Anyone have a wife/GF who does not support surgery?

[greatlakes]

Curious if anyone else has not been fully supported by their gal when going for the surgery.

[corvette09]

My woman did not want me to have the surgery. I opened up to her about the way I felt and then she was cool about it. She really came through for me. She took a few weeks off from her job just to take care of me..

[Paa_Paw]

Corvette09,

Your story has a familiar sound. Over the years I've read accounts of several men who had mothers or wives who were initially not supportive. As is your case, most of the ladies were supportive when they became aware of the way it affects so many of us.

There is also another group and they are the men who are not good candidates for surgery. Usually the problems are such that elective surgery should be avoided due to circulatory or clotting problems but many other things could also increase the risks of surgery.

Surgery is not for everyone.

[Rollcow]

My wife was never supportive.  Only till we seperated did I have my surgery.  She knew I was self conscious about it, especially since I was in really good shape when I got married and developed it after I was married.  Even when I had it done, she still questioned why I did it.  I did not have a severe case, but it was not a small case.  I would not worry what anyone else says.   If it bothers you, get it done.  I gave my surgery money up for her to get a boob job, so anywho.  Best advice is do what you feel you need to do.  I am nine days post op, and love results now.  I can actually be in shape without having excess fat there. 

[pancakes]

If you let your wife/GF stop you from wanting do have surgery, you are a weak man and a beta << My opinion.

[Dr. Elliot Jacobs]

Part of the problem with having gyne is that men are reluctant to speak openly about it -- it is not "manly."  Yet women talk to other women about many intimate details of their lives -- guys don't do the same.

Many women who don't feel "adequately endowed" have no hesitation in getting a breast augmentation -- in fact, there is a huge amount of information on the internet about the procedure. When this fact is brought up to a spouse/GF and discussion is held about a guy's self image if he is "overly endowed," many women will have a light bulb go off and then understand why one might want surgery for gyne.

I often discuss this when a guy comes for consultation alone -- asking them if their significant other is on their side and prepared to be supportive after surgery.

Dr Jacobs

[greatlakes]

I am going forward with surgery, just difficult when the person in the waiting room is not fully supportive or even against it. There is a lot of junk going on in the marriage I will not bore you with, But I got to look out for me, my self image, confidence as a man, and my happiness.  In this way, I also  believe it could help improve our marriage. Self confident happy partners make for good relationships.

[shaknbake]

Part of the problem with having gyne is that men are reluctant to speak openly about it -- it is not "manly."  Yet women talk to other women about many intimate details of their lives -- guys don't do the same.

This is absolutely true.  My gyne bothered me for almost 30 years, and I NEVER spoke of it to anyone.  The thought of bringing it up in conversation horrified me!  My wife and I have been together for 12 years now, and I could never get up the courage to speak openly about my feelings on my chest.  She could tell something was bothering me, and asked quite frequently if I wanted to talk about it.  It took until this past October for me to finally open up.  I was sure she would say that I looked just fine, she loved me just the way I am, etc etc.  Boy was I wrong!  She totally got it, and could see exactly how much it was bothering me.  Once I spilled it all, she said go for it.  Get it done if it will make you feel better about yourself, cause life is too short not to be happy.  I was elated!  It was so nice to have been able to talk openly about it with her, the same way we all talk openly about it on this site with each other.  I'm now 3 days post op, and she is waiting on me hand and foot.  I feel a bit guilty that I can't do a lot around here, but she and my daughter both have been wonderfully supportive and helpful.  I wish everyone the same kind of support from your spouse and family as I have been fortunate enough to have.

[rocks456]

Part of the problem with having gyne is that men are reluctant to speak openly about it -- it is not "manly."  Yet women talk to other women about many intimate details of their lives -- guys don't do the same.

