15 - dealing with my breasts

[Bailey K]

Hi 

I wanted some advice on my current situation. 

I’m 15, will be 16 in June. So obviously at high school - or was until Coronavirus cancelled my exams and I’m due to start college in September . 

My chest started to develop at 13, I’m Average size and 5 ft 8.I had been hiding things , my mum I think sensed something was wrong. My older brother is a bit of an alpha and at university wanting to follow my dads footsteps into the navy. My older sister (17) is sporty. So I was definitely in their shadow. 

Last year my mum just came in my bedroom to drop clean washing in, I didn’t hear the knock and she saw my chest as I was still putting a t shirt  on. I’d been hiding the bumps with t shirts and jumpers or shirts. She was great , there were tears but she reassured that we would get it sorted. 

A week  or so later went to the GP who suggested gynecomastia, said it normally resolved but sent me to the hospital. There was a long wait and I saw a doctor there who was setting up tests . The problem is that these are now all on hold because of the coronavirus.

From last year , after she knew, mum had bought me some “ Nike Tank Top” for my chest to compress it. I realised they were sports bras. I think she thought I would feel better as they were Nike and had the logo. They have worked as the compressed it down and reduced the bump under my blazer and shirt / jumper. At home I tend to wear baggy jumpers. It does make things feel hot and uncomfortable by the end of the day. I was taking off the Nike top when I got home. 

Last year, my sister spotted the Nike Sports Bras coming out of the washing and realising they weren’t hers. So my sister realised that I have been wearing them.  To be fair she has been fine. she knew I had a bit of a chest.  With my Dad away a lot (and he’s supportive) she’s good and my brother is now living back with us. He knew I was in the hospital to see the specialist and knows the bra compression situation but I can tell he looks at my chest and not me. 

During the Christmas holidays my mum took me to one side and said she could see I was uncomfy with my chest. She produced a bag from the supermarket  which had a few proper bras in. She talked me into trying one and my chest really fills an a cup bra. She switched and pulled a b cup one which fitted better. I looked in the mirror with the horror that I had b cup breasts. At the time I couldn’t face wearing them and kept up my routine but my mum put the b cup one in my draw next to the Nikes. 

By late January, my chest was getting a bit sore as it’s got used to being compressed and supported. They were jiggling away at night at home and the nipples were getting chaffed.  I tried on the bra when the family were out and it was comfier. It just freaks me to see my chest like that.

I forgot and put it in the wash and as if by magic a few more appeared in my draw. My mum suggested just wearing these at home to support and stop them moving- and the Nike’s when I go out to try  and hide them. She just keeps saying “ you inherited your chest, your like your sister , solid b cup”. And we are hoping that they can do something at the hospital but now this seems all delayed indefinitely. Its what she said next that sticks with me. She said “ any girl with b cup breasts would need to be wearing a bra all the time”.

So I have been wearing the normal bra around the house. Generally still with a t shirt and sweatshirt . Its comfy. My back feels better and they don’t jiggle. 

Trouble now is that the Nike sports tops  feel really compressed. In March I just thought fu*# it and started wearing the normal supermarket bras with just a t shirt or jumper. One is pretty plain but the other two look a bit more girly. Again, magically a package appeared on my bed with a note from my mum. If you are starting to wear them with t shirts you’ll need to try these. T shirt bras! Who knew such a thing existed. A google search later revealed to me why. I tried one and I’m sure it makes them look bigger still. My mum says, “look it’s for round the house, makes you feel better, it’s only till they see you at the hospital. You can’t be having nippples sticking out infront of your brother . But face facts,at current rate it could be September or October so you we are going to have to manage”.  

I have actually been coping with it quite well. I have a mate (male) from school who has been good. He’s jokey about it. But we just play on the computer to be honest. Now I find him looking at my chest. He did ask if he could feel .... I sort of let him. And he jokingly tried to pull the bra strap. But he says he’s keeping it secret. 

My other friend is a girl in our year who lives a a street away. We had to do two course work projects together.  She guessed and could see I was chesty , I think she saw the outline. I told her about the Nike tops in confidence. She has been round to mine even when I have been in the normal bras and just said I looked more comfortable and I was the same size as her. Atleast I didn’t have to put up with the other things girls do. She gave me one of her bras to try , a wonder bra. Let’s just say we were both shocked by the result.  But at least it’s someone I can chat to, relax and not worry if they can see the straps or nipples. 

My brother does stare at my chest but he would defend me if anyone dare say anything. My sister is equally as supportive , to the point of joking telling me to keep my hands off her bras and lingerie. The family just treat it like normal. 

