Being discrete

[blad]

On a slow news day I thought I would start a thread.

For those of us wearing a bra daily, do you have a different approach when you will be with family and friends who are not aware that you wear a bra?

I have worn a bra daily for at least ten years and often before that. Transitioning to daily wearing was something I should have done sooner but you all know the mental barriers we have. Retiring early from the work was the last barrier I had to daily wearing, as I felt the close contact of my work environment in a professional health care setting was too exposing. 

I am quite comfortable about wearing a bra in the general public well since before retiring as I feel the pattern button down shirts I wear are quite good at minimizing any chance of obviously displaying an outline of my bra. It was only those situations of close contact with friends, family, co workers, and patients that concerned me. (I don't understand those here who are comfortable just wearing a T shirt over their bra).

Now that the close environment at work is gone, the only other area of concern is those occasions when we get together with family and friends, depending on the venue. I have found my confidence has greatly improved when I switch to some type of a racer back bra in these situations, to the point that I am again not thinking about my bra at all. This may be a front close T back design or a pull over. I do not care for these types of bras on a daily wear basis but seem to work great for these gatherings. 

It is obviously the hug or pat on the back that concerns me in these close quarter situations, with the hardware of a traditional bra being far more obvious in tactile encounters. The feel of traditional bra hardware is very obvious to the touch, and in combination with our anterior bumps makes it easier for someone to put two and two together and conclude that I am definitely wearing a bra. The racerback design is not totally invisible to the touch but mimics an undershirt more and has far less hardware to feel. It definitely does not scream "bra" to the touch in the same way.    

What its your comfort level with family and friends? 

[Justagirl💃]

On a slow news day I thought I would start a thread.

For those of us wearing a bra daily, do you have a different approach when you will be with family and friends who are not aware that you wear a bra?

I have worn a bra daily for at least ten years and often before that. Transitioning to daily wearing was something I should have done sooner but you all know the mental barriers we have. Retiring early from the work was the last barrier I had to daily wearing, as I felt the close contact of my work environment in a professional health care setting was too exposing.

I am quite comfortable about wearing a bra in the general public well since before retiring as I feel the pattern button down shirts I wear are quite good at minimizing any chance of obviously displaying an outline of my bra. It was only those situations of close contact with friends, family, co workers, and patients that concerned me. (I don't understand those here who are comfortable just wearing a T shirt over their bra).

Now that the close environment at work is gone, the only other area of concern is those occasions when we get together with family and friends, depending on the venue. I have found my confidence has greatly improved when I switch to some type of a racer back bra in these situations, to the point that I am again not thinking about my bra at all. This may be a front close T back design or a pull over. I do not care for these types of bras on a daily wear basis but seem to work great for these gatherings.

It is obviously the hug or pat on the back that concerns me in these close quarter situations, with the hardware of a traditional bra being far more obvious in tactile encounters. The feel of traditional bra hardware is very obvious to the touch, and in combination with our anterior bumps makes it easier for someone to put two and two together and conclude that I am definitely wearing a bra. The racerback design is not totally invisible to the touch but mimics an undershirt more and has far less hardware to feel. It definitely does not scream "bra" to the touch in the same way.   

What its your comfort level with family and friends?

I'm not much for being discreet.
I'm wearing a push-up bra under a clingy Torrid jersey. A bit of lippy under the mask, Torrid slacks, stockings, etc...

Dressed like this at the day-centre, I'll dress much more sexy tomorrow out shopping. 💃

Friends and family as well, accept me for who I am or don't.

[taxmapper]

I am not pushing out far yet. 

So clothing kinda hides things. 
but I am now to the point I no longer care. 

let them see em! 

they ask ....I will tell. 
I have boobies! 

deal with it. 

[Johndoe1]

I do not differentiate one situation with another. I wear a bra every day and everywhere I go. The bra is for my comfort and confidence, not others. So far no family has ever mentioned it. But then I don't need a bra to define my chest. It does that quite well by itself. 

[Busty]

I think being discreet is all about being accepted. About not unsettling anybody. About avoiding unwanted attention. About feeling safe. 

In my opinion, most of us try to exercise discretion. And, depending on the environment and circumstances, we may try to be especially discreet.

I also think, discretion is about awareness and experience. And the ability to be discreet.

When I was young and developing breasts, I was oblivious or in denial, so, I was not at all discreet. But, from all the comments, and unwanted touching, and forced display of my breasts, such as in PE, I learned about the importance of modesty. And, with my mother’s help, how best to camouflage. She also helped me learn when it was safe to discreetly wear a bra and how and when not to.

I have carried forth those lessons about modesty and camouflage and discretion into my adult life. However, I have learned that the calculus changes with the size of your breasts. When I was a mere B cup, camouflage and modesty were simpler, and although it was more comfortable to wear a bra, I could easily go braless when discretion dictated.

Now that I am a D, seemingly quickly closing in on DD, camouflage is impossible and modesty dictates pretty much always wearing a bra whenever I go out.  When I am braless, all the movement on my chest is both suggestive and physically uncomfortable. Also, it’s quite a provocative look when the shape and size of my breasts is readily apparent and my nipples showing through my tops. So, discretion is no longer about whether to wear a bra. In fact, discretion now requires that I do wear a bra. And discretion purely about what top I wear with my bra.

[Sophie]

Well, I guess that I am at a little different point of my life now. Its just something that is an expectation that I wear a bra.

However, for 30 years before I became myself, I wore a bra full-time with my comfort being a priority over concealment. I am so grateful for having my mother who helped me with my reality at the time.

I knew very well all of  those years at a few different jobs that my girls and their support system were obvious and visible. I never made any apologies or excuses for my boobs or the obvious reasons I wore a bra. I used to tell people who would push the issue " you have feet, and you wear shoes.... that's why I am wearing a bra". That would always end any more questions.

♥️Sophie♥️

[WPW717]

Only a few adolescent ‘ skins’
events and outgrew them rapidly

Worked in healthcare in scrubs
so no problems then or there,
also no boobs.

Retirement sets in and post vaccine
rapid decline in T. Boobs now in months

Learning about how to wear a bra
and loving the support. And a lot from
this site, and everyone’s support, too.

Have been changing in gym daily with
no effort to hide the bra, no comments
in yoga or gym or locker room. A few looks
but nothing said and I am a C
approaching a D. Not struggling to be
discrete but not showing off either.

Not concerned at all if family or
friends figure it out.I guess I have
arrived at old.

[Johndoe1]

I think being discreet is all about being accepted. About not unsettling anybody. About avoiding unwanted attention. About feeling safe. 

In my opinion, most of us try to exercise discretion. And, depending on the environment and circumstances, we may try to be especially discreet.

I also think, discretion is about awareness and experience. And the ability to be discreet.

When I was young and developing breasts, I was oblivious or in denial, so, I was not at all discreet. But, from all the comments, and unwanted touching, and forced display of my breasts, such as in PE, I learned about the importance of modesty. And, with my mother’s help, how best to camouflage. She also helped me learn when it was safe to discreetly wear a bra and how and when not to.

I have carried forth those lessons about modesty and camouflage and discretion into my adult life. However, I have learned that the calculus changes with the size of your breasts. When I was a mere B cup, camouflage and modesty were simpler, and although it was more comfortable to wear a bra, I could easily go braless when discretion dictated.

Now that I am a D, seemingly quickly closing in on DD, camouflage is impossible and modesty dictates pretty much always wearing a bra whenever I go out.  When I am braless, all the movement on my chest is both suggestive and physically uncomfortable. Also, it’s quite a provocative look when the shape and size of my breasts is readily apparent and my nipples showing through my tops. So, discretion is no longer about whether to wear a bra. In fact, discretion now requires that I do wear a bra. And discretion purely about what top I wear with my bra.

Everything you have said here is true. Modesty has become my middle name. Back when I was a B discreet was a different meaning than now in my DD days where discretion and modesty is completely different. I have adapted modesty similarly as women practice modesty when it comes to their chest. I have found that even at a DD size, you can do things that do not draw attention. And that is the key. I will always have some projection at my size. That can't be hidden anymore. Why try? Dressing in layers helps, but the right kind of layers. Thinner material to keep the bulk down. That helps in appearance and body temp.  Because, for me, base layer is a bra, then a layering tank, then a thin inner shell of some kind and maybe a thicker outer shell if the temp warrants and I am not much more than a standard men's shirt in thickness. Color and fit play into the design as well allowing the fabric to float over my breast and not form to the shape of my breast nor wearing jewelry that hangs over my breast, drawing attention to my breasts. Women do this all the time when they don't want their busts to be center stage. This is how you can see a woman one time and not notice her breasts but they are the first thing you see the next time you see her.

[Justagirl💃]

I think being discreet is all about being accepted. About not unsettling anybody. About avoiding unwanted attention. About feeling safe. 

In my opinion, most of us try to exercise discretion. And, depending on the environment and circumstances, we may try to be especially discreet.

I also think, discretion is about awareness and experience. And the ability to be discreet.

When I was young and developing breasts, I was oblivious or in denial, so, I was not at all discreet. But, from all the comments, and unwanted touching, and forced display of my breasts, such as in PE, I learned about the importance of modesty. And, with my mother’s help, how best to camouflage. She also helped me learn when it was safe to discreetly wear a bra and how and when not to.

I have carried forth those lessons about modesty and camouflage and discretion into my adult life. However, I have learned that the calculus changes with the size of your breasts. When I was a mere B cup, camouflage and modesty were simpler, and although it was more comfortable to wear a bra, I could easily go braless when discretion dictated.

Now that I am a D, seemingly quickly closing in on DD, camouflage is impossible and modesty dictates pretty much always wearing a bra whenever I go out.  When I am braless, all the movement on my chest is both suggestive and physically uncomfortable. Also, it’s quite a provocative look when the shape and size of my breasts is readily apparent and my nipples showing through my tops. So, discretion is no longer about whether to wear a bra. In fact, discretion now requires that I do wear a bra. And discretion purely about what top I wear with my bra.

Everything you have said here is true. Modesty has become my middle name. Back when I was a B discreet was a different meaning than now in my DD days where discretion and modesty is completely different. I have adapted modesty similarly as women practice modesty when it comes to their chest. I have found that even at a DD size, you can do things that do not draw attention. And that is the key. I will always have some projection at my size. That can't be hidden anymore. Why try? Dressing in layers helps, but the right kind of layers. Thinner material to keep the bulk down. That helps in appearance and body temp.  Because, for me, base layer is a bra, then a layering tank, then a thin inner shell of some kind and maybe a thicker outer shell if the temp warrants and I am not much more than a standard men's shirt in thickness. Color and fit play into the design as well allowing the fabric to float over my breast and not form to the shape of my breast nor wearing jewelry that hangs over my breast, drawing attention to my breasts. Women do this all the time when they don't want their busts to be center stage. This is how you can see a woman one time and not notice her breasts but they are the first thing you see the next time you see her.

Yes, layering means a lot!
Yesterday I wore something to 'make a point' against a dress code specifically adapted against me and one other person.
The ''dress your gender' code at the day-centre.
I wore a very clingy Torrid jersey over a push-up bra that met the dress code, but left little to the imagination.

Today out shopping I want to look nice and presentable, so I'm wearing another push-up bra, purple tank, and a nice button-up blouse draped over it.

Boobs of course are still there, same type of bra, but I don't stand out as much.

[Busty]

I went through an evolution in dressing from where I once asked myself if I was going to wear a bra and still be discreet when I went out to now not giving it a second thought, as wearing a bra has become second nature. Now, once in a while I feel like not being discreet, and that is when I go braless!

[Evolver]

As most of you know I don't wear bras every day due to my comparatively smaller size, but a few months ago I began wearing them much more often than previously. I was normalizing it. I reached a point where I no longer cared if I was detected by family, but a rather robust discussion with my wife resulted in me remaining visibly discrete on those occasions. Not totally though; I used to slip away to remove my bra if family rocked up, now if it's under layers and dark outerwear I mostly leave it on. I'm still prone to detection via a hug, but I know who I would or wouldn't normally receive one from, and take action according to that.

In public, I no longer care if the hardware is visible or not and neither does my wife, so progress has been made there I suppose. That said, we're in the warmer months here now but I won't do anything provocative like wear a bra that is visible under a white t-shirt for example.   

[Evolver]

I hasten to add, if my breasts were large and were needing to be held by a bra, I would have no issues with being detected wearing one at all, by anyone.

[HeldUp]

After a year I still get a little anxious around family, but I wear one nonetheless. I've had hugs, I've had hugs with "extra" pats, I've given side hugs, I've gone in with the handshake, I've gone in with the shake to only have it "upgraded". I know my father detected it once, early days in my wearing (posted about it elsewhere here), and I'm sure people have noticed. I had brunch with my wife's family just recently and her aunts are huggers, but no one reacted if they noticed (one did scope my chest walking past, before any hug, though).

I really don't care to a point, so I don't go to untold lengths to hide things. I used to not wear to my extended family functions, but I'm just not comfortable without one these days. I remember catching my reflection last Thanksgiving, I wasn't hiding anything not wearing one. So this year I will dress as I do; Christmas might be interesting.

[Busty]

Once you get to a certain size, everybody knows you have breasts. There’s no hiding them.  Most people believe if your breasts are big enough, you need to wear a bra both for comfort and appearance.

So, most people who see you are already thinking you should be wearing a bra. Not any big deal for them too than later see you in a bra.

When they see you in a bra, they will probably think, oh, that’s a much more polished, put together look. And, of course, you’ll be feeling much more comfortable in your bra compared to still going around braless. 

I just wish when I was a teenager, and constantly hearing, I need to wear a bra, that I capitulated, and started to wear a bra back then. I would have looked and felt much better, and I think everyone would have. preferred to see me in a bra. I mean, they were always telling me to wear one.  

[blad]

I just wish when I was a teenager, and constantly hearing, I need to wear a bra, that I capitulated, and started to wear a bra back then. I would have looked and felt much better, and I think everyone would have. preferred to see me in a bra. I mean, they were always telling me to wear one. 

When I look back to those school years and all the "teasing" directed at me regarding that I needed to wear a bra, I have to wonder how the perception would have changed if I did wear a bra more full time then. The "teasing" may have increased in the short term but perhaps subsided when everyone concluded I was just following a logical conclusion they had already "suggested". Maybe there would have been less to "tease" about once they could see that I agreed openly that I had breasts and needed a bra to manage them like expected.