Building Confidence as a Young Person (that's Gay & in Therapy for BDD)

[B2L]

Before I begin. I guess it would be good for you to know a little about my body:
19 years old, 6'3"-6'4", 175lbs, 33" pants waist (and gay) with pictures at the bottom.

I made a post earlier on possible solutions for gynecomastia but that was before I realized I had BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder). On top of that, I didn't feel the post I initially made was focused or serious, it was just me at a point of being depressed. So I'd rather do myself better justice this time around.

I've recently started therapy to help me work through these BDD feelings.

However: Therapy takes time (months to years) to make some kind of progress or success AND I can't afford a surgery at the moment and I won't be able to afford the surgery for a long time.

The point of my post is:

• to get some positive or constructive feedback
• to see how other men with the problem have dealt with the problem
• to learn how I could work through these issues in the meantime

1) I'm tall and slim. Guys that are stocky, husky, fat, etc. and have a fat chest are usually accepted because it looks proportional. However, for me to have breast tissue but be slim as well makes me feel like a woman without massive breasts and that's definitely not how I want to be seen. Now I might not be the most masculine gay dude in the world, but I'm not feminine enough to want to constantly have a jiggly bust.

2) I want to go to the gym and back to dance class. Yet, it's so uncomfortable to have my chest bounce because it makes my chest ten times more noticeable as abnormal. It's a downer when I watch people dance shirtless or with a lycra shirt on because their chest's are flat, but when I do it, everyone will see and focus on my chest. Pieces (acting or dancing) that require the male being shirtless wouldn't even be an option. Even working out or dancing with a teeshirt - because my chest tents up because of the breast - is extremely embarrassing.

** I know that a person can not burn off breast tissue by working out (just like female bodybuilders cut their fat to be ripped/vascular, but their breast remains).

3) I'd like to visit the beach one day or finally learn how to swim. However, like with the dancing and working out, it's awkward to go to a beach layering up just to hide your chest. On top of that, no male normally goes to a local pool wearing a scuba suit or a body glove etc etc. you reserve that for actually going deep underwater (which one day I do have to go coral reef diving )

4) Open Showers at Gyms/Pools or Locker/Changing Rooms or Sex = 100% exposure - Need I say more.

5) I guess this is more personal: People assume I have a breast chest just because I'm gay. That does add to the shameful aspect of it all. I don't run across a lot of skinny or slim gay men with breast tissue (even with a lil fat). So I do feel like it makes me stick out like a sore thumb.

+) just an observation: I've seen a lot of the people on that are comfortable with their chest tend to be over 40 years old but never the ones around my age

I know to some it might sound like whining, to others it might sound like themselves. Everybody's entitled to their opinion but hopefully this time around I'll come out with better responses.

Thanks you all in advance,
B2L

****These were from my progress pictures. I bold at the time, hoping that seeing the actual problem would be enough motivation to find a solution. However, I never went to the gym for the reason before. But that's more of a BDD issue, we can talk about that one on one if you would like.

[WishmasterK]

Just as a note, im in my late twenties, and I love every part of me.

[manic91m9]

im a bit confused as to how body dismorphic disorder is diagnosed? is this a self diagnosis? you certainly shouldn't feel bad depression about the way you look, but feeling that u would like to improve your body would not make you a body dismorphic? i think you do have a small case of gynecomastia. you would probably look heaps better if you got to the gym and did some weights (for toning purposes if not gaining muscle) and as for embarrassment at the gym, get over it people can see how you look wherever you go you are going to have to accept that.

[B2L]

BDD by definition cannot be self-diagnosed. BDD is the delusion that there is something wrong with one's body, when that something cannot really be seen by other people. Anorexia is a type of BDD, where the victim literally starves to death thinking he or she is too fat.

B2l does not have BDD, he actually has a case of gyne. In this case it is reasonable to take action to correct it, as there is something to correct.

By DSM-IV definition, the criteria of Body Dysmorphic Disorder are:
1) The person has a preoccupation with a bodily defect that is either imagined or slight but the person feels it is excessive.
2) The preoccupation causes clinitally significant distress or disrupts social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
3) The preoccupation can't be better explained by other mental disorders like Anorexia Nervosa or Koro.

