jokes

[Gine2D]

Down in Clintonville a boy was talking to his sister one morning,

"Sis, you made love better than ma last night"

she replies " Yeh I know, Pa told me nite before last."


G

[sometimesuk]

correct me if am wrong, but i thinkthe jokes i have read so far are american humor. Anway, time for some british jokes, and untill i remember any more, and as blondes is the subject of choice here it goes:

What do you call a smart blond?

A Golden Retriever

p.s am blond my self so..

cant think of anymore at the moment but as soon as i do, i'll be back.

[Doug_Denver]

Q: Whats a serial killers favorite card game?

A: Poke-Her!

I made that up

[zjab58]

That is possibly the worst joke I have ever read. Don't try again.

[asdf]

hmm crappy self-made jokes, ive got plenty of those

What do you call a cow who goes on chatrooms pretending to be an exptic bird?
An E-Moo

I apoligize in advance for having wasted your time with this.

[asdf]

Well i wish i could take credit for this one, but it was actually a guy in my math class that made it up.

Did u hear about the guy who was caught drinking while he did calculus?
He was charged with deriving under the influence.

[asdf]

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

[Doug_Denver]

Q:What's the worst town to eat breakfast in?

A: Sandy-eggo!


I made that one up too!
i'm posting the bad ones on purpose by the way

[serg]

Little Jimmy runs home from school excited shouting "Mummy Daddy gues What??!!?? I just had sex with my geography teacher!"
To the mother's horror the dad says "Well done son, I'm proud of you. Come and sit down and tell me about it..."
To which Jimmy responds "I can't, my arse hurts"

[jc71]

What's the stinkyest time to wake up?

The crack of Dawn!

[headheldhigh01]

picture a bar.  this really drunk guy gets up and weaves his way into the men's room.  a few minutes later he lets out a loud scream .  ten seconds later he repeats it.  

looking around nervously, the bartender goes in and asks the guy, "hey, is there a problem?  you're scaring all my customers out there."  the drunk replies, "i dunno what happened, man.  i'm sittin' on the crapper, i pull the handle to flush, and something reaches up and grabs my nuts.  i tried it a second time, it happens again."  

the bartender replies, "you idiot, that's the mop bucket."  

[Cuttin Headz]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it wanted to get to the other side and away from Bubby the Tour Guide was chasing it and gonna eat it into McNuggetz.

I made that up myself right there, whoopee.

[John1984]

A man with an orange for a head walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The barman gives him his beer, and after a few moments of bewilderment, asks the inevitable question:  "Excuse me buddy, but may I ask you why you have an orange for a head?"

The guy replies:  "Of course.  It happened a few years ago.  I was walking through a field one day when I stumbled across a lamp.  So, naturally, I picked it up and rubbed it and a genie came out.  'I grant you 3 wishes' the genie said, so I said 'Ok, I wish to have an unlimited supply of money from my wallet', and the genie granted my wish"

The barman scoffed in disbelief:  "Yeah right, you expect us to believe that?  Prove it!"

So the guy bought everyone in the place a drink, emptying out his wallet in the process.  When everyone had finished their drink, he offered to buy everyone a second, and when he opened his wallet - there it was, a wallet full of crisp new notes.

"That's amazing" exclaimed the barman!  So how did you get the orange for a head?

"Well I'm coming to that bit"  said the guy, and continued with his story.  "So then the genie asked me what I wanted for my second wish.  I thought for a moment then told him 'I want Britney Spears as my girlfriend', and in a flash there she was right next to me!"

"Ok now this story is getting silly"  said the barman.  "Do you really expect us to believe that?!"

And at that, the guy went to a pay-phone on the wall and dialled a number on the wall.  The barman stood there looking confused, until the guy started speaking to the person on the other end of the phone.

"Hi honey, it's me.  Can you come meet me in 5 minutes".  He explained how to get to the bar, then hung up and went and sat at the bar and quietly drank his beer.

5 minutes later, the doors opened, and in walked the princess of pop herself - Britney Spears!

She walked right up to the guy and planted a kiss on his big orange head.  "Hey baby, what's up!"  She said to the guy.

The barman, now completely taken aback by this, exclaimed: "Well, I guess you're right about that one", and gave Britney a beer.

And then came the final question.  "So tell me buddy, how did you get the orange for a head?"

"My third wish", the guy replied, "was to have an orange for a head"

[Blarneystoner]

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business! The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?" With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.

[Blarneystoner]

Wait a minute, I don't get the orange one.