Life Of Misery

[blckrhno]

   I'll admit, I am over weight and have been my entire life. Ever since I was younger I've noticed that there was something wrong with how I was developing, especially within my chest area. I asked my mother, Why do "THESE" have to get bigger? And her response was, Something has to. Do I fault her for not knowing; of course not. My father once took me to the doctors and I was examined as to why my chest was developing the way that it was. And I remember as if it were yesterday, the doctor saying, Your son is just a big kid. He'll grow out of it as he gets older. I DO NOT fault my parents for not knowing what my body was going through. I'm sure, just as I thought, as I got older, played sports and grew, I'd hit puberty and all will be good. I'll be 38 this coming Sunday and for the last 15+ years or so, I’ve known of gynecomastia, but never knew how to deal with it. To this day, I see guys that outweigh me by 100 or more pounds and their chests looks normal. Something’s wrong here. Through exercise and a lot of baggy shirts, I’ve lived with and have dealt with this condition.

I first heard of gynecomastia from my health instructor in college. I forget how we got on the subject, but he told me that I was living with this condition. For years I put this in the back of my head due to embarrassment and thinking that it all had to do with my weight. The more that I’ve researched, the more that I’ve learned, that weight doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with what’s going on with my chest. Hmmm…I lost over 60lbs., and nothing got smaller. My physician at the time, told me that I needed to lose a considerable amount of weight and that my problem would go away. A considerable amount of weight loss, I believe won’t correct the issue. Do I agree with my physician that I need to lose weight, YES! But my thing is, even before I got to the weight that I’m at now, my chest has always been an issue. IT’S FRUSTRATING!

Needless to say, in my entire life span that I can remember, I’ve never been out in public with my shirt off. When in high school, changing in the locker room was a battle every day. Whether it was after football practice or after P.E., it sucked! But I dealt with it. Fortunately, the friends that I had at the time were cool; they would do the quick look thing, but not a full on stare. You know, like when you see a woman out and about and she’s really chesty and guys just stare and make the woman uncomfortable? I experienced nothing like that from my friends as I got older. However, growing up when I was in Junior High, older kids would grab my chest and tease me. It was horrible. I got into many fights during my pre-teen years. Kids being kids, right?

Now in my adult years, I still feel uncomfortable walking around in my home with my shirt off. If I go from my bedroom to the bathroom, I make sure that there isn’t anyone in the hallway and then I make a mad dash to the bathroom. But for the most part, I try to cover up before I leave the safe haven of my room. Sad huh? I don’t even feel comfortable walking around in front of my own family with my shirt off. I use to live in San Diego, nice weather and the whole nine. When I was on the beach, I wasn’t even thinking of taking my shirt off to feel the “Sun Diego” rays on my skin. And there were guys with a much larger stature walking around with their shirts off. And not a hint of the chest condition on them. In April of 2010, took my first cruise to Ensenada, Mexico. My friends and I hit the beach. Guess what? Shirt stayed on. This has got to stop. So, here I am posting this amongst those whom I see have experienced some of the same things that I have and understand how I feel and where I’m coming from. I’m glad to find this forum.

All in all, my end goal is to resolve this issue by the time that I’m 40. I’ll lose as much weight as possible until then. Unfortunately, I’m one of the millions that are unemployed, so surgery isn’t feasible right now, but it’s a short term goal. I hope to make some new friends and learn more about gynecomastia. End result, have surgery and be able to be comfortable in my own skin, let alone my own home. Thanks for reading...

Regards,

B

[Mothas]

I know how you feel i'm 16 with the condition who use to think it was all fat. i lost 30 pounds grew 5 inches but the problem didn't go away but got worse. It's stories like these that convinced me to ask for surgery(getting it done in a month). I hope you'll be able to get rid of it too as i couldn't imagine another 24 yrs with the condition.

[hammer]

B first let me say happy birthday on Sunday, I turn 54 on Sunday, so we can have a drink together, though a couple thousand miles apart, I am up here in Gods country of hunting and fishing.

YOU ARE WITH FRIENDS HERE ON THIS FORUM!

I did my boot camp in your home town in the late 70's, and your right nice and sunny all the time! Hard to live with this problem in weather like that!

There are different ways to handle this problem as I am sure you already know. You being unemployed, does not help you to get the surgery way to deal.

