My life has stalled...

[namsoni]

I'm a 24 yr old guy, with gynecomastia. I feel like my gyne has paralysed my capacity to do many of the things I have wanted to do over the years, and as every day, month, year goes by with it still around, I feel life passing me by.

Bizarrely, what makes it all the more galling is that many other aspects of my life are going well. I work in international development, a sector I am passionate about and I have many good friends. Though I don't think I'm perfect, I think I am fairly smart, occasionally funny and try to be a generous and kind person. But the positive aspects of my life also remind me of those things that are within touching distance IF only I had a better body image. My friends are now falling into stable relationships, and for a few the faint ringing of wedding bells is getting ever louder. For me however, I am reminded of the fact that I have never been in a relationship. What's more is that even though I don't have potential mates falling at my feet, the few opportunities I have had, I have sabotaged because of my body image. My work in development takes me to many interesting places, places I can't fully enjoy because of the fear of finding myself near a pool or beach. Even things like staying over at friends stresses me out if I have get changed in front of people. I used to love swimming, I was pretty good as well, but I haven't been in years.

My industry doesn't pay particularly well, and looking at my outgoings, it is virtually impossible for me to save the money up for surgery without sacrificing things I am not willing to sacrifice, e.g. my social life. I appreciate that this makes it sound like my gyne is not that important, but I live by myself, and if I didn't see my friends I'm sure I would fall into a deep depression. I am frugal where I can be, but the amount effort and time required for me to save up for surgery makes it a pointless task. I am applying for better jobs, mainly for purposes of career progression, but also the added benefit of being able to get surgery.

Just to add an extra cautionary note about this website, while on the whole I think it provides an incredible service, there are some unintended consequences. I for a long time thought my gyne was just because I was overweight (though I now understand that being overweight in teenage years can cause the gland to develop). I have always been a bit bigger, hovering around 1-2 stns overweight. I have lost weight before, but the gyne remained. I then discovered this website about 3 years back, and since then I have only been obsessed with getting the surgery. I have since periodically made attempts to lose weight, but I always come back to the point that even if I do lose weight the gyne will remain. I am also a very hirsute man, and would like to get laser hair removal for this - another thing which will cost money!  Yes, I appreciate that weightloss will make me healthier, and no I'm not abdicating personal responsibility for my bad choices, but I sometimes wonder how much does it help to enable people to articulate how they feel about their body image when they don't have the tools or finances to correct it. Though I do understand that it has helped countless people as well.

Anyway, that wasn't the main point. Any suggestions on how I can move forward without surgery? Or how I could miraculously save up?

Thanks

[Paa_Paw]

You sound very much like I did at one time.

Some guys, who thought they were being very funny, fixed me up with a blind date. The girl was very flat chested while I could almost fill a B cup. Oddly, we became very good friends even though romance never developed.

Surgery was not a good option when I was young, I was about 50 years old before it was safe, reliable and effective. By that time I had a different set of priorities.

Over the years I learned that Gynecomastia is our issue and that the ladies have their own problems. In short, they often could care less.  Just as you would not have a lasting interest in a simple minded female, the girls are more impressed by what is going on between your ears and care little about a bit of surplus tissue on your chest.

When you quit focusing on yourself and direct your attention to the girl herself everything will fall into place.

In honesty, as I look back, Gynecomastia never stopped me from doing anything. My attitude about the gynecomastia was a major stumbling block.

Surgery is a good option these days, but not the only option. Many of us simply ignore the condition and go on with our lives.

There is only one option that is right for you, and ultimately only you can make that choice.