I'm glad I'm not alone

[Coastman]

Lets try this again in the modify mode so I can save this. I was using the edit option in the bottom corner and tried to save my 30 minute write up with no sucess.!

I have had gyno since 15. I've always been heavy set, but didn't really put on a lot of weight until the last 10 years. Im 6'2, 360lbs. Carried my weight well at 260, ideal weight would be 240 after surgery. The BMI index doesn't work on my body type, it says I should be like 180lbs. I would be skin and bones. Not the look I'm going for, lol.

I've been self conscious of my gyno since getting bullied for it in high school. It has haunted me every day since, and now I'm 38!. I have hid under baggy shirts, only wear button up shirts, use compression vests, and all around avoiding anything that might involve me taking off my shirt. I dont swim, dont go in the hot tub, which has caused me to miss out on a lot of fun times.

I have never had to much trouble getting girlfriends or dating. I am very confident in every other area of my life. Which women are attracted to, but I would never take my shirt off during sex. Forget about showering together. Until my wife, she was very accepting and I feel never judged me. Her and my 3 kids are the only people I will take my shirt off in front of.

She recently asked for a divorce, causing me to analyze why she would want to split. It wasn't hard for me to trace back my lack of trying, hiding, and just all around avoidance, to my insecurities about gyno.

I am very intuitive and people are ruthless with their stares and jokes they think I dont know that I'm the butt of. I'm a big biker looking guy so no one says anything to my face. There is no mistake about how people still see and treat men with gyno, it's terrible. If people did that because of race or sexuality today, they would be shamed. But everyone wants to get in on the joke about the dude with the boobs.

I've tried just about everything besides surgery, and that's just because I cant afford it. I stopped trying to loose wieght because that just makes it worse. I've lost 50lbs 3 different times. It only made it way more noticable. I have been on trt, it only made it worse in the long run. The muscles didn't last that long, and out of fear of the gyno getting worse I've stopped taking it. That seriously affected my sex life.


I had a consultation with <a class="underlinelink" href="https://www.gynecomastia.org/doctors/josephcruise/profile">Dr. Cruise[/url], he rated me a class 6 and 14k to do the surgery. I had a consultation with <a class="underlinelink" href="https://www.gynecomastia.org/doctors/migueldelgado/profile">Dr Delgado[/url] and he wants 18k. I also had a consult with a Dr in Tijuana, I forget his name but he even wanted like 12k. I've decided that saving a buck isnt worth it in the long run and will be going with someone here with ample experience. I decided about 9 months ago that the surgery needs to happen. Ive been repairing and building my credit. I was denied care credit, and I was only approved for 9k from alpheon. Did anyone discover the magical funding source that solves all our problems? Lol. I'm not asking for money, but maybe an option I haven't thought of, or maybe even a quality Dr that provides in house financing....? I'm half way, and will be scheduling the procedure as soon as the rest is covered. I dont care how at this point, I am ready to live my life to the fullest.

I have missed out on time with my kids, work opportunities, friendships, intimacy, let my health suffer, so many experiences and time lost.

I am so glad I found this site, it is the first time I can let this out. I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing these things and I am inspired by your struggles and successes.

Question to those who have the surgery who have had severe gyno and perhaps severe body dysmorphia, does it get better? Does the self consciousness go away? Do you feel normal, nobody stares anymore? What have you done with that freedom? How liberating was it?

Thanks for letting me rant, ttyl

[bikerbob]

Your post has been up for over a month without a response so here goes.  As you noted, surgery is expensive and the results are not guaranteed. You are definitely not alone, there are a lot more men with gyno than you might think.  There are also a lot of us who have learned to live with it, accept the boobs and even learn to love them.  Check us out over on the Acceptance forum.  We have a bunch of guys with DDs and even a few G and H cups. Some of them have had gyno since puberty, others have had breasts appear later in life due to medications or other causes.  I am a mere 40B and I suspect that mine may be somewhat hereditary, judging from the family reunion I attended recently.

Anyhow, most of us have learned to cope with them.  At your age, I'm sure the idea of wearing a bra totally freaks you out, but you would be a lot more comfortable and they would actually be less noticeable once they aren't moving around like 2 puppies in a tow sack.  I am 71 and have been wearing a bra every day for the past 2 1/2 years.  I was coming back from mountain biking with my chest hurting so I started out with a cheap sport bra.  Eventually I realized how much more comfortable I was with support, tried wearing it full time for a couple of days and my wife didn't even notice.  I put one on every morning and go about my business without even thinking about it.  Now I have a drawer full of bras and my wife is cool about it because she grew up with large breasts and knows what it feels like to need support and not have it.  I have caught a few women staring at my chest, but I am pretty sure it is just the boobs they are looking at and not the bra.  You can't hide the breasts but you can hide the bra by paying attention to what you wear over it.  I don't really feel self conscious about them because I am not the only guy out there with man boobs, especially at my age.  They aren't going away so learn to love them.  And remember, $12K will buy a nice used Harley, lots of bras and a whole lotta beer.

[Coastman]

Thank you for the support. I have gotten used to no reply. Nice to see some activity. I have decided to get the surgery no matter what. I am down 15lbs, I still have a ways to go, and hopefully by the time I get to the appropriate weight I will be financially ready to surgery. 

