Day of Surgery Questions- I need answers ASAP! Please?

[m9taylor]

Hi guys,

So I have a strange situation, but probably not the first. I have surgery on wednesday this week, and I'm having a bit of an issue with the one closest to me. (PLEASE DO NOT JUDGE ME FOR THIS, I AM VERY EMBARASSED ENOUGH AS IS) I have not told my long-time boyfriend what exactly I am having surgery for- I have told him that I'm having tissue removed from my chest (and seems to pretty much be the extent). As the good partner he is, he's offered to take me to the hospital and stay there and wait for me the entire time. I'm just worried about sort of questions I'm going to be asked or information is going to be asked of me by nurses and my surgeon, Dr. Fielding (In Toronto) on that day that may or may not give away what I'm actually having surgery for. So I guess this is my request:

For those of you that have had the surgery, or even better, those that have had it with Dr. Fielding, can you give me the details of what questions and content I'm going to have to go through in front of my boyfriend? I'm assuming he'll be allowed to be with me up until I'm wheeled off to the OR, so that leaves a lot of time for a doc or nurse to come blab on and on and on about my boobs .

Please help me out- I'd greatly appreciate it (for the record, I will tell him what it is after the surgery, Im just not comfortable doing so at the present).

Thanks- Mike

[matthew1]

Mike  I assume  he has seen you with your shirt off, if so, he should know of your  condition.
    Remember, this  condition is  emotional/ psych  also, telling him may be a  relief, a  coming  out of the closet  so to speak

 So my   suggestion is  to
1] pony up and tell him the truth now
2]  or tell him you  prefer privacy   at the hospital  during the procedure

 if he is as good  a partner  as  you  say  he will understand.

[Twin Peaks]

Couple of questions for you:
1. How long have you two been together?
2. How serious is the relationship?

If you two are in this together for the long haul, then it's probably best that you tell him the truth.  It's very hard to bring it up, but one you do, you will feel sooooo relieved.  I just told my girlfriend of 2 years that I wanted to get the surgery.  I explained my whole story to her about all the embarassment and why I never like taking my shirt off, yada yada yada.  She was very shocked to hear me talk about all this because to her my chest is fine, but she is more than willing to support me if it is going to make me happy.  Once I explained everything, I felt so much better.  You probably owe it to yourself to just open up and tell it how it is. 

[jackson318]

If you're at a stage that he's taking you to the hospital and waiting for you while you're there, you're at a serious enough stage that he deserves the full story now, for various reasons:
 - what are you worried about?  he'll find out and leave you over this?  I think there's a better chance he'd get more upset over not being told the whole story.
 - in that same vein, you are tempting fate here.  He will find out if you don't tell him.  The risks are too great.  At best, he'll be suspicious he's not getting the full story, and is bound to worry about what's really going on.
 - when going in for this, you have enough on your mind to worry about him finding out.  Also, you can't accept his support really when you're not being fullly honest.
 - above all, if I've learned anything from being gay its that no matter how much it may seem you're getting away with it, being in the closet about something is not healthy for yourself, and not fair to those around you.

I'm single currently, but have gotten no violently bad reactions from telling friends.  A friend/ex-bf I was a little hesitant to tell reacted very supportively, saying he didn't think I need it but that it's up to me and if it makes me feel better about myself then great.

[Grandpa Bambu]

As far as I can recollect (my memory is not the best) from my Pre-Op check-in questions, there was never a mention of Gynecomasita or what the surgery was for.

I agree with the other posters. Be upfront and honest with your partner dude. He will most likely be very hurt if he finds out later that you were not honest with him.   

Question for you....  'Why' do you not want to tell your partner about your upcoming surgery? Is it just a case of being 'Embarrassed'?

GB

[m9taylor]

I really do appreciate your replies guys, and I respect your opinion- and frankly I know it's the right thing to do, and I will tell him.

I don't really know to tell you the truth why or why not, but frankly I think it's mostly the embarassment I need to get over- that, and this is all so all-of-a-sudden. I mean, I had my first initial appointment 12 days ago, and here I am the day before my surgery. It's all been quite a rush, and my partner (of 2 years for those who asked) actually currently lives in a different city than me (me in Toronto on a work term for school and he in Waterloo on a school term).

I do owe it to him, thanks for the kick in the ass guys.

- Mike -

[Grandpa Bambu]

I really do appreciate your replies guys, and I respect your opinion- and frankly I know it's the right thing to do, and I will tell him. I do owe it to him, thanks for the kick in the ass guys.

Good for you... It will feel like a huge weight has be lifted off your shoulders dude... 

I don't really know to tell you the truth why or why not, but frankly I think it's mostly the embarassment. I need to get over that.

I understand how you feel. The embarrassment that results from having Gynecomastia can be very overwhelming at times. But trust me, if you deceive/mislead the ones that you love/are close to, you will live to regret it.

From what I have learned during my 44 years on this earth, honesty is the only way to go. Also, people like to be confided in and not lied to. That is just common sense! Confidentiality promotes interpersonal bonding.

As you said, "but frankly I think it's mostly the embarassment. I need to get over that."  Yes my friend... you do! 

GB

[Spleen]

What are you really afraid of?  Yer boyfriend knows that you're going in for surgery, and that it's surgery on your chest and presumably he has some idea of what your body is like.  It's not like if you say the word "gynecomastia" his head will explode.  Just be honest and straightforward.  If you can't it's a symptom of how well your relationship is working.