No way to fix my gyno

[tartan_tiger]

I've been suffering from gyno for 11 extremely long and miserable years. It's actually pushed me from being a normally shy person into someone with a full blown personality disorder (avoidant personality disorder in this case). I'm 22 and I've been feeling more and more stress about the fact that I can't socialize, feel so ashamed about the way I look, and have never had a date or a girlfriend and really worry about falling too far behind in the social/romantic department. Anyway, I decided to start working with a personal trainer because he goes to a private gym where the only other people that are there are people working with their own personal trainers so I was comfortable going -- unlike a regular gym where I wouldn't ever go -- but it's extremely expensive.

It's been about a month and I've definitely seen an improvement in my fitness and the size of my muscles but my biggest fear is that having larger pecs would make my gyno more noticeable and that's exactly what's happened. I'm in a bit of a catch-22 with regard to surgery because I also have moderate hemophilia which makes surgery significantly more expensive and I don't have the confidence needed to make that kind of money to fix it because of it. Every year I hope things will change, that it will get better, that I will feel less ashamed and depressed about it and every year the negative feelings only get worse. I want to feel confident and I want to feel masculine but I fear that I'm never going to get that opportunity.

I don't know what to do and I really don't want to be where I am 6 months down the road. I've felt this way for so long and I'm so tired. I want to be free of this  .

[Raider Fan]

What about your parents, tartan_tiger?  Are they aware of this situation and how unhappy it is making you?  Most likely, they would want to help you if you will share what's going on with them and tell them what you know about gynecomastia.  A lot of parents don't know anything about it, but if they did, they would definitely want to help.  You're their son and they love you and they don't want to see you in any kind of pain or misery.  Unfortunately, a lot of sons are too embarrassed to share it, even with their parents, and as a result, they suffer needlessly. 

Is there any chance your parents could help you get the surgery you need?  I firmly believe this condition needs to be addressed when you're a young adult....as soon as you realize the condition isn't going away.  There are just too many social situations when you're young where not being able to take your shirt off would be a major hindrance (and embarrassment).  That's just no way to go through life.  This time, more than any time in your life, needs to be lived normally. 

Ask your parents if you haven't done so.

[Gallego]

I'm going to be honest with you. Nothing I say or anyone says will make your problems go away. Realistically, things will not get better. Your gynecomastia will not magically go away nor are your other emotional problems unless YOU TRY make it happen. Once you change your attitude all will change for the positive. Yea I know, easier said than done. With that said, don't feel too bad. I'm 24 and have never experienced a romantic relationship either. I have never even kissed a woman or anything intimate for that matter. I also haven't had any friends  since when I was 12. I have very limited social skills in real life. Believe me when I tell you I'm probably worse off than you are.

I developed avoidant personality disorder and bi-polar disorder a bit before the gynecomastia struck at around age 13-14. From then on it all went further downhill. At around 16 years of age I became clinically depressed and started having social anxiety due to the barrage of tribulations the cosmos decided to burden me with at such a young age. My emotional and psychological problems got so severe that I had to drop out of school. Since the age of 16 every day has been a constant battle with all the issues life has dealt me. I've tried and tried to better myself but it just doesn't happen. I'm completely withdrawn from society. No social skills, life skills, job skills, I'm useless. Needless to say I still depend financially on my 46 year old mother. My last string of hope was exercising to feel better and to reduce the gynecomastia, but my efforts have been futile. I still feel like crap and the gynecomastia is still there. This may sound doomy and gloomy but its the hard truth. Some people were just dealt a bad hand in life. I've really tried but nothing changes. BUT AT LEAST I TRIED.

Try your best to turn things around, and keep trying and trying until you reach your breaking point. Im sure things will improve a bit and if they don't, you could always say "Hey, I tried!"

[tartan_tiger]

My father died when I was a small boy and I did bring it up with my mother when I was 14 and it was really starting to bother me and she laughed about it and then proceeded to make fun of me. Suffice to say, there will be no help from my family.

