And it's been like that my whole life.
I remember in the 2nd grade. It was when I last had my shirt off at the pool. I remember my swimming coach who I thought was very cool, had his shirt off. I thought he was awesome because he was a big guy, and could do a triple flip, and I wanted to be able to do just one flip. And he had huge nipples, and still had his shirt off. I look at pictures of myself back then and see what was the begining of my gynecomastia. And I looked up to him alot because I thought he was just like me.
I didn't take my shirt off at the pool any oafter the second grade though. I don't know when the moment came that I was shown that I'm different, but somewhere along the line it happened. I remember being in the 5th grade and this girl saying "you've got bigger titties than me!"
I remember going with my so-called "friend" to the ymca pool once. This was in the 6th grade. He lied and told me that there was a rule that said you couldn't wear a shirt in the pool because of bacteria reasons (stupid, I know). He told me this so he could see why I never take my shirt off. Later, he brought it out to the rest of my friends saying "your titties are huge, I've seen them" and that killed me inside.
As junior high rolled around, I was 5'6" and 230 lbs. EVERYBODY picked on me. I was a complete outcast. Noone would sit with me at lunch, and everybody picked at me for my problem. The only ones that would partially accept me was the kid who I mentioned above, in the YMCA pool incident. They picked on me mercilously. Once they said "what would you do if there was a gunmen on top of the school with a sniper?" and the so-called friend said "I'd grab **** (my name) and squeeze his titties and squeeze milk out and shoot the gunmen with it."
In gym class, it was required that we change shirts and shorts. I wore an shirt underneath my shirt I wore to school and acted like I changed. The gym teacher, I know, knew what I was doing, and said nothing thank god. But people amde fun of me for it.
I get really fed up with all that. I absolutly wanted to kill myself, and I'd cry everynight. I get into cardio kickboxing, and lost all my weight, and I did it soley with the rage and pain that excelled me through. But I still had huge nipples, and I still had man breasts.
I came back to school in the 8th grade, and everyone accepted me. I still hung with the friends who destroyed me before, but I had general acceptance. I played football and wrestled. In football, in the locker room, I waited until everyone else was done, and then I went into the corner and changed my shirt. No one saw my nipples in football. Then wrestling came by. I thought I'd do the same thing. Just go into the corner. and it worked until this one day, a day that I'll remember forever. No matter what, no matter how successful I become, or rich, or how many girls I fall in love with and ultimately get with.
Everyone was taking a long time changing and we had to be out on the mats. I had no corner to go into, so I went to the other set of lockers, where one of friends was at, one of my so-called friends, who I'd know since kindergarten. I turned around, and took my shirt off. He grabbed my shoulders, and turned me around. He said "HOLY sh#! ***** (a name of another wrestler) come here! ****'s nips are HUGE!" and I go after him pleading him to stop and not tell anyone. He ran to the wrestling room and I just knew was what going on. I didn't want to walk in there. But I had to. And everyone picked on me. And at night when I went home I cried, locking myself in my room. My parents thought I was just tired from wrestling.
And the next day at school, everybody knew. I really wanted to kill myself worse than ever.
But I finished wrestling season. I had to try and make sure my breast wouldn't pop out of my singlet. I hated weigh in's. 50 some guys in a locker room with their shirts off. Calling me bologna nipples.
Next football season, people picked on me for it again. This time high school kids. Saying "did you see that dude? That's F@#$ sick!" That's one I remember well. I also remember someone saying "I'm going to take a picture of you with your shirt off and put it online on a porn site. When some guy gets done with it I'll reveal your face on the site and he'll be like oh god no".
In the 10th grade, I went to football camp at a Division 1A college. I was there with 500 guys. 3 of them were in the top 10 high school players in the country. They were there for recuriting.
We had to take our shirts off because we played shirts and skins flag football. It was mandatory. I had to. And I remember everyone looking at me like I was nothing, inferior, and I felt that way.
And I remember the moment that stood out most at football camp. One of the guys who were in the top 10 high school players in the country looked me up and down and said "yea - your big like billy bob from varsity blues" - and everyone laughed at me. I know it didn't seem directed toward it - but I had my shirt off. I had nothing to cover it up with. And it killed me.
As a kid, playing basketball, we had a scrimmage game. We had to go shirts and skins, and my team was skins. As usual. I told my coach, (and I was in the 3rd grade) that I don't want to play. He came over, he was one of those dads who live vicariously through their kids. He started telling me to take my shirt off, and saying "look at *******, he's doing something, and he's fat".
As I said above, I couldn't ever take my shirt off at pools, and when i did go, whcih was all the way up until high school, I'd wear a black shirt. The shirt would get stuck to me, and I'd pull it off as I got out of the pool, climbing the ladder. I'd have little pinches on my shirt where I'd pulled it off of me.
I'd always pinch my shirt, pulling it off me, and I'd slouch a little, and I'd do this until I could adjust my shirt and my manboobs wouldn't show.
As high school went on, I slowly found some popularity, oddly. I became freinds with the A+ group of kids, and my so called friends who used to pick on me were now dropped out of school.
At the end of my senior year, I met a girl who I still have a thing for. And I think she like me some too. And I can't ask her out because of my manboobs.
Gynecomastia is the anchor that keeps my boat in the anguish ocean.
And I have to take care of it and become normal in socierty's eyes before I can say anything to her.
My dad knows that I'm getting the surgery. I had a privite livejournal account that I wrote in when everything was too much for me. Every passage was about my gynecomastia and my huge nipples, and her. Whe I had a mental breakdown of sorts, I told my dad if he wants to know why I'm in so much pain, go to my journal. And I told him I'm getting a surgery.
My family refuses to acknowledge it as a problem. But it is. A severe, psycological problem. And I must destroy it, for myself, for my future, and for others who have the same problem so they can know that you can escape.
Right now, I'm going to start a diet. I'm going to lose weight though a bodybuilder style diet, jogging, lifting weights, and brazilian jujitsu.
and I will get the girl at the end of my movie
Topic: My nipples are 2 inches wide, two inches tall, really puffy, and it kills me. (Read 13578 times)
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