The Terror caused by Gynecomastia

[Alchemist]

At onset, before anybody at all said anything at all, I became aware of these growths starting and was terrified to say anything or for them to be seen by age 12.  After a few years of harassment the terror was worse and I was mad as hell about how I was being treated. 

For some of you others when did terror of being seen or revealed come on, after incidents or before?   There was a malignant body shame about my chest specifically that worsened through the years.  It stopped me from doing lots of things but never so much that I was stopped from doing lots of things that most with that terror would never do.   I would hold skinny dipping parties but not go to a public beach or pool.  With everybody nude and equally vulnerable and unsure of their body it was fine. 

There was also terror about talking about it. That appears very common too so I couldn't even explain what I was avoiding.

So who else had this terror and when in the prrcess did it start?

[46bboobs]

My biggest problem is someone finding out I wear a bra. I dont wear them to work, but it kills my back as a result.

[Alchemist]

Hi 46bboobs,

So without the bra you wear t-shirts and it doesn't bother you to take off your shirt and go to the beach or pool?  It's just the bra that bothers you but you need it for comfort?  Your life is otherwise unchanged.  You don't plan weeks in advance how to avoid the family 4th at the beach or whatever?  You didn't skip gym whenever it was skins and shirts?  Why does it matter if they find out about the bra?  To me that's just costuming.  It's what is underneath the bra that bothers me.  I don't wear a bra because I don't have any discomfort.  The boney structure of my chest is such that my whole balance is different

I'm really trying to understand because it was for me as a terror of anybody seeing or even knowing the breasts were there from right after they became noticeable.  I don't know why I became terrified of that a year before before any incident I remember.  It became the basis for one terrible experience after another.

This all comes out now because I went to buy some new T-shirts, first time in 9 years and they are differently fitting now.  I'm a nudist, I have gone to the local pool when the urge strikes me or invited with friends and I thought I had this pretty well taken care of.  BUT that automatic habitual behavior of being scared of exposure, of wearing a slightly more form fitting shirt.  I haven't worn baggy or multiple heavy shirts, or 3 piece suit, in decades, other than for business.

There is still this "Uh oh!" feeling walking out the door.  This is 56 years later.  It's getting weaker.  I'm done with it.  I am very curious however how such a heavy duty fear, with some years of PTSD  following school.  After college I was a pro ski patrolman just recovering from the PTSD along with another patrolman who was recovering from PTSD acquired in Vietnam.

And another characteristic was it was unspeakable to my family (mother was psychotic and abusive) and friends and everybody.  I'm trying to figure out why my experience was so extreme.

[expedient-traveller]

I cannot say with certainty when the "guests" began to appear but it has only been with the last few years that I have been forced to do something about them because they have gotten much larger (44A/B). I know I have had them for much longer, 40 years plus, but just did not pay attention, although I would never go shirtless when younger and obviously cannot do so now. That is a short history, the terror for me has been within the last year when I no longer went the "Ace Bandage" way of things. The "guests" are beyond the "Ace Bandage" routine and I had to consider bras. I would buy a bra, wear it and get so guilty about wearing it that I would eventually throw it or them away. When I finally knew I had to do something to stop the bounce and jiggle, I got a tight sports bra which did not make me feel guilty.

I had to do something more and went and got some good bras that were not the squash and smash bras that sports bras are. I am only just starting to wear some comfortable bras and I am a bit terrified I will be noticed since the "guests" cannot be hidden and when I trek my back-pack computer bag to the grad-school library, it draws my shirt very tight on my right breast and sticks it out where it cannot be missed.

Many in my department at work know I have "boobs" and must wear a bra to control them and no one has a problem with it or pays any attention to it. I do have one of the ladies at work who is a confidant with whom I can ask questions on what are good bras and what might work for my "guests".

Sorry about the "life story", suffice it to say, I am still in terror when out in public that I will be noticed but I am not going to become a hermit with boobs! I have never had anyone say anything or stop and point a finger at my breasts of indicate in any way they saw anything different. The only time anything caught my attention was when 2 different people at different times were staring at my boobs intently. Must have been envy. LOL.

