Does anyone have to know that I'm having surgery?

[Blitz]

First of all, this is a great site.  I had no idea that there were a lot of guys out there in the same crappy boat I’m in.  

I’m 33 years old and I’ve been living with this problem for about 17 years.  I’ve been told I have breasts when I’m not wearing a shirt. Fortunately, girlfriends have been more sympathetic to my problem and I’ve never really had trouble when it comes to being with women.  I’m kind of muscular to begin with and if I stay in a flex pose with erect nipples,  I might be able to get away with it.  What I don’t like is I can’t take off my shirt at beaches or pools.  I can’t stand the fact that most guys I see don’t have a problem with it.  The fat guy is expected to have breasts so he’s not embarrassed.  

I have a girlfriend and a two year old son.  I don’t want my girlfriend (or anyone else for that matter) to know that I’m thinking of having the procedure done.  Please, no flack about this guys.  My girlfriend may be understanding but I’d rather her not know.  I’m sure some of you guys feel the same way.   I’ve done my research and thanks to Bambu’s diary, I’m thinking of going with Dr. Fielding in Toronto.  By the way, great diary Bambu.  That’s what a diary should consist of….pictures.  

Here’s my plan:  I will tell my girlfriend that I have a seminar to go to on the day of the operation.  I will already have booked a few days off from work as vacation time.  I will head down to the hospital and have the surgery.  I’m hoping to have an early appointment.  I’m sure the hospital attendants will make sure I get into a cab after the surgery is over.  I will ask the cab driver to take me to my car.  I will drive home.  My girlfriend might see me coming through the door in some pain and I will tell her that I pulled a muscle at the gym the night before.  My girlfriend doesn’t see me with my shirt off unless we’re having sex or I’m taking a shower and just getting out of the tub.  We usually don’t have sex because our son drains whatever energy we have left when we come home from work.  I shower in the morning when she’s already gone to work.  I’m sure I can hide this from her for at least a week or two.  

Can someone tell me if this is possible?  Is there something I’m overlooking?  I would like anyone who has had the surgery to reply.  Bambu, I would appreciate it if you shared your two cents.  

Thanks for any help.  

[Seattle000]

My surgeon made it clear that I need to be picked up by a family member or a friend and that the hospital won't release me to a cab driver. Also, you shouldn't be driving after the surgery: you'll have limited arm movement (even several days after surgery I had problems with sharp turns), and you will possibly be on very strong pain killers that might make you fall asleep without you even realizing.

In my case I was asked by my doctor to refrain from taking the compression vest off for five days, so I couldn't shower. It'll be helpful to have somebody who can wash your arms.

I know that you mentioned that telling your girlfriend is not an option. However, if you're already having sex with her she knows about your problem. Couldn't you tell her that it's something that has been always bothering you and having the surgery is very important to you? I bet she'll understand.

I didn't want the world to know about my surgery either, so I told only my closest friend. I can't see how I could have done it without him, especially during the first couple of days.

If you won't change your mind, consider finding a "recovery resort." I think they'll pick you up after the surgery and take care of you for several days (of course they'll expect you to pay for everything they do for you). Your doctor's office might be able to help you with making the arrangements.

[Spleen]

I have a girlfriend and a two year old son.  I don’t want my girlfriend (or anyone else for that matter) to know that I’m thinking of having the procedure done.  Please, no flack about this guys.  My girlfriend may be understanding but I’d rather her not know.   

You don't want her to know because...?

You may not want flack, but you don't think cluing in your de-facto spouse and mother of your kid is a good idea?  What kind of reaction do you expect when she does find out?  You may want to re-think that and I bet it would be to your benefit.  Good luck.

[vaio]

You are going to have to let her know one way or another. Shes your gf for crying out loud. You need to be open with her. Explain to her that you think you have bitach titz and want to have them taken care of. Come across to her with humor. It makes things 10x times easier. I am sure she will support you, which will also make recovery 10x easier.

All in all, you need about 1 week of isolation from peers to get back to everything without them knowing.

[Zardoz]

Dude, If she fucks you she's gonna know.  Just tell her right before you get it done.  I bet she'll be stoked anyway.  After you have the surgery what does it matter.

