Mom tells her friends im getting an operation

[Gynecomastia1617]

This is emabarrasing as hell. Im trying to hide this crap with compression shirts, and my mom tells her close friends all about my operation, as if it were a public issue. Oh and by the way all my moms friends are her close friends. They have kids, who are my friends. Who knows how many people will know im having it. For all I know they could be planning a surprise party for when I get back form the operation. I'm telling her to stop telling people, and she smiles and sais its no big deal. It kills me that people know this other than me, my surgeon, and my family. Any advice?

[Bradley07]

all you can do is try to explain to your mom that, even though it's not a big deal to HER, it IS a big deal to YOU and that she should try to be more understanding. other than that, you can't really control what other people say. people are always going to talk. but in the end, it's probably *not* really a big deal to the people who care about you. after all, the people who really matter don't mind and the people who do mind don't really matter

[Gynecomastia1617]

Good point of view

[PeterBateman]

keeping it quiet (for this type of surgery, and guys being guys aka ballbusters), its better kept quiet i think...but you could take the other approach if you feel like more than just your moms friends now know - you could play the 'i couldnt care less if you know' approach.  especially since its a 'diagnosis' of gyne, not just some vain approach by you to better your looks.  

[Paa_Paw]

I think anyone here can well understand your desire to keep things private. Unfortunately, once the cat is out of the bag you will find it impossible to put him back.

Your friends will probably not need or expect any explanation. People who are not your friends probably would not believe any explanation. Perhaps by becoming public, the issue will help you sort them out.

[Gynecomastia1617]

d**n! thanks guys! No wonder you have 5 stars Paw. You must have alot of experience on how to deal with gyne. Im really gonna put some thought into both of those opinions, eventhough they are kinda opposites. They are both pretty good. Appreciated

[headheldhigh01]

the only thing you can really add is women often talk more intimately with their friends, but even that only goes so far.  she'd probably understand your position better if you compared it to you telling all your friends that she was getting something like an enormous chest hair removal job done, she might see the other side of it then  

[jack9]

It's too late to keep the secret since mom already told people. Insist that she tells no more. Be prepared to respond when one of those kids says something to you. I would imagine that some of those moms mentioned it to their kids especially since your mom was talking about it so freely. I have kids your age and I would probably mention it to them--not in a mean way. But I may mention that you were having it done and how happy we were for you.  

Make your response effective so it won't be mentioned again. Something like "thanks for your concern, I feel a lot better."  

[silly_guy]

Well first of all, its cool your mom's going through with this.

Yeah just make sure she knows how much it bothers you.  You wouldn't be getting the surgery if gyne was 'it's no big deal'.

You might explain it as a private family matter.  I'm sure theres things that she wouldn't want anyone discussing outside of the family.

And then in the future, mind what you her.  She sounds really gossipy.

[Gynecomastia1617]

I got it... I think ill tell my friends that I had Gynecomastia.. they'll be twisted. Then Ill explain that its basically male breast cancer, and that my tumors were benign, and could have become malignant at anytime, so my doctor suggested to remove the tumors asap, to assure I dont get cancer. Any objections?

[manic91m9]

sure thats a GREAT idea! do any of your friends have brains? or internet connections? its not hard to google gynecomastia.  also dont u think that having cancerous tumors directy under each nipple is a bit unbelivable?

[Warlord]

sure thats a GREAT idea! do any of your friends have brains? or internet connections? its not hard to google gynecomastia.  also dont u think that having cancerous tumors directy under each nipple is a bit unbelivable?

Blunt, but true.  If this has actually gone beyond your mom's circle of friends (and that's a big IF), then the best policy would be honesty.  If her friends' children are your friends and some of them give you grief over this, then I guess you'll see which are your true friends and which are not.

As for your mom, her decision to tell others was just plain disrespectful.  If a person makes a decision in their life, another person does NOT have the right to override that decision!  With all respect to your mom, who the hell does she think she is?  How would she like it if you told people about her taking Prozac or having a mastectomy three years ago or whatever?  She obviously still looks at you as her little 6-year old baby, instead of the young man that you are.  

Maybe you need to have a very serious and direct heart-to-heart.  Seriously.  Get her alone and be very direct and blunt with her.  Let her know that you feel she had no right to speak for you and that she may have caused you much embarassment with your friends.  Try to use an example from her life (either from her youth or something recent, like I described earlier) and ask her how she would've liked it if someone had blabbed those private details to the world.  Maybe it'll help her gain the proper perspective on your situation.

Regardless, I'd recommend not lying.  Like Paa_Paw said, once the cat's out of the bag, there's really nothing you can do.  Just be open and honest to any sincere questions.  Not only will it help you come to terms with the psychological aspect of gynecomastia that you've been dealing with for years, but it may also help another silent sufferer to see someone who's made it through.  I know that's why I'M on this forum...

[ddaavviidd]

Your mom sounds like a phuckng idiot,  How could she do that.  I would NEVER  forgive her for the rest of my life

[Worrier]

My mum told my aunt when I had gyno.I realised this when I went round to see my uncle and he said ' Pretty soon you will have breasts like mine son , don't worry gives you something to play about with in the bath'

Thank fu@k my moobs went. I was not happy at all with my mum.She knows what my uncles like  it will be hey 'x' remember when you had breasts!' probably in front of a girl..... Although at least my mum apologised

Tell your mum it is a big deal. How would she like it if you told all her friends she had vaginal thrush?.

[ross12387]

if it gets to any friends or anyone else simply tell them to grow up and think of how they would feel and that they would do the same thing if they had it. and if they are going to continue being immature, iam sure you can find some hurtful to say about them. sucks to sink to there level but this is a very fragile subject/