Time flies, a lesson in compassion

[Paa_Paw]

I was just clearing out my personal message files and found several from Jan 2005.

They were from and about a boy of 15 who was depressed and contemplating suicide because of the affects of his Gynecomastia. His father did not take him seriously he said.

Knowing how my own youth was, and remembering the torment well in spite of the many years; I asked for and he gave me his fathers e-mail address. I corresponded with his father. The boy was seen by his family Doctor, Then an Endocrinologist, Then a Psychologist. One day I recieved a brief message that said simply: "I don't have Gynecomastia.I have something worse, Its called BDD."

He was absolutely correct in that there is something much worse than Gynecomastia, and it is called BDD.

Some of the people who come here have problems other than Gynecomastia alone.

Let us not forget that our purpose here is to help one another and that we are dealing with people who need our support..

[jones357]

What is BDD?

[halo2006]

What is BDD?

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder, which involves a disturbed body image. Body dysmorphic disorder is generally diagnosed of those who are extremely critical of their physique or self image, despite the fact there may be no noticeable disfigurement or defect; individuals secluding themselves from social interaction, often avoiding seeing themselves through a mirror or reflection.

Most people wish they could change or improve their physical apearance, but some people, otherwise considered normal, believe that they are so unspeakably hideous that they are unable to interact with others or function normally for fear of ridicule and humiliation at their ugliness.

BDD focuses on an individual's preoccupation with an imagined physical defect in their appearance although this person looks reasonably normal. This disorder has been referred to as "imagined ugliness" (Barlow, 2006).

It is estimated that BDD affects 1 in 50 people, mostly teenagers and young adults. Low self-esteem is a trademark of those with BDD due to their perceived physical flaws (Phillips, 1991).

[jones357]

Thanks for clearing that up.  Most people who do not have these issues, would say we all are a little BDD.  I hope that kid gets some help.

[Worrier]

Sadly it is very difficult to treat BDD. Standard treatment is an antidepressant and therapy. Some people become more ill and get paranoid like I did and start thinking people are laughing and talking about how they look and have to take stronger drugs.

One of these drugs caused my gyne.It's not very bad now since I came off the drug but it  bugs me like hell. Apparently according to a PS it's only a very borderline case now and another said I didnt need surgery but to me I have huge breasts I see lumps in my t-shirt that are not there and think people are looking at me.

I have done the same with other parts of my body and before I believed my face was disfigured and tried to get surgery for that.It's difficult for me to get surgery partly as I don't think I would ever be satisfied with my chest even a slight scar might freak me out. Or I would pick another body part. I have also been advised not to by my psychologist although it is my decision.

Fortunately Iam doing much better now. I have a job lined up for november and I am wearing t-shirts and going swimming despite finding it very difficult.I have been told I won't get ill like that again but never being satisfied with yourself is draining. I also cannot bear to  have a photgraph taken and even my mum cannot take photos of me .

I really hope you guys who have surgery can feel satisfied with your chest and move on, lifes too short. Some guys do and don't come back I wish I could feel that even for a month. I will probably end up getting the surgery eventually as when I start work I will be able to take my pick of surgeons even if my parents are against it but I doubt it will help.    

[orrible]

Ive read on a few occasions of plastic surgeons performing operations with unsatisfactory results and then blaming the patient and saying they had BDD. Either way its a terrible condition to live with.

[Paa_Paw]

The important thing to remember is that the emotional impact is the same for those of us who have gynecomastia and for those wo simply think they have it.

I also dislike the practice of attempting to separate out those who are deemed to have only Pseudo Gynecomastia. Breast enlargement is still breast enlargement no matter the type or cause.

Sometimes, I too find myself using sharp words and losing patience. This is something we should always guard against. For many young men this site is their last refuge.

[exonym]

We definitely need to display compassion.

Not only that, I'd like to see more folks stick around and help with answers as more and more men come through this site. I started coming here before I had surgery so that I could get information and help. Others may come here just for a sense of community with people who are like them. Whatever the reason, we need to stick around and provide support to each other, as we all know what it's like to go through this.

[hiufung88319]

Although we can't them,at least when we see a people who are look in abnormal shape.We should not always focus on him and don't laugh him.Focus on him will make them stress....Like other people focus on our gyne....alright?

[jones357]

We definitely need to display compassion.

Not only that, I'd like to see more folks stick around and help with answers as more and more men come through this site. I started coming here before I had surgery so that I could get information and help. Others may come here just for a sense of community with people who are like them. Whatever the reason, we need to stick around and provide support to each other, as we all know what it's like to go through this.

I second your comment.  I think there are a small few who are on this site who are "senior members". I am not sure what that really means, but most people are "newbies".  So, people like myself come in get advice, have the correction, and bounce.  That makes it tough, because you tend to hear more about the scary side of the surgery on this site and not enough about the stories where people have the surgery, heal up quick and never look back.  So, people who are on the fence may get scared away for the wrong reason.  I plan on sticking around. I have a little less than two weeks to go. They already charged my credit card for the whole amount, so there is no turning back now.  Wish me luck!

[Paa_Paw]

The sad truth is that many men who are truly happy with the outcome of their surgery simply lose interest in this site and get on with their lives. They are no longer here.

This leaves us with a number of men who have less than satisfactory surgical results who represent a rather unbalanced view. Their concerns are no less valid, but the positives are in comparatively short supply.

Another sad truth was hinted at by another writer. It is that there are some surgeons who lack selectivity and they will operate on those with BDD when they should have referred them to Psychologists. The dissatisfactions of this small group taint the legitimate concerns of others.

[jones357]

Do we really know that those who are truly happy with their surgery leave this site? I've heard this claim many times but is there anything to back it up? It sounds logical but it would be nice to know for sure - if that's possible.

In my experience, a lot of people who have remained here are post-op and say they are quite happy with their results. Personally, I don't think many really leave here and even if they do, it's in even numbers.

I would think that people leave only because there are not that many names on the site.  I have been posting for a month or two and I feel that I know most of the names of the post op guys.  I am just happy that there are a few guys who have stuck around.  

[Paa_Paw]

I just looked at the stats and found that there are 7722 people registered on the site. Most of whom are no longer communicating.

The regular users of the site are a small number. presumably the others have found a way to cope or had their situation resolved. Unfortunately there would be some also who have given up.

In any case they are a resource that is no longer available to us.