Mum saw my comp. vest, should I tell her?

[Jackd]

I was talking to my mum (just a general about our days chat)  and unfortunately she shaw the vest strap which was visible at the neck of shirt. I can't believe I didn't do the buttons on the polo shirt up, as I make sure I do at work for fear of someone at work seeing it as I really wouldn't be able to explain it. I told her it was a vest, changed the subject and walked off... She didn't really question me, which makes me wonder if she has her suspicions on why I wear a vest.. I used to wear a tshirt around the house when she was there so I'd be suprised if she has never noticed I have breasts... I don't know if she has researched it and found out about gyne though.

My mum is pretty caring and supportive and I'm confident that she would be able to "accept" it and would keep it confidential. But that doesn't make it any easier to tell her. I didn't really want to tell anyone, I haven't for the past 10 years anyway!! I'm suprised she has never said anything about why I always wear a jumper and don't go out much. I feel that I need to tell her now? She has spotted the vest and now I have all sorts of fears that she might think its a bra or something stupid like that. There is NO viable reason for why I would wear a normal vest or anything, so she must be wondering why.

I don't know what to do, should I tell her, or should I leave it and hope she doesn't ask me. I can't tell her face-to-face, the only thing I can think of, is writing a letter and including a print out on what gynecomastia is and letting her read it on her own. I don't know how she will take it, half of me wonders/hopes that she says shes already realised and glad I told her.. the other half worries she'll laugh or make me talk about it which I really can't do.

Now I'm worried about explaining time off work to go to doctors appointments, I have a valid excuse I can use at work, but what if my mum finds out, in a way I want to tell her so she is aware and doesn't put me in an akward situation at any time. And when I go to Poland for surgery, I'm not sure how I can explain a week away in poland on my own, and how im going to get 2 weeks off work, i also have a physical job so would i even be able to return within 2 weeks.. i work for my dad (dont live with him though) so its going to be real hard as there is no way on earth im telling my dad. I could tell him I broke my arm or something but they'll want doctors notes.

Really sorry for the long post, the past 10 years of hiding it have caught up on me now im trying to do something about it and I've got so much going on at the minute i cant take much more, im so confused, lost, depressed and just want it all to end. I am glad i found this forum, but I also now feel, since finding out what the problem is, it's all I can think about, i look in the mirror wishing for reassurance on the compression vest working or not, I feel everyone is looking or noticing and spend most of my time at work trying to hide . I wore a tshirt at work today for the first time EVER as it was so hot. it was really nice but I was so obsessed with trying to hide it that i probably drew more attention to it if anything. I think I am becoming obsessed. I have no confidence whatsoever and am starting to have anxiety issues. gyne has taken over my life and controls everything, its almost all I think of, it holds me back from EVERthing. I have a fake name here and have been careful not to give away any info, so I'm going to be more honest, but this has wrecked my life. I am 22 , I have never had a girlfriend, I don't even know any girls? I barely have any friends. Most people think I'm gay,  I have not been on holiday, to a beach, swimming, gone topless or even played any sport for about 10 years now. I find myself assessing almost every bloke I meet wondering why I don't look like them. I used to think I might be gay, but since reading up on this site I've come to terms with the fact that it's just looking and wishing I looked like that, not that I look at blokes cos I fancy them. I definetly know I'm not gay now at least.

Sorry again for the long post I just needed to vent. I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to tell but a lot of me doesn't.

[samihassan]

Im going to get surgery and not tell my parents. and yes im 18

[Paa_Paw]

When you share a burden, you end up only packing around half as much as previously.

While it is true that some parents are not too helpful, It is also true that there are a lot who are really great.

Some parents may be a bit slow to realize how this is affecting us.

The bottom line is that you have nothing to lose and a lot to gainby talking to your parents.

[reymysterio]

Guys you should talk with your parents about your condition. This can make you feel better. Parents love their sons and want for them the very best.
I'm sure they can understand your feelings as nobody can do and they are ready to help you in everyway.
I did so and they are supporting me in this battle against gyno.
Good Luck.

[wildman]

Hey Jack!
Here is my advice for what it's worth.  It is probably a good thing your mom saw the vest.  In a way it sort of broke the ice to talk to her about it face-to-face.  She probably has a good idea what it is all about anyway.  I don't believe I would come totally clean with her though.  Next time she notices or sees them just tell her you have a bit of a weight problem and a couple of the guys at work have made stupid/negative comments.  Tell her it bothered you a little so you've been eating healthier and working out but haven't seen the kind of results you hoped for.  Then say you thought the vest might make it easier until you can get the weight off.  Tell her you ask your doctor about losing weight and he said you have some stubborn fat pockets and the only way to get rid of them is with a lipo.  Then say you think he's right and you want the lipo and tell her how much the surgery cost.  Tell her you don't have that kind of money right now but it would be a "huge relief" to get the surgery.  Tell her you are saving up for it but don't know how long it will take to scrap up that kind of money.  I would not even mention gyne to her.  She, like most people, probably doesn't know what it is.  Just refer to it as fat or inherited fat pockets or something like that.  I doubt she will laugh but if she does stop and leave right then.  It's not worth the additional stress to tell her. Just make light of it and act like it's not that big of a deal.  I think it would be ok to tell her it bothered you a little.  Negative comments from a coworker would bother anybody.  Don't get into anymore detail than that and keep it brief.  She will probably understand the rest.  If you do it right though she may even help with the money or help with an excuse/cover story about surgery.  If she responds well she could prove to be a valuable and much needed ally in your journey.

