I have never before posted on this forum but I have viewed it from time to time. This morning I had surgery to correct my gynecomastia and I have decided to gather my thoughts and share them. This will probably get lengthy...
I began to gain weight by the time I was in 1st grade, I just liked eating a lot. In grade school I soon became one of the chunkiest kids around. I was also taller than the other kids and I quickly became the school bully. As the years went by I became popular at school as the comedic jolly fat kid. I also developed into a very intelligent kid. By my sophomore year in high school I was 5"11 240 lbs. I was also a good drummer, computer programmer, all around brilliant student, and chilled out pot smoker. At this point things were going well for me but I was staring at the mirror everyday disgusted at my fat self. I had already pretty much figured that I would never be able to lose weight, I had gone on diets and never stuck to them for long.
Then one day in sophomore year I found myself feeling dazed and without an appetite. I realized that I had fallen for a girl in my biology class. I had been attracted to women before, but always ruled out the possibility of any relationship due to my appearance. I decided at that moment to start losing weight. It worked this time because I used self hatred as a motivator. I also told myself if I lost weight this girl would like me.
I started eating 1000 calories a day and running for 45 minutes a night. Any of you who know about diet and exercise know that this is way too intense of a diet for a 245 lb man. Intense or not, it started working very quickly. That summer after sophomore year I went down to about 190 lbs. I went for the girl while i was still pretty chubby and she didn't go for me. Since we became good friends I was certain that she didn't want a relationship only because of my appearance, This gave me even more motivation to lose weight.
People took notice of my weight loss and everyone complimented me, I loved all the positive attention. This drove me to a classic case of anorexia. I associated feeling good with losing lbs. so I kept doing it. Also, my breasts and spare tire weren't going away so in my eyes I was still fat. By springtime of my junior year of high school I was down to 145 lbs. at 6"1. Because of how excessively I was running people took notice and told me to try out for the cross country team. I joined the team and was the second fastest runner on the team. The fastest runner was the city champion, so I felt good about my standing. As the season went on I actually fell towards the middle of the team in my times. I realized I had lost so much muscle from overdieting that I was training all the time and getting slower.
So spring of junior year, about one year after I started losing weight I decided to start a new transformation- gaining muscle. I started lifting weights very intensely. I loved the pump I got from workouts and kept at it. I immediately gained some muscle from lifting and for the first time ever, considered myself an attractive person. Soon my gains plateaued and it was clear I would have to start eating extra food to gain more muscle. I also still had a bunch of fat on my chest and stomach and I figured if I filled out with more muscle it would look better.
I started bulking, knowing that I would gain some fat along with the muscle. I wasn't worried because I was a very talented dieter by this point and knew I could easily diet off the extra fat. After a short time bulking I noticed that although my bodyfat level was still very low, my chest and abdomen took in all of the fat that i gained. I quickly became uncomfortable with the fat I was gaining and went back to dieting. I continued this for the next 2 years. I kept deciding to bulk up, then feeling fat and dieting again. I was still dieting 90% of the time. This very slowly improved my appearance. I went from 145 lbs. to 165 lbs. while actually lowering my body fat. Of course at 6"1, 165 lbs. is still pretty skinny.
I believed this whole time that if I kept at working out and dieting my gyne would vanish. In my senior year I finally had the confidence and body to attract women. I became an immediate dog and fooled with around with about 15 different girls in my senior year. Of course, I never once took my shirt off with any of these girls, so I was very limited in terms of intimacy. My first year after high school I continued working out and dieting but my progress completely stopped. Without allowing myself to gain fat I couldn't get any more muscle. I also realized that getting bigger muscles didn't help my gynecomastia or my belly.
I began researching my condition online, I found a lot of helpful stuff, including this site. I still denied that I had the gynecomastia I was reading about, I could work it off i still thought. That summer I became involved with a beautiful and brilliant girl that I wanted so badly to be comfortable being intimate around. THis was my first time really in a relationship, I hooked up with all the other girls at parties and what not, usually drunk. This girl was going to be around 'the day after' and I was sober around her. This meant I had to actually become comfortable around her. I couldn't do it, I always had to cross my arms over my chest with her or lean forward. I couldn't stop thinking about whether I was succesful at hiding my gyne from her. I resolved to ask my doctor about my gyne at my next visit.
The doctor told me I had gynecomastia and that it would never go away and my only option was surgery. He immediately asked if I wanted him to set me up with a plastic surgeon and I said I had to think it over first and talk to my parents. I had no idea how my parents would react to this. I knew that if they didn't approve, I could still do it because I'm 19. I talked to my mom and I realized that other than the doctor the day before I had never talked to anyone about my gynecomastia and how it made me feel before in my entire life. I was in tears. I realized that my drive in life, to be a better athlete, student, musician, etc. To be better than everyone else at everything was because I felt inferior and ugly. My mom told me that my dad had plastic surgery on his chest over 20 years prior, but that it was a secret and unless he shared it with me I had to pretend I didn't know. My mother was ready to support me with whatever I decided but I was very far from any decision.
