Getting the nerve to talk to parents...

[ttt4a]

Hello, I'm new here. I am a 16 year old high school student. I am a bit chubby (unfortunately I gained quite a bit of weight during the last couple months, when I had surgery [completely unrelated, of course] which mainly made me lay around not getting any exercise... my breasts didn't seem to increase in size when I gained weight), which by itself would not bother me, but I have had gynecomastia since I was about thirteen. My 'man breasts' aren't huge but definately noticable.

It's hindered me so much. I have friends, and a decent social life, but the fact that I can't allow myself to take part in any activity where my shirt would be off is frustrating me to no end. I think it is definately one of the root causes of my horrible social anxiety (which I am on medication for). I'm still a virgin largely for the fact that I would be way to scared / ashamed / embarrased to take my shirt off in front of a girl.

To summarize, my man breasts are RUINING MY LIFE. I know life would be so much better if I just saw a doctor... I really don't think surgery would be for me, but if I could talk to a trained professional about it and come up with any sort of treatment that would work I know I would love life so much more.

This summer I would love more than anything to be able to go to the beach with friends -- something I have not done for almost 3 and a half years.

I just can't talk to my parents about this. It's just way to hard. It would be so demeaning for me to have to ask my mom to schedule an appointment for her son's unnaturally large male breasts.

 Also, I know this is very often just a puberty thing, and for a while I was confident they would go away eventually, but I'm more or less finished with puberty now and while I think they have gotten a little bit better, my hope in my breasts taking care of themselves has been very diminished. So frustrated.

Please. I'm so frustrated right now that I simply can't enjoy life. No one deserves this. I don't even really know the point of this topic but I'm really hoping somebody here can inspire me to get the courage to talk about this with somebody. Thank you.

[Miclam]

I have honestly never understood why people have difficulty talking to their doctors and parents about this.  Yes, it's embarrassing, but you can bet your ass that your doctor of all people has seen much worse/stranger things in his/her life.  Not to mention the fact that they would be the most understanding, since they approach the issue from an entirely medical standpoint and realize that this is a fairly common medical issue.  Also, if it's as noticeable as you say it is then I'm sure your parents already know.  Odds are they just don't want to risk humiliating you by saying anything about it.  Just talk to them and I'm sure you'll find them to be very understanding.

As far as treatment goes, if you have true gynecomastia (glandular tissue as opposed to just fat) then I'm afraid surgery is the only option.

[ttt4a]

Yes, it's embarrassing, but you can bet your ass that your doctor of all people has seen much worse/stranger things in his/her life.  Not to mention the fact that they would be the most understanding, since they approach the issue from an entirely medical standpoint and realize that this is a fairly common medical issue.

Thank you for the reply -- that makes alot of sense.

The only option being surgery is a little dissapointing... however I do think that if I got back down to a healthy weight again my breasts would be at a size I'd be comfortable with. Okay, that's my new years resolution  .

[unkn0wen]

well i dont have any answers to your question. But just letting you know that your not alone. How you descibed your problems fits perfectly with what i have. Its so fustrating

[kev]

>>>Okay, that's my new years resolution

Just remember to eat healthy!

kev

[Paa_Paw]

One way to open the subject would be to bring up your own post on your computer screen and invite your parent to read what you have posted.

Once the subject has been opened, further discussion becomes much easier.

On the positive side, your youth....  Self resolution is still a real posibility.  Family history can be a help, If your father had the condition in his teens and had good resolution you should be able to expect similar results. Conversely, you may learn that it is a family trait.  It is a common trait in my family for example.

The most important issue is your self image.  

[gyne8to18]

  I'll be 18 in 2 months and I have told my mom about it and she just syas that 'its not so bad" or that I need to lift weights and everything will balance out. I feel so ashamed to even go see a doctor right now.

[ruinedlifenew]

 I'll be 18 in 2 months and I have told my mom about it and she just syas that 'its not so bad" or that I need to lift weights and everything will balance out. I feel so ashamed to even go see a doctor right now.

That sucks, bro.  Perhaps you could show her this video?  -->

http://individual.utoronto.ca/charlesh/documentary/realplayer/gyn256k.ram

Be as open and honest about this as possible.  If you haven't already, tell her exactly how you feel about them and how they've affected your life; leave nothing out.

[ruinedlifenew]

To summarize, my man breasts are RUINING MY LIFE. I know life would be so much better if I just saw a doctor...

... This summer I would love more than anything to be able to go to the beach with friends -- something I have not done for almost 3 and a half years.

... I just can't talk to my parents about this. It's just way to hard. It would be so demeaning for me to have to ask my mom to schedule an appointment for her son's unnaturally large male breasts.

Take it from me: don't wait any longer; you need to see a doctor.  I'm 28 and I wish to God I had tackled this problem 10 years ago.  The past 10 years of my life have literally been ruined.

