Author Topic: This is me  (Read 61131 times)

Offline Johndoe1

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I am much more emotional now than I ever have been. I can be as emotional as any woman at the drop of the hat. It's become so intense that I have to hide it if it happens in public and it's getting harder to do. While I don't feel anything has changed, the truth is, I have changed. It's been so slow, it's gone unnoticed until recently. I am not sure if it's good or bad. 
Womanhood is not defined by breasts, and breasts are not indicative of womanhood. - Melissa Fabello

Offline Parity

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JD1 I feel its a blessing. To have empathy, feelings for others, compassion and just concern for others.... I wouldn't trade it for money or fame.

  Your a good man.  As are those here that have feelings for their fellow man. 

Johndoe1,  Its a very good thing!

Offline WPW717

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Because of the osteoporosis risk factors being elevated and the contraindications for testosterone, the Docs have me on E ( low dose ) . 

The 3 month mark was passed and labs were done. The results were less than anticipated but I certainly felt the effects. Then they upped the dose to 0. 25 mg/ day from 0.014 mg/ day.
Labs in a week. For the short time on the increased dose I can really feel a difference. Have started to grow hair on top, my wife noticed that. I have hair starting to grow on my wrists again. . Mind you it’s naught but a few strands but they are long and black. 
The group at the gym noticed the granulomata annularis rings on my arms are almost disappeared. The Endocrinologist didn’t know that they could appear according to NIH literature , when there is a drop in hormones. This disappearance is since the increase in dosage. 
Concerning the talk about feelings, I have noticed them, probably a bit more rapidly due to the discussions here. I have changed and it has been quite the journey as it is unfolding at a pace that amazes me and then changes again .

Gotta say I like them; the peace and calm vs the testosterone spikes of last year is night and day. I like it !😌
Regards, Bob

Offline Johndoe1

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JD1 I feel its a blessing. To have empathy, feelings for others, compassion and just concern for others.... I wouldn't trade it for money or fame.

  Your a good man.  As are those here that have feelings for their fellow man. 

Johndoe1,  Its a very good thing!
As we have discussed here before, I do believe the years of elevated estrogen has created something of a "Pink Brain" in me. I am sure that's where the feminine empathy, compassion and concern for others and the heightened emotions comes from. I find I am not comfortable around a group of all men as a lot of women are not. I find I become protective of my chest, something more modest women do in that same situation. I remember one time I went into the shop where I shop for my bras for a quick in and out to return something and there just happened to be two men sitting in the waiting area as their SOs shopped. It was obvious these two guys wanted to be anywhere but there and didn't want to be seen. On the other hand, I was comfortable being there. Loved being there. That's when it first hit me something was different about me. I believe that was my first realization that maybe I had a Pink Brain. And the thought didn't scare me.

Offline WPW717

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My ah ha moment, just came today.

Reading re all the subtle changes that have come to you all over varying degrees and time spans of decades it occurred to me that this syndrome has pushed me through at an accelerated pace. 

The 4 years of roller coasting health to pin this down all has come into focus the past few months and weeks that I am going/ turning ‘pinkish’ .

No doubt brought on by the osteoporosis prophylaxis with an increased estrogen level. Will see how much the level has come up with today’s labs. Probably enhanced by June’s orchiectomy.

What an adventure, glad it is enjoyable.

Offline Johndoe1

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Bob, if estrogen hasn't been the engine of your "pinkism", the orchiectomy you had will. Breasts may be the most noticeable effect, it's not the only effect. 

Offline taxmapper

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With what is happening on my side, the "pinkishness" is becoming even more relevant. 

My jedi ju-ju is telling me something far deeper is involved in my personal aspects involving this, including a serious tone of again hermaphroditism. 

But time will tell. 

Offline WPW717

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JD 1, & Tax…

The 4 years of endocrine disaster syndrome caused an early on T drop to near zero levels. I felt it and couldn’t get the docs to look into it. It took them a while to come around to stop blaming it on advancing age. The orchiectomy was a result of an ultrasound displaying a potential cancerous lesion bilaterally. The gynecomastia came on 3 years ago and a few subtle changes I noticed came a year after that. I was an uncut eunuch then. Short time later the E production stopped too, then I really felt’ discombobulated’. Pun intended.

The adrenal gland was removed decades ago and the other one is having difficulty keeping up. No T , no E, just enough coticosteroids to keep me alive and happy.

