Author Topic: Shame to Embarrassment to Toleration to Acceptance to Appreciation to ?  (Read 2301 times)

Offline 42CSuprise!

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For many of us this journey began when we were adolescents who found ourselves with "fleshy" chests.  Of course, the journey could as easily happen following medical treatment, though those of us who began this journey as teens have had much more experience with the first two stages... shame and embarrassment.  Those were the years we were trying to figure out who we were and how best to navigate life.  How do we come to terms with BREASTS?

I'm aware that men who find themselves on this side of the website are often still coming to terms with the reality of having breasts.  I'm curious where you see yourself standing on that continuum from shame to whatever you're experiencing right now...shame/embarrassment/toleration/acceptance/appreciation/? (whatever follows for you).  Personally, I'm finding myself increasingly in appreciation.  I'm rather in awe of the fact of the breasts held in the brassiere I'm wearing at the moment... not so much that I want to proclaim them to the world, but I definitely admit to a fascination with these breasts and my appreciation of a sexy brassiere.  I'm not as well endowed as many of the men here but unlike some men I've read about, I'm not anxious to try something that might make my breasts larger.  Yes, I have done a bit of exploring, but in the same way I can't imagine pursuing surgery to remove my breasts, I'm not inclined to experiment with my body to become more buxom.  I'm certainly not inclined toward transitioning, though I understand how one could take that step.  We're all experiencing elevated estrogen which is the hormone responsible for feminine traits.  That we might want more of that doesn't seem beyond the realm of possibility but it would certainly complicate one's life to take that route.

Any thoughts on the matter?  This board has been as slow as molasses in January.  Perhaps we can get it moving again.  


Offline Charli

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About all I can add is that I am in a happy place when I am wearing my bra. The support and comfort I get is hard to describe to most men. I finally am able to say that I love my body.

I hope that does not offend some of the men here. But after a lifetime of holding it in to not offend and spare my family, I just have to open up or bust! I know my estrogen is high, it has been for over 20 years and has my body doing things that would be shaming my parents. But I am me and I love me perhaps for the first time in my life.
Life is too short to worry about being judged by people that we would never take advice from anyway.

Offline blad

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My breasts grew at age 13, starting while I was still in grade 7. They seemed to develop overnight.

It was incredibly embarrassing. It was obvious everyone noticed as I was constantly asked "what my bra size was" or that "I needed a bra". And skins teams during gym class gave everyone a good look.

The constant comments of needing a bra created a curiosity to try one of my sister's bras on. I was instantly amazed at how well it fit. Further, I was some how enjoying seeing my breasts held in a bra and liked how it felt to wear one. In private, I was sort of accepting having breasts right away if I wore a bra. The reality of being at school kept me embarrassed in public during the remaining school years. I had to admit to myself that all those comments of needing a bra were in fact correct, but I felt unable to publicly agree with them. In a perfect world, I would have been fine with the idea of wearing a bra full time after trying one, if only it would have been seen as acceptable in school. 

In a way I was accepting of wearing a bra as soon as I saw how it felt to wear one and how it held my breasts nicely in place. From that point on I wanted to wear one full time and just be accepted as I was. I became more ok with having breasts if I could treat them as breasts and contain them in a bra and feel more in control and comfortable. Instead, in those early years, I had to go mostly braless and feel the constant reminder of their uncontrolled movement. So I was accepting on the inside but did not feel free to be accepting on the outside.

In university and beyond I no longer had the "you need a bra" comments and thus became less conscious of people looking at my boobs. But I still had that semi continuous dislike of being braless much of the time and always felt better when I wore one. As time went on I became less concerned about wearing a bra in public. The biggest turning point was having my wife become more supportive of me wearing one.

I am truly more satisfied once I began to wear a bra full time many years ago. There are very few situations when I feel at all aware that I am wearing a bra in public.

So, there is no big deal in having breasts if you can treat them properly by wearing a bra and if you are able to reprogram yourself not to be overly self conscious. It is really the school years that are the most difficult. 
If the bra fits, wear it.