So, that is where my level of terror is right now. I am sitting in the grad library at my university and there is a great side view of my profile showing an increased extended area below my neck and above my waist and no one seems to care. I think terror takes time to dissipate. Live well, love God!

[46bboobs]

Hi 46bboobs,

So without the bra you wear t-shirts and it doesn't bother you to take off your shirt and go to the beach or pool?  It's just the bra that bothers you but you need it for comfort?  Your life is otherwise unchanged.  You don't plan weeks in advance how to avoid the family 4th at the beach or whatever?  You didn't skip gym whenever it was skins and shirts?  Why does it matter if they find out about the bra?  To me that's just costuming.  It's what is underneath the bra that bothers me.  I don't wear a bra because I don't have any discomfort.  The boney structure of my chest is such that my whole balance is different

I'm really trying to understand because it was for me as a terror of anybody seeing or even knowing the breasts were there from right after they became noticeable.  I don't know why I became terrified of that a year before before any incident I remember.  It became the basis for one terrible experience after another.

This all comes out now because I went to buy some new T-shirts, first time in 9 years and they are differently fitting now.  I'm a nudist, I have gone to the local pool when the urge strikes me or invited with friends and I thought I had this pretty well taken care of.  BUT that automatic habitual behavior of being scared of exposure, of wearing a slightly more form fitting shirt.  I haven't worn baggy or multiple heavy shirts, or 3 piece suit, in decades, other than for business.

There is still this "Uh oh!" feeling walking out the door.  This is 56 years later.  It's getting weaker.  I'm done with it.  I am very curious however how such a heavy duty fear, with some years of PTSD  following school.  After college I was a pro ski patrolman just recovering from the PTSD along with another patrolman who was recovering from PTSD acquired in Vietnam.

And another characteristic was it was unspeakable to my family (mother was psychotic and abusive) and friends and everybody.  I'm trying to figure out why my experience was so extreme.

I gave up on t shirts some time ago. I have not been swimming in a long time.
I would not walk around in a t shirt, its just too obvious. I wear heavy shirts in public.
I got some women's tank tops for around the house for the summer.

[manbreast]

i have had breast for 40 years now at a 46DDD i wear a bra full time as my doc told me ,the support and comfort is great ,i don't care what people think ,i wore a bra to work for 20 years under my Lt. blue work shirt.large sensitive nipples need protection ,i have been professionally fitted many times by very helpful and understanding caring women never a bad experience.

[expedient-traveller]

Manbreast: I have that same bra only in a much smaller size (44b). It feels great and keeps the "guests" from "roaming" about. It is far nicer to wear than my standard Champion sports bras. However, the Champions do shrink my size quite a bit whereas the Glamoriese really lifts and presents my breasts.

Still, as time has been getting alone, I am getting less and less concerned about other folks and what they might think about my "assets". I am not at the point where I am fully free of concern but getting there. I have been wearing tighter and more comfortable shirts that clearly show my "guests" and I have not gotten a single side glance, comment or other look except for a woman who clearly checked out my breasts. Funny about that, I felt sort of proud of my "assets" which she clearly did not have in my abundance.

[Alchemist]

Thank you guys.  Where does this fear and having to conceal come from?  Cutting out lots of things of life.  Not being able to go shirtless.  Not being able to swim in public venues.  That probably includes water skiing swim parties and the like  Not being able to wear many of the shirts sold.  Wearing winter weight shirts in summer.  Wearing oversize shirts in multiple layers.

"I am still in terror when out in public that I will be noticed but I am not going to become a hermit with boob".


I would not walk around in a t shirt, its just too obvious. I wear heavy shirts in public.

Personally feeling these same things myself made me angry, cheated out of life.  I wasn't willing to be a hermit either.  I did most things I wanted to, gritting my teeth.  Since college I have been becoming a nudist and doing the body acceptance thing.  I bought t-shirts, my first shopping in 9 years in any quantity.  While I wore t-shirts then, 9 years ago, they were heavier cloth.

