Finding what works

[Dudewithboobs]

My wife and I have always been brutally honest about most things. Intimacy being one of them. We believe it is crucial and an important area to stay focused on so we don’t just become roommates. And contrary to the plaguing of ED and other issues on my end this year due to hormones. We have always kept trying even if it seemed disappointment was inevitable. 

Recently my wife told me she would like to use her toy before we are intimate to see if it will help with her being more in the mood. I asked why this would help, not that I was against it just curious. And she bluntly told me that while everything else is great, sex itself, is just boring and she doesn’t feel much during it and feels if she could use her toy before hand then maybe during the moment itself with me would be more enjoyable. I told her I didn’t mind and we could try and sure enough it certainly has helped. 

We have tried quite a few things over the last year to no avail of making things more interesting or anticipated. But this seems to have helped her get in the mood and take care of things where I couldn’t really tend to. 

[42CSurprise!]

Respect.  I was never able to dive into such matters with my former wives and we invariably became roommates rather than lovers.  Sexual intimacy has always been a minefield for me because of sexual abuse that happened when I was a young boy.  But as you share your journey with breast development it is clear the estrogen that supports breast development comes at the expense of testosterone.  Of course that naturally happens as we age which is probably why so many men eventually find themselves contended with soft chests.  I'm not in an intimate relationship at this time in my life so have no need to traverse the territory you're exploring with your wife.  I don't think this is an easy subject to talk about but that doesn't mean it isn't at play for men here.  I love my breasts and even though there is an erotic element to my enjoyment of having them, there really is no way to "enjoy" them.  My get up and go got up and went...

An intimate relationship that is healthy will find ways to navigate everything that life brings us... aging is often about letting go of what has given us pleasure and even meaning in our lives.  But there is no turning back the clock.  The line "meeting life on life's terms" will be familiar to everyone with experience of 12 Step work.  Doing otherwise is a recipe for suffering.  So you and your wife are finding your way and in reality, whatever works for the two of you is great.  The best to you both.

[oldguy]

My wife and I have always been brutally honest about most things. Intimacy being one of them. We believe it is crucial and an important area to stay focused on so we don’t just become roommates. And contrary to the plaguing of ED and other issues on my end this year due to hormones. We have always kept trying even if it seemed disappointment was inevitable.

Recently my wife told me she would like to use her toy before we are intimate to see if it will help with her being more in the mood. I asked why this would help, not that I was against it just curious. And she bluntly told me that while everything else is great, sex itself, is just boring and she doesn’t feel much during it and feels if she could use her toy before hand then maybe during the moment itself with me would be more enjoyable. I told her I didn’t mind and we could try and sure enough it certainly has helped.

We have tried quite a few things over the last year to no avail of making things more interesting or anticipated. But this seems to have helped her get in the mood and take care of things where I couldn’t really tend to.

Dude,

Yes, you are brutally honest.  That is good.

After back and two knee surgeries, my flexibility is limited.  My wife's is also limited. We put each other before us. And will do whatever to make each other happy. 

We begin with candles and music. Then by cuddling and talking about memories of our 57 years together.  After I help her with her toy, which gives several orgasms.  Then she mounts me and it doesn't take me long.  Occasionally, she will have one more. 

I am always surprised that it take 90 minutes or longer.  At 74, time flies.

[42CSurprise!]

...We begin with candles and music. Then by cuddling and talking about memories of our 57 years together.  After I help her with her toy, which gives several orgasms.  Then she mounts me and it doesn't take me long.  Occasionally, she will have one more. 

I am always surprised that it take 90 minutes or longer.  At 74, time flies.

Probably most of us as boys considered the possibility our parents were "doing it" off putting... but then we get old and discover an intimate relationships IS intimate.  I'm happy for you and your wife that you've kept the home fires burning.

[WPW717]

Castration 8 months ago hasn’t affected the intimacy one whit.

 I /we    are / were.  horny rabbits in our youth too! 

Won’t get to 57 years as I married later at 36. Been together 38 years now 
We are all the same in our differences, the only difference is in the way we manage them.
The brutal honesty is a prerequisite for a good marriage, ignore the world rather than your spouse is a watchword for us.

[42CSurprise!]

...We are all the same in our differences, the only difference is in the way we manage them.
The brutal honesty is a prerequisite for a good marriage, ignore the world rather than your spouse is a watchword for us.

Wonderful advice that is as appropriate for the men here coming to terms with breasts and choosing brassieres rather than surgery.  Whatever we choose to do and however we characterize what this journey means it is nobody's business but out own.  Fortunately we've found some men willing to have a conversation about the journey who have no interest in demeaning our choices.