So, my question to you is, are you going to let this continue to control you, or are you going to rise above this, take command and control of this situation and control it?

I may sound like a total optimist, but you can control any situation! Have faith in yourself, and take charge of this as it is only breast tissue, and fat covered by skin! Don't let that ruin your life!

Good luck
Bob aka Hammer

[shaknbake]

Hi there blkrhno.  Welcome!  Hammer's given some great advice to you.  If you are really looking for an inspirational story on how He overcame gynecomastia, try to look up his original thread under the "Your Stories" section.  Great read.  You're a wise fella Hammer, and a great addition to the forum!

[blckrhno]

Fellas,

   Thank you for the replies. Sorry for the informal reply to all, I'm still trying to figure out how to reply to each person individually. With that said. I have learned how to live with this condition and have been doing rather well not letting my frustration show. It's just that lately, it's been weighing on my mind and this is actually the first time that I've been able to vent and actually say how I'm feeling.

What do I plan to do about this? Have surgery when I can afford it. I think I've done pretty well thus far living with this. I have always had the attitude of, Accept Me For Who I Am or Don't Accept Me At All. And for the most part, those that I have come across, have no problem with me physically. It was just bad when I was in Jr. High and some parts of High School. Now that I'm older, Yeah...I see that people still look at my chest, but whatever. I ignore it and move on.

Hammer: I don't think it's controlling me to the point where it's driving me up the wall, because I, for the most part have always thought that it had to do with my weight and with the loss of weight it would go away. I do wear t-shirts out in public, etc. I think I've gotten over the embarassment and when/if people stare, I ignore it. Don't get me wrong, there is a bit of ensecurity there, but not as much as it was when I was younger. Funny thing is, last night after I posted, I was invited to go hot tubbing. I passed. Now if it was a one on one thing with a lady, believe me, I'm all in. But in a group setting, not that confident(that's the ensecurity part that I was talking about earlier). So I got caught up on Grimm and finished watching Alcatraz. Now that I'm older, I want to and will do something about it when I can save and have surgery. By the way, Happy Birthday to you as well.

And since we're all friends, have a great weekend all...

Bobby

[hammer]

Bobby, it is OK to post to us both or all at the same time on the forum, as what you have to say may help someone who reads it. If it is more personal you can PM them.

If you can get to the step of wearing just the t-shirt out in public, you will find it is a major battle won on your side! I don't know if you have looked at my pictures that I have posted, but I only wear t-shirts now and for the last few years! I now have discovered that those big things look smaller and feel better bundled in a bra, and that was something to over come.

As I thought about the possibility of someone seeing me with a bra on, my wife reminded me that I almost always have a shoulder holster on and depending on if it is summer or winter I will have a 9mm or a 357mag in it. She said that chances are they may be focused on that more. I have carried most of my adult life and never once has anyone asked me "why are you carrying a gun"? So I really don't think anyone will come up and ask, "why are you wearing a bra"?

As for others that as just larger then normal, and not wearing a bra, I don't see anyone saying to them, "you sure do have big boobs"! If someone did there is a multitude of comebacks one could use, and either embarrass the hell out of them or educate them about gynecomastia.  

It is tough, over come and conqueror!

[pancakes]

Hammer, why are you telling guys here to accept their boobs as being normal? It's very dangerous to tell this to guys, especially young guys as they will be sexless for their entire life if you tell them to accept an abnormal thing. As for me, I have a severe case as well and can't wait to have surgery. It's ok you accepted your condition due to your age and things like that, but there's an acceptance forum aswell.

[hammer]

Hammer, why are you telling guys here to accept their boobs as being normal? It's very dangerous to tell this to guys, especially young guys as they will be sexless for their entire life if you tell them to accept an abnormal thing. As for me, I have a severe case as well and can't wait to have surgery. It's ok you accepted your condition due to your age and things like that, but there's an acceptance forum aswell.

If you read all my post you will see that I will say acceptance is one option! if you read my original story you will find that I had gynecomastia my entire life! So I too was a young man once, however, being a father of five I was not sexless!

I am not trying to discourage anyone from having surgery, I am trying to give them the courage and motivation to survive in the cold cruel world until they are able to do what they need to do about it.

If you reread the first of this tread you will see the Bobby will be 38 tomorrow, he is unemployed and can not afford surgery. So if I can help him or anyone else muster up the courage to hold his head high, and not let this control his life, that is what I will do!