What about your parents, tartan_tiger?  Are they aware of this situation and how unhappy it is making you?  Most likely, they would want to help you if you will share what's going on with them and tell them what you know about gynecomastia.  A lot of parents don't know anything about it, but if they did, they would definitely want to help.  You're their son and they love you and they don't want to see you in any kind of pain or misery.  Unfortunately, a lot of sons are too embarrassed to share it, even with their parents, and as a result, they suffer needlessly. 

Is there any chance your parents could help you get the surgery you need?  I firmly believe this condition needs to be addressed when you're a young adult....as soon as you realize the condition isn't going away.  There are just too many social situations when you're young where not being able to take your shirt off would be a major hindrance (and embarrassment).  That's just no way to go through life.  This time, more than any time in your life, needs to be lived normally. 

Ask your parents if you haven't done so.

[waves]

I'm going to be honest with you. Nothing I say or anyone says will make your problems go away. Realistically, things will not get better. Your gynecomastia will not magically go away nor are your other emotional problems unless YOU TRY make it happen. Once you change your attitude all will change for the positive. Yea I know, easier said than done. With that said, don't feel too bad. I'm 24 and have never experienced a romantic relationship either. I have never even kissed a woman or anything intimate for that matter. I also haven't had any friends  since when I was 12. I have very limited social skills in real life. Believe me when I tell you I'm probably worse off than you are.

I developed avoidant personality disorder and bi-polar disorder a bit before the gynecomastia struck at around age 13-14. From then on it all went further downhill. At around 16 years of age I became clinically depressed and started having social anxiety due to the barrage of tribulations the cosmos decided to burden me with at such a young age. My emotional and psychological problems got so severe that I had to drop out of school. Since the age of 16 every day has been a constant battle with all the issues life has dealt me. I've tried and tried to better myself but it just doesn't happen. I'm completely withdrawn from society. No social skills, life skills, job skills, I'm useless. Needless to say I still depend financially on my 46 year old mother. My last string of hope was exercising to feel better and to reduce the gynecomastia, but my efforts have been futile. I still feel like crap and the gynecomastia is still there. This may sound doomy and gloomy but its the hard truth. Some people were just dealt a bad hand in life. I've really tried but nothing changes. BUT AT LEAST I TRIED.

Try your best to turn things around, and keep trying and trying until you reach your breaking point. Im sure things will improve a bit and if they don't, you could always say "Hey, I tried!"

Gallego, have you tried any of the compression shirts out there to give you a better physique and more confidence?  I tried several that really didn't give me the ultimate confidence I was looking for, however, after post-op I tried a "second stage" undershirt that I really wish I had known about years ago.  I think it would have been a good answer versus the years of suffering I went through (and similar social withdrawal).  If you're interested I can message you with the link to the shirt (links don't work anymore on this site...argh!)

[Raider Fan]

My father died when I was a small boy and I did bring it up with my mother when I was 14 and it was really starting to bother me and she laughed about it and then proceeded to make fun of me. Suffice to say, there will be no help from my family.

Sorry to hear about this. 

So the question now is....what are you going to do?  How are you going to pay for surgery?  At 22, I know you probably don't have much credit and probably couldn't qualify for a loan yet.  Correct me if I'm wrong.  Are there any other people you can think of that could help?  Is there any way possible for you to save for the surgery?  Do you have health insurance? 

This is a priority for you and all avenues need to be pursued.  Maybe call some of gyne surgeon offices and get info on financing?  Don't give up.  All things are possible.  In the meantime, you might ask your mom about it again now that you're no longer a kid.  Specifically ask her if she would help you out and see what she says. 

Anyone else have any ideas?  Doctors, what are young people to do in this situation?  Can anything be worked out?  Long-term payment plans, etc.? 

[tartan_tiger]

Without going into the gory details of the reality of my family situation, it is much easier to say that asking my mother for money is simply not an option. I do have health insurance and I'm exploring the avenue of having it be covered by insurance out of medical need (psychological) but this is a long shot at best. If I only had to pay 6000 for my surgery, it'd be absolutely no problem at all but that isn't the case, unfortunately.

