Have you found your zone? Completely accepted things?

[Brdy64]

I'm not there yet, I just seem to be changing still.
I have accepted the fact that I have boobs but I'm still scared that they will keep growing. I'm scared of just how big they're going to get. Even though I know there's nothing I can do about it anyway.
My choices in colors of clothes, namely shirts, has changed drastically. My interests have really changed. Where I used to paint Landscapes, barns, and outhouses I now catch myself painting flowers instead.
Half the time I'm an emotional wreck and I don't understand why.
I find myself enjoying conversations with the nurses and CNAs more than talking with my buddies at the center. That is really strange to me.
I guess the hormone stew I am experiencing scares me the most.
I have not found my zone, and I'm not quite sure where it's going to land.
I guess that's why we're here🤔

[blad]

Since I have had breasts since my early teen years I have had a long time to adjust. It has been my normal for most of my life.

During the school years, I was constantly reminded that I stood out from the crowd with continual comments that I needed a bra or questions about my bra size.

After the school years and on to university and a career, no one said anything and it was easier to feel that I flew more under the radar. Since I was not forced to expose my breasts like in school "skins" teems, maybe no one knew the full extent of my breast development.

After those school years, the hardest part was knowing I felt best wearing a bra but feeling self conscious to do so. In a vacuum, without concern of others perceived judgement, I was fully OK to just wear a bra and forget about it. With age, concern about others diminished. 

[Brdy64]

Yeah, school was murder! After that flying under the radar while we could was grand. 😉

[taxmapper]

I just came back from the men's room on the third floor. 
(The first floor MR was being cleaned and everyone else loaded up the 2nd.)

But up in the third floor there was a LE meeting of the RRPD, Sandoval County SO and other LE agencies, all A-type males with enough testosterone to kill a heard of elephants. 

I actually felt very uncomfortable around them, threatening and out of place. 

Keep in mind I am a big time 2A type who loves the things that go boom and those that are quiet as well. So being in a lake of testosterone isn't unusual for me. 

 But it was odd to feel threatened by their presence. 

[Brdy64]

Taxmapper, I could see that being a problem for me when I was still working. I was an Engineer/Land surveyor. 
In fact I was able to hide my "B" cups back then by just wearing an Orange vest and baggy shirt, but I didn't really fit into conversations with everyone at work, I would feel uncomfortable especially if we all went out somewhere for lunch. 
I guess I am lucky now that I attend a day center instead of work. Lots of old people around that don't have much testosterone either, and about half the guys look like they at least have a little gynecomastia as well 🤔
I don't really fit the mold here at the center, but they are getting used to me. 😉

[taxmapper]

Wow.

I am a cadastral mapper for the assessors office so I am suppose to hold a position of knowledge.
So this sudden feeling of intimidation is an off feeling for me. 

Im still creeped out from it. 

[Brdy64]

Wow.

I am a cadastral mapper for the assessors office so I am suppose to hold a position of knowledge.
So this sudden feeling of intimidation is an off feeling for me. 

Im still creeped out from it.

Yeah, hope you fair okay 🤞

[aboywithgirls]

I think that everyone wants to find their zone. They want a circle of friends who want them in the group. 

About seven years ago, I found out where I fit in. I had not accepted the fact that I was a woman who was pretending to be man yet. I transferred from the main hospital and took a job at the Breast Care Center. The staff there was almost entirely female accepted for the custodian who pretty much always kept to himself. 

Even though I presented as male, I wore a bra, ladies button down blouses and slacks because they fit better than men's clothing. I also carried a masculine looking hand bag because my slacks and jeans either had little or no pockets. So between my obvious lady lumps and my androgynous attire, the ladies had lots of questions and to avoid office gossip, I would go to lunch with them, I would go with them for drinks after work and I  was invited to other gatherings along with the other girls.

With years and years of having questions about my gender, I began to question it further. I felt safe and comfortable hanging with the girls. I found that I had so much in common with them. I was trying New things like mani and pedicures. I had nothing but compliments when I came to work with pierced ears (they talked me into it) with diamond studs in. Then covid came and I was non-essential staff so I worked from home. My wife and I continued to explore my feminine side. I was wearing skirts and dresses with heels around the house and getting quite good at doing it myself. And you all know the rest with me returning to work with a new name plate on my desk.

I found my zone when I found out who I really was.

♥️Sophie♥️

[Brdy64]

I'm with Sophie in that I find myself talking more with the girls than I do the guys at the center. 
We just seem to have more to talk about. 
I find it hard to carry on a conversation with my buddies when the conversation keeps switching to: "Did you see that V-neck Sally wore today?"
They are gandering at the available cleavage while I'm looking for design ideas. 
Not that I don't appreciate a nice chest, I even like my own. But spending 45min. talking about cleavage and nothing else is not very intriguing. It also makes me wonder, to some extent, what they say about me? 
I am obviously stacked even though I dress very modestly. 

I am however definitely a male in a slightly not so typical body. My emotions and interests have changed to something in between, but I have to identify as male to be truthful. 

I'm happy for Sophie in that she found her zone. I can only hope that someday I can pin point where exactly I fit in. 