Now, To break it down for you piece by piece:
1) I have preoccupations besides Gynecomastia, so it's not Gynecomastia on it's own. and they're excessive.
2) The behaviors I've exhibited over the years gradually worsened utill it became violent.
3) I don't have any other medical issues that better explain all of the information than BDD

* You can not self diagnose yourself with BDD.
* You CAN inform yourself - learn how to explain your feelings clearly so that you can get the proper help and proper diagnosis.

In details: My Friend has BDD and he recommended the book The Broken Mirror (Revised and Expanded Edition) so that I could understand what he goes through as a person.

After reading the book, identifying the problem and learning how to articulate my problems clearly to my doctors, family and friends, I could go in and get the help I needed.


That is one of the biggest problem of BDD: misdiagnosis because the patients can't see the pieces, or make out the pieces that add up to BDD, don't know how to explain the pieces that add up to BDD, or are too ashamed to talk about all of the things that add up to BDD. I'm fortunate enough to not have a greatly severe case of BDD like my friend. However, if you read the book, many people know they have unhealthy obsessions. They just assume it's physical - not realizing it's a psychological problem based on physical issues.

I know this, YOU - maywest are no one to tell me what I do and do not have. Read first, and don't just skip to the end of the book.

[B2L]

It wasn't an attack, it was a response to what I read you state earlier about how I don't have BDD. You didn't expect me to just let you say that without a response right? lol

And as far as input is concerned, nobody has yet to actually address the issues - just talk about BDD, get over it, and tell me how they love their body.

[manic91m9]

hmm ok, im not really convinced that you're issue is mental, you have a physical issue that you don't seem to have attempted to improve. do you think you would feel different if you looked different? perhaps you do have a mental problem associated with your body image but the word dismorphic doesn't seem appropriate.

[B2L]

hmm ok, im not really convinced that you're issue is mental, you have a physical issue that you don't seem to have attempted to improve. do you think you would feel different if you looked different? perhaps you do have a mental problem associated with your body image but the word dismorphic doesn't seem appropriate.

You still haven't answered anything in the originial thread starting post.

I'm asking people how they managed to accept this, how they function in certain situations, and what fuels their fire to go against the general public and peers.

So far, all I've learned from the replies is to "get over it", "since you accept your breast, I should too", and that I don't have something I've been diagnosed with -- even thought you haven't met me.

Also - You don't have to be convinced. I'm not here to convince you. You don't know anywhere near enough to be able to make such a statement. So please, go read, and learn before you comments based on unfounded reason.

[B2L]

So can we please get back on topic? Thank you guys.

[manic91m9]

yeah i don't really think your on the right site then. there are other sites that have more of an acceptance theme. i have offered my opinion as to what i think will help you, if you are concerned with what others think and say then acceptance will never work for you. you may be able to change how you feel about what others think but you will never get the whole world to stop noticing the way you look. you only have two options; accept yourself how you are or change. you don't seem to be happy with either of these options. what advice did you expect from this forum anyway? btw i have read up somewhat about body dismorphic disorder in the past. the reason i asked about how it was diagnosed as people are often mis-diagnosed with mental disorders (especially when they diagnose themselves) if you would like to share your symptoms (and as to how your symptoms are any different than the way others on this board have felt about their gynecomastia) you can put an end to our ignorance.

[sim]

Try to bulk your arms, shoulders, back a bit. This will minimise the appearance of the gyne. A little bit of work on the chest too, but not too much as this will make it more noticeable.
Eventually get surgery- it is the only feasible treatment.
Or, you can try to accept this condition, which will be difficult as the gay scence values a masculine body shape very highly. Breasts aren't very popular. But, if you are strong willed you might be able to deal with it. This condition is different from other physical abnormalities like an ugly nose or bad skin. It challenges and questions your sense of masculinity- you have breasts, something that defines males from females. Needless to say the psychologial implications are very serious, and it is a condition that is very difficult to come to terms with.
Re: BDD- is this restricted to your perception of your chest? It would seem normal that you would be concerned about it and focus attention on it as it is in a sense a disfigurement, and it would probably lessen if the disfigurement did not exist anymore. But therapy is a good idea- even after surgery nmany guys have a distorted image of themselves, even though they now look more normal (and for those people who might take offence at this comment just think about it- it is not normal for males to have enlarged breasts, no matter how you may justify it).