I am not against surgery, I am against people feeling ashamed of themselves because of this. I never told anyone they need to accept them as normal, just not to let them control their life!

[Paa_Paw]

Pancakes, your comment was out of line.

Hammer, Your response was excellent.

Hammer you went through boot camp in the 70's. I went through Air Force Basic in the 1950's when we were still wearing army khaki for summer uniforms.

Guys in basic training or boot camp can be cruel. but they will find another victim if you do not make a good victim yourself.

I dated an Air Force nurse, The was a very cute girl and at first we were placed together as a blind date which some people thought was going to be very funny. It was a day at the beach. She was as flat chested as a 6 year old and I had almost B cups. Though romance never developed we did remain friends for many years.

Like Hammer, I too raised a family, but of 8. Last year we welcomed grandchild number 25 and great-granchild number 5.

You can live with this and still have a full and rewarding life. Surgery can sculpt your chest and that is now a really good option. In the past surgical outcomes were not nearly as good as they are now. At 74 and with some health issues that make me a poor candidate for anything other than essential surgery, I'm not even thinking about surgery for myself.

Like Hammer, I am not at all against surgery. For some guys it is very liberating and gives them a virtually new lease on life.

In the short term, many men have reported good results sith compression vests. Whatever works is good.

We do not try to press one method of dealing sith Gynecomastia over another. The only person who can make the decision of what is right for you is you yourself.

[Bikkembergs]

Blckrhno,

Welcome to the forum  

Your post is sad reading, I'm sorry you've felt the way you do for so long. You seem very certain that you want the surgery and I for one fully support you there. But, you've said you're currently unemployed and can't afford surgery right now. That's cool though, you've lived with gynaecomastia for 25 years or so, so what's another 6/12/18 months?

You said you've been overweight for your entire life. Whilst I'm sure your boobs are your primary concern, I'll bet your weight bugs the hell out of you too. So in the mean time, why don't you focus on that? You've got no excuse to not cut out crappy food and not go for a walk or run every morning, especially whilst you're currently unemployed  

You might still have a pair of breasts in a years time, but imagine how great you and your family would feel if you shed a significant amount of pounds and looked fit and trim and as you'd want to look in all other places? I bet that'd be an awesome feeling.

[hammer]

Thank you Paa_Paw, just two grand kids so far for me!

My goal is to help build self confidence in our fellow gynecomastia brothers. It does not matter to me if you plan to have surgery or live with it.

I never have had a problem with the self confidence, or having female friends in my life. In fact I always had more female friends then male and never a problem with girl friends either. Yes, I had the bigger boobs but I managed and I do believe others can too, until they can afford to do what ever it is that they are going to do about it.

Self confidence, pride in your self, we are our worst enemy as it has been said many times in this forum. People do not notice them as much as WE think they do!

[blckrhno]

WOW! I see that you all have been busy. I hope that I didn't start a commotion. I just want to say thank you all for the well wishes, motivation and support. Much appreciated. It's good to know that there's a forum where those can express whatever feelings that they may have about themselves and not feel like an outcast.

Bikkembergs: Yes, my weight has bugged me for a better part of my life. And yes, with being unemployed, I do walk 4-5mis, 4-5 times a weeks and I hike and bike as well. A little tweaking here and there, will get me back on track. My body is to the same routine, so I'm looking for other ways to change my scenery. My end goal is 225, I'm hovering about 300 now.

Other than that, everyone have a great week.

Bobby

PS: I still love my Niners...but DANG!
I still have the Sharks and Spring Training is right around the corner. GO SF GIANTS!

[shaknbake]

This thread seems to have sparked a bit of controversy here!  I know first hand that Hammer has absolutely NO problem with anyone who decides to have surgery instead of accepting their current condition.  He has asked me on several occasions how I am healing up, and has been a great friend to talk to about my personal experience even though I chose the opposite as he.  So, deep breath everyone, we are all here to help each other no matter which way we decide to go.  I just turned 38 too, so I know exactly what it feels like to live with gynecomastia for so long.  I was on the fence initially, but with the support of my wife, I decided to go ahead with the surgery.  This forum has been a tremendous resource for support and information.  I hope you will find this as well blkrhno, which every choice you decide to make!