Made the Decision

[Hansen587]

Unlike most posts that I have read on this forum, I find myself in a different position. I am an athlete who has never been overweight in his life, and is generally in great shape. However, I started to notice that something was "wrong" around the age of 16 with my breast development and for the past two years Ive had an intense fear of taking my shirt off in public. Gynecomastia has most definitely affected the way ive thought of myself as a person, and for the longest time i refused to accept it.

I constantly wished upon everything and anything for it to go away, yet i realized how fruitless my efforts were. Glandular gynecomastia, or the growth of the breast tissue itself, does not go away, regardless of the effort one puts in. At the age of 18, I am writing to tell those still struggling to come to terms with their gynecomastia that it doesnt matter.

You're probably thinking: Thats easy to say, but what do you know?

Im not overweight, but i know the same pain you feel when its difficult to look at yourself in the mirror and not be ashamed with yourself.

I started thinking to myself... In the future, i could get the surgery, but what would that solve? It wouldnt remove whatsoever the emotional and mental scarring from the entire condition, i would only be taking away the physicality of it.

Im starting to understand its different for each person, but i can honestly tell you to just let go of your insecurities that weigh down on those of us who are in the unfortunate situation of being unsymmetrical to society's standards. Because basically that is about it, we are not symmetrical. We are not what the ancient greeks would idealize as beauty. However, beauty is not an object nor is it a thing. Beauty is an ideal
 
All i want to say is that i have accepted my unsymmetricalness and intend to live life to the fullest. For all of those people still struggling with the condition, I hope you can too find peace with yourself

[Paa_Paw]

I personally think that Julia Robets is a very attractive person. There are many people who would agree with that. Yet if you look at a photo of her you will realize that her face is far from symmetrical. This is the real truth of almost all of us.

My Mother was an artist, there was a man I knew that my mother drew and painted many times because he had a most unusual face, it was almost perfectly symmetrical. He was also probably the most homely person I have ever known.

[Cisco]

Hansen, I applaud your emotional maturity at 18 years of age.  Many men who develop gynecomastia during their teen years my self included spend decades coming to terms with and accepting their gyno.  And you have already accepted this difference that nature has deemed and moved on.  Bravo!

[hammer]

Hansen, I second Cisco! Good for you and if I can help in any way I am here for you!

God bless!


Bob aka Hammer

[Neil123]

Hansen, your ability to see it this way at 18 is unbelievable.
You are emotionally gifted! I'm double ur age and emotionally retarded. bravo!

[Neil123]

Hi Hansen et al,
One question:
Does this mean effective immediately, you will go to the beach take off your shirt and even play volleyball? does it mean you decided to not care if your breasts bounce up and down when you run/play and everyone is looking!?
Sorry for the honesty but I am the kind of person that likes to see things as they are not pretend something that is not.
Pls don't get me wrong - I have mild gyne and plan to do exactly that after lose some weight. I am guessing you too have MILD gyne and that is the small 'catch' in your encouragement above. Still, highly appreciated, very mature  and great adcie!
Sincerely,
N.

[XCrunner]

Hansen 587,
       i completely get what you are going through. ive had gyno since i was 11 and now im 16 and never been overweight.   I have under 8% body fat yet i still have the breast tissue which is fairly noticeable, ive also thought year after year about getting the surgery. Reaching out to parents, close relatives or friend makes all the difference.

[Alchemist]

Hi Hansen et al,
One question:
Does this mean effective immediately, you will go to the beach take off your shirt and even play volleyball? does it mean you decided to not care if your breasts bounce up and down when you run/play and everyone is looking!?
Sorry for the honesty but I am the kind of person that likes to see things as they are not pretend something that is not.
Pls don't get me wrong - I have mild gyne and plan to do exactly that after lose some weight. I am guessing you too have MILD gyne and that is the small 'catch' in your encouragement above. Still, highly appreciated, very mature  and great adcie!
Sincerely,
N.

Hi Neil,

I'll up the ante.  Come to a nudist club to play the volleyball or whatever.  At the nudist club everything bounces up and down on every body.  Dig it.

[George Pope, M.D.]

"I started thinking to myself... In the future, i could get the surgery, but what would that solve? It wouldnt remove whatsoever the emotional and mental scarring from the entire condition, i would only be taking away the physicality of it".

Hansen,

I applaud you for your maturity at age 18 in dealing with your gynecomastia, and if you're happy with your decision to live with it, that's great.  However, regarding your statement above, I want to point out that simply taking away the physicality of it is huge.  Granted, there may be some emotional scarring, considering the teasing one has experienced, but all of that stops after the surgery. I have operated on hundreds of men with all grades of gynecomastia, many of them in your age group. They honestly relate to me that their lives have changed for the better after surgery. So although surgery is not for everyone, taking a fatalist attitude about the condition may not be the best solution either.
Good luck to you-

Dr. Pope, MD

[TigerPaws]

[quote author=Dr. Pope link=topic=25253.msg167867#msg167867 date=1337166564]
"I started thinking to myself... In the future, i could get the surgery, but what would that solve? It wouldnt remove whatsoever the emotional and mental scarring from the entire condition, i would only be taking away the physicality of it".

