getting involved

[elio2]

putting this out there for some persepective and insight.

although it is not the main cause or reason,
gynecomastia has attributed to many things wrong in my life.  : social interaction with people, playing sports, sex, dating, friends.  basically not getting involved in life.

it has aided me in becoming fat, aniti-social, never playing sports even though i wanted to desperately.
generally not taking an interest in many things in life, feeling that i have to shy away and pretend that there was no problem either with my body or in isolating myself.

how it started:
It was about 12 or 13 when i started getting gynecomastia.  as I grew into puberty I became depressed because i knew it was not normal for a boy to have tender nipples as if I were developing like the girls were at that age....  i quickly realized i did not want anyone to know because i did not want to feel more of an outcast already. (seperate issue)
in a way it was an immasculating blow to my already fragile and poorly devleoped self esteem, self image and barely realized male ego.

so i learned not to participate in anything that would require me to take my shirt off or explain myself in case someone asked or if worse, people shunned me and treated me as a freak as they did.

I can remember in 6th grade many other guys would point and stare and laugh and one in particular...popular kid on campus....came at me, pushed me, pointed, lauhed and yelled in my face in utter disgust: "what are you, did you get a sex change or something?"

many other kids were around and went along with him, so they continued to just laugh and make fun of me all the rest of that year.  clearly leaving me as an outcast and not allowing me to be involved and participate in things such as sports or games or being part of the group...never really had an outlet to develop my social skills in a way because of this problem.

I know in one sense it should have been a character building element that should have strengenthed my desire to be more of a man and be more aggressive, that my competitive nature should have kicked in and i should have reacted with equal force and attitude, but that didn't happen, instead i became withdrawn, shy and timid...a pussy

I'm now a 28 year old virgin, 80 lbs overweight, wear glasses, have dental problems, depressed mood, gyne is as big as it has ever been, I would consider my "junk" downstairs to be on the small side ....measures 5x4.

i went through a very bad childhood with my family, dad beat, molested and raped me and mom hated men so she critized me for having a penis, made me feel ashamed to be a boy. sisters continually said i was gay and dressed me as a girl, said i would fit in better that way. (all before i was 10 years old)

I've recently been diagnosed with a mild form of post-traumatic stress syndrome, therapist says it's not necessarily a disorder as it is mild and i can recover from it for the most part.

I am lonely as i have difficulty making lasting friendships so that just adds to the issue.  

what it boils down to is a thorough depression.

though i hide it very well since i am still a good looking guy as people say as  much.  i am a very optimistic positive funny guy who likes to get crazy when i do go out and party.  get me drunk and i am very fun.

ironically the only thing i may have been addicted to was food.  I drink ocassionally on the few times i do go out with people.  Otherwise i have never done drugs, never smoked, never needed any meds etc.

I am 5'8" 245 lbs
have been working out and have lost 45 lbs since October.  my goal is to be 170 by june, so that is something good and positive.  


my surgery is next week and am excited and nervous
but glad to get this taken care of and hope that it will be a big change to pave the road for the rest of my life to be a little more fulfilling and worthwhile.

here's my poblem:
I did play soccer and baseball when i was a kid, just for fun and i do still shoot free throws at my gym (by myself) and I like tennis.
I want to play sports but i never learned, how do you start at such a late age in life in getting involved in sports when you don't know how to play or just plain suck due to no hand\eye coordination?

E2

[Shaman]

Wow makes me feel bad for feeling so sorry for myself. As to getting into sports, maybe start up a casual conversation about last nights game, doesn't matter what sport, and you'll get connections.

[Tired]

I feel for you my friend. It's good to see you are taking some charge and excercise to lose weight. I can relate to many of the painful things you have experienced. Hopefully the surgery will help you a great deal and boost your selfesteem. I wish you the best of luck, and remember you are not alone in your pain.  

[elio2]

thanks for the words of encouragement guys.
good to know there are some people who understand what it's like to live this kind of life.

strangley enough, with all the stuff that went on and that continues to go on in my life I have never contemplated suicide.   so I guess i am an optimist by nature.  hhehehe.

just got back from the surgery today
was nervous but i learned to keep it under control and maintain my composure.  went well, just a little sore and stiff.  already i see the difference it makes in looking at my shirt.  i'm already walking better and using better posture, not trying to slouch and screw up my back to hide something.