Offline Johndoe1

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I know in my own case, I have been through all the mentioned stages. Starting breast development at 14, having breasts is all I know. Having the movement, weight and projection off my chest is all I know. I have had my breasts so long now, if they were removed, I wouldn't know how to react. I would definitely miss them. My breasts are now a part of who I am. I now understand why women are devastated when they have to have a mastectomy. That has not been always been the case though.

Certainly in the shame phase during my teen and college years, I would have given anything to have had a flat chest like the other boys who seemed to be dating girls rather easy. Very few girls were even interested in me and the ones who were only wanted to know about my breasts. Usually one date and they were satisfied. Which led to embarrassment knowing those girls were talking about me among themselves. Knowing men don't have breasts, it was something to hide. In those days I was a B or C cup and getting harder to hide my chest, even though I tried and tried. What made it harder was my breasts were fairly perky in those days as well. I have come across pictures where I am noticeably slumping to try and hide my chest to no avail. In my late 20's I began to yo-yo diet putting on weight to try and hide my chest. All this did was lead to more fat being deposited on my chest and hips. Not dissimilar to women when they put on weight, a byproduct of the elevated estrogen in my body. Fat that is still there to this day which is why I am a DD/DDD size, but without the perkiness. Eventually, I started to tolerate my chest since I had no choice. Later, I had a couple of bouts of boob rash under my breasts in my IMF. During one of those bouts I had also begun a supervised weight lose program. I spoke with the LNP assigned to me about what to do. After a lengthy conversation, she suggested I should consider wearing "chest support" to lift my breasts off my chest and to reduce movement to help reduce the chance of irritation that could cause a rash. At this point, I reluctantly began to accept my chest. I fought it for a little while longer, but after losing about 40 pounds, there was no reduction in breast size. Even after 100 pounds lost, my breast still remained the same size. I eventually bought a sports bra and found it was life changing during exercise. I started to treat my chest for what it is, glands and fat. After a short time, I started wearing a bra full time and that led me to a fitting. Which added additional confidence and comfort as well as appearance with a bra that fit me. The more I wore a bra, the more confidence I gained of my appearance.

I came to the realization that I couldn't hide my chest anymore than a woman can hide hers. I educated myself on bras and breasts and started to research tricks endowed women use to play down their chests with bras and tops and this led to a sympathetic appreciation and understanding of what women go through dealing with their breasts, good and bad, but that I, too, can appreciate and enjoy my breasts and not be ashamed. I have a much better understanding and appreciation and feeling for women due to my breasts because I was dealing with many of the same issues they were dealing with. It wasn't because they were women, it was because of having breasts. I completely understood. I have many of the same frustrations with my chest. I am sure some of that is due to the estrogen, and some is due to what you do when you accept your breasts that is similar to the same as women do with their own breasts.

But it has taken many years and many experiences to get to this point. I just came to the conclusion it was just easier to deal with my chest for what they are, breasts. And that has made all the difference for me.
« Last Edit: March 17, 2022, 05:44:43 AM by Johndoe1 »

Offline 42CSuprise!

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As I put together the list that became the title of this thread it didn't take me very long to find those particular words.  As you say John, those of us contending with fleshy chests that eventually turned into breasts, doubtless have many experiences with the first few words.  Honestly, tolerance, acceptance and appreciation have come late for me.  Of course, my breast development was modest compared with many of the men here, so I was able to live without rashes or pain and consequently without relying on a brassiere.  But I always wore shirts over either tee shirts or turtlenecks so my shape was hidden.  Because I have sensitivity to sunlight I always had an excuse for not going into a swimming pool or lying on a beach to get a tan.  But what I wanted was to hide my chest.  It was embarrassing.  I learned that when I was younger and did go swimming with friends, or at school when I had to shower after gym class.  I was a pudgy kid but weight gain was intermittent.  Sometimes my weight was normal but my chest was always fleshy, not flat.  I remember periods of strenuous exercise in weight rooms, always hoping my body would become more toned.  It never happened.