Hansen,

I applaud you for your maturity at age 18 in dealing with your gynecomastia, and if you're happy with your decision to live with it, that's great.  However, regarding your statement above, I want to point out that simply taking away the physicality of it is huge.  Granted, there may be some emotional scarring, considering the teasing one has experienced, but all of that stops after the surgery. I have operated on hundreds of men with all grades of gynecomastia, many of them in your age group. They honestly relate to me that their lives have changed for the better after surgery. So although surgery is not for everyone, taking a fatalist attitude about the condition may not be the best solution either.
Good luck to you-

Dr. Pope, MD
[/quote]
Doc I understand and respect your position and for some surgery can help but there is more to living with any condition be it gynecomastia (which I have) or any other physical defect or condition. I have known and commanded men who lost far more than a limb in combat, some lost parts of their faces others literally lost their mind. Most learned to accept their new reality and recovered because they wanted to, it is far better to solve the problem between ones ears then make a rational decision as to what steps to take next.

I understand that not everyone has the mental strength to get over what they believe is mental scarring but time does heal most wounds both physical and mental. Surgery of any kind especially cosmetic surgery needs to be the last step in any healing process.

[hammer]

[/quote]
Doc I understand and respect your position and for some surgery can help but there is more to living with any condition be it gynecomastia (which I have) or any other physical defect or condition. I have known and commanded men who lost far more than a limb in combat, some lost parts of their faces others literally lost their mind. Most learned to accept their new reality and recovered because they wanted to, it is far better to solve the problem between ones ears then make a rational decision as to what steps to take next.

I understand that not everyone has the mental strength to get over what they believe is mental scarring but time does heal most wounds both physical and mental. Surgery of any kind especially cosmetic surgery needs to be the last step in any healing process.
[/quote]
TigerPaws that was very well stated.  I have wanted to say it myself several times and I agree with you totally!

[BlueKiwi]

I think that's a great advice only for those who have a mild case of gynecomastia. If I only had puffy nipples and just a little breast tissue under there I wouldn't mind living the rest of my life this way.

The problem with acceptance comes when you have large, woman-like breasts. That's where self esteem goes down. Because it's not normal. Everyone has a big nose, big years, crooked teeth, scars maybe.. but breasts? Only women, fat people and us. It's just very uncomfortable being quite skinny and have the breasts of a 14 year old girl.

Let's talk about relationships with women. Because that's actually why we are embarassed with our condition, right?
You may say that personality is the important thing in a relationship. Yes, it is. But when you're my age (almost 18) appearence is the first thing that gets you in the relationship. Girls my age don't really look for personality. And even if they would, most of us are so psychologically affected by the condition that we can't even have a decent conversation with a girl.

That's the truth about most of teenagers with gyno. That's why I strongly advise them to get the surgery done. It won't change the past but will improve the future.

You can of course disagree with me but that's what I think after 4 years with quite severe gyno and seeing tens of people like me struggling with the same problems.

[Alchemist]

I think that's a great advice only for those who have a mild case of gynecomastia. If I only had puffy nipples and just a little breast tissue under there I wouldn't mind living the rest of my life this way.

The problem with acceptance comes when you have large, woman-like breasts. That's where self esteem goes down. Because it's not normal. Everyone has a big nose, big years, crooked teeth, scars maybe.. but breasts? Only women, fat people and us. It's just very uncomfortable being quite skinny and have the breasts of a 14 year old girl.

Let's talk about relationships with women. Because that's actually why we are embarassed with our condition, right?
You may say that personality is the important thing in a relationship. Yes, it is. But when you're my age (almost 18) appearence is the first thing that gets you in the relationship. Girls my age don't really look for personality. And even if they would, most of us are so psychologically affected by the condition that we can't even have a decent conversation with a girl.

That's the truth about most of teenagers with gyno. That's why I strongly advise them to get the surgery done. It won't change the past but will improve the future.

You can of course disagree with me but that's what I think after 4 years with quite severe gyno and seeing tens of people like me struggling with the same problems.

Hi BlueKiwi,

I have a pair of DD breasts so I know what it's like.  Junior high school followed by high school and college were all hell.  Those scars don't go away easily.  At 18 I would have been all for "chop them off" because of 6 years of unmitigated hell.

The problem with acceptance comes when you have large, woman-like breasts. That's where self esteem goes down. Because it's not normal.

With 50+% of men having enlarged breasts at some time in their life, they couldn't be more normal.  In the AMERICAN SEXUAL TRAGEDY by Albert Ellis, Ellis speaks of the women in his psychology practice feeling like their various physical features were not good enough, ears, eyes, skin, breasts etc.  The more neurotic they were the more things they were dissatisfied with.

If you didn't have body shame in general you wouldn't have body shame about specifics.  Why this modern society is such that almost everybody has shame of existing in their body is beyond me.  I have spent decades working with people with chronic illnesses, myself included.