The breast growth was an eyeopener, the rest was subtle until the pop I got from an estrogen administration then a dosage increase. The labs from today will determine if the blood level of E is appropriate.
Also the Prolactinoma and prolactin elevation was like an afterburner to this situation. It was a complex situation and just recently the geneticist told me there are only 33 known cases like this in the country.

Boils it down to 1: 10 million. Probably why it took so long to figure this out.

Taxmapper, that curious presentation of yours is a complete mystery to me and I have a fair understanding of medicine and surgery. I hope some boon befalls you and grants you some answers soon.

Offline taxmapper

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"Taxmapper, that curious presentation of yours is a complete mystery to me and I have a fair understanding of medicine and surgery. I hope some boon befalls you and grants you some answers soon."

My suspecion befalls the most obtuse aspect and probably the most obvious. 

That when i talk about being a hermaphrodite, I suspect that may be far truer than not.    this would explaine a great deal.   PMDS, or other aspect aside, there is at least in my mind a growing amount of evidence of that. 

 

Offline Justagirl💃

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"Taxmapper, that curious presentation of yours is a complete mystery to me and I have a fair understanding of medicine and surgery. I hope some boon befalls you and grants you some answers soon."

My suspecion befalls the most obtuse aspect and probably the most obvious.

That when i talk about being a hermaphrodite, I suspect that may be far truer than not.    this would explaine a great deal.  PMDS, or other aspect aside, there is at least in my mind a growing amount of evidence of that.

 
Normally, "when you hear hoofbeats think horses and not zebras." It's what our medical professionals are trained to do. As a diagnosis isn't found, the investigation goes out further.
I know it's exhausting, but a good doctor will get to the bottom of things sooner or later.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2024, 07:39:56 AM by Justagirl💃 »
When life gives you curves,
flaunt them! 💃
💋Birdie💋

Offline taxmapper

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To Birdie:  First, I hope your medical issues get cleared up.   I do not wish such on anyone. 

Normally, "when you hear hoofbeats think horses and not zebras."

In my case it would be a heard of satyress



To WPW717: 

As I previously stated, there have been many markers in my life that indicate a distinct sexual aspect to my body that is not fully explainable through the normal tendencies of diagnosis. 

When born I had an undescended left testicle. 
At 3 years old (1971) they tried to operate and have it pushed down into my scrotum. This was a failure, and discussions of a "hernia" was made. This lends (though I cannot recover my medical records to see) that I had a possible inguinal hernia.  Because of the horrendous way records in New Mexico are kept, it is impossible to know. 

At 5 years old conversations by family were whispered regarding my "medical condition" when I did hear it. My family was old school and was taught not to 'speak of such things in polite company or children".   During this time a trip to Seattle yielded a new pair of swim trunks i was to wear that was purchased (I want to say at Bellas Hess) but I may be wrong.   Regardless, when trying them on, I distinctly remember looking at the inside crotch area and seeing a smooth shape. I looked at my male parts and wondered why they were there. An instinctive aspect told me that they were not suppose to be there. 

Throughout my school years, outside the bullying and teasing, I found myself in a constant "hide mode" that everything I was attracted to was not male but female. 

I took up Home-ec. twice, sewing classes twice and wanted nothing to do with PE because the constant bullying and "last chosen" syndrome made me deeply despondent to everything around me. 

At about 8 or 10 years old (that time frame) my sister and one of her friends dared me to try on my sisters (moderately) high heeled Thigh High Go Go boots, thinking I would stumble around in them.  I had no issues walking or even dancing in them. And if your old enough to remember them, they typically had chunky heels in comparison to the needle thin things of today. 

I never went out for sports because it was physically too challenging and I was never attracted to or fell into the "boy world" of wrestling and aggressive 'boy habits". 

A strong attraction to women's clothing. 

I was heavily teased by my fellow students by way of accusations I was gay, acted like a girl, wasn't aggressive, shunned by the girls BTW, and was told on many occasions how some of the boys wanted me to "blow them" so i could see how large their manhood was, and besides they saw me a gay anyway. 

At 17 when they snookered me into the US Army (long story) I had to have an otectomy of the left side because the testi never descended and was in a bad shape. 

My attraction to girls have always been strong, but have always felt a different connection outside the sexual aspect. 

I do not have children, despite having unprotected sex with around 12 women. (And thankfully enough, I don't have any STDs). 

A constant habit of trying to compare my ability to look curvy in clothing, when I dont have the fat distribution. 

I have multiple physical markers that stand out: 

No Adams Apple. 

Very subdued and practically no discernable brow ridge. 

