I just told my dad

[unhappy123]

After reading some inspirational posts about other teens telling their parents, I decided to finally tell my dad after keeping it a secret for over 5 years (I'm almost 17 now). It went horribly. My dad is a family doctor who obviously isn't very educated in this area. He said there's no way I have it and that I should do muscle excises. He said it will go away, well, I've been waiting 5 years. He was upset when I was trying to make him understand more about the disease and how it made me feel. I was tired of dealing with all this anxiety. I was hoping for a better response. It was such an emotional event, I ran to my room crying for 30 minutes. Now I'm writing this. I never thought I'd actually cry. Now what…?

[xelnaga13]

I would back of for a bit and then approach him again. When I was 14 I had to bring up my gyno many many many times so that my parents understood the impact if was having on my mental health everyday. If I were you I would write a letter from your heart to your father and attach information about the condition and it's impact on a young man.

You may not be comfortable with my next suggestion... but it worked for me. I called my original surgeon prior to my first visit to make sure he understood that my parent's didnt believe that I actually had a condition called gyno. The day of my initial visit the doctor was a good ally, and helped get everyone on the same page.

[papashango9]

I started to get it at 14 or so, gp said it will go away by 18, it didn't. I'm 30 now and finally got surgery, wish I did it 10 yrs ago. I don't know how you look but surgery was very easy and basically you have to void friends for about 2 weeks post surgery then u can be normal and hide the vest for the next 2 weeks then it's off! Again, wish I did it a long time ago.

[xelnaga13]

I started to get it at 14 or so, gp said it will go away by 18, it didn't. I'm 30 now and finally got surgery, wish I did it 10 yrs ago. I don't know how you look but surgery was very easy and basically you have to void friends for about 2 weeks post surgery then u can be normal and hide the vest for the next 2 weeks then it's off! Again, wish I did it a long time ago.

Good point. If gyno is really preventing you from enjoying your life to the fullest dont put it off year after year hoping that it magically disappears.

[greatlakes]

Being a doctor, your dad may listen to the diagnosis from another doctor. Do you have insurance, or money to see either a endocrinologist or a plastic surgeon on your own to get a formal diagnosis?

[Paa_Paw]

He may listen to another professional. I'll bet your school has a Psychologist on staff who is bound by professional ethics to maintain confidentiality. You should be able to talk to the counselor and request them to contact your Dad for you. The condition is so common that many people (even Doctors and Dads) see the condition a being normal unless the breasts are really huge. The Psychologist should be able to impress upon your Dad the effect this is having on your self image.

[unhappy123]

Thank you all for your replies. It's really difficult to talk to him about how it makes me feel. I left his house and went to my mom's (they're divorced). I just started seeing a psychologist and I plan on having her tell my dad the crippling effects gynecomastia has on my life. I think he'll start to realize it's more serious. He said he'd refer me to his "friend" doctor who happens to be a surgeon. I'm planning on not talking about it anymore with my dad and waiting to see the surgeon. Although, I'm very nervous because this doctor is a general surgeon with a specialty in rectal surgery :O (can you believe?) I understand how important it is to have a good surgeon, so I'll use his opinion as a diagnosis and hopefully have the opportunity to find a surgeon who has experience with gynecomastia.
As for the degree of my gynecomastia...
It's significant. It's not as big as some, but I am lean. It affects my posture and causes extreme chronic neck pain/headaches. I'm in high school and don't have one friend. I developed social anxiety as a result of the gynecomastia. I can't even walk to the front of the classroom to get a tissue if my nose is running. Similar to everyone else's stories, I cannot wear the clothes I want to.
I cannot take another year of this. I can't even take a month more of this. I read online about 4 years ago that it would most likely disappear in a few years. I've been waiting 5 damn years and it's not about to go away! I'm tired of living like this. I'm pushing myself so hard to finish the last days of school. I have big dreams for the future but none will ever happen if I have gynecomastia. The question isn't if I'm getting surgery. Simply put, if I don't, I won't have anything to look forward to in the future, just more misery. Still haven't told my mother.
Thanks again for all your help.

[Paa_Paw]

I think you are on the right track. Some people are resistant to the idea of using surgery to treat a problem they percieve as being purely psychological. The simple fact is that such surgery is often completely successful.

In the meantime, you should realize that the condition is an embarassment, nothing more than that. The condition is only rarely such that a person could legitimately call it either a deformity or a disease.

[unhappy123]

Thank you Grandpa Dan! Yes it is more of a psychological issue than an actual disease. It feels like one at times I'm going to my dad's house today. We'll see how it goes and see if he brings it up.

[Paa_Paw]

Keep in mind that your Father probably does not see your condition as a problem. You will have to impress upon him how you feel. The trick is doing that without too much drama.

Drama we will leave for the girls.

[unhappy123]

Thanks again, Dan. I told my father via text message because I couldn't manage to do it in person. It was much easier and I could really think about my responses to his questions before answering. He was very very supportive. He said we'll see the endocrinologist first, then see surgeons. I explained the psychological issues and how it's preventing me from living a happier life. He said if the endo agrees (after explaining the psych problems to her too) he'd be more than happy to let me get the surgery. I'm very excited!! I just hope the endo doesn't say that I don't need it etc, but I'll try to explain how it's effecting me. He said let's do it this summer! My father deems education very important, as do I, and I think he realizes the importance to be happy during college to do well academically. I'm so excited to finally be normal!! So I guess, for now, it's a happy ending! Now I'll have to further research good surgeons my area (Michigan). I'll keep you guys updates. Wish me luck and thanks so much again for your replies!

[puffynipsman]

unhappy123, where are you in Michigan? I'll be happy to refer you to the doctor who did my surgery. I'm about a month post-op and couldn't be happier so far. Best of luck on your journey.

[unhappy123]

I'm in the metro Detroit area. Thanks puffynips, I could use all the advice I can get! 

[xelnaga13]

Great outcome! Make sure you manage your expectations going in.

[puffynipsman]

unhappy123, If you're willing to travel to Grand Rapids, I can refer you to a great surgeon. Let me know.