I've had to speak to my parents about a few embarassing topics over the years that I held inside for a long time, but I've found that after the opening sentence is out, everything was fine!  They understood (honestly, the more open and honest you are about it, the easier it is to talk about your problems) and it felt like a huge weight was lifted.

I just learned that I could have relatively affordable surgery to remove this nightmare, so I haven't approached my parents about this yet (need their help with financing), but I will.  I know exactly what you're feeling, I've got the same thing going on in my stomach right now.  But I know from experience that once a subject is out in the open, you realize it wasn't as big a deal as you thought it would be.  Again, be as open and honest about this as possible.  Tell them how it's affected your life, leave nothing out.  The more they know, the more likely they are to understand fully.  Remember, these are your parents; chances are they love you a lot and will be able to understand your pain.  Tell them everything.  If they do need further convincing, you can show them this video -->

http://individual.utoronto.ca/charlesh/documentary/realplayer/gyn256k.ram

You can do it bro, you have to if you want to make progress and tackle this monster.

[gyne8to18]

That sucks, bro.  Perhaps you could show her this video?  -->

http://individual.utoronto.ca/charlesh/documentary/realplayer/gyn256k.ram

Be as open and honest about this as possible.  If you haven't already, tell her exactly how you feel about them and how they've affected your life; leave nothing out.

I will try to talk to her some more. Thanx for the video link but it streams very poorly on my computer.

[ruinedlifenew]

I will try to talk to her some more. Thanx for the video link but it streams very poorly on my computer.

Yeah.. having to stream it kind of sucks if you have a crappy internet connection, hehe.    (nowchase, could you make your documentary available as a direct download?)

I managed to save the stream to my HDD as a 24MB .rmvb file (playable anytime you want in real player, no more streaming, hehe).  If you use any instant messenger programs, send me a private message on here with your screenname and I can send it to ya.  

[User]

I think that you should talk about it with your parents.

I can't remember how my gyne became an issue with my parents, but I remember that I was relatively young when we started talking about it.  I think in 6th grade I mentioned that some guy was making fun of me when I took my shirt off, but the situation came to a head when my Dad literally stopped me from going to the pool with a friend.  He came into my room (while I was changing) and said that I could not go to the pool because my chest was too big.  I'm not sure what my friend heard, but the whole thing must've been really weird for him.  This all happened when I was 12 or 13.

When I got a little older, I finally told them the long list of all of the horrible things that happened to me because of my chest.  They were (and are) shocked and very understanding to me.

Right now it seems really difficult to tell them and I understand that.  I'm the type of guy who keeps all of his problems to himself including my chest.  I was forced to tell my parents when my Mom said that I had never been made fun of because of my chest (right Mom....)

Once you start talking to them, the words will come easily and afterwards you'll feel a huge burden lift off of you.  I desperately needed to talk to someone about my chest and my parents are the only safe people I can think of.  By telling them, I helped both myself and my parents because now they have a better idea of some of my problems.

[Alex18]

I'm having the same problem, I have no idea how to bring this up with my parents... It would be extremely embarassing to bring up with my mom, and I'm not very close to my dad.  In fact it is the only thing between me and surgery right now since money isn't an issue for me

[nowchase]

I have added the download link to the documentary.  Just go on the click on "download".

[tonysoprano]

JAN 12 2005.

tHAT was the date I sat my mum down and told her about it. It was a truly cathartic experience, and she genuinely had never noticed my chest or nipples or anything ( either because I had a rather minor case - 4 outta 10,with 10 being the worst gyne ever - or because I never ever ever took my shirt off at home even, or even both).
She was aware that I hadnt walked around without a shirt since I was 18/19 but never knew why.

she was very understanding..
I wasnt gonna tell my dad at all - we arent all that close - but my mum made me tell him about it , and I waited another 2 months with just me and mum knowing before I spilt the beanz to him.
again - he tried to talk me out of it,saying I didnt need it IHO , but if i wanted it and thats what it was gonna take to be happy, then he was in support too.

I delivered a speech to my mum that I had memorised off palm caRDS , that Id written over a few months, and that Id been planning in my head over the years since I got gyne (5 yrs earlier).

I didnt have to tell my parents as I am 25, but I knew I would need their care and aftercare with dressing, driving me around etc, plus they have all the experience handling medical issues.


now heres a great thread idea :

"GETTING THE NERVE TO APPROACH PARENTS REGARDING NEEDING A REVISION"

nothing has been spoken of gyne or anything related since about 6 weeks post op, and they havent asked about it , and they seem to think its over and done with - even though I still wont take my shirt off, they havent brought it up-

anyway, that next speech to them is inevitably gonna come in the next few weeks though.

goodluck with your folks mate! It'd be rare for them not to understand-
Tony