am I crazy?

[dlrs44]

Here I am, 5:00 AM, 30 years old, and I'm up reading/writing about man boobs on the internet.  The first time it really set in that I was different was during a 6th grade scholiosis screening.  The idiot gym teacher who conducted the screening had all the boys in my class come into a large room and then asked us to take off our shirts.  Each of us had to stand up in front of everyone else and bend over so he could check to see if our spines were straight.  When it was my turn the entire assembly of 12 year olds laughed and howled at my boobs.  The gym teacher didn't help much by saying, "Have another cookie, Dan."  I wasn't even fat, never have been, just the boobs.  Clearly that experience was traumatizing for me.

Years went by and the boobs stayed.  Constantly my self-conscousness directed (or mis-directed) me...  I never swam unless with close friends or family, was an all-league/state champion basketball player in high school but god I hated "shirts and skins" (still do).  Overall I would say I'm an attractive guy - won "best eyes" and "best smile" in my high school year book, and still I get lots of looks from attractive ladies.  Too bad my confidence, partly due to my gynecomastia, is so lacking that I never want to talk to them.  I have had several good-looking girlfriends over the years, so at times I convinced myself that the whole problem is all in my head; the girlfriends never seemed to mind. 

But then 3 years ago, after being dumped by a girlfriend of 5 years, I started seeing a girl who happens to be from Thailand - she's outrageously beautiful - and I was way in to her.  At first she was in to me too, that is until she first saw me with my shirt off.  I had picked up a little Thai by the time I heard her cousin ask her in Thai why she had decided she didn't like me.  Talking right in front of me as though I couldn't understand, I understood her response - "kao mee lom" ("he has breasts")...  The cousin looked right at my chest (I was wearing a shirt) and said, "no that's just muscle."  "Nope, boobs."  Hey, it was true.  After that I was shattered, I mean, my gynecomastia alone had turned a girl away from me...oh the hatred I felt for my chest!

I'm sure there are some out there who have much worse gynecomastia than me (and/or other physical traits they despise about themselves) who may read this and think, "this spoiled brat, at least he gets attention from attractive women, what's he complaining about?"  But for me it is a constant struggle - it controls my life - I constantly am thinking about it - constantly!  Sometimes I look in the mirror, see my otherwise athletic physique and say, "Oh it's not so bad", but other times all I see are these ghastly, puffy titties and I don't want to leave the house.  Well, since that time with the Thai girl I had another relationship with a girl who basically said she didn't know what I was talking about, that "all guys have that", and during that time I kind of forgot the problem somewhat.  But recently that relationship ended and now that I'm single again I'm so scared to date, all I can think of is my fear of rejection due to my gynecomastia.  I've been talking with a girl who I really like, but I'm so worried that she'll be turned off by it... Not sure what I'm hoping to gain by writing this, maybe just hoping for a response from someone who understands.   

[DrBermant]

Here I am, 5:00 AM, 30 years old, and I'm up reading/writing about man boobs on the internet.  The first time it really set in that I was different was during a 6th grade scholiosis screening.  The idiot gym teacher who conducted the screening had all the boys in my class come into a large room and then asked us to take off our shirts.  Each of us had to stand up in front of everyone else and bend over so he could check to see if our spines were straight.  When it was my turn the entire assembly of 12 year olds laughed and howled at my boobs.  The gym teacher didn't help much by saying, "Have another cookie, Dan."  I wasn't even fat, never have been, just the boobs.  Clearly that experience was traumatizing for me.

Years went by and the boobs stayed.  Constantly my self-conscousness directed (or mis-directed) me...  I never swam unless with close friends or family, was an all-league/state champion basketball player in high school but god I hated "shirts and skins" (still do).  Overall I would say I'm an attractive guy - won "best eyes" and "best smile" in my high school year book, and still I get lots of looks from attractive ladies.  Too bad my confidence, partly due to my gynecomastia, is so lacking that I never want to talk to them.  I have had several good-looking girlfriends over the years, so at times I convinced myself that the whole problem is all in my head; the girlfriends never seemed to mind. 