On a side note, the weather is changing here in Texas. Today I think I'll wear just a T-shirt and pants. I want to be comfortable, even though I know I'll be the subject of discussion around the pool table this afternoon at the center. 
I am who I am, the way God made me. I didn't do anything wrong, so I have not reason to hide. 

[Dudewithboobs]

I have not found my zone per se. I tend to keep to myself and find peace in isolation more than a circle of friends. I find men more than not people in my age range of mid 30s to early 40s tend to only care about politics finance and general discussion. And women my age range have much more entertaining topics of conversation and can typically take a joke just as good as the guys for when my personality of dark humor or quick quips come to play for a quick laugh. 
I feel before a wife and kid, I had friends I golfed with and went to pubs with and enjoyed company in. They were my zone. With wife and kid they took precedence and over time my sole focus has been catering to my wife and contributing to my daughter. There’s not a moment we aren’t actively at a park or playing soccer or just goofing off or going over words and baking. They are my life. They are my zone. It’s why my concern about my breasts if they keep growing becomes the concern it is. And is also why this place I feel if ok to be cheesy, is my zone as well. Where I find anxiety in my chest aching or tingling giving indication either I need to put my bra on for support or they are growing as both situations tend to give similar feelings. And anxiety in swimming lessons I’m gonna have to partake in or soccer leagues where I’ll be on the sideline and running and if they grow more how that’s gonna go. Or anxiety in how my wife will see me if they get big as hers. Which hate to say but often I’ll see hers and be mad mine don’t look like that lol. But that’s why this place is my zone as well. I can freely express that and things and know it’s a fun and safe space. We are here with the same issue and it’s great to be here a part of the conversations. 

[HeldUp]

I think we have to keep finding our zone in life. Can we ever be truly settled? But as it pertains to the one aspect of our shared experience here for me, probably not. I've put both feet firmly in the water as it pertains to accessorizing for gynecomastia and perhaps I've done it recklessly or with too much vigor. In private I was open with my immediate family about why dad's drawer has bras in it and what it doesn't mean. That hasn't completely removed my wife's anxiety about what it could mean, but in general she's very accepting of my "underwear drawer". However, there are family and friends with whom I haven't been as open.

That doesn't mean I don't wear around them, it is just something that I feel I need to put out there with them. I think I would handle myself well if asked about it and I might have to, my friend's wife gave me a big hug the last time we were over and gave me that friendly back rub whilst doing it. There is zero chance she didn't know what was back there, perhaps that was her confirming? Anyhoo, it didn't become an immediate concern for her and it hasn't come up. But what about work trips? I think professionally is where I might struggle the most. 99% of the time I'm remote, but when I do travel it's usually with executive management. Ours is a small, boys club, company and I think I would get "othered" very quickly--especially given my role.

Cliff's notes version...I wear daily, I wear out, I have left my bra on top of the couch, and I have shopped for them with my wife online. At home, I am comfortable. Out and about I'm relatively comfortable. With friends, I think I can manage a conversation if someone were to say something. At work, the pits and perils of employment in a down economy put a severe damper on my ownership of my social non-conformity.

[Dudewithboobs]

Old lesbian woman look lmfao! Growing a beard or so would be nice but even with that I’d rather not. If I could get electrolysis I would. 

[Brdy64]

I have 100% acceptance. Took me awhile to get there. But I have noticed that no one cares that I have boobs or my bra strap is showing. They might notice but know one has ever said anything. I mean when you really thing about it, the way some people dress, have tons of tattoos and piercings, hair colored bright pink or green and so on. Seeing a man with boobs or seeing their bra straps isn’t really that big of deal. I don’t try and hide it much anymore. I have even been addressed as ma’am. My wife always tells me I’m not a pretty woman but not a ugly one either. That’s why some address me as ma’am. Some of us just have that look as a old lesbian woman, as my friend puts it🤣🤣🤣.
So yes, I have accepted it all. If I didn’t, it would probably drive me crazy.
I just can’t worry about my shape and my look...it is what it is.
Maybe if I could grow a mustache or beard that would help. But I can’t even do that.

Getting called "ma'am" happens to me all the time now too. I have been going with the flow lately. 
Truthfully I would be confused if I saw someone like me too. 

Learning to just say "what the heck" and wearing t-shirts and something comfortable like I am today has been difficult for me to adjust. Especially like today when another guy in a wheelchair just sat there and stared at my chest. Most of the people here at the day center are okay, but I have to remember that I'm in West Texas. Some will comment, some will stare, and I know one will reach out and grab a handful because he already had in the past. 
But it's not my problem, I am how God made me. I'll dress modestly and accept it. What everyone else does is their problem (unless they grab me again) 😳
I'm in and adult daycare center, and most participants are not there mentally anyway. 

[Evolver]

My zone is somewhere on the rainbow. Not sure what part of it. My username tells all. Lately I feel like I'm free-falling towards femininity a bit faster than before and I am once again questioning.

Self acceptance for me involves much more than my meagre moobs, but yes, I'm there. I have totally accepted how I am, period. Just not sure where the journey will take me.

The advice and support I have received here so far has been invaluable.

[Brdy64]

Yeah, I agree with Evolver. This forum has been invaluable. 😉