This is absolutely true.  My gyne bothered me for almost 30 years, and I NEVER spoke of it to anyone.  The thought of bringing it up in conversation horrified me!  My wife and I have been together for 12 years now, and I could never get up the courage to speak openly about my feelings on my chest.  She could tell something was bothering me, and asked quite frequently if I wanted to talk about it.  It took until this past October for me to finally open up.  I was sure she would say that I looked just fine, she loved me just the way I am, etc etc.  Boy was I wrong!  She totally got it, and could see exactly how much it was bothering me.  Once I spilled it all, she said go for it.  Get it done if it will make you feel better about yourself, cause life is too short not to be happy.  I was elated!  It was so nice to have been able to talk openly about it with her, the same way we all talk openly about it on this site with each other.  I'm now 3 days post op, and she is waiting on me hand and foot.  I feel a bit guilty that I can't do a lot around here, but she and my daughter both have been wonderfully supportive and helpful.  I wish everyone the same kind of support from your spouse and family as I have been fortunate enough to have.

Thats great shakenbake. You are a lucky man for having a supportive family, Being single, the only person I told was my sister and she has been very supportive and happy for me, especially after I told her how much it bothered me. Don't feel too guilty about not being able to do a lot. 4 days post op I started feeling better, so I did more than I should have and the next day was completely wiped out and weak. Take your time, you owe it to yourself to recover well, atleast thats what i've been telling myself when I feel guilty for taking unpaid time off of work

Cheers and congratulations!

[shaknbake]

I'm not feeling too guilty right now, just relaxed.  I just got out of a nice warm shower (and a thorough wash down from my wife  ).  Ahh....life is good!

[masked_1]

Thats awesome shaknbake! How do u feel/look after surgery? I go jan 27th and its just a waiting game now. My wife is fully on board and i got a loan to pay for it! Talk about anticipation... any advise man?

[shaknbake]

The waiting is the hardest part.  Anxiety will drive you crazy the week leading up to surgery.  If your wife is fully on board and supportive, it will be a breeze.  At the end of the day, this will benefit our spouses / girlfriends too.  When we feel better about ourselves, it changes our whole attitude towards pretty much everthing.  She will notice a change for the better in your self esteem, and willingness to get out there and do stuff.  Hopefully wives and girlfriends on the fence will realise this and support the decision for surgery. 
As far as how I'm doing now?  It will be one week tomorrow.  I just had a follow up appointment yesterday with the nurse, then quickly with Dr. Lista as well.  All looks good, and is swelling and bruising to schedule!  I have to start massaging which hurts like hell right now, but its gotta be done.  You can read in more detail my experience in the Canada section under "My experience so far with Dr. Lista".  Its long, but I've tried to outline my state of mind through the whole process, as well as what to expect leading up to, during and after the surgery.  I've read a ton of them here, so I wanted to share my experience as well.  It really helped me, so hopefully it helps others as well.  Good luck to you!!

[art]

When I first decided I was going to have surgery, I told my girlfriend about it first, before even my parents.  It was very embarrassing for me to talk about it, even though I have a good relationship with my parents, I just didn't feel comfortable.  I told my girlfriend because I needed someone with me on surgery day.  She was very unsupportive.  She kept saying I looked fine, that I was crazy to waste money on it, etc.  I told her she had no idea how this condition makes you feel, the torment, and everything.  Needless to say, our relationship didn't last very much longer (not just because of this, lots of things built up to it).

I went ahead and had the surgery on 12/26.  I finally told my parents since I needed someone there on the big day.  They were surprised, but very supportive of me.  They didn't know it bothered me, and didn't know that there was a way to correct it.

Also, I had just recently started dating another girl, and didn't tell her about it at all.  I made excuses for not seeing her right after the surgery.  She felt concerned about me, so she came to see me anyway.  I just spilled everything to her, figured if she wasn't understanding she wasn't for me.  Not only was she understanding, she was pissed that I didn't tell her!   She totally understands why I got it, and was by my side the rest of the week to take care of me.

Moral of the story, if your sig other isn't willing to be supportive of your feelings on this issue, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship!

[Chicago]

Moral of the story, if your sig other isn't willing to be supportive of your feelings on this issue, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship!

Thats not true in every situation. My wife wouldnt support surgery and has told me point blank. Thats because she doesnt think its worth ANY risk, and is happy with the husband she has.

and, i happen to agree with her.

[Paa_Paw]

There are reasons why a man should have surgery and there are reasons why he should not have surgery. The decision is a personal one.  Ultimately there is only one right answer for you.