Acceptance is the right word

[Alchemist]

I think that acceptance is the right word.  When I was horridly sick for decades with deficiency diseases I tolerated it because there was no other choice.  I never accepted the situation and l kept looking for the solution(s) until I found them.

If I had by druthers in this life I would not have gone through gynecomastia.  I never tolerated it.  I didn't become a bully target because of breasts.  They were just a convenient target because I was highly reactive over them.  They became irrelevant. With my weight from fat and water, bloated looking, I was never going to be more than an average looking guy at best. I never knew my  breasts to make any difference at all except for a some  bullies who would have been after me anyway. I became a nudist and an alchemist who practices self change.  I got rid of the body-shame. I ceased to be vulnerable on body things.  Breasts stopped being a problem.  I accepted their presence.  I'm not even generally aware of their presence any more.  Today I went shopping.  I wore a t-shirt of a fabric that clings more than the one in the pictures I posted.  I haven't even evaluated clothing for that characteristic for at least 5 years now.  That is freedom.  

There is some residual damage that I am working on.  I'm still afraid to dance but not because of my breasts or weight which is where it started out as fears in 7th grade. It spread from there and became something else. I'm learning in the nudist environment

I can shave my chest and stomach and not have to worry about what somebody might think my reasons for such grooming or that it makes my shirts cling a little more.  So far I like it.  If my skin tolerates it I will do it for a while, for my own reasons.

So I accept my breasts.  Breasts on me or any other men make no difference in my life at all. I'm enjoying life. However, a possible cause is of great interest to me.  I will make a separate post on that.

[Paa_Paw]

It sounds like you have your ducks in a neat row, Congratulations.

[Alchemist]

It sounds like you have your ducks in a neat row, Congratulations.

Hi Paw_Paa,

When I started on lining up those ducks there wasn't any other choice.  There was no treatment and most especially no surgery and no understanding of the impact of some unfortunate boy at 12 with bigger breasts than the girls.  I ended up "working my program" even though I didn't know I had one.  It's obvious enough from this end of it. Much of it overlaps with the 12 step programs in the sense of accepting yourself and working to "get right" with one's self , others and the spiritual. Self honesty is vital.  To change one's self first one has to know what that is. If you want a good dental exam to keep teeth until you die a person has to work their program, getting rid of plaque every day.  So hanging around with nudists I found that I was entirely acceptable with a messed up body of which breasts were only part.  In practicing tantric alchemy I was able to "purify" myself, getting rid of unconscious triggers and fears.  I didn't do it for specific "ego" reasons, which rarely works, but rather for the more general goal of becoming responsible for my own self.  Learning tantric mysticism, I left the fears, body and sexual insecurities behind. 

I learned a lot from Carlos Castaneda early in the game.  As Don Juan might say, everything changes when one is aware of death looking over ones shoulder.  Others can do this and probably a good deal quicker than I managed.  It pains me to see all these tortured young men, tortured by their fears installed by the family and culturally.  It only takes one bully to sensitize us to body-shame.  At 13 what I wanted most in the world was to be "normal" (ordinary, average), whatever that meant.  Something important I learned with nudists and something that can be learned in a single visit is that despite hundreds of people being there and hundreds of different bodies being seen not one of them is "average" or "normal".  That's an abstraction that doesn't exist.  Have fun.