Sorry to hear about this. 

So the question now is....what are you going to do?  How are you going to pay for surgery?  At 22, I know you probably don't have much credit and probably couldn't qualify for a loan yet.  Correct me if I'm wrong.  Are there any other people you can think of that could help?  Is there any way possible for you to save for the surgery?  Do you have health insurance? 

This is a priority for you and all avenues need to be pursued.  Maybe call some of gyne surgeon offices and get info on financing?  Don't give up.  All things are possible.  In the meantime, you might ask your mom about it again now that you're no longer a kid.  Specifically ask her if she would help you out and see what she says. 

Anyone else have any ideas?  Doctors, what are young people to do in this situation?  Can anything be worked out?  Long-term payment plans, etc.? 

[Gallego]

Gallego, have you tried any of the compression shirts out there to give you a better physique and more confidence?  I tried several that really didn't give me the ultimate confidence I was looking for, however, after post-op I tried a "second stage" undershirt that I really wish I had known about years ago.  I think it would have been a good answer versus the years of suffering I went through (and similar social withdrawal).  If you're interested I can message you with the link to the shirt (links don't work anymore on this site...argh!)

Thanks for the offer, Waves. Honestly speaking, I don't think the compression shirts will do much for my confidence at this point. I prefer my "layered method of concealment". The compression vest won't feel right for me, psychologically at least. It may sound silly but it will act as a constant reminder of my chest abnormality. I can't have that. I like the diluted sense of "normalcy" I feel when I wear layered shirts 

By now you're probably wondering if I'm joking, serious, or just crazy. Well, I can assure you that I'm not crazy (I think so at least), nor joking. I'm dead serious.

[cyanide]

hey mate I feel your pain, iv suffered from gyno for around 17 years im 30 now and am saving for the surgeory.  I went to the gym for 2 yrs, got pretty buff but yeah its breast tissue not muscle or fat so it DOESN'T go away =( I would love to try these compression shirts but they only seem to be availble in America, Im an australian but if anyone here has some info on where to purchase these or what the best garment is, please, i Welcome your feedback, regards

[waves]

Gallego, have you tried any of the compression shirts out there to give you a better physique and more confidence?  I tried several that really didn't give me the ultimate confidence I was looking for, however, after post-op I tried a "second stage" undershirt that I really wish I had known about years ago.  I think it would have been a good answer versus the years of suffering I went through (and similar social withdrawal).  If you're interested I can message you with the link to the shirt (links don't work anymore on this site...argh!)

Thanks for the offer, Waves. Honestly speaking, I don't think the compression shirts will do much for my confidence at this point. I prefer my "layered method of concealment". The compression vest won't feel right for me, psychologically at least. It may sound silly but it will act as a constant reminder of my chest abnormality. I can't have that. I like the diluted sense of "normalcy" I feel when I wear layered shirts 

By now you're probably wondering if I'm joking, serious, or just crazy. Well, I can assure you that I'm not crazy (I think so at least), nor joking. I'm dead serious.

No problem Gallego.  Each of us found different ways to cope over time and that made us most comfortable.

But if you do consider it in the future think of it another way....if your confidence level is currently low, and you don't try another method, how will your confidence level ever grow?  The shirt that I think could have worked well for me, especially during fall / winter season, was the Under Works "Extreme Chest Concealer Tank".  I have no interest direct or otherwise in the company, just disappointed I hadn't tried this shirt before my surgery. 

Good luck with your decisions!  You're among friends here!

[Dave_8]

Damn guys! Life really hit you fella's hard! Its sad knowing theres more problems than gyne. I mean gyne ruins everything, but when you have more issues to deal with, everything just seems hopeless. I really hope you guys find a way to capture happiness and confidence. Hearing your guys stories, are different than the regular "I cant swim with friends or I dont wear just 1 shirt" stories. It hit me harder. I hope you guys make it through this shizz. Baby steps. Theres more life to live so dont lose hope and keep trying.