I wear a heavy shirt and it is soaked with sweat with sweat running down my face all the time.  It's obvious I am very uncomfortable.  When  I wore long underwear, a turtleneck, a flannel shirt, and 2 sweaters under my parka, even with my parka off there was only small bumps to see.  Wearing anything lighter and they stick out obviously.  I'm not going to wear a XXL or XXXL shirt that has 2 feet of extra material around gut and have it hanging off my breasts anyway.  Nothing I've seen really covers them or has it has a characteristic look that makes it knowable that there are breasts there from an even greater distance.

I expect that most of the time people ignore what they are used to seeing.  They ignore fat guys in t-shirts with or without breasts.  They expect that on fat guys now so it has become normal and the fat guys are free to wear the t-shirts they were too fat to wear 40 years ago or had too much breast to wear 40 years ago.

I'm going through this crap right now.  I'm not going to live the rest of my life with this remnant of fear which goes deeper than I had any idea.

Where do these assumptions of having to "hide", to not be "too obvious", to not take off shirts come from?  I had the fear hit before anybody said anything, before a single bad experience.  Once you are "hiding" that becomes a "kick me" sign to some people, and I met plenty of those people.

I've seen guys all my life go about everything just totally ignoring their breasts.  So did everybody else.  I wondered how they could do that.

My experiences the past week are that one guy did a classic double take and jaw drop, and couple of women talking closely together and all turning to look with some whispering. 99% of everybody either noticed nothing or paid it no mind.  It's really no different than with the heavier material t-shirts I bought 9 years ago except that cloth doesn't hang.

The sky never fell in on those guys.

I'm voting for comfort.  I'm not going to go through all that fear and life restrictions and uncomfortable shirts to protect  some nameless persons from being bothered that I have larger than average breasts as a man.  If it bothers them they can look somewhere else.  And all because I can't look like a flat as a board guy, never could and never will.  I was never built that way.

So I'm opting for "open carry".  They can wear their guns around, I can wear a t-shirt.  I've been done with body shame for decades.  Now I'm done with this specific fear.

[rrr]

To be honest, it kinda freaks me out that after all your body acceptance years, you were still affected by the exact same fear I have been talking about for a while now - only in my case, it's even more attention grabbing.

As you said, fat guys are, and have been for years, expected to have some sort of moobs, so it would only be the unusual sizes that would attract extra attention, and it sounds as if you fall into that category.

I have a normal build, and used to have a decent male chest, well proportioned and not flabby. Now, I have an obvious female chest profile in a t-shirt, so I'm sure it gets noticed a lot. I don't want to be noticed for being an oddball - or transgender, and I don't think the public at large should accept it as normal, because it's not, it's a medical problem, but 99% of people who notice it aren't going to think that, they're going to think freak. For those of you that have accepted the condition and would never treat it, more power to you, but the rest of us would probably like realistic options.

Society should not accept obesity, diabetes, or smoking as "normal" because they are health/medical issues, so why should any other health/medical issue be accepted as normal?

I would much prefer research, treatments, and/or cures for the condition, but that's not happening because it's considered cosmetic.

B

[hammer]

A couple years ago now Dr. Jacobs and I started a letter writing campaign to the Dr. Oz show asking them to do a segment on gynecomastia. We would have like to brake some of the tabo and bring some education to the general public,  as to what is going on just as erectile disfuction (ED) is so understood to be so common among men as they get to be older.

As the member here on the forum know and understand, we got these breast with no desire, and fault of are own, however, we are left to either learn to live with them or have surgery to remove them without help from the insurance company. Education and understanding in the general public could go a long way in making it easier for those that are cursed with the breast to handle them.

I wish those having a tough time the best!


Bob

[rrr]

We would have like to brake some of the tabo and bring some education to the general public,  as to what is going on just as erectile disfuction (ED) is so understood to be so common among men as they get to be older.

I think it's a great idea, but ED is a poor comparison. NOBODY other than you and your lover know about ED. Treating ED improves people's sex lives. I can't think of many things that are comparable - a female with male pattern baldness? A hirsute female - chest hair and all? Maybe if older women grew penises?(easier to hide than breasts though)

ED is a private problem, breasts on a male are not.