Girls my age don't really look for personality. And even if they would, most of us are so psychologically affected by the condition that we can't even have a decent conversation with a girl.

Associate with young women rather than immature girls.  At 19 I started dating the founder of the the college nudist club where I went to school.  Everything started changing then.  Go to a nudist club and take a look at half the men with bigger breasts than the other half.  It's not a big deal.  In fact it isn't any deal at all.  At worst it has gotten me some "you can feel mine if I can feel yours" offers from some of the curious ladies, and I am not at all offended by that.  It's often a good opening for exchanging massages and other things.  Having DD breast has never been an impediment to good relationships, not like being fat.

Learn to have fun and you can realize that on an ongoing basis it's only you that really cares about your breasts, or penis or knees or nose or the pot belly you don't have.

[hammer]

I think that's a great advice only for those who have a mild case of gynecomastia. If I only had puffy nipples and just a little breast tissue under there I wouldn't mind living the rest of my life this way.

The problem with acceptance comes when you have large, woman-like breasts. That's where self esteem goes down. Because it's not normal. Everyone has a big nose, big years, crooked teeth, scars maybe.. but breasts? Only women, fat people and us. It's just very uncomfortable being quite skinny and have the breasts of a 14 year old girl.

Let's talk about relationships with women. Because that's actually why we are embarassed with our condition, right?
You may say that personality is the important thing in a relationship. Yes, it is. But when you're my age (almost 18) appearence is the first thing that gets you in the relationship. Girls my age don't really look for personality. And even if they would, most of us are so psychologically affected by the condition that we can't even have a decent conversation with a girl.

That's the truth about most of teenagers with gyno. That's why I strongly advise them to get the surgery done. It won't change the past but will improve the future.

You can of course disagree with me but that's what I think after 4 years with quite severe gyno and seeing tens of people like me struggling with the same problems.

Hi BlueKiwi,

I have a pair of DD breasts so I know what it's like.  Junior high school followed by high school and college were all hell.  Those scars don't go away easily.  At 18 I would have been all for "chop them off" because of 6 years of unmitigated hell.

The problem with acceptance comes when you have large, woman-like breasts. That's where self esteem goes down. Because it's not normal.

With 50+% of men having enlarged breasts at some time in their life, they couldn't be more normal.  In the AMERICAN SEXUAL TRAGEDY by Albert Ellis, Ellis speaks of the women in his psychology practice feeling like their various physical features were not good enough, ears, eyes, skin, breasts etc.  The more neurotic they were the more things they were dissatisfied with.

If you didn't have body shame in general you wouldn't have body shame about specifics.  Why this modern society is such that almost everybody has shame of existing in their body is beyond me.  I have spent decades working with people with chronic illnesses, myself included.

Girls my age don't really look for personality. And even if they would, most of us are so psychologically affected by the condition that we can't even have a decent conversation with a girl.

Associate with young women rather than immature girls.  At 19 I started dating the founder of the the college nudist club where I went to school.  Everything started changing then.  Go to a nudist club and take a look at half the men with bigger breasts than the other half.  It's not a big deal.  In fact it isn't any deal at all.  At worst it has gotten me some "you can feel mine if I can feel yours" offers from some of the curious ladies, and I am not at all offended by that.  It's often a good opening for exchanging massages and other things.  Having DD breast has never been an impediment to good relationships, not like being fat.

Learn to have fun and you can realize that on an ongoing basis it's only you that really cares about your breasts, or penis or knees or nose or the pot belly you don't have.

Alchemist is right! I know a lot of you young guys are giving us older guys hell for speaking out for acceptance, but hay we have been there too! I don't know why but the big breast never interfered with my self esteem or my self confidence! If I can do it anyone can after all I am POLISH, LOL

All of my life I have had more female friends then guy friends! I was never without a date on weekend, I loved to dance and roller skate and every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night I did one or the other and NEVER WITHOUT A FEMALE DATE AND WITH BREAST! You have to learn to like and love yourself, because if you don't you can never love anyone else!

These breast never stopped me from having a family! I fathered 3 boys, 2 girls. I have 2 grandsons and my oldest daughter is due in Aug. with our 3 grandchild! Hay, I had sex with woman and I have breast too! Why,
Because I learn to love myself and not give a DAMN about what other people think!

Once again I will say this!

It is far better to be hated for who you are, then loved for who you are not!

God is the only one you need to please!

[Pearlsnap]

Tigerpaws -

Losing a limb or becoming disfigured and the emotional trauma suffered from that cannot be compared to gynecomastia. Essentially all people who lose limbs or become paralyzed go through various stages before accepting their new reality, eventually achieving the same level of happiness they had before - it's basically like the Kubler Ross model.

I personally don't think you can apply the kubler ross model to something like gynecomastia because you know there is a very real and obtainable solution (surgery). Perhaps having a "normal" chest isn't a priority for some people, which is fine - but it was for me and as a result this has been the most liberating and comfortable summer of my life.

I don't mean to create an argument on the acceptance board, but i had never read anything from here and now that I have, i get the sense that people are still trying to convince themselves that they're okay with it.