a womans side

[elaine]

hi, i was just wondering, are there any women on this site?....the man i love shows all the signs of gynecomastia, if you read my post in the relationships section then you will get the gist of my curiosity. i have stated how much i love him, if he had 6 heads i would still love him. i do get a lot of snide comments from males about his appearance, and it hurts me so bad, i have even been to the degree of bulied over it by them to see him as a freak (as they put it).....i am strong willed and strong minded and none of these cruel words would ever make one iota of difference to how i feel about him, im proud of him, proud to be seen with him, proud to hold his hand, proud to just be with him and so very thankful that he loves me as much as i love him, without him now my life would be as empty as it was before i met him. i just wondered if other women who are partners have had the same crap off narrow minded people as i have......and i would like to add its only been off other men who are meant to be my friends, all my female friends think im so lucky to have found such a wonderful man.

[4tuneit1]

No..he is the lucky one!  

[Hypo-is-here]

hi, i was just wondering, are there any women on this site?....the man i love shows all the signs of gynecomastia, if you read my post in the relationships section then you will get the gist of my curiosity. i have stated how much i love him, if he had 6 heads i would still love him. i do get a lot of snide comments from males about his appearance, and it hurts me so bad, i have even been to the degree of bulied over it by them to see him as a freak (as they put it).....i am strong willed and strong minded and none of these cruel words would ever make one iota of difference to how i feel about him, im proud of him, proud to be seen with him, proud to hold his hand, proud to just be with him and so very thankful that he loves me as much as i love him, without him now my life would be as empty as it was before i met him. i just wondered if other women who are partners have had the same crap off narrow minded people as i have......and i would like to add its only been off other men who are meant to be my friends, all my female friends think im so lucky to have found such a wonderful man.

Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told--and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare. Other animals fight for territory or food; but, uniquely in the animal kingdom, human beings fight for their 'beliefs.' The reason is that beliefs guide behavior, which has evolutionary importance among human beings. But at a time when our behavior may well lead us to extinction, I see no reason to assume we have any awareness at all. We are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion."
-- Michael Crichton in The Lost World


I think there is quite a lot of truth in the above statement, lesser author or not.

In this context religion is not related but beliefs are.


It takes a lot for people to step outside of conformity, of accepted beliefs be it the views of a clique, small group, country etc.

Love is probably one of the very few emotions that allows for the breaking of such behavioral patterns.

[elaine]

hypo is here..... i do hope i read that right, and that you mean love can break all bariers, it was very intense and at first i thought i was being ridiculed, but upon reading it again i think you realise my true caring and need to be on this site.....thankyou, every guide of wisdom on this matter is very much appreciated, and soon i may ask questions that only men in your position can answer me....... i.e.do i broach the subject first even though it means nothing to me,or is he waiting for me to do so? .....i just dont know,  or do i leave it well alone and waite?......guidance is a solution maybe.......and here i am starting a womans thread, and yet still talking to a man......thanks

[markashleigh1979]

Walking with arms crossed, when walking past people

[Tired]

I don't think you will find many women on this site, sadly. So you just have to make do with us  

I do love that you are worried about him though. Im sure its a touchy subject for him to talk about. Try to encourage him to maybe think about an operation. But specify what you said to us, that you love him no matter what and that you don't care either way, you just wan't him to be happy.


Oh and btw, marry me?  

[elaine]

hi again, well....where to start...no,he is not self concscious at all, he wears tee shirts, he doesnt cross his arms in front of himself, he has had no problem at all in going bare chested in front of me, although i have noticed in holiday photos you never see him without a tee shirt then, he seems to have no hangups about himself at all in my company.

i honestly dont think i could, even after and if we get around to discussing this, encourage him to have surgery, both myself and my daughter have died under the knife of a surgeon and had to be resussitated, hence i would, out of fear of lossing him i suppose, try to make him see it doesnt matter, but on the other hand if he did want to have it done i wouldnt stop him.

i think its because of his confidance in himself, his high intelligence (he is high on the mensa scale), that he seems to be able to just accept this in himself. but even today he has had scathing remarks from his family and is on about cutting himself off from them and just being with me, but i can see how much it has once again hurt him, and when he hurts i could just sit and cry for him.

well, maybe there ent many women on here, but so far you have all prooved to be very helpful to me, and i thank you all for your time and advice.

[MRD]

If you guys really love each other, and the gynecomastia condition doesnt bother him that much, and does not bother you.....then really who cares what other people think.

However, if it does seem to bother him and has a negative affect on both your lives...then really surgery would be the solution to this, if that's the case. I understand how you said you're worried because you had bad experience with surgery.....but a serious health risk from a gynecomastia procedure isnt very large.
It's just getting the nipple cut open and having some gland taken out....it has nothing to do with any vital organs that would cause a serious health risk.

[elaine]

in honesty mrd, i dont think he would go as far as surgery,he is a very confidant person in himself, has a wide circleof friends, has no aprehension on meeting new people and shows no shyness when doing so. on the other hand i do have a burning worry....sometimes, in the bedroom department he can have the odd set back, he gets quite disturbed during these times, angry with himself, he says he has flashes in his mind of being tormented, but he wont go into any detail at all about what, but he follows it up with saying he feels he is not worthy of me, not good enough for me and that he has then to concentrate on the fact of knowing that i do love him. i hold him, tell him how wonderful i think he is, he has amazing features and i tell him as much, i hold his face and look into his eyes as i tell him all this and now these "incidents" are becoming less frequent. i dont press him to give me details on what has happened to him and i hope one day he will open that side of himself upto me. am i doing the right thing? am i coping with this in the right way? is there more i should be doing? i do hope you dont think i am going on and on, i am just looking for help in knowing how to understand how he is feeling. and i know i keep harping on about how i love him, but i cant help that cos i do!!!

[MRD]

Elaine,  from what i've read from your message it seems to me that it is bothering him. He seems to be in a state of denial....thats my opinion. The reason why is because as you say on the outside you describe him as a confident person, yet he breaks down every once in a while. Its like he hides it away and just once in a while breaks down about it? I dont think that is healthy.

I think everything you're doing is great, you seem to be a big support to him as you're the one he breaks down about it to. Talk to him about it....about how much it bothered him in the past maybe....and if it still bothers him, if he wants to do anything about it?

[deBra]

Elaine - thanks for posting on this site - I wish we could have more women on here.

The 'the girls will hate me and think I'm a freak' syndrome is probably the main drive with the negative attitude that pervades this site.

In reality, it would appear that peer pressure from other men is the main reason for lack of self image.

There are far worse things for a bloke to have than a pair of breasts !!

[Jonas]

It's really great you posted these message on this site.  So many of the guys seem to fixate on the fact they have boobs, and blame this for their lack of confidence, success etc.  I started getting a swelling in my nipples about age 12 - they became really puffy - I used to tweak them when i had my shirt off so they wouldn't show. The breast tissue has gradually increased over the last 30+ years, but i don't care, I'm actually proud - it's part  of what I am.  If your loved one is bullied or mocked because of his breasts, I guess it's not because of them, but because he is sensitive about them - a perceived weakness cruel people pick on.  I find the idea of surgery for something that isn't life-threatening just stupid.

[elaine]

deBra and Jonas.......thank you so much, both of your attitudes relate to what i really have witnessed....it is the men that have the issue and maybe even the problem, as i have said, my female mates have been great, not one mention of "hey girl...he has boobies bigger than you"....yet the male "so called friends" are the ones that come out with these comments..... there are worse off, i have an ex that has one leg and one arm from a bike accident, not one of my "male mates" commented on him being a "freak" or said to me "what the fck are you doing with him" (as they do with my man now), and they shouldnt have done so either, but i think cos he lost the use in his body this way they seem to think "oh, he is a man"...... ((and i will say this ex is still a firm friend)........but it is the men that have belittled my love behind his back ( cowards i think).......

you both have quite a positive attitued, especially you Jonas, and i thank you both. My man and i are both talking about buying a house in the near future, settling down as a familly..... and im so lucky to have found him, and all i want to do is help him, understand him, and with the help of such positive people as you are......then i am sure i can.....thanks xxx

[Jonas]

Hi Elaine,  I'm glad my comments struck a chord with you.  I keep thinking, reading of these guys' anguish, how lucky I've been, and i wonder what is going on with the 'men' who are so vicious.  After all, a guy with breasts is no more or less freaky than a woman who is 6' tall, or who has body hair or well built muscles.
I've never doubted my sexual orientation.  Just days before I noticed the swelling in my nipples i had my first erection, brought on by seeing the way a girl walked.  Something I didn't know was there just sprung into action.  If a gay man shows an interest, I can think 'thanks, but no thanks' and feel a bit flattered - unless he's a total jerk, of course, and he's invading my space.  That said, i do think breasts on a man can be really attractive - the pre-op pictures of Steve on the Gallery, for example.
So what's going on?  It could be the thing of picking on someone who is different - tall girls get it, gays used to and sometimes still do.
Or is it that the 'men' find the breasts attractive, and they find that disturbing?  They aren't, it seems, bad people in other ways.

[elaine]

hi jonas, yes i have seen that comment on one of these boards before, may have been you that posted it, regarding "fasination, maybe not sexually"...but i do agree with you on this score. men afterall, on the whole like boobs.....i hate mine as i am rather top heavy and have always been known as such with nasty comments and very sexual comments, i have been chatted up via my breasts....men speaking to my chest rather than my face!!!!! and i will add my daughter is 6'2" and a slim size 10, (i am only 5'2") and she has size 9 shoe size.......she used to only be able to buy mens shoes to fit and was taken the mick out of in shoe shops, she has had trouble finding jeans small enough in the waist yet long enough in the leg, and she has been accused of having an eating disorder and i in return have been accused of not noticing it......she eats the biggest meals in the house,bigger than most men would eat, stuffs her face with puddings and chocolate, and over the last 5 years we both have learnt to joke about it now, yet while she was at school and we had all these comments they hurt us both. her dad is naturally very tall and skinny, but we split upwhen she was very young, and people now just see me, short and top heavy and think she does not conform to standard, hence the eating disorder accusations!!!...... last night, in bed, having listened to you men on this site, placed my hand on his chest and felt for hard tissue under his nipple, although i didnt want to make an issue of it and maybe didnt do it right, i did not feel any hard type of tissue. i even began to wonder if it was my problem at this time, but he later sat up and yes, he does look like some of the pics i have studied on here, in fact more so than some of the men that have posted their pics, i am sure he has gyne, and i tried to slowly broach the subject....ie asking about how he was picked on by male members of his family, he responded with "they called me fat and ugly,all my life fat and ugly" .....he is not fat, not ugly, he is beautiful inside and out...... what do i do now? i feel happy to just leave it, he is a god to me, but will i do him a dissatisfaction if in a few years to come i admit i knew but said nothing, will he hate me for it.....i hope not ........... thanks again for listening to me,it means a lot