of her input for many years. When it did come, it was a bit of a shock. By trying to hide my breasts I actually called attention to them. A few simple tricks in how I dressed myself were of help Though by that time I was past caring and had other priorities.

We can help. We have nothing to sell and the advice is free. Some things work better for some people while others find different things helpful. When you are ready for surgery, there is suppport through that process. In my own case, I never had surgery. That is something you must decide for yourself.

Stay in touch, you are among friends here.

[Glad2findU]

Hey,

I think many us can relate to parts of your experience. I myself have had the surgery 2 weeks ago and I'm still slouching mostly because my vest is sticking out so much and I'm waiting on new ones. It's good you're venting...many have felt those or similar emotions, just don't let those moments define who you are. Stick to your values and principles for that. 

If you willing to travel abroad for surgery you may be able to halve your estimation for surgery(look up my post in surgery experiences) Just be sure you have a plan should you require medical attention after surgery when your're back home.