But then 3 years ago, after being dumped by a girlfriend of 5 years, I started seeing a girl who happens to be from Thailand - she's outrageously beautiful - and I was way in to her.  At first she was in to me too, that is until she first saw me with my shirt off.  I had picked up a little Thai by the time I heard her cousin ask her in Thai why she had decided she didn't like me.  Talking right in front of me as though I couldn't understand, I understood her response - "kao mee lom" ("he has breasts")...  The cousin looked right at my chest (I was wearing a shirt) and said, "no that's just muscle."  "Nope, boobs."  Hey, it was true.  After that I was shattered, I mean, my gynecomastia alone had turned a girl away from me...oh the hatred I felt for my chest!

I'm sure there are some out there who have much worse gynecomastia than me (and/or other physical traits they despise about themselves) who may read this and think, "this spoiled brat, at least he gets attention from attractive women, what's he complaining about?"  But for me it is a constant struggle - it controls my life - I constantly am thinking about it - constantly!  Sometimes I look in the mirror, see my otherwise athletic physique and say, "Oh it's not so bad", but other times all I see are these ghastly, puffy titties and I don't want to leave the house.  Well, since that time with the Thai girl I had another relationship with a girl who basically said she didn't know what I was talking about, that "all guys have that", and during that time I kind of forgot the problem somewhat.  But recently that relationship ended and now that I'm single again I'm so scared to date, all I can think of is my fear of rejection due to my gynecomastia.  I've been talking with a girl who I really like, but I'm so worried that she'll be turned off by it... Not sure what I'm hoping to gain by writing this, maybe just hoping for a response from someone who understands.   

Check out this Video: the emotional experience of Living with Gynecomastia. Yes, enlarged male breasts can be emotionally traumatic. If someone is overweight, trying to get them to lose some of that weight may be advantageous to both body contour and well being. If the gym teacher was just ignorant, then parental intervention to school administration has been effective with dealing with hurtful insensitive teachers.  I have heard worse stories such as gym teachers grabbing a child's breasts and twisting them in public!  Such scars on the soul can take a long time to heal if ever.  For many of my patients, they tell of similar stories. The contour problem bothers them, and their girlfriend, wife or fiance chimes in "I love you as you are."  I have had patients who had understanding teachers, encouraged sports, gave private access before others to get into gear so that sports and exercising could minimize embarrassment.

Yet some men have gynecomastia and the contour does not bother them. Shape is a very personal issue.

Many years ago I took on the task of public education about the emotions of Plastic Surgery deformity such as gynecomastia.  It is nice to see over time others following my efforts for their own websites, postings, media, and public education. It is such public education that can improve the lives and minimize future emotional trauma for those with gynecomastia. With my surgical patients it is not just contouring the chest, there are emotional scars to deal with.

Hope this helps,

Michael Bermant, MD
Learn More About Gynecomastia and Male Breast Reduction

[steelhead]

Sad story dlrs44 we have felt a little of that.
Nice follow up Dr. Bermant. Emotional scars are always harder to deal with.

[DrBermant]

Sad story dlrs44 we have felt a little of that.
Nice follow up Dr. Bermant. Emotional scars are always harder to deal with.

Thank you. Being aware of the issue and patient education can be important steps towards recovery of the emotional factors.

Hope this helps,

Michael Bermant, MD
Learn More About Gynecomastia and Male Breast Reduction

[dlrs44]

Thanks for your replies... They are certainly appreciated. 

[Dr. Elliot Jacobs]

Every one of my gyne patients has his own unique story. The emotional scars from gyne are virtually as bad as the physical problem.  I always tell my patients that the surgery improves two parts of the body -- the chest and the mind (in particular, one's self image and self esteem). 

It is constantly amazing to me and my staff to see the emotional improvements that occur in a patient after surgery -- especially the adolescents.

Dr Jacobs

[DrBermant]

Thanks for your replies... They are certainly appreciated. 

You are quite welcome!

Hope this helps,

Michael Bermant, MD
Learn More About Gynecomastia and Male Breast Reduction