So on the scale of things I can cope for now. I don’t have a lot of option. Just not sure where I go from here or get through. My sister is suggesting I grow my hair a bit longer still to appear more “ambiguous”, given I will be at college in September. And I’m hoping they don’t get bigger than they currently are ! But she says I could dress more ambiguously to get away with it and just use the sports tops when I’m at college. That doesn’t mean pop a dress on but just develop a look that is a bit more .... ambiguous I guess. I figure I can’t keep compressing my breasts down all the time - it’s just uncomfy and getting impractical. They are sticking out in a Nike Sports bra. 

Plus, summer is coming and I can’t face another summer of jumper wearing round the house. If coronavirus restrictions are lifted, we had flights booked to go to my mums friends villa in the Canaries again. I need a strategy for dealing with that. If it’s just round the pool at the villa then my sister was suggesting wearing a swim suit or swim suit top. Which really is going to be obvious. I can cope with shorts and t shirt but again it will be obvious. My sister said shave your legs and if you have long hair , it will be ambiguous. 

What strategy have others had or would try in this situation. 

I’m comfy to an extent wearing the Nike compression sports bra tops for a time and the normal support bras round the house. But given any further tests and hopefully surgery will be delayed, am I looking at just heading down the ambiguous strategy? 

[gmast]

Having boobs does not mean you are feminine or less of a man.  You will be treated different if you dress and groom yourself in a ambiguous manner.  But remember, different does not necessarily mean better, it may be worse.  It sounds like some people close to you are pushing you toward the ambiguous dress and grooming, but I wonder if they are doing that because they think it will be better for you, or if it es because it makes them feel less discomfort.  While they may not recognize it, some women feel less womanly when around man with breasts, especially if the man is as big or bigger than they are.  But if you don't act manly, then your boobs aren't as bothersome to them.  Personally, I'd rather be seen as a man with boobs, rather than someone of an ambiguous sex, with or without boobs. 

[Athena12@]

Well you certainly can write!  Quite a story and having been in England I can understand the Medical delays.  However surgery is a serious under taking and from what I have seen not really a good option.  I have had my 36B/A (left's is a B and right is a A+) for several years now and even wearing a bra under a normal shirt no one ever noticed and if they have they have never said anything.  I have come to terms with it and just live my life as normal.  You have supportive people all around you so I suggest you use that support and just live your life as if you didn't have them. You didn't ask for them but God decide to bless a lot of use with them.  I'm going to be 72 next month so at that age I can get away with just about anything as long as I am polite about it.  If some one ever ask about where you got your breast just ask them WHERE DID YOU GET YOURS.  I enjoy mine even though they are not as developed as yours but I do like wearing a bra because even though I an small they do not like it when they have no support.  Call it a badge of courage and carry on with your life.  YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR BREAST.  Ii is your life and what you do with is the most important thing.

Best of luck
Don

[SideSet]

I see you posted this under Acceptance,  and you seem to be doing quite well wearing bras. Maybe you should rethink surgery?

Your mother has handled this perfectly, in my opinion. The sports bras were a good starter, but not suitable for everyday wear.  You seem to be comfortable with the bra collection she is helping you build, and she seems to be subtly instructing you about different bras that might work for you.  Do you have certain styles of bras, such as underwire, that you have come to prefer?

Also, so good that you have other family and friends supporting you, as well.  How did it feel when you let your male friend feel you up? How did you like the Wonder Bra Your female friend gave you to give your bust some nice lift and shaping? 

You might consider a tankini  for swimming. You certainly can’t go topless, and they make some that are pretty nondescript, will provide the modesty and support you need for your breasts. 

[MarcoB]

I feel especially bad for boys in their early teens who develop this, as kids can be so cruel!  I don't know what I would have done if it were me.  I started looking into this when one of our sons developed quite a Hershey's Kiss on one side during puberty so quickly that I was afraid it would keep going.  Fortunately it did not, but that was 18 years ago and it still has not gone away.  This was also before I had any problem of my own. It would have to truly be a crisis for me to submit to surgery though.  (Some do view it as such a crisis.)  As you get older though, you become less concerned with what others think.  Also, you'll be learning what works best for comfort, function, minimizing apparent breast size, and hiding a bra under your clothes.  Your family seems to be quite sympathetic and supportive.  Keep us posted.

[JohannK]

One thing I forgot to mention when I replied in the other thread, you might want to rethink making your appearance ambiguous.  In my personal experience, when you can't immediately tell whether someone is a man or woman, you automatically start to analyze said person to figure it out.  So it might actually end up drawing even more attention.  I know I'm like that.

[Bailey K]

SI see you posted this under Acceptance,  and you seem to be doing quite well wearing bras. Maybe you should rethink surgery?