I went back to college and my girl dumped me. It took a while for me to talk to my dad about my gynecomastia. I was very surprised that he had plastic surgery. I knew that he understood my position but I just wasn't comfortable talkin about my gyne with anybody but my mom. My mom had worked as a weight loss counsler in a clinic attached to a plastic surgery center. She had connections with plastic surgeons in Seattle and went to work on seeing what my options were. We quickly found that my mom's old office was the best, this was also good because I felt more comfortable with someone that my mother knew well. I wanted to go in and meet with this Dr. Marcus Walkinshaw. I spoke to my father first and he was very supportive of me. He never brought up his own surgery and I pretended not to know about it. He said two thing to me that I thought about a lot: 'Think of it as an investment, you're investing in the way you will feel for the rest of your life'. Second, I said I was concerned that I was focusing on the external when my feelings are really an internal issue. He said: 'If your uncomfortable with your appearance and it bothers you alot AND you can change it, you should do it.'
I went back to seattle (I attend college in New York) later that fall and met with Dr. Walkinshaw. I didn't learn much that I hadn't read online. He did inform me that my stomach was the same as my chest in that it would not go away without surgery. So I went back to college for the rest of the semester (we are in my second year out of high school at this point). That semester and the summer before I knew that my gynecomastia wasn't gonna change much and decided to start bulking up for real. I went from 165 to 180 lbs. almost all of that gain being muscle. By this point I am a very attractive young man with very defined features, I get a lot of attention from women and find it incredibly difficult to constantly hide my chest. This semester is an emotional roller coaster. I end up taking LSD four times, and it gets me thinking A LOT.
As the semester comes to an end I realize that I now have an oppurtunity to go back home to seattle for a long period of time. I knew if I had the surgery i would do it in the relaxed nurturing environment of my parents house in seattle, not my new york apartment. I schedule a 3 week trip to seattle and all of my new york friends want to know why I am going back for so long. I decided to have ultrasonic liposuction done on my chest and abdomen by Dr. Walkinshaw. I saw many photos of patients that Dr. Walkinshaw had treated. Although I saw some pictures on the internet where the men came out with flatter chests, I was comfortable with Dr. Walkinshaw which was important to me. I knew that he would not be overagressive with the lipo, but that I would still come out looking good too. I went for a preop and they drew some blood and gave me some instructions for the day of surgery. The nurse offered me valiums to help me sleep the night before surgery but I told he I preferred smoking weed and would do that.
I was told to quit smoking by Dr. Walkinshaw at the preop and I have now gone about 6 days on 3 cigarettes. I had two of the cigs with a girl (her idea) while drunk at a party and I was convincing her to fool around with me so I note that having a cigarette to try to get sex isn't the same as doing it just for the cig.
I was told not to eat before surgery and I came in feeling hungry and rattly (remember, I just quit smoking). The nurse had me undress and put on a gown. She shot me with some mild anaesthetic to relax me while she hooked in the IV. She then put some more anaesthetic and some antibiotics through the IV. The doctor came in and told me to pull up my gown. He marked the areas to be sucked out on my chest and stomach with a marker. He then told me to go and pee even if I didn't feel like i had to. I sat back down and they gave me a showercap type thing to put over my hair. The doctor told me to walk into the operating room, as I got up the doctor had his arm on me and was helping me walk. Being 19 and in ridiculously good shape I felt uncomfortable being helped so I said I would walk myself. I noticed that I felt a little wobbly from the anaesthetic and the doctor was taking reasonable precaution. I remember laying down on the chair in the operating room and then instantly waking up back in the other room where i started. I was tightly bound up in compression garments on my chest and waist. The nurse removed the IV and I put my clothes on over the compression garments. My mom drove me home and pain started to set in as the anaesthetic wore off. I began popping vicotins I was prescribed and they alleviated the pain somewhat and took my mind off it.
Now I am about 12 hours post op, the pain already seems to be decreasing, and it was never that bad at all. I was scared of being in a lot of pain and it turned out to be next to nothing. I have not removed the compression garments at all yet per my doctors instruction. The doctor told me that the areas would be swollen anyways and it would take like a week to see nice results and 6 months til the final product.
I feel somewhat anxious now that I will not be satisfied with the results, that my chest and stomach will still appear flabby. However, the fact that I know that I just had fat removed from my chest and stomach, something that I have dreamed of for years, far outweights the anxiety.
Well thats all folks, I just popped a lot of vicotins so I should be high soon and ready to watch a movie. Wish me luck on the results of my operation. Thank you to everyone who contributes to this forum because i have found it very helpful!
Topic: my gyne story (Read 5524 times)
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