Coping with Crater/Crease 9 months PO

[GyneGoneGuy]

Hey guys, here I am 9 months post-op, and I'm sorry to say I'm just as miserable as I was this time last year, when I was still doing my gyno research. Except then there was still hope. Now I feel that slipping away. My left side isn't so bad, but the right side is a nightmare. It haunts every moment of my day, despite my best efforts to not think about it. Sure, you could say "Don't obsess, you'll just make it worse than it is," but I work in a business where there's nowhere to hide (even though that's ALL I want to do these days), and I blatantly see the looks from other people. Knowing my crater/inverted scar tissue/crease is so visible makes me squirm (pictures to come), and has also affected my body language in awkward ways, crippled my social life, and taken away the desire to pursue any relationships for the time being. I know I'm being very hard on myself, but I also don't think I'm being irrational in wanting to hide. I just wish I could relieve myself from this vice grip of depression that's tightening its hold on me every day. I feel it on a very physical level, deep in my gut.

Sorry for being so bleak, guys. I am so grateful for this community, especially since I have very few people in my life I can talk to about this. I know life will go on one way or the other. I just had such... plans for my life, and this changes my career prospects drastically, not to mention relationships. I love to run and bike, but now I'm limited to running outside on the few nights I have off, because the gnarly contour on my right side is far too obvious during the day. As a result, I've been putting on some weight, which isn't helping matters. I'm working on that, being as that's at least something I can control.

But there's still some hope. I've already had one revision surgery 2 months ago, and it made a nice difference for the left, not so much for the right. Plus the additional scar tissue on the outside as a result, but I can live with that. I'll be seeing my doc again this summer, at which time he's talked about tightening things up a bit by working through incisions at the top of the areolas this time. Not excited about more scars, but if it helps. He's a well regarded gyno specialist in Los Angeles and I was very confident I had made a good choice. I'm not saying I didn't, though I'm curious if anything could have prevented this predicament. I'm really hoping the next surgery (local anesthesia this time, and not as invasive) will help with the crease, though I have a feeling the crater will still always be there. I do feel like my doc sincerely wants to get the best results he can, and I'm not being charged extra for the revision surgeries. I'm also going to make a post in the Ask Doctors section to see if anyone has any suggestions, or if this is something that can indeed be remedied.

But I have questions for anyone here who's gone through this. How'd you get over the depression? Do you have any clothing tips to minimize the visibility of the deformity (I really don't want to go back to Spanx)? If you lost weight or got fit, did that help the appearance, especially with the crater?

I'd be grateful for anybody's input on any of this.

[GyneGoneGuy]

Not flexed 

[GyneGoneGuy]

Flexed 

[GyneGoneGuy]

Right side not flexed 

[GyneGoneGuy]

Right side flexed 

[GyneGoneGuy]

Better angle of the crease 

[flatness13]

I'm more upset by the obstacles of revision surgery than my somewhat botched appearance.

Also I'm a bit confused by your story. You're saying people see your chest at your job I'm just wondering what that's about. And when you're riding a bike? Are your shirtless when you do that? Not trying to be a male thingy here just curious.

[Stan19]

I have exactly the same appearance also at 9 months only my creasing is worse! Flatness what obstacles are finding regarding revision? 

[flatness13]

I have exactly the same appearance also at 9 months only my creasing is worse! Flatness what obstacles are finding regarding revision?

Traveling a good distance for an expert on revisions, needing someone to go with you before and after the operation, there still being a chance that the surgery fails because revisions are more unpredictable and risky etc.

But I should consider myself lucky I guess because my pecs look normal at rest aside from the puffy nipples that remain. The creasing is only on one side when I flex or raise the arm. I'm sorry for you guys, your surgeons should be held accountable in some way there is no excuse for this.

[Stan19]

Are you in the uk? My surgeon Mr Levick unfortunately is retired now and has been since october so iv had no clinical advice since then. Its beyond a joke.  Apparantly Mr Vijh who we were told was taking over aftercare of levicks patients is charging for aftercare when we were told its free   Scandalous in my book. Yes revision is risky business i think i would take that risk if i had the funds   Are you opting for a revision?