I was really excited when they had to weigh me before the surgery (fully clothed)  my weight is down to 240
70 more pounds and I will be at my goal, hopefully very soon.

I saw Dr. Pensler in Chicago for the surgery and so far  am really greatful I could kiss him.

will keep updates on my recovery progress.

E

[Tired]

Good to hear it went great! Looking forward to the update then, as i am going to experience that same soon.

Cheers.

[snugs]

All I can say is focus on the good, forget the bad.

You admit yourself that you can go out, let loose, and have a good time. I'd kill to be able to do that. I'm very rarely ever invited to a party, and when I do go to them I get physically sick because i'm so nervous/anxious. I have a hard time enjoying myself in public places with friends. Going to the bar, or a club, or a sports game with friends only serves to make me more uptight. Relaxing and having fun out is hard work to me, and staying inside leaves me feeling bored and lonely. Keep in mind this all has absolutely nothing to do with gyno- it's just my personality, for whatever reason.

That said, I've still got a lot going for me:

I'm smarter than most people (though far from brilliant). A little effort in school goes a long way for me.

The few that know me well really like me.

I work hard in the gym and eat right, and that has started to pay off- some of my friends actually admit they're jealous of my body (although I would consider myself far from ideal). Aside from the gyno I got pretty lucky in terms of looks.

I've figured out that anything I work hard at I can be really good at. For some reason I'm naturally good at anything I do after a little work.

I've got a great family that loves and supports me.

Dwelling on what is wrong- my complete failure of a social and love life - only makes me depressed. I'm learning to focus my time, energy, and thoughts into areas that make me happy. Easier said than done, but i suggest you give it a try.

And good luck with the surgery/recovery

[elio2]

well,

it's been almost two weeks.
the swelling is starting to go down, but it still feels hard around the nipple area. the bruising and scarring is going away at a nice pace.  nipples still terribly bruised, still no sensitivity back yet, much of the area is still a little sore and numb.  otherwise, chest is lookin good.

I have started to wear regular shirts...even with the compression vest.  it looks really good.  also have lost more weight, continue to do cardio and abs at the gym and walking and jogging 4-5 miles 2-3 times a day.  I am down to 235 and stomach is starting to shrink and tighten as I melt more fat off the midsection.

I have worn tight form fitting turtle necks and other regular and tight t-shirts,  shirts, no baggy clothes and no loose, button down or oversize shirts.  Feels awesome!  

There was almost no pain, just a little soreness for a ocuple days right after the surgery so there was no need to get the prescriptions.....

few thinhs that help speed up recovery which they will tell you:

1. don't be afraid to get back to or start exercising.
don't do any weight lifting, just do aerobics, walking, jogging, biking, treadmill, elitptical, stairmaster.  tey will ytell you this and give you instructions on what to do pre and ost op.

2. take a multivitamin such as centrum once a day.  but also eat a healthy diet and if you're not already doing it, lose weight by changing your diet.  got to this website if you want to be serious:  www.absdiet.com

3. think positive.  don't worry about how the chest is healing .  the whole healing process will take anywhere from 3-6 months, so i am expecting the bruising, swelling and scarring to slowly reduce over the next few months.  you will only need to wear the compression vest for up 8-12 at max.   it feels nice and adds a dimension of a slimming quality to your whole torso...very cool.

my procedure:
Ultra-Sound assisted liposuction
excision of glandular tissue.  
they used local anethesia with sleeping gas, all very similair to getting your wisdom teeth removed, very simple.

aparently i had pretty serious Gyne
they removed 2 liters of fat and breast tissue.   they made many surprise comments on how much was removed, so I guess it was a lot...

in all I am doing very well and am very satisfied
already I will be joining a soccer league, getting a personal trainer for the gym, taking tennis and golf lessons and signing up for tae kwon do.

things are looking up.  now if i can just find a better quality of people to hang around...ahaah

E2