Telling the family - long post!

[Chorlton]

I had to tell my  brother about the op - you know just in case anything happened!  He came to see me in the hospital.  I remember telling him I was going to surgey and to guess what for and he had no clue.  Even when I told him what it was for he was gobsmacked and said he had not really noticed.  I took my top off (first time since we were kids) and showed him my boobs and he said he understood - although not fully.  He managed to find this website on the internet and rang me up to ask if I was Chorlton.  After reading the people posts and the mental anguish the condition causes he said he fully understood and back my decision to go for surgery.

When I was off the week after surgery I went to see my dad.  He had been ill and I was able to spend a few days looking after him.  I decided to tell him. Armed with my digital camera I told him and showed him the pictures.  He said that although he saw my chest was bigger he thought it was from body building and exercise (me always being on some health resime).  I explained that trying to lose weight all the time was to get rid of the boobs.  I told him about the fact i thought about it every day since i was 10.  I told him about the channel four documentry.  And you know what he said?  Why had I not told him when I was younger.  He would have helped me sort it out.  That got me thinking.  Why had I not told him.  It was like some guilty secret.  I had shared it with my best friend and we had talked about it maybe 3 times since being kids.  But other then that no one else.  Being african I went through a ceromony when I was about 10 which involved 2 little scars being put on my chest. And I had always associated that to the boobs.  And in a way blamed my dad for putting me through it.  But as I got older I accepted the boobs until I watched the channel 4 documentary.  So the chat with my dad was like closure.  I told him why I thought I had them and then told him that the scars had nothing to do with the boob growth.  But had the ceromoney not took place it was good to know i could have spoke to dad about it and he would have helped sorted it before I was in my 30's.

I then went on to tell my little brother.  He to was gobsmacked untill he saw the pics (we gyne sufferers are pretty good at masking the condition - out with the dark cloths now eh!).  He said oh yes you always were black.  Then I told my little sis - and reminded her the times she had called my boobs.  She could not remember but apologised.  She also did not think I was bothered about it but was concerned just how much it had played on my mine.

I do think gyne can be in the mind of the beholder.  I have seen plenty of guys with their shirts off shaking their boobs like a poleroid picture with out a care in the world where others like myself would do their upmost to mask and hide the condition.  Once the realisation comes into ones head it is time to think about a resolution (which may not always be surgery) but some thing that can give you some kind of closure and put your mind at rest.

I have set myself the goal of informing as may people who I see with gyne about this site and the options available.  It will not be easy though.  If I mention it to some one who is happy with the way they look even with gyne then my conversation could open up doubt within them selves and set them on the road to mental unease about their condition - something they probably did not have before.  This is something I would want to avoid.

So how would you challange some one you think had the condition?  What would you say to let them know you know they have it and to give them information.

Sunday morning ramble over.

Chorlton

[RRB]

Hi Chorlton

That story was a good read, I also told my mum and my sister, the 2 of them didnt even really bat an eyelid about it and had said they had read/seen tv about the condition before.  I also told my best friend who is a girl about it the week before i had surgery and it was great to finally tell someone who was not family about it.  I also told my friend after the surgery all about the procedure and other things related to it.  It really was good to eventually be able to share it.

Although i was very embarrassed about my gyne and hid it at every opportunity I think i could now say to people well i did have gyne but i dont now.  As for informing people you see with gyne, this is a tricky situation.  I dont think i would approach someone i didnt know and tell them, as much as i would like to, they may not be too receptive.  If it was a friend then yes i would mention to them. What i will do is still constantly visit this site and offer as much advice here as i can to people looking to get their problems sorted.

[Time_to_fix_it]

Good post Chorlton.  It will be an inspiration to many I think.  As for approaching others .. that is a difficult one and not something I think I could do as it could offend and hurt someone desperately trying to hide their gyne.  Catch 22 situation isn’t it?

RRB .... you picked up on something that I have seen on other threads and that is revisiting this site to offer advice and share experiences now that your gyne has been removed. That would be a great help to many I feel.  It’s perfectly understandable that once someone has gone through the tortuous process of recognising their gyne, coming to terms with it and maybe eventually having surgery, it’s understandable that they want to get on with their life and forget about the whole experience.  I’ve read your posts and those of Chorlton over the last few months with interest .... Good on you fellas for not forgetting us.

[Yorkshireman]

Chorlton, I am having surgery in 3 weeks.  I am not planning on telling my fam,ily. Nobody knows about my gyne, and Ive hidden it for this long so I am reluctant to tell anyone about it at this late stage in the day...

Do you think that if you hadn't told your family about the op that they would have found out in any event?

Your comments would be most helpful as I am finding myself in something of a dilemma in deciding whether to tell my family, or to go and do the surgery, stay in Brum for 4/5 days and then come back home, and just get on with things as usual...

[RRB]

Yorkshireman

I have no idea how you handle ordeals or such so i wont give advice to what you should do or dont do.

For me I found it such a relief to be able to speak openly to someone about it.  I was out with my best friend on Thursday there having told her about my condition just before I had surgery.  I couldnt stop talking about the procedure and how i felt now.  Sometimes it really is good to talk.

As i said for me it was good, it may be different for you so dont take what i say as advice, its just my story.

[doddy]

Chorlton, I am having surgery in 3 weeks.  I am not planning on telling my fam,ily. Nobody knows about my gyne, and Ive hidden it for this long so I am reluctant to tell anyone about it at this late stage in the day...

Do you think that if you hadn't told your family about the op that they would have found out in any event?