Weight has been a challenge most of my life.  I sometimes said "my body is the battleground and food the weapon of choice."  I understand now that I used food to self soothe and that all came from the sexual abuse I experienced as a boy.  It probably is no surprise that COVID kicked my butt and I gained weight.  I'd already noticed an increase in the size of my breasts but the weight gain exacerbated the matter.  I learned that weight gain and drinking alcohol can stimulate estrogen production which we all understand, contributes to breast development.  As my breasts grew so did my fascination with brassieres and it was that fascination that led eventually to finding this website.  Before that I'd explored online and found a few conversations about men wearing brassieres.  I've no doubt some of the men who visit this site were present for those conversations as well.  I was intrigued that men were reflecting on things that had been on my mind for years.  But it was joining the conversation here that really allowed me to move beyond the embarrassment to tolerance, acceptance and eventually appreciation.  I'm very grateful to the men here who are willing to talk about these things.  This really is the only life I'll have, so it makes sense that I find peace in being myself and expressing myself in an honest way.  As I've said before, the early experience of trauma has complicated the whole affair but so be it.  It is the entirety of my life experience that defines who I am at this moment.  This is who I am.

Thanks for commenting everyone.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2022, 09:25:42 AM by 42CSuprise! »

Offline Traveler

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Yes! Thanks all for sharing. There is so much here that resonates with me and my experience and I’m sure it does for others too. Being open about the hard lessons we’ve learned on our own personal journeys can only lead to self acceptance and comfort your soul.

Online Confused old man

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When you truly don’t care what anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of...FREEDOM!

Offline SideSet

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Great thread. Thanks for starting and all the contributions.  I felt like I was reading about myself in many instances. 

I would add an earlier stage of being ignorant, oblivious or in denial.  And being shocked when a boy would give me a nipple twister; for a while I didn’t realize I was being singled out. 

Offline blad

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Great thread. Thanks for starting and all the contributions.  I felt like I was reading about myself in many instances.

I would add an earlier stage of being ignorant, oblivious or in denial.  And being shocked when a boy would give me a nipple twister; for a while I didn’t realize I was being singled out.
looking back, it is hard to remember clearly whether I noticed my breast development first, or if it was others pointing it out to me. It definitely became obvious in situations such as swimming or gym showers where comparisons of bodies are obvious.

Offline SideSet

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My denial and being unaware made for some awkward presentations.  I found this pic from my early teens.  See what I mean?  And see why I was always getting my nipples tweaked?

Offline Rich meier

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I can see why. I used to get mine tweaked too, still do on occasion. I like you have very proment nipples , always have had them like that. mine poke thru even with a bra and  a t shirt and still noticible even with a flannel shirt. I dont let it bother me.when I am in bed they still stick out even when covered with a blanket

Offline SideSet

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My nipples were puffier then and my areolae more conical. See?

Offline Rich meier

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I started out like that too. as they grew the aerolas spread out and less puffy

Offline SideSet

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Before I was aware of how my breasts looked in certain tops, I was pretty much always going around with my nipples poking through my tops.  And there were several boys who took that as an invitation to twist or pull them every chance they got.  The twisting hurt, but I noticed pulling didn't. 

I learned to be more aware of what I was wearing, but by then, it was too late, they knew about me, and would grope me whenever they saw me.  I tried to avoid them, but it was not always possible.  Finally, I gave up and just asked the boys who twisted to please just pull instead.

They thought that was hilarious I had asked to have my nipples pulled.  It was humiliating asking. But what choice did I have?

So, from then on, whenever I saw one of those boys, I made it a point to immediately ask him to please pull my nipples, because if I didn't ask quick enough I would get a twist hard enough to make me yelp and then still have to ask please pull on my nipples if I wanted to stop the assault on my tender nipples.  But by then my nipples would already be sore, so even pulling hurt my nipples, too, just less than being twisted.


Offline bustymale

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I used to get felt up some in school, too. I hated it and would try to pull away.  But my nipples would always get hard, so no matter how much i protested, I got a reputation for liking it. Eventually, I gave up fighting it and just let them have their fun so it could be over more quickly. 


 

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