[flatness13]

Yeah I'm opting for revision and I definitely don't plan on getting it from my first surgeon, neither should any of you if he did such a bad job thb.

[GyneGoneGuy]

I'm more upset by the obstacles of revision surgery than my somewhat botched appearance.

Also I'm a bit confused by your story. You're saying people see your chest at your job I'm just wondering what that's about. And when you're riding a bike? Are your shirtless when you do that? Not trying to be a male thingy here just curious.

Hi guys, thanks for chiming in. I don't mean to say people can see my actual chest (god knows I wouldn't take my shirt off in public right now). But that's just it. It doesn't matter if I wear one shirt or two shirts, the messed-up contour is still very visible, especially if I'm walking or there's a breeze. And when I lift my right arm, the crater creates a ridiculous pit that I could rest an egg on, so forget biking. Also, I'm a performer who has to regularly present myself to an audience in all sorts of different scenarios/lighting/movements. There is truly nowhere to hide. I look at my audience. I see what they're looking at, and can read their receptivity. Same goes for my peers, or people I simply pass on the sidewalk. I'm not a psychic, but I am very perceptive. There is nothing subtle about how my chest looks, and even though no one's said a single word (what would they say, honestly?), you know when they know that you know that they know. Ya know?

As for obstacles, I don't have to travel far to get to my doc, and like I said I'm not being charged extra, though I would pay extra if 1) it would make a crucial difference, and 2) if I had the money. I'll be paying for this surgery for the next year as it is, so spending more to go somewhere else just isn't an option I have at this time. In the meantime, I just want it to be not so noticeable through a damn shirt (maybe I'll post some shirt pics in the future, to give you all a better idea).

Flatness13, I'm reluctant to place too much blame on the doctor too soon, even though it can be tempting. Every body is different and stuff can happen, I understand. Still, I admit I'm upset that this wasn't better foreseen, with a game plan on what to do if things go awry. I'm going to reserve my final judgment for the final result. I just wish this craziness wasn't taking up a year of my life, not to mention the accumulative month of work I've already had to take off to heal, with more to come.

You're right, though. Doctors should be held accountable for their work.

[flatness13]

Yes pictures of you wearing a shirt would be helpful. I think it could be in your own head.

Honestly I disagree, I find that there's generally 3 types of outcomes with this surgery. 1-perfect result with no problems at rest or flexing/raising arms. 2-normal looking at rest but problems when flexing/raising arms(mine). And the unforgivable one #3: deformities visible even when your chest is relaxed/ at rest.

Btw I am also 9+ months post-op and another surgeon said there's still time for the scar tissue to heal, so there is still hope that things could improve untill the one year mark.

[GyneGoneGuy]

Yeah, I'm not so concerned about the scar tissue at this point, considering everything else. Thank you for the reassurance though.

You're right, those three outcomes pretty much sum it up. And I'm not even sure I disagree with you about the doc getting it right the first (or perhaps second) time. Three times is particularly worrying, but sue me, I'm trying to cling onto whatever optimism I can still muster.

As for this being in my head, I don't know how much clearer I could have been. Would I be having a third surgery otherwise, by the doc's own recommendation? Perhaps my pictures weren't clear enough. I don't mean to sound offended, because I know you're in a similar boat and are trying to be helpful. And sure, I'll be the first to admit I'm more disturbed by my results than anyone else on the planet. But I can objectively tell you it's noticeable. And people notice. Period. When I get a chance I'll attempt another photo shoot. Hell, I may even go buy an egg just to prove the point.

But in all seriousness, flatness13, I appreciate your correspondence and optimism. Thanks, man.

[CJC85]

OP your post rings true in so many ways with me, I feel exactly the same, I could of wrote every word you wrote explaining how I feel about my surgery.  There is a lot that can be improved with your situation just make sure you find a very reputable doc who specialises in revision gyno. I wish you the best of luck, I'm saving for the next couple years so I can go to the USA for revision 

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