My mind's playing tricks on me (again)

[dlrs44]

 Starting around early December, right before my 30th birthday, which (not coincidentally) was just after a major break-up, I began obsessing about my gyno again.  I had started drinking and smoking pot for a few months after having stopped for awhile and thought that maybe this was to blame for what I felt was an increase in the size of my moobs as compared to 6 months prior.  So I gave up smoking pot in early December and then quit drinking right before New Year's.  I started eating healthier, exercising a little more and drinking a ton of water and - poof! - the boobs seemed to shrink before my eyes.  In no more than a week's time they were back to what I had remembered them being 6 months earlier... Not completely flat but way more "manageable."  I felt great!  I happily played basketball and was not deterred when I had to be a "skin."  I even thought of posting on this site that quitting the substances had provided real positive results (I'm not overweight at all so I was suspecting that the lack of substances had evened out the hormones in my body or something). 

Then last week I played bball again and had to be "skin" practically the whole time and for some reason all of a sudden I felt like every person in the gym was staring at me.  There were some people there spectating and I just felt that their eyes were glued to my chest, and I noticed a few guys and a girl who were playing take glances at my chest.  From then on I've begun obsessing again and although I'm sure the boobs are the same as they were two weeks ago they now appear quite a bit worse to me when I look in the mirror.  Now I'm wondering if they ever got smaller in the first place or if it was all in my head.  Whereas two weeks ago if I saw one of my co-workers glance at my chest area I would have thought they were thinking how I look thin and healthy, now I feel that everyone at work is CONSTANTLY looking at my chest and discreetly talking amongst themselves about my boobs... ludicrous I know!  But I'm sure many of you can relate... So after all but writing off surgery just two weeks ago I've spent the night tonight reading over this site again and staring at my moobs in the mirror, basically determining that they are indeed bad enough for surgery. 

How many of you out there have had similar experiences?  It's like giving up pot/alcohol in the hope of seeing positive results with the gyne allowed for a state of mind where I became accepting of myself, but now that I've been healthy for almost a month and the boobs are still there (even if they are smaller they are still there), I find myself right back in the place where I started.  It's just amazing how this state of mind swings from one side to the other, and how it affects so many things in my life... attitude, confidence, emotions, even the ability to function normally day to day.  If I'm feeling okay or good about the gyno I thrive in all aspects of life, but if I'm feeling bad about it it consumes me and makes me bitter, jaded, un-confident and downright sad.  Can anyone relate?   

[headheldhigh01]

of course, almost nobody's not seriously affected mentally by this sh**. 

i doubt you were imagining it, you probably have a pretty good eye for when it might have improved or not.  the problem is that even with an improvement, you might still have had it bad enough for people to stare.  whether they believe it or not, this happens a lot even in cases some people with severe cases think of as "mild". 

also, pot is always controversial here, but the fact is, it and alcohol in the liver can have an effect on hormones, so one man's anecdotal evidence is another man's data point. i never felt the need to try the stuff myself, but i still think if i had the choice between pot on the one hand and not jeopardizing a new post op confidence on the other, i know which one i personally would go with. 

hope that helps a little. 

[dlrs44]

Thanks for the reply.  In regard to the marijuana I am done with the stuff.  I smoked it regularly from the time I was 15 right up until a couple years ago and man I wish I hadn't.  I remember finding out in 2007 that marijuana may be a cause of gynecomastia.  I was so pissed at myself and started blaming my gyne on all those years, especially in my younger days, when I smoked weed all the time.   Man, I remember in the DARE anti-drug classes they gave in 6th grade how they never gave me one truly good reason to not try drugs.  If they would have said "pot and alcohol causes boobs on men" I would have been clean as a whistle throughout high school and beyond!

[digitalgod]

Some days gyne is a lot worse than others.
It depends on the temperature, humidity etc.

I think your boobs "shrunk" when you stopped drinking and using pot, not because your lifestyle change but because of your physical environment when you examined them. It is unlikely that you would lose fat or gland just from not drinking, it just doesn't make any sense. I can see how drinking and smoking pot in the long term would make it a little worse maybe but I think even those effects are exaggerated and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.