Feeling shame and embarrassment

[jackpineseeds]

Hi everyone,

My breasts have grown to the point that I need to wear a bra. What I usually do is wear a compression shirt to work, and as we know that is very uncomfortable. So, I have started wearing bras at home.

I feel a tremendous amount of shame and embarrassment about this. The only time I feel comfortable is when I wear bra. My wife says she understands, but I can't help but feel she is judging me!

The other problem I run into is buying one. I have spent sooooo much money on trying to find one that works. Does anyone have any recommendations for a bra that is discrete and comfortable?

[blad]

I have had my breasts since I was a teen. There was a lot of "teasing" in school but I did realize early on that wearing a bra did feel better.

I can say that if you stick with it wearing a bra will become more and more second nature. It works for our comfort and the only barrier is our own concern of what others think, (or what we think others think).

If at all possible, being fitted for a bra in store is the most direct way to find what you want in a bra. This is of course again a mental barrier, but if your wife were to come with you I am sure that would pave the way for a good experience. It sounds like you have a wife that wants to help.

There is nothing like finding some bras that work for you. 

[Busty]

jackpineseeds, 

First, welcome. It sounds like you’ve come to the right place.  

I agree with everything that has been said so far.  Those compression vests are too uncomfortable for me to wear.

blad is so right that we are most comfortable in a bra, and that with  time, wearing a bra becomes more normal to you than going braless. And it becomes an automatic part of dressing to put on your bra. 

I, also, agree with blad  the best way to get a well fitting bra is to go in, get fitted and try on quite a number of bras. Certain stores make it a point to accept and help people like us. Three that come to mind are Soma, Torrid, and Lane Bryant. I agree that if your wife went bra shopping with you, it might make you more comfortable. 

You say your wife understands, but you also worry about her acceptance and judgment. I believe it’s natural for us to have that type of insecurity. Is there anything your wife has done that has made you either more or less concerned?

Do you have a sense of your bra size? Has your wife helped you by measuring you for a bra, suggesting bras that she thinks might work for you, even giving you bras to try on?

[Traveler]

While the website ABRATHATFITS Dot com isn’t the best site to find your true size of a bra for men with gyno, it will show the proper way to measure and give you a good starting point.
Compression shirts do suck and there are discrete pullovers that will contain the girls. You’ll find that you’ll have an overall better look wearing a bra than without.

[Justagirl💃]

Hi everyone,

My breasts have grown to the point that I need to wear a bra. What I usually do is wear a compression shirt to work, and as we know that is very uncomfortable. So, I have started wearing bras at home.

I feel a tremendous amount of shame and embarrassment about this. The only time I feel comfortable is when I wear bra. My wife says she understands, but I can't help but feel she is judging me!

The other problem I run into is buying one. I have spent sooooo much money on trying to find one that works. Does anyone have any recommendations for a bra that is discrete and comfortable?

When it comes to comfort and concealment you should always got to the professional. The ladies at Torrid will get you properly fitted for comfort and address the concealment issue as well. They have many androgynous tops specially designed with modesty in mind that would present male in every aspect. 

We have plenty of nice plaids right now that are cut to allow breast room, but very masculine looking. Also the plaid fabric is thinner and softer making it more comfortable in conditioned rooms. 

Birdie 💖

[Johndoe1]

Welcome jackpineseeds! You're among fellow travelers here. Those of us who have become dependent on the comfort of a bra due to the support and containment a bra offers have been down this same road. Our brains at first have a hard time reconciling between the comfort we experience when supported verses societies teaching that breasts and bras are the domain of women, and is something of shame and a sign of weakness, which is the furtherest from the truth. Everyone has breasts, men and women. Not all breasts develop, men and women. Breasts are basically skin sacks of mammary tissue surrounded by fat that can expand and contract depending upon whether they are producing milk or not. There's no real support system for them other than the skin and a ligament called a Coopers Ligament. After a point, physics of mass and gravity take over and an external support system is needed to provide comfort and containment, hence the bra.

A properly fitted bra can not only provide comfort,  support and control over the movement of your breasts but can also help in your appearance. A fitter will know which bras will help to minimize your breasts. Women do not always want their chests on display. They make bras for that. They're called minimizer bras and while not getting rid of the total appearance, it can make your breasts less obvious. The style and print of tops help camouflage the chest as well. These are all tricks and hacks women use all the time because they work. They work for us too.

