Re: carguy's diary

[Superstar]

Know what you mean bro.  Now that I've had surgery, I've been slowly breaking out of my self-imposed "shell".  Takes some time and some risks, and is pretty scary sometimes, but facing those old (and baseless) fears sure is empowering.  Looking forward to a new year of opportunities!  Time to start living again!

Happy New Year!  

-Tap  

[carguy]

"Once the physical encumbrance is lifted, psychological scars still need to be addressed. One must come to terms with one's body, accept it, and heal the wounds from the past."
-taken from the front page

thats where I'm at right now. Im just trying to get back into the loop. It really sux how Ive lost track of so many of my friends along the way.
Its hard to meet new people and start conversations with the problems of the past on your mind.
At least I had fun this new years. Didn't take off my shirt but I had a good time.
and happy new year right back at ya!

[carguy]

these days i feel like a boy in a mans body . a kid that never really grew up.
Sometimes I feel like a whiny little b*%# because i know im in a better situation than alot of people
but.... i dont give a damn what anyone says, breasts dont belong on me. f*&^ that i want to enjoy the rest of my life. i want to do the things i did when i didnt have nipples jiggling on my chests.

[carguy]

I notice I hang on to the past alot which is no good.
At least this year I plan to go swimming.
Im working out now and this year I plan to show off my new body and have fun
spring break with my shirt off
i forget how that feels.

[Hostile]

Reading this diary is like reading my own (If I had one).

Almost everything you say I can relate to (even that thing about girls probably thinking you were gay!) .  I had surgery 1st Dec but its taking me time to come to terms with the fact that I don't have gyno.  I'm still trying to get out the gyno routine of avoiding certain social situations.  This is hard because after years of refusing to participate friends just stop inviting you along  :-/ .

I even still visit this site which a normal gyne-free person would not!  

This year though I'm gonna change my ways and it already looks like I'll be heading off to Spain for my summer holidays with about 15 friends to show off my new chest!!

Good luck in your own voyage of self discovery!!!

[carguy]

"I'm still trying to get out the gyno routine of avoiding certain social situations.  This is hard because after years of refusing to participate friends just stop inviting you along ."

Thats exactly how Ive lost so many friends.  In high school i wanted to participate in so many activities and go out all the time with my friends but i always found an excuse to not go because of my gyne.
I just felt so helpless. I remember one time I went to this party and as soon as I arrived like 5 BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL girls came up to me and i stood there like a jackass. I wanted to dance and everything but in the back of my mind I just hoped to god no one would feel on my chest. That night I just ended up drinking a little and going home alone.
thats just one of many fuckups in my life due to gyne.
I really wish the doc i saw years before wouldve told me the name of my condition.

[carguy]

i need to shutup and  get on with my life. no one can make me happy but myself.


i have alot to look forward to plus im still good looking  
so from now ill write nothing but positive things in my diary
damn good football games today

[carguy]

im realizing that ive spent alot of my money on bullshit to escape the torment of having gynecomastia....
im going to take this year as a new start in my life.
I probably have to re-learn how to appreciate things in my life.
Im 20 years old but the last few years living with gyne are like a blur to me because my attitude towards anything other than myself was like this -
why should I care when im suffering?
Its like I wanted someone to notice and help me but at the same time I didn't.
I feel I need to work on changing my bitter/negative attitude towards a postive one.  its gonna take but im still healthy and having nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[carguy]

Im looking over my diary. I can't believe i wrote some of this stuff.
If I were to give this diary a title it would be called
"Diary of A Repressed Mind"
I just wonder where my life is heading.
7 years ago I would've never expected it take this course.
Im 20 years old now and wondering if I should just give the dreams I had as a kid.

[carguy]

Im so tired of living in the past.
The reality is that im still better off than alot of people. There is no need to compare myself anymore. I am who I am. Im lucky I still have time to change if want to.
Im sick of shying away from things and living with regrets. Life is too short for this.
I've let so many good things pass me by. People I cared about..
I pray no other kid is sitting alone in his room wondering why he is different letting time slip away.
Its strange but I haven't really celebrated my birthday in a long time. I wonder if this year will be different.

[carguy]

Jan 19 2004
Reality hit me HARD today.
I visited my old neighborhood...
I dropped by an old friends house.
Just happened to catch him visiting...
He told me some things about my friends from high school.
It looks like everyone has grown up.
An old friend of mine has a kid now.
A guy that id never expect that from.
Some other friends of mine are in the military. I can't even believe that.
On the drive back home I broke into tears.
Its hurts knowing I left myself out so many times.
I missed out on so many important moments in life that I'll never get back. I wish I could turn back the hands of time but I can't.
That girl I loved, that I shared so many moments with, practically grew up with.. I let her go. I didn't expect her to wait for me but.... :-/
I could always be myself around her. I loved making her laugh. She might've loved me even with gyne... ill never know now.
I hurt so many people and I never saw it... in and out of lives...
They say you don't realize  how precious something is till its gone. I guess I learned this the hard way.

[carguy]

I found out something today. Life is too short to hold yourself back or worry about the past.  Im always quiet and usually never ask questions or assert myself and where has that got me? nowhere.  
sitting around thinking about my past hasn't gotten me anywhere either. I just gotta just keeping moving forward. stay positive. the summer is coming. the beach sounds good. This year I actually plan to celebrate my birthday. Maybe ill invite my surgeon.
I also plan to start working out again.  Can't keep the ladies waiting any longer.

[Screwgyne]

Any pictures carguy?

[carguy]

I have a pic of me looking pissed off with gyne but  no shirtless pics. Ill think about it. My chest looks alot better though. Just wish i had done this sooner..

[headheldhigh01]

dang, man, that'd almost be worth posting too.  i can almost picture me posing for a digi with some kind of thinking-about-gyne seriously ticked look on my face.  nope, better not