Your mother has handled this perfectly, in my opinion. The sports bras were a good starter, but not suitable for everyday wear.  You seem to be comfortable with the bra collection she is helping you build, and she seems to be subtly instructing you about different bras that might work for you.  Do you have certain styles of bras, such as underwire, that you have come to prefer?

Also, so good that you have other family and friends supporting you, as well.  How did it feel when you let your male friend feel you up? How did you like the Wonder Bra Your female friend gave you to give your bust some nice lift and shaping? 

You might consider a tankini  for swimming. You certainly can’t go topless, and they make some that are pretty nondescript, will provide the modesty and support you need for your breasts.

Many thanks for the advice 

To be honest , I hadn’t thought of the angle of how women may feel about my breasts. I think my sister finds it slightly amusing that her brother has to wear a bra and is the same size she was. She looks bigger than me now - she is a c cup as I saw her size on her bra.That’s my worry, I really don’t want these to get bigger. I just need to get my head around away of living with them. 

When I wear the Nike tops under a shirt you can tell there is a chest. When I have the normal bra on they look like female breasts. There is a definite chest I can’t hide. The t shirt bra is worse so I haven’t had those on. They stick out more. 

She hasn’t exactly got a collection in my drawer, three of the Nike tops and then four ordinary ones and 2 t shirt ones. I think she bought a few in blue to make me feel better. But the ordinary ones are comfy and stop me jiggling and feels better at the end of the day. So round the house I have sort of accepted that I can wear them with a shirt or jumper. 

I just need to find a way of coping but get your point about people looking more. Just they are going to look at a boy with boobs. And I have to think how I blend at college. I just about got away with it at school and the break now is good. 

To be honest , I think my female friend was just curious to see after months of knowing. After seeing what one of those push up bras do I’m really not wearing one of them! 

I’m going to have to live with this situation and my mum is saying if I do have surgery it could be years away. 

[JohannK]

I'd say start looking into what to wear, and what not.  If you pay attention, you'll notice women's breasts are not always equally noticable.  If you wear the right combination of clothes, you can also downplay what you have in the same way.

I haven't started wearing (at a self-measured 34C I should, but with the lockdown there's not much use worrying for the time being), but generally lines are best avoided (with or without a bra).  That all-too-common printed text on a t-shirt is also a problem, as the text bends with the contour of your chest, making your breasts more obvious.  On the other hand, tighter patterns can confuse the eye and make them less obvious.  Be mindful of bra colour, as it can show through (white bras are known to be problematic, despite what you might think).  Women also have layering tanks, which are supposed to help conceal a bra without adding too much bulk/heat.

As for the tshirt bras showing more, do keep in mind they're often padded to prevent your nipples from showing.  So try to get with as little padding as possible.  And also keep in mind that underwires, while they provide more support, do give a more feminine shape.  It's a compromise that many here decide to make.

EDIT:  Oh, and button-shirts also help in my experience, as they tend to sit straighter and therefore show less.

[Bailey K]

I'd say start looking into what to wear, and what not.  If you pay attention, you'll notice women's breasts are not always equally noticable.  If you wear the right combination of clothes, you can also downplay what you have in the same way.

I haven't started wearing (at a self-measured 34C I should, but with the lockdown there's not much use worrying for the time being), but generally lines are best avoided (with or without a bra).  That all-too-common printed text on a t-shirt is also a problem, as the text bends with the contour of your chest, making your breasts more obvious.  On the other hand, tighter patterns can confuse the eye and make them less obvious.  Be mindful of bra colour, as it can show through (white bras are known to be problematic, despite what you might think).  Women also have layering tanks, which are supposed to help conceal a bra without adding too much bulk/heat.

As for the tshirt bras showing more, do keep in mind they're often padded to prevent your nipples from showing.  So try to get with as little padding as possible.  And also keep in mind that underwires, while they provide more support, do give a more feminine shape.  It's a compromise that many here decide to make.

EDIT:  Oh, and button-shirts also help in my experience, as they tend to sit straighter and therefore show less.

Right , lots to think about 

When my boobs first started to grow, it was the nipples first so they look like a girls, big. Then the sort of mounds grew gradually. 

The 4 bras I’m currently wearing are 2 white and 2 blue. I presume she got them from the supermarket or a shop in town. The t shirt bras are from the supermarket because they were in a bag. The blue ones I have been wearing under blue tops and sweatshirts. The white ones probably the same. I’m just conscious that you can see the strap at the back if I lean forward and from the front it’s obvious I have breasts. I have been wearing cardigans or fleece tops to try and hide. 