Find a small locally owned boutique shop. Give them a call. Ask if they serve men with gynecomastia. Most will say yes. You aren't the first. Set up a private fitting and take your wife if she's that supportive. Hit and miss on bra styles and sizes are hit and miss and expensive. That's why 80% of women wear the wrong size bra. They won't get fitted and find out what works best for them.

Remember you are not the first to deal with this and we are here to help in any way we can here on the forum or private messages. We didn't ask to have breasts but we do. Here you are totally accepted. Some of us have well endowed chests for years and some are just beginning the journey. And there's no shame in having developed breasts. 50% of all homo sapiens do and get along just fine. So will you! Once you figure out what's best for you, the shame and embarrassment fall away. It's always the fear of the unknown. If you feel a bra is the best way for you, don't worry about the shame and embarrassment. Will this be a topic of conversation with your best buds? Probably not. It's none of their business and they won't understand anyway. Until they "grow a pair" they won't understand at all. Bras aren't called "unmentionables" for nothing. And that's the way it should be with them. They're your breasts. You call the shots about them. Take control over your own body. That's how you get over the shame and embarrassment!

[Jadzia]

Hi
i found pullovers and sports bras are a good way to start.
Although a fitter would be truly the best way 
good hunting

[WonderfullyMade]

Hi
i found pullovers and sports bras are a good way to start.
Although a fitter would be truly the best way
good hunting

For comfort at work, I usually go with a cheap pullover with pads removed. It gives a slight shaping effect and enough support to ease my back, but the outline it leaves (if even noticed) look like a tank top undershirt. 

[Zaphod B]

Welcome.  I agree that some sort of pullover leisure or sports bra is the best way for a newbie to get into wearing bras.  I started wearing bras 7 or 8 years ago and seldom leave the house without one.  Mountain biking or four wheeling without a bra is out of the question.  My wife understands and is OK with me wearing a bra, but talking about it seems to make her uncomfortable.

My first choice for bras for quite a while was the Rhonda Shear Ahh Bra.  They don't do anything for the underarm boob, but they keep things from moving around.  There is no hardware on the back and it is easy to conceal that you are wearing a bra.  Lately I have discovered the Hanes Cozy bra.  It is similar in design to the Rhonda Shear bra but slightly more heavy duty and more suited to wearing for 12 or 14 hours at a time.  The Hanes runs a bit small so if you are towards the upper end of a size, go for the next size up.  I have a 42 inch chest and wear a 2XL.  If you are a full C cup or bigger, you should probably go for a big girl underwire.  Unless you have really full breasts, I would avoid molded cups for now.

I suspect that most of the guys on the forum wear underwires, but they are not your only choice.  I own several but find the Hanes fine for every day wear.  They are relatively inexpensive as bras go, and you don't need to get a fitting to get one that fits you.  I am not trying to discourage you from underwires, but pullovers are easy to conceal.  Once you get comfortable with wearing it in public, you can explore other styles.

[42CSurprise!]

I went through the experimenting phase and came upon an underwire brassiere that works for me.  Since the largest band was not long enough I've been using an extender.  It is a 42C as my name suggests and the cups which are unlined do a wonderful job containing my breasts.  But I recently purchased two crop tops from Bali that might work for you.  There is no underwire and only gentle shaping of my bosom.  It is very comfortable to wear over an extended period of time.  Here is a link to the product on EBay.

Bali Crop Top 2 Pack

Just remember this is a natural development completely beyond your control.  Shame has no place in these changes happening in your body.  Getting old affects the testosterone in our bodies and as that diminishes the estrogen we've always carried, begins to predominate.  We've discussing this here because for many of us, living with reduced testosterone is a gift... but it can come with pronounced changes in our bodies.  You'll get plenty of support here from men who have found acceptance.  That doesn't mean necessarily celebrating our developing bosoms, though some of us do welcome the presence of breasts on our bodies.  You get to define this journey exactly as you want to, but shame is definitely NOT necessary.  Welcome to the site.

[WPW717]

 “From 42C

“That doesn't mean necessarily celebrating our developing bosoms, though some of us do welcome the presence of breasts on our bodies.  You get to define this journey exactly as you want to, but shame is definitely NOT necessary.  Welcome to the site.“

What he said, all of it. Welcome to the group, it has been a great help in coping and accepting.