The sucess stories are what continually motivate me, I would really like to experience life without this condition and see how it is. It's worth the risk of surgery complications or unsatisfactory results to me. Never know if you dont do it.......

[bikerbob]

It's a personal choice.  Go for it.  Attitudes change as you get older.  Younger guys tend to want the surgery, older ones like me learn to deal with them.

In the meantime, consider trying a bra for comfort.  You will wish you had done it a lot sooner.  I know it sounds weird but a lot of guys on here will back me up.  They are cheap enough on ebay that you can find something that works by trial and error.  Good luck with your journey.

[SideSet]

 You sound like a decent guy. Maybe you could have a good talk with your wife and you guys could try again? Is she an open
minded person, in general ?

[rebcho]

That thrush infection looks painful. You need chest support for that reason alone. The skin needs to be kept clean and dry so it can heal, a bra will help, even if it's just a casual sleepwear one. I had a similar infection once and once was enough to convince me to get support.

[Coastman]

That is actually psoriasis. I have it in about 7-8 different spots. This place agitated the psoriasis because of the skin rubbing against itself. It is just starting on the other side. I have been dealing with it for years, it sucks because it is painful. It cracks when I stretch or move in bed and bleeds, its painful. I've tried humira and started to see results but then lost my insurance. So I am waiting until after I have my surgeries before contemplating taking humira again, its nasty stuff

[walt]

Hello , no not alone , i am a 48C/D cup bra, and they sag i can put a fat marker under them and it stays. like you no surgery i have some health issues, but  my wife is supportive of my bra wearing but that took some time.My Daughter goes bra shopping with me but i do on my own mostly. So what ever you do or decide we here have all been through the wringer at one point or another. Best Wishes and stay Well.

[SideSet]

In the meantime, you need to wear a bra

[nicknack]

well, reading your stories sounds like I'm reading my own stories... I remember the first time I was publicly embarrassed was in high school, grade 9 I think, and there was this a$$hole who repeated his grade 11 and was in my brother's class a year older than everyone else.  And we were at our lockers between periods and I was having a word with my brother, and this bully yells out to my brother "Your brother's got breasts!" and laughed so loud... we were kids but I remember even my brother laughing out not like he wanted to, more like he did to not have to be uncool or something... I dono but I forgave him a long time ago.  But the experience sits with me to this day... It's happened before where guys would just stare with sly grin and call me "big man" or "big guy" but I knew what they were referring to...

I hated taking my shirt off in public and although I loved swimming, I haven't swam in public in 15 years probably... it's really sad when I think about all the missed good times... Bunch of us went to Thailand and went boating every day for a week and the captain took us to this amazing little island which was one of the most popular snorkeling spots and every single person on the boat jumped into the water and were almost screaming with wonder and excitement.  I couldn't get myself to take my shirt off and said I was feeling seasick so I didn't jump in and was furious with myself for missing out such an epic, once in a lifetime, event... When we went to Kho Phi Phi Island "the beach where they filmed "The Beach" with Leonardo Decaprio, I said F#CK IT and took off my shirt and went swimming because I wasn't going to miss that opportunity.  But it took so much for me to finally do it... all these skinny hot European chicks and Aussie girls looking FINE and here I was just feeling like I was a nothing... but the truth is I felt like nobody noticed me at all lol it was and is all in my head.  There were other fat guys too but when I lose weight and put on muscle I see the difference where women NOTICE me.  When I get fat and my moobs are flopping around, I feel like furniture... women don't even look in my direction.  Trust me the difference is SO noticeable...

I finally did the surgery (just today actually) when the last straw for me was when one of my work colleagues posted a lesbian meme on our work group chats. This group chat has about 40 of our colleagues who meet up regularly for drinks and get along well in general - but we're not all acquainted as it's a chat that's been evolving for years with people coming and going. It's basically a public forum. So the left caption on the meme said "what we think of lesbian couples" and the left side couple are 2 hot chicks making out, while the right caption read "lesbian couples in reality" and showed two fat, older, manly looking chicks (with obvious boobs).  And another colleague who has a history of crossing the line sometimes with his jokes, posted "that could be you soon" writing to me, followed by "you've definitely got the breasts for it". And maybe 2 colleagues posted laughing emojis, I believe the others didn't say a word coz they were either feeling bad, being respectful or didn't want to stoop that low on a public forum...  I was just shocked and livid... I replied "your mother" coz it was all that I could muster... I was so embarrassed and PISSED for a couple days.  Coz that chat had many colleagues who don't know each other too well (especially not with the colleague who posted that).  And I'm a muscly big guy so people don't generally f#ck with me.  I'm witty and funny and don't take shit but in this situation what could I do?  He thought it was funny but I didn't at all.  I just knew this will never end and I just don't want to go through that ever again.  I've never had problems with women and my number is over 30 (stopped counting in the low 20s lol). If there's one thing I've learned, women care about CONFIDENCE more than LOOKS - that's a fact, I've dated women from all backgrounds and all they care about is if you can make them laugh and talk a little dirty once in a while, make them cum and act like you're f#cking a ho in bed. They will cling on to you like flies on $hit.  You will not be able to get rid of them if you do those things!

Guess I'm getting carried away, but felt good to rant!  If anybody read all that, my respect hahaha!