Whilst I’m getting use to the idea of wearing them for now, because it’s too uncomfy not to - or to wear the Nike sports tops to try hold them in , I’m not sure I could quite face a conversation with my mum about buying a better fitting bra or less padded one at the minute. What colour should you use ? I thought white was sort of standard ? 

I had been switching into it - the white normal bra -  after school and realised you can see it through my white shirt. I had been wearing the Nike top with a white t shirt and then my shirt and jumper but to be honest , I can’t carry on wearing that many layers or I’ll faint with heat. 

[JohannK]

The thing with a white bra is, it's going to make that part of your shirt lighter.  A more skin-coloured bra is a safer option.  And believe it or not, I've read that pink is also a good colour when it comes to hiding.  Although I'd imagine that won't be easy for you to wear.  Red is obviously a bad one.  I suspect blue will also fall in that category.  For the rest, I think it'll be best for those with experience to chime in.  It does depend what you're wearing on top though.

Layering tanks are known to reduce the outline/strap visibility.  Apart from that, getting bras that close and adjust at the front will also help reduce the bumps on your back.  As will racerback style bras.

[Bailey K]

The thing with a white bra is, it's going to make that part of your shirt lighter.  A more skin-coloured bra is a safer option.  And believe it or not, I've read that pink is also a good colour when it comes to hiding.  Although I'd imagine that won't be easy for you to wear.  Red is obviously a bad one.  I suspect blue will also fall in that category.  For the rest, I think it'll be best for those with experience to chime in.  It does depend what you're wearing on top though.

Layering tanks are known to reduce the outline/strap visibility.  Apart from that, getting bras that close and adjust at the front will also help reduce the bumps on your back.  As will racerback style bras.

Thanks 
Can’t see me asking my mum to buy me a pink bra ! But just googled the racer back bra and that looks like a sports bra option ? 
My breasts do really fit the bra so they are prominent. I went through winter at home in jumpers and you could tell I had the boobs. 
I wore the t shirt bra for a day but they just felt too big. I realised they were cushioned to hide the outline of the breasts but I presume they are all the same thickness. 
It’s just difficult to discuss how I manage things with mum. She’s great and I guess she has been really sensitive about it. My dad just lets her get on with it but I think he’s going to be shocked when he sees the size of my boobs in real life in summer. He’s been away for 8 months. 

[paulpark21]

YOu might want to rethink about the pink bra.  A light pink and a  beige are colors that better hide a bra.  As you have found out, a white bra under a white shirt shows the bra. 

As others have said, you do not have to look ambiguous/androgynous if you don't want to.  I am a man with breasts, not some one who wants to be more femme.

[Bailey K]

YOu might want to rethink about the pink bra.  A light pink and a  beige are colors that better hide a bra.  As you have found out, a white bra under a white shirt shows the bra. 

As others have said, you do not have to look ambiguous/androgynous if you don't want to.  I am a man with breasts, not some one who wants to be more femme.

Thanks . I don’t want to be a girl. I guess I feel pink sends the wrong idea and my mum may  think I do. Sometimes I feel it’s bad enough the blue ones she bought have lace and a bow on. She said blue was more suitable for me. 

[JohannK]

I think it would be best to discuss the colour matter with your mother.  If you discuss the different colours from a hiding perspective, she should understand why you're mentioning pink.  Apart from the advice you're getting here, as a woman she'll also have some experience with these things.

And yes, racerback bras are usually sport bras.  But not always.  It is possible to get normal bras in a racerback style.  The thing there is that the straps are between your shoulder blades, where they are much less visible.  And putting the adjusters in front means you don't have those bumps on your back that scream "bra".  The same goes for the hooks.

[Bailey K]

I think it would be best to discuss the colour matter with your mother.  If you discuss the different colours from a hiding perspective, she should understand why you're mentioning pink.  Apart from the advice you're getting here, as a woman she'll also have some experience with these things.

And yes, racerback bras are usually sport bras.  But not always.  It is possible to get normal bras in a racerback style.  The thing there is that the straps are between your shoulder blades, where they are much less visible.  And putting the adjusters in front means you don't have those bumps on your back that scream "bra".  The same goes for the hooks.

I’m going to have to muster up some courage to talk bras with mum. I know she understands and wants to help but it takes some getting my head round to be in this situation.  My friend thinks the space and not having schools and exams will give me time to just get used to everyday life without hiding it all the time.

But I’m still not confident I could go out with the normal bra on and not trying to strap them down. The normal one is amazingly comfier and they hurt now if I have nothing on. 

I may see if she can find a normal one with a racer back to try and hide more. I’d have to see how things went to ask about colours. My sister doesn’t have any like that as I know of .