Example

Person1:  "See that guy over there, he used to have man boobs."
Person2: "What man boobs?"
Person1: "He got them surgically removed."
Person2:  "Who cares."

[Blitz]

Thanks for the flack guys.  I was hoping for some sensitivity from the users on this site.  One of the reasons why I don't want my girlfriend to know is because of the money issue.  Things are tight for us at the moment (new house, baby and everything that comes with it).  I will be paying for the surgery on an unbeknownst credit card.

I know what you guys are thinking.  The peace of mind this surgery gives me far outweighs the money issue.  You guys are right but I know my girlfriend and she'll say it's not a big deal and I should wait.  It would probably escalate into a fight.  Plus, I don't ever want this thrown back into my face during an argument.  Nasty things are said during an argument and I don't want one of them to be this surgery.  Plus, she blabs and I know she can't keep this a secret.  

This is where I'm coming from.  

I'll be starting a new post because I have booked an appt. with Dr. Fielding.  

[Daveo]

I don't know, man.  I can't imagine that you'll be able to keep it from her.  First, she will probably notice that you're acting weird(more than just a pulled muscle).  Second, all it takes is her or someone else touching your torso and asking what it is that you're wearing under your shirt.  You mentioned hiding it for "at least a week or two"...well...that would be a miracle, in my opinion, but then I'd also say that you'd probably have to hide it longer than that.

Dave

[Spleen]

I sincerely think you should take a deep breath and step back for a moment.  Think about how you might feel if your old lady took off for a week and had her boobs done or thighs lipo'd and didn't clue you in until later.  You wouldn't be ticked off by the secrecy, the cost, the risks given that you have a kid, etc?  What you're talking about doing is selfish and childish especially given the extenuating circumstances.  Your having a hard time figuring out how you're gonna counter her objections because they are largely valid.  Sorry if you don't want "flack", people who make bad choices rarely want to hear any.  Let her know what you want to do and I bet you'll have a much better chance of getting the support you need.

[Blitz]

I will say that all the flack I'm getting is valid.

This is my plan:

I tell her I have a seminar on the Wednesday.  The night before I go to the gym and I come home and complain that I dropped a barbell on my chest while doing some bench presses.  I blow it off and tell her I can live with the pain.  The next day, I call her from the hospital (after my surgery) and tell her that I skipped out on the seminar to go to the hospital because the pain was getting worse.  

The doctor tells me that I have to wear a vest for the next few weeks until the chest heals.  In the meantime, he'll prescribe me with painkillers so I'll have the med part covered.  The doctor also told me to take some time off work and avoid heavy lifting until it's healed.  

The only way I can see this being a problem is if something drastically goes wrong and I have to stay in the hospital overnight.  If it came to that, I do have a lie for that as well.  

I'm not asking people to sympathize with me.  I just want to know if there's anything else I'm overlooking.  Do I need a family member or friend to pick me up from the hospital?  I would like someone who booked with Dr. Fielding to give me their input.

Sincerely, thanks for the flack guys.  I can hear what's being said but I'm going down my own road.  

[Daveo]

You're overlooking the scars on your nipples that will most likely be noticeable to her, and the fact that she will notice a change in your chest shape.  She'll eventually put 2 and 2 together.

I mean, do what you gotta do, but my advice is to tell her that you want to do it and you're going to do it.  Don't fight about it, just do it.  She's either with you or she's not.

[gynegoawayplz]

this is an interesting dilema that you have going on.  I say if you can have a baby with her, you can tell her about your surgery.

Good luck though.

[Grandpa Bambu]

Blitz....

So sorry that I took so long to respond. I don't check out 'User Diaries' as often as the other boards. Me bad .

I'm glad that you found my diary and pics to be of some help to you.

Personally, I don't condone lying but hey your business is your business. People have to respect that. IMO, you should tell your GF your plans to have your Gyne removed and your decision is final. If it turns into a fight, then so be it. At least you didn't lie about it. But hey, like I said, it's your business Dude.

If you need a ride home or close to your home ( if you don't want me knowing where you live ) after your surgery, I'd be more than happy to do so. I work shifts, so you would  have to book a Wednesday that I am off. Please, please don't drive yourself home. What if something happend and you passed out at the wheel for some reason related to the surgery or the pain killers that you will be on? Dude it's not worth it!.