Your comments would be most helpful as I am finding myself in something of a dilemma in deciding whether to tell my family, or to go and do the surgery, stay in Brum for 4/5 days and then come back home, and just get on with things as usual...

I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I'm not going to tell anyone either.

It's something I've hidden for about 4 years, it'd just be too hard to go into it now. Also, considering it should all be sorted soon enough, I feel it might be a touch pointless doing so as well.

[Yorkshireman]

RRB thanks for sharing your experience.....Im generally quite good at dealing with things on my own, being a very independent person...

My friends would probably be very sypathetic, but I find its just TOO personal to share with them....I went on hols with friends last year and was VERY careful not to let the gyne loose!.....I basically have made my mind up that I dont want to tell anyaone, unless it is absolutely essential.....can I get away ith it is the question!?

[doddy]

Of course you can. You have ages to think of an excuse, anyway.

[RRB]

I would say yes you can get away with it.  You may find that some people have noticed before but nothing has been said.  My mother told me she knew after i told her and my sister wasnt surprised when i told her either.  They knew but nothing was ever said.

My friend said after the op that now that she was actually looking she has noticed its not there now but it didnt really click with her until i pointed it out.

In my opinion only, i think its easier just to tell the people your comfortable with the truth and tell other something different.  Thats just from my own experience though.

In saying that I have only told 3 people (mum, sister and a friend)  i have also told other people i know ive had an op but its personal to me and thats been the end of the conversation.

[AJP]

Some very good points; from both ends of the argument.

I've only told my parents - for some reason I didn't really want to bring my mates into it this time. The first op I had, under the NHS, I told all my mates. For some reason afterwards I thought "I didn't need to tell them". So this time they think I've got gastroenteritis and I'll be at home for a good week or so. Which is more of a white lie than anything.

It boils down to the individual, and how comfortable the individual is with telling certain people. If you only want to tell your nearest and dearest, fine. If you tell nobody, fine. At the end of the day, if telling everyone turns out to be less of a benefit than keeping quiet, then some people may regret speaking up. Do and say whatever you think is best.

[Chorlton]

On reflection now I think I will bite my tongue if I see someone.  I wonder how I would react if some one had approached me and sparked off a conversation!  Actually I think I would have listerned to the info and acted on it but not every one is the same I guess. I think I will give advise on the board instead and pop in from time to time.

With regards telling family.. it is an individual choice.  I have only told my best mate but he is yet to see the results.  All my other mates look at me and ask if I  have lost weight.  I have just been round to the inlaws and my father in law looked as if he was staring at my chest (in tight tee of course - yeah!) and asked if I had lost weight.  I suppose if people do not know about the condition then it makes sense that if you don't have man boobs they have gone with weight loss.

I think it will be hard for me to keep it to myself as sometimes I feel like shouting from the roof top that I am "sorted" but I think I will remain to keep it to myself unless I get off my head one night and blab in the pub.

Thanks all for your post.

Chorlton

[doddy]

Interesting, C.

I strongly think that you're right to bite your tongue. I get the feeling that the people it really bothers will probably do some research anyway, without being told.

Those who it didn't bother might start to get bothered by it, causing them anguish. After all, gynecomastia is actually only a problem because of how it affects us mentally.

[Merv_UK]

I think peoples comfort zones differ wildly. I was thinking after my spell in the Priory about how many guys are getting surgery that only read posts and don't post themselve. If you look at the number of Users vs Guests or Replies vs Views, that says something itself. On the Friday, when I went back into theatre I saw the sugery list: 2 other Gyne ops. So RRB and I were in at the same time, blond_lad and had_the_op posted afterwards to say they were in the same week; by my (shaky) powers of deduction there was another who doesn't post in on the Friday and maybe one other that week.

My point is that some guys may not even feel comfortable in posting anonymously (I know I lurked for a long time before posting), whilst others may feel more comfortable about it all after the op. Of course, maybe not everyone is aware of this site.

The only people who know about my op are my parents and my brother and his wife. My bro had a gyne correction op on the NHS 10 yrs ago and when I told my dad he joked that it was his fault as I'd got his genes (he has mild gyne but now that he's older...). I've noticed some of my mates looking at my chest and I think its pretty obvious, even under clothing, that my shape has changed dramatically overnight but I don't really care. Now that its gone, the stigma has gone, instantly after the operation. It was as if Mr Levick excised my embarrasment as well as the flesh. I don't intend advertising it but really am not that concerned about who knows now, if someone asked me about it I'd level with them.

Its a moral minefield though: I'd definitely be open with anyone who approached me about it but how likely is it that someone is going to do that. I now I'm only where I am now i.e. Post Op because my brother had the balls to tackle it 10yrs ago and because he actively brought the subject of my Gyne up after the Channel 4 Doc.

[shaggy-dude]

planning to get mine sorted as soon as I can be fitted in or time is right (do I need to lose weight or is plump best)

I wont be telling anyone.. and will be taking a couple of weeks out of the office (self employed so will just work from a hotel as I am at home with parents following a divorce)

I just think it's a problem I have and will deal with myself.. my parents will just say "don't be silly... no one will even notice them" but as I have a good hand full hangin over on each side I want them gone for good.

those that didnt know..wont and those that did notice.. will notice a difference and say nothing ..so no need to say anythign to anyone in my case I think..

[Chorlton]

Thinking back as well, I did not tell the family before hand because I did not want to be talked out of doing the op.  I suppose - my problem, my solution my cash.  It was probably easy to talk to the family after it was done then feel the pressure if they had been totally against it before hand.

Each to their own.  every one has to find their own way through it once having the power of information behind them.  I got all my information from this site.  god bless you guys

Chorlton