Obesity is a health problem, breasts on a male are not.

B

[rrr]

One more comment.

I have found that my chest no longer feels like mine and I don't like it being touched. I used to enjoy it when my wife and I were getting physical, but now it just puts me off.

Has anyone else experienced the feeling of it being someone else's chest?

B

[hammer]

One more comment.

I have found that my chest no longer feels like mine and I don't like it being touched. I used to enjoy it when my wife and I were getting physical, but now it just puts me off.

Has anyone else experienced the feeling of it being someone else's chest?

B

B,
I have stated in many of my post that your or my chest has nothing to do with who I or you are! The chest does not define you as a person no more then standing in the woods makes you a bear! If you are having such deep emotional issues, it may be time to seek professional help! Help that this forum isn't able to provide!

Please understand that I in no way mean any disrespect here, but if in fact this was come to the point of interfering with your relationship with your spouse and beyond, please look into some form of better help then what you are able to get here!

May peace be found,
Bob

[Alchemist]

To be honest, it kinda freaks me out that after all your body acceptance years, you were still affected by the exact same fear I have been talking about for a while now - only in my case, it's even more attention grabbing.

As you said, fat guys are, and have been for years, expected to have some sort of moobs, so it would only be the unusual sizes that would attract extra attention, and it sounds as if you fall into that category.

I have a normal build, and used to have a decent male chest, well proportioned and not flabby. Now, I have an obvious female chest profile in a t-shirt, so I'm sure it gets noticed a lot. I don't want to be noticed for being an oddball - or transgender, and I don't think the public at large should accept it as normal, because it's not, it's a medical problem, but 99% of people who notice it aren't going to think that, they're going to think freak. For those of you that have accepted the condition and would never treat it, more power to you, but the rest of us would probably like realistic options.

Society should not accept obesity, diabetes, or smoking as "normal" because they are health/medical issues, so why should any other health/medical issue be accepted as normal?

I would much prefer research, treatments, and/or cures for the condition, but that's not happening because it's considered cosmetic.

B

Hi Bummed,


To be honest, it kinda freaks me out that after all your body acceptance years, you were still affected by the exact same fear I have been talking about for a while now - only in my case, it's even more attention grabbing.


Something I was trying to say that you didn't get.  In 20 years of chronic illness I had perhaps a couple of months worth of normal life social interaction.  When I traveled it was for business and I wore suits like everybody else.  Forget the breast aspect for a minute.  I can't wear off the rack suits.  My chest suit jacket size is 12-14 inches larger than my waist.  My arms need 37 inch sleeves.  I have "tall" jackets and "short" pants.  In any case in 20 years I had almost no experience and a loss of considerable memory during that period.

In the past 5 years of recovery I have had more social interaction than the previous 25 years in all. I had lots of time to think about things.  People with CFS/FMS and CHF don't do things.

I live consciously.  I don't let subconscious fears boss me around.  I won't stand for it.  Also, I've got D to DD+ (dependent on edema and fat levels) size breasts.  During the past 12 years I lost 85 pounds of water, 40-50 pounds of fat and put on 50 pounds of muscle that had atrophied.  All this by a change in metabolism partly caused by returning to meat eating from being a vegetarian and the right vitamins.

I sink in a pool even with half full lungs now.  I used to float at all lung inflations.  

I know very well what you are talking about.  That's one reason I feel I can tell you the truth about these things, you will understand.  People without this experience don't know it.  I don't really know where it came from in my case. The PTSD resulted of jr high and high school experiences which you didn't have.  I detailed it in my introduction

it's even more attention grabbing.

WHY?

I'm not particularly fat, especially these days.  I don't know what average weight is but I am below the new "fat" standard average.  It isn't my stomach sticking out, it is much larger breasts than you have.  And Hammer's are huge by any standard.