I can't see why hospital staff wouldn't let you take a cab though. You should ask JCF about that. If not, please consider my offer.

Like daveo mentioned, the only thing that might be a biatch to hide are the areola incision scars. They take a while to heal up.

Have you been for your consult with JCF yet?

Anyways, let me know if you need a ride home from the hospital...

We'll get you through this...  

John.

[jonQ]

Hey man i  agree with daveo & bambu on the scar issue,their is also going to be a lipo scar on your left and right side...I'm 2 months post-op with Fielding and you can still see the scars...so good luck in regards to that.

As far as not telling her,I would have tpo say that I was in exactly the same boat as you are...But I finally sucked it up and told her...she also said "it's not that noticable" but when I told her I was getting it done she was behind me 100%

As for the money thing being the big argument(i paid by mastercard)  maybe tell her the surgery is covered and still pay for it using the "other card"...anyways man ...good luck to you in whatever you choose to do...

jon

[Blitz]

Hi All,

Thanks for all the info I've received so far.  Bambu, you are a good guy for offering to give me a ride after the surgery.  I probably won't take you up on the offer but thanks.  I will listen to your advice and have someone there to pick me up.  Maybe my brother-in-law with the lie still intact.

Can someone give me some info on how to post some pics?  I've taken pictures on my digital camera but I don't know how to uplink them.  I think it's important that everyone goes that extra mile and upload their pics no matter how embarrassing they think it is.  We just want pics of your chest, not your face.  Watching before and after pics have motivated me to get the ball rolling.

Thanks FB, I will make sure I get on that short list.  Now I just want to rid myself of this thing more than ever.  

Some questions for Dr. Fielding patients:
Will the scar be noticable if I have thick chest hair?  
How many follow ups will I have with Dr. Fielding if everything goes well?  
How long before going back to the gym?  
How long did you have to wear some kind of compression vest?
I want to go to a water park this summer; would the scar be noticable to the point where I'd be embarrassed to take my shirt off?

Fill me in on other things that I should be aware of.  I know I can't sleep on my side.  What's with the drainage?  

Thanks once again guys.   Reminder:  Someone please tell me how to post pics.  

[Grandpa Bambu]

Bambu, you are a good guy for offering to give me a ride after the surgery.  I probably won't take you up on the offer but thanks.  I will listen to your advice and have someone there to pick me up.  Maybe my brother-in-law with the lie still intact.

Okay, not a prob there Dude. If you change your mind, or your Broh-In-Law can't pick you up, don't hesitate to give me a shout...

Can someone give me some info on how to post some pics?  I've taken pictures on my digital camera but I don't know how to uplink them.

First you have to upload your pics from your camera to your hard drive. Then find some Web space like a digital photo hosting Site or maybe your ISP alots you some Web space on their server to upload your pics to. Then post the link to your pics Page on this Site.

For example, Rogers is my ISP. They provide me with unlimited photo storage. So... I uploaded my pics to the Rogers server and then put the link to my pics Page at Rogers here on Gyne.org. It's really easy to do.  

Some questions for Dr. Fielding patients:
Will the scar be noticable if I have thick chest hair?  
How many follow ups will I have with Dr. Fielding if everything goes well?  
How long before going back to the gym?  
How long did you have to wear some kind of compression vest?
I want to go to a water park this summer; would the scar be noticable to the point where I'd be embarrassed to take my shirt off?

1. If you alot of chest hair, the scars should be less noticeable.
2. I had one at 6 days and JCF said he wants to see me again at 3 months. Beyond that I'm not sure. Anyone else?
3. I was doing cardio at 2 weeks and lifting at 3 weeks.
4. The longer the better! I wore mine for 2 weeks.
5. At 6 weeks and beyond, you'll be good to go. You'll still be able to see the scars but no one will be looking at your chest that close to notice.

Fill me in on other things that I should be aware of.  I know I can't sleep on my side.  What's with the drainage?

Yeah, for the first 3 weeks or so, you will be too sore to sleep on your side.

The drainage will stop within the first day or two.

John.