Collar bone structure that isnt typically V shaped like a male, but more straight. 

Constant popping of the collar bone, especially on the right side.

Unusually large hands and feet in proportion to my body. 

Hands though large are actually female shaped. I have the "hitchhikers thumb". (It curves outward rather than straight).  

2D-4D deficiency. My ring finger is shorter by 1 mm than my index finger on both hands.

Wrist 'abnormalities" in that my wrists have a tendency to curve downward and are not particularly strong. I have also had minor Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and cannot do repetitive work 
involving vibrating tools like weed whackers, trimmers, drills, impact wrenches, etc. It usually induces pain.  

"Rounded" though no widened hips. 

Lumbar that is strongly arched inward. 

A tendency to curve my right leg while walking similar to how women place their legs when walking. My wife noticed this a month ago and commented on how I walk, she finally saw the curving walk. 

A tendency to cross legs while standing, and sharply curve legs while leaning on things by putting one leg in front of the other and holding them together very similarly to how women do. 

Upper thighs that have a slight female shape to them. (This being the typical front "bulge" on the front portion of the thigh).

Intermittent discomfort in the pelvic area where a woman has her ovaries. The last bought of this pain, my wife instinctively asked me '..feeling the ovaries...?" and said it in a way that was not snarky or jokingly. 

A slightly curved leg shape more typical female than male. 

Excessively flat feet and dis-proportioned ankle bones.  
Large toes that point opposite of the instep. 

And of course the boobs. 

For the male side: 

Wide trapezoidal upper body shape. Very typical male. 

Strong leg muscles and muscle structure more akin to sprint runners. Lower leg muscles that develop more male like, but shaped female to a degree. 

Strong forearms (this despite the wrist issues). 

Male parts between the legs. 

Strong attraction to women. 

Male shaped upper back. 



But one of the main takeaways is that I know when I have a Testosterone spike is because I feel a sudden and highly aggressive flush of energy and a harsh aggressive attitude. It feels like poison to me and I hate it intensely. 

I have been training myself to recognize the triggers to minimize the effect. 

To this day I still cannot resolve the feeling every time I look downward, that the manhood should NOT be there and where the hell are my hips? 




 



Offline Justagirl💃

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To Birdie:  First, I hope your medical issues get cleared up.  I do not wish such on anyone.

Normally, "when you hear hoofbeats think horses and not zebras."

In my case it would be a heard of satyress
The breast cancer Gene that I inherited already gave me breast cancer back in 1989, and I had a lumpectomy followed by chemotherapy. Luckily, I am to this day still in remission and my cancer has never come back.

As for all my other health problems. The hoofbeats of horses and zebras have been ruled out and antelope hooves have been found. Doctors kept looking wider until things were found.

Diet and lifestyle changes might keep my medical issues at bay, but if not, it is what it is.

Offline WPW717

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Whew, quite the inventory of the sex and gender issues.

The undescended testicle info rang a predictive bell in all my readings and research. It has a positive correlation to many genetic syndromes… more than PMDS and MEN.   
   The testosterone spike ‘toxic’ feeling is familiar to me as having gone to zero and remaining there for months and then getting a spike to 158 of free T and then dropping off to zero again really felt awful. Did this several times in the 2 middle years of the 4 year span.
   I sympathize… 
For the abdominal pain recently perhaps an ultrasound to see if there is any obvious structures that correlate to female organs. Keep pestering the Doc about the pain so one gets ordered (diagnostic). Insurance usually pays for that. I complained for 2 years about a dull pain in my testicles until he ordered one and found bilateral lesions. That piece of the puzzle is what made the MEN 4 Dx jump to the forefront. Thankfully it wasn’t CA but the infarcted tissue could have eventually become malignant.
I do pray for a resolution to your concerns and health.
Stay in touch…

Offline Johndoe1

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I find it so amazing how each of us arrived at basically the same place with as different of paths as people involved. It's said that 50% of all males will deal with gynecomastia at some point in their life. After meeting all of you, I wonder if 50% is a conservative number. Also that number does not say anything about side effects or other health issues are caused or causes gynecomastia. 

I also find it interesting that those of us who have been exposed to elevated estrogen for a long time have at least a feminine streak that we at least acknowledge. I think that's very powerful and is comforting to know that others experience similar feelings and thoughts, whether they publicly acknowledge it or not. We are our own community. 

Offline Traveler

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I don’t post much, but I am an avid reader and check in a couple times a week. 😁

 

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