That fear is unconscious and is the remnants of watching out for all the avoidance opportunities all the time, days and weeks in advance.  It was horrid.  "What, me worry?" is much better.  If I were in the right place at the right time I would do the Bay to Breakers nude ride.  It wouldn't bother me in the least.  I don't have malignant body shame.  I don't limit my life in any way because of my breasts.  However, getting up and singing a tenor solo is probably the scariest thing I know of now.  My voice is gone.

I'm trying to put this in perspective. It seems ridiculous to me that the habit of "uh-oh" on walking out of the house in a t-shirt is still there.  Otherwise it affects my life not at all.  It's not stopping me from the Silver Sneakers (medicare gym benefit in some plans), swimming, nude activities with other nudists or anything.  I'm over the PTSD and can pretty well laugh at the cosmic joke of bodies.  I've never met a person who didn't have some major "flaws" in their body according to them.



"Realistic options" you speak of.  At a small size, say up to B cup or so, the results often look pretty good with surgery.  The bigger they get, the older the skin, the worse the results.  From some nudist perspectives a bunch of scars itself isn't great.  I don't consider any results I have seen from large breast surgical removal to be anything I find acceptable.  It doesn't achieve the goal of looking even normal much less "good".  The only realistic option there was for much of my life is "get over it and really still is.

Males breasts are not a health issue like diabetes.  In a few rare cases they are indicators of tumors or whatever.  As half the population has some chronic conditions health problems are the norm.


I would much prefer research, treatments, and/or cures for the condition, but that's not happening because it's considered cosmetic.

Research and prevention might occur.  Generally it's not a "condition" that needs treatment.  There is no condition.  There is normal tissue growth with normal fluctuations in hormones but except in rare cases is there actually any medical condition that can be treated.  Of course treating those things, like baldness, can increase the probability of gyne.  I wonder what unwanted side effects treating gyne might have, penis shrinkage?     Male and female breast sizes both follow normal distribution curves, shaped and skewed somewhat differently.  Definitionally +- 2 standard deviations is pretty normal.  That puts you right around modal size, everybody from D and larger are clearly outside the two standard deviations on the top end and the flat as a board, at the 1-10? percentile level is just as clearly abnormal on the bottom end.

One prevention for the tendency to develop breasts with age is to die young.  Or who knows.  Maybe they will come out with a drug that will prevent male breast growth with aging for $1000/month. Who will finance the billions of dollars of research without profitable return?

You appear to have a whole lot more faith in the medical system than I do.  For reasons having nothing to do with gyne I was mistreated and maltreated for 55 years because of the way they thought about some disorders that they wouldn't believe were disorders.

That is all intellectual stuff.  It doesn't get at the emotional.  However, habits attenuate when not practiced.  I'm not upset or restricting my life because of D-cups.  They are visible in anything I wear especially with a large chest, so I might as well wear something comfortable and "good looking" in the eyes of my partner.  She is the one I care about anyway.   However, I have not let it affect my life, to refuse an invitation for swimming for instance, since 1975 or so.

[Alchemist]

One more comment.

I have found that my chest no longer feels like mine and I don't like it being touched. I used to enjoy it when my wife and I were getting physical, but now it just puts me off.

Has anyone else experienced the feeling of it being someone else's chest?

B

Hi Bummed,

Has anyone else experienced the feeling of it being someone else's chest?


Strangely enough, yes, I have, but not for the same reason as you.  However, my experience was with losing weight and water.  When certain problems were correcting I was losing 3 pounds of water a day. One day I was on my back sleeping.  At some point I moved by hand or hands up to my chest.  And then suddenly "That's not my chest.  That isn't me."  I was feeling my ribs.  I can't remember ever feeling my ribs like that before that, and that was only a handful of years ago.    My stomach went from feeling like a hard inflated basketball to a concavity that dropped in a good 4 inches or more below the sternum.

However, my chest is as sensual as it has been since recovering from sensory neuropathies.  I've heard of similar "touchiness" about some fat folks and their stomach.  I was scared to dance with a woman because she would feel my stomach.  I had been grabbed at pinched and punched so much in nasty ways that I was afraid of how people were going to mistreat my stomach or breasts for years post college.  I only had one sprained ankle and a dislocated jaw from fights during college defending myself.