If you feel that strongly about not telling your Dad then don't.  You should go with your gut feeling on this one.

As for the time off work you need for doctor's appts. and surgery, you should make up some other ailment like a slipped disk in your back that sometimes causes pain.  Say the Dr. said there is a surgery that can fix it.  That would explain the vest if anyone notices and the time off work.  After the surgery let it slip that the pain killers caused you to have a upset stomach and you couldn't eat much for a couple of weeks.  That would explain the slimmer look you'll have and the after surgery vest.

Don't be shy about using a little deceit and even out right lying if you have to.  People can be cold and cruel about things like this and you don't need the stress of it.  Allow yourself the luxury of this to help you get through it.  You deserve it.

About the work/gay thing.  You could make a passing comment about how hot some girl walking by is or how hot some actress is to a coworker.  Then change the subject or sort of walk away to keep the conversation from going further.  Remember they don't know your dating history.  Act like your life is real busy right now with work and working out and you just don't have much time for other stuff.

It was free advice but I hope it helps!

[Jackd]

Hi wildman thanks v much for the advice. I think I'm just going to have to lie a lot to get through the surgery stuff, I'll try and get booked off work by the doctor with depression, at least its a valid excuse and would give me a few weeks off work, I can deal with my dad/boss I guess, I'll make sure its during a quiet period at work so I don't put them in the shit.. will just have to see how it goes really. Or I'll tell them I've broken a few ribs, that would tie in nicely with the vest after surgery and a few weeks off.

I don't care if people at work think I'm gay any more, the fact is they don't know anything about my private life so as long as they dont say too much any more about it I don't care if they think it.  I'm just hoping that by next summer i'll be fit, healthy, gyne free and starting a new life and I'll meet a nice girl then my work colleagues will see the truth at the xmas party!

My mum hasn't questioned me about the vest at all, I think maybe she quietly understands a bit.. I don't know.. I'm going to leave it for now and not tell her, I will wait until I've seen my doctor about the blood tests and if I have to see an endo etc and also I'll be getting down the gym to try and get my BF % down/lose weight.

I posted this the other day in a bit of a panic things all got a bit too much, but hopefully I can get away without telling her now.

[nipman]

I tell you what, I just had the operation 6 weeks ago with Dr bermant and not a soul knows about it.  I went to "the Beach"  for three days and when I came home and saw my parents, I had to tell them the unfortuate news that I "pulled" a pec muscle at the gym in the hotel.  I told them I was trying to get pumped up so the girls would hollar and all the sudden pop!  And I had pulled a pec.  Lots of people say "tell you friends, tell your parents", I say the hell with that.  Its bad enough youve got nips the size of apricots, why make it worse by telling someone about it?  Beleive me when I say even the nicest girlfriend, even your best, most supportive friend and turn on you.  And when they do (eventually they all do), whats the most hurtful subject they can dig at you with?  Think about it, only a couple more weeks and then you can quit using the vest and noone will ever know.  Just my 2 cents. 

[Chodel]

Hello Jackd

Firstly, I hope you aren’t as pessimistic as the chap above with his comments about “everyone turning on you in the end”, that’s no way to think.  Only you know truly how your mother will react.  Is she the supportive, understanding and the caring type?  If so then I think you should tell her.

I am 23 and like you have suffered with the condition for a long time.  It’s only in the past couple of years it has gotten to the stage where I realised its not going anywhere and it controls my life to the extent where something has to be done.  I am fortunate in that my mum is very understanding and to a certain extent so is my dad.  They both have been very good in particular my mum.

To a certain degree it was pretty cathartic explaining how deeply the problem affected me and my mum got quite upset when I explained it to her.  I really think if it’s likely your mum will be supportive I urge you to talk to her about it.  It can be really helpful just to chat about it with someone you feel comfortable with.  They can give you some advice (although usually its not that helpful) but it can be nice just to bounce ideas and emotions off someone or at the very least have the knowledge that you can do that if needed.

I hope you get this resolved, but please don’t allow it to isolate you and your emotions it can be such an emotional burden to deal with all on your own.  As for the people at work who cares what they ‘think’ your sexuality is…gay, bisexual, straight or asexual its really none of their business.

Its summer time now where I am.  Meant to be such a beautiful time of the year, but its always so bitter sweet for me and most other gyne sufferers.  I want to go out and enjoy the weather and wear t shirts.  This time of the year really does get me down as I can understand it will for you.  But the important thing is you are tackling the problem head on and just keep reminding yourself that you are moving in the right direction.

Take care

[mattmando]

well i would actually make it seem more like a medical condition than just 'fat pockets'.  Say the word gynecomastia and say that its caused by an imbalance of hormones during puberty and you were left with this shit. Yeah i wouldn't really tell friends or whatever but def. let your mom know what yr going through.  She'll understand

[gabbyhey]

I finally broke down and told my mom a few months ago about it.  It turns out she had thought about offering to help pay for surgery before I even mentioned it.  She didn't want to embarrass me or bring it to my attention unless it bothered me.  So basically, if I had said something a few years earlier, things would have been much better.  The way things turned out it was pretty good though.  I'd say get if off your chest, literally.