Finding what works

[Dudewithboobs]

My wife and I have always been brutally honest about most things. Intimacy being one of them. We believe it is crucial and an important area to stay focused on so we don’t just become roommates. And contrary to the plaguing of ED and other issues on my end this year due to hormones. We have always kept trying even if it seemed disappointment was inevitable. 

Recently my wife told me she would like to use her toy before we are intimate to see if it will help with her being more in the mood. I asked why this would help, not that I was against it just curious. And she bluntly told me that while everything else is great, sex itself, is just boring and she doesn’t feel much during it and feels if she could use her toy before hand then maybe during the moment itself with me would be more enjoyable. I told her I didn’t mind and we could try and sure enough it certainly has helped. 

We have tried quite a few things over the last year to no avail of making things more interesting or anticipated. But this seems to have helped her get in the mood and take care of things where I couldn’t really tend to. 

[42CSurprise!]

Respect.  I was never able to dive into such matters with my former wives and we invariably became roommates rather than lovers.  Sexual intimacy has always been a minefield for me because of sexual abuse that happened when I was a young boy.  But as you share your journey with breast development it is clear the estrogen that supports breast development comes at the expense of testosterone.  Of course that naturally happens as we age which is probably why so many men eventually find themselves contended with soft chests.  I'm not in an intimate relationship at this time in my life so have no need to traverse the territory you're exploring with your wife.  I don't think this is an easy subject to talk about but that doesn't mean it isn't at play for men here.  I love my breasts and even though there is an erotic element to my enjoyment of having them, there really is no way to "enjoy" them.  My get up and go got up and went...

An intimate relationship that is healthy will find ways to navigate everything that life brings us... aging is often about letting go of what has given us pleasure and even meaning in our lives.  But there is no turning back the clock.  The line "meeting life on life's terms" will be familiar to everyone with experience of 12 Step work.  Doing otherwise is a recipe for suffering.  So you and your wife are finding your way and in reality, whatever works for the two of you is great.  The best to you both.

[oldguy]

My wife and I have always been brutally honest about most things. Intimacy being one of them. We believe it is crucial and an important area to stay focused on so we don’t just become roommates. And contrary to the plaguing of ED and other issues on my end this year due to hormones. We have always kept trying even if it seemed disappointment was inevitable.

Recently my wife told me she would like to use her toy before we are intimate to see if it will help with her being more in the mood. I asked why this would help, not that I was against it just curious. And she bluntly told me that while everything else is great, sex itself, is just boring and she doesn’t feel much during it and feels if she could use her toy before hand then maybe during the moment itself with me would be more enjoyable. I told her I didn’t mind and we could try and sure enough it certainly has helped.

We have tried quite a few things over the last year to no avail of making things more interesting or anticipated. But this seems to have helped her get in the mood and take care of things where I couldn’t really tend to.

Dude,

Yes, you are brutally honest.  That is good.

After back and two knee surgeries, my flexibility is limited.  My wife's is also limited. We put each other before us. And will do whatever to make each other happy. 

We begin with candles and music. Then by cuddling and talking about memories of our 57 years together.  After I help her with her toy, which gives several orgasms.  Then she mounts me and it doesn't take me long.  Occasionally, she will have one more. 

I am always surprised that it take 90 minutes or longer.  At 74, time flies.

[42CSurprise!]

...We begin with candles and music. Then by cuddling and talking about memories of our 57 years together.  After I help her with her toy, which gives several orgasms.  Then she mounts me and it doesn't take me long.  Occasionally, she will have one more. 

I am always surprised that it take 90 minutes or longer.  At 74, time flies.

Probably most of us as boys considered the possibility our parents were "doing it" off putting... but then we get old and discover an intimate relationships IS intimate.  I'm happy for you and your wife that you've kept the home fires burning.

[WPW717]

Castration 8 months ago hasn’t affected the intimacy one whit.

 I /we    are / were.  horny rabbits in our youth too! 

Won’t get to 57 years as I married later at 36. Been together 38 years now 
We are all the same in our differences, the only difference is in the way we manage them.
The brutal honesty is a prerequisite for a good marriage, ignore the world rather than your spouse is a watchword for us.

[42CSurprise!]

...We are all the same in our differences, the only difference is in the way we manage them.
The brutal honesty is a prerequisite for a good marriage, ignore the world rather than your spouse is a watchword for us.

Wonderful advice that is as appropriate for the men here coming to terms with breasts and choosing brassieres rather than surgery.  Whatever we choose to do and however we characterize what this journey means it is nobody's business but out own.  Fortunately we've found some men willing to have a conversation about the journey who have no interest in demeaning our choices.

[WPW717]

The hormonal roller coaster I rode was in a compressed time frame. The ups & downs of testosterone were the rugged part for me. 1% per year reduction is the norm for males after 40. I felt rotten all of a sudden, T level was 12. Further lab investigations showed a wild profile trying to compensate. Several weeks later the was the acne, irritation, shortness and overall feeling of anger. Yep, the level shot up to high 150’s. This cycled through a few more times over a couple of months before it fell flat to zero & remained there. It was the start of this MEN Syndrome spiral.
I know how you feel. I would advise a conservative approach to altering your T level. It is a powerful hormone. Let it fall naturally rather than making it plunge with the Reishi.
Depending on what else you are taking, meds or supplements, read up on cytochrome p450 effects. I love grapefruit juice and this juice can shut down the enzyme system that controls a lot of hormonal and medication detoxification. I learned this from experience.
I wish you well in your endeavors.

[DC79]

A sex therapist really helped me. After surgery and treatment I developed breasts, ED, and incontinence. Doctors can promise this and p promise that, but in the end I felt the farthest thing from masculine as I could be and gave up on meeting someone. My therapist was great with helping me reframe what I could do and how I saw myself as apposed to what I used to see myself as and what I used to be able to do. I finally met the right kind of someone, and my acceptance probably helped with that. 

I use a wearable strap on designed for men, and my girlfriend is absolutely fine with it. It'd not traditionally normal, but what goes on in the bedroom is our business

[gotgyne]

Some months ago I asked my wife if she’d be ok if I got a toy for myself. Embarrassing as it is just thought it’s better to ask than just do.

Yesteday I got around to it and it came overnight and opened it and set it in my office. Not to use just out of the way till she left for the day for work. She never comes in the office for anything. And guess what she decided to do today lol! I hear the office door open and go oh shhh head down to hope she’s in laundry room but nope.

Shirt in the office covering the toy in an intent to make sure it’s out of sight for who’s currently in the house for pest control.

On top of it, my lavender lotion I like to help ease nerves and stress at end of night as I love the scent is on desk also from last night applying it to neck before bed from working awhile in the office. Worst placement of two things ever lol.

Gave a glare and headed out for the day no love you see you later, no response to texts. Hoping she’s just in a busy as hell day and there’s no cause for concern later.

Yes, let's hope so.

There are so many reasons for this behavior. Perhaps she just had a bad day. If she is acting normal now, you shouldn't be too concerned.

[gotgyne]

A sex therapist really helped me. After surgery and treatment I developed breasts, ED, and incontinence. Doctors can promise this and p promise that, but in the end I felt the farthest thing from masculine as I could be and gave up on meeting someone. My therapist was great with helping me reframe what I could do and how I saw myself as apposed to what I used to see myself as and what I used to be able to do. I finally met the right kind of someone, and my acceptance probably helped with that.

I use a wearable strap on designed for men, and my girlfriend is absolutely fine with it. It'd not traditionally normal, but what goes on in the bedroom is our business

Nothing wrong with it. You chose an innovative approach to solve your problems.

I didn't have surgery but prostate issues (BPH) for two decades. Due to medication I'm impotent for a long time also, but only have slight incontinence (dribbling after urination and sometimes quite unexpected independent of urination).

For my incontinence I wear incontinence pads (panty liners are not sufficient enough anymore) and for intercourse I use a strap on dildo too.

In comparison to this my D cup breasts are a minor problem. Or better they're no problem at all since I love them.

[WPW717]

Aging is a b$tch, BPH, no problem… TURP ( prostatectomy). 6 weeks later hemorrhage and strictures develop. Fixed with a laser ablation. This causes overactive bladder. Pads , pants & finally meds. 2 trials of expensive medicine that doesn’t work $7,000 per year. Finally offered a fix that works, BOTOX in the detrusor muscle. Yea, problem solved. Expensive, so Medicare doesn’t want to go there, they want to cost shift to you.
ED of course, then MEN Syndrome ending with a bilateral orchiectomy.
That kinda changed everything. Intimacy is still present but the thought and interest in any thing sexual is kaput. It works out well for us as menopause destroyed her libido.
We are closer now after 38 yrs of marriage and 40+ years of being together. We laugh about the wild times of our youth.
Boobs, after the initial WTF , that was easier to accept and the bra was a simple fix. Gotten used to both , rather enjoy the new me. Wife has been helpful in fitting and dressing with the pullovers. Arthritis is a b….!!!

[AlfaQ]

Sometimes you have to accept things and reframe your self image and sexuality.  Medical treatment has left me with dry orgasms and D cup boobs.  My orgasms are now intense whole body experiences and my body convulses as it tries to ejaculate now non existent fluids.  Very rarely a few drops of urine are expelled.  I enjoy massaging my boobs and my wife accepts my bras as she understands why I  need them.  This is not the future I would have chosen  but I  am grateful to have found a way to sexual satisfaction and it could have been much worse.  

[oldguy]

Some months ago I asked my wife if she’d be ok if I got a toy for myself. Embarrassing as it is just thought it’s better to ask than just do.

Yesteday I got around to it and it came overnight and opened it and set it in my office. Not to use just out of the way till she left for the day for work. She never comes in the office for anything. And guess what she decided to do today lol! I hear the office door open and go oh shhh head down to hope she’s in laundry room but nope.

Shirt in the office covering the toy in an intent to make sure it’s out of sight for who’s currently in the house for pest control.

On top of it, my lavender lotion I like to help ease nerves and stress at end of night as I love the scent is on desk also from last night applying it to neck before bed from working awhile in the office. Worst placement of two things ever lol.

Gave a glare and headed out for the day no love you see you later, no response to texts. Hoping she’s just in a busy as hell day and there’s no cause for concern later.

Dude,

Looks like you had the worst possible luck, possible.

After several knee operation between us and are 75, we have adapted to cuddling with music from our favorite romantic songs.  We do have toys and these get the job done.  I help her, for several times.  One is plenty for me.

I hope you are able to work this out and she understands your situation and needs.  

[WPW717]

Since the castration I have experienced 3 total body orgasms.

Unique experiences to say the least, wasn’t trying for the first two. Just us petting & cuddling. The third was a solo attempt and it took a massive amount of time & effort to produce. Won’t go that way again. Whew!

[AlfaQ]

It's great to hear that you are able to get sexual satisfaction since your castration.  Whole body orgasms take some effort but in my experience are more intense and pleasurable than what I had experienced before.  I think they are closer to what our female friends experience.  For me this along with my growing breasts has made me feel somewhat feminised but